Do-Yung sat on the couch the whole day, staring at his phone. His subordinates had come to clean up while he had gone to pick his precious, heartbroken Kyum up the night before. No way did he want to see nor smell any reminder of the horror he had to perpetrate here.
His heart shattered at the painful sadness in Kyum's eyes and voice when he found him but it was alright. He had to do this. Had done it before. It was a necessary evil. It had proved its worth in the past. Na-Kyum would shed a few tears and forget all about the whore afterwards. He'd come back to Do-Yung, where he belonged, offer him a smile and all would be right again.
This time there was no smile though.
Do-Yung tightened his hold over the device in his hand. His thirty-four messages unread. He had barely held himself back from running to the university and forcing Na-Kyum to look at him.
His hand still burnt where his usually gentle love had slapped it away this morning. This had never happened before.
So he sat on his own the whole day and held himself back from crying. Or killing someone.
He jumped up when the door finally opened. Na-Kyum looked so small and fragile as he stood in the entrance, tightly holding the strap of his bag and head lowered. Do-Yung hated that he was avoiding his eyes now. This was wrong. He couldn't.
« We need to talk, » his low voice broke through the heavy silence Do-Yung had waited in like thunder. He had never used this tone with him. Never.
Do-Yung frowned in worry and nodded, almost throwing himself down on the couch, fingers digging in his thighs as he tried to appear as harmless as possible.
He had come back.
The thoughts turned around in his head with a huge sense of relief. Na-Kyum hadn't left him. He might be angry or disappointed, which both tore at his heart, but he was here. Back to him.
Na-Kyum undressed and went to the kitchen. The mafia heir sat in anticipation, waited with bated breath before it became too much and he couldn't stand the distance anymore.
« Forgive me, » he begged and slid his arms around the smaller man's abdomen and hugged tight, his face finding the soft crook of Kyum's neck. « Please, don't be mad at me anymore. »
Na-Kyum ignored him and kept his eyes on the kettle but at least he wasn't pushing him away. Do-Yung didn't know if he could have tolerated being rejected again. Once was enough for a lifetime.
« Let's sit, » Na-Kyum said in an even tone after a while and gently tapped his arm to ask him to let go.
Do-Yung hesitated for a second before obeying and going to sit at the small table where they always ate breakfast. The mood was totally different though.
« Please say something, » he pleaded after they had been sitting in silence for long minutes already.
« I… » Na-Kyum frowned and finally looked up at him, the relief punching him in the chest as he finally met the golden eyes he had missed so much. « I won't ask you why you did it. »
« I- »
« No, » the younger man cut him off firmly. « You can date whomever you want- »
« I'm not dat- » Do-Yung felt his guts twist in disgust at the words.
« I love you hyung. » The words effectively shut him up. « You're my only family in the world. I would give everything for you. Everything. »
« Kyum, » Do-Yung was choked up and reached for the small trembling hands on the table. « I love you too. »
« But we cannot go on like this… We need boundaries. »
« Anything you want ! » He promised, eager to ease the brunet's mind.
« For one, brothers shouldn't sleep together. »
The man who had slaughtered countless people, blew places up without raising an eyebrow, fought against armed groups on his own without flinching, this man called the Ghost, the Beast, the Nightmare, this man recoiled at the words.
« What… ? » He barely breathed out through the unexpected pain.
« We can't. It's not proper. Everything's a mess because we have no lines drawn. »
He didn't hear the rest. He who always drank Na-Kyum's word couldn't register anything that went out of his mouth then.
« We can't sleep on our own, » he cut him off when he finally regained his bearings. « We can't, » he insisted in desperation.
« We'll have to learn, » Na-Kyum's hands tightened into fists and his expression was the picture of pain but there was no mistaking the determination in his eyes.
« Na- »
« I can't do this anymore, hyung. »
« Wha- »
« I won't ask you about… About… » He visibly swallowed and lowered his head but Do-Yung had seen the tears gathering in the beautiful topaz eyes. « We're growing up. We're not defenseless children anymore. Life is going by and I… I'm scared that I'm missing out on everything because I'm too dependent on you… »
« No, » Do-Yung shook his head in refusal. « I'll give you anything you want. Tell me what you need. Tell me and I'll make it happen. »
« Hyung ! » Na-Kyum uncharacteristically shouted and a foreboding feeling rose in the mafioso's chest at the sight of his clenched teeth. « Don't you realize how pathetic and empty my life is ? You have friends, you go to work, you have g-girlfriends, you have your own life ! And what do I have ? What ? I go to school, I come home, I go to school, I come home. Over and over and over again ! »
But you only need me, he wanted to answer but the tears now freely rolling down Na-Kyum's face stopped him. It was okay, this was a late teenage phase. Maybe he wasn't spending enough time with him, there was no way he'd allow his love to feel so lonely. Not anymore. He would sort this all out and do better. They were young, they had to learn. It was alright.
« I'll- »
« Nobody wants to be my friend, » Na-Kyum choked out and rushed to hide his face in his hands. « I'm twenty-two years old and you're the only friend I have. You're my brother and I love you and I'm so damn grateful for your presence in my life but… What is so damn unlovable about me ? »
Do-Yung couldn't bear it. He shot up from his sit and fell on his knees in front of the crying man. His arms found the small waist and he rested his head against the trembling abdomen.
« Don't ever say that again, » he muttered darkly.
« She was the fi-first friend I've made in s-so long, » the brunet cried.
He should have disposed of her. He had been too naive, too used to dealing with teenagers. Back in high school, it would have been too much of a bother to hide their disparition but that bitch was an adult, he shouldn't have forced himself to endure laying with her and just shot her in the head and got his men to dump the body in some faraway sea.
She had no right over Na-Kyum's heart. No one but him should get in there. Each sob stabbed him in the chest and fueled his thirst for blood.
« Please, » the love of his life finally calmed down after a while. « I don't want to lose you. I want us to grow old together, I want to forever be at ease with you, I need it. »
Do-Yung couldn't answer, the words stuck in his throat as he looked up at the red, puffed face. He lift a hand and wiped the tear with his fingers. Even like that, he was so fucking pretty it hurt.
« Okay… » He relented after some time. « I'll respect your wish. »
And so began their new sleeping arrangement. Na-Kyum insisted on getting the sofa but the pale look on his face as he looked at it made it obvious he couldn't stomach the thought. Some twisted part of Do-Yung filled with warmth at the confirmation that Na-Kyum had been hurt by the sight of him with another. He couldn't bear it and it somehow fed the mafia heir's possessiveness.
It was pure torture to watch Na-Kyum retire and close the door behind him every night.
The days passed and Do-Yung had become a nightmare, living up to his title. He couldn't sleep. He slipped into the bedroom every night and fought against the urge to slid behind the sleeping man but the thought of Kyum waking up and being angry at him for disrespecting his wish was too much. He figured it wouldn't last anyways. Do-Yung wasn't sleeping at all but Na-Kyum wasn't sleeping well either. He tossed and turned, grumbled in discomfort, fell asleep very late and woke up very early; Both had growing dark circles under their eyes and the exhaustion was taking its toll on them.
The sofa was changed on the second week after Do-Yung realized Na-Kyum hadn't sat on it since the incident that fucked their life up. He would eat at the table for every meals instead and blame fatigue every time the elder offered to watch a movie together. So the sofa was burned.
The tension was still there despite Do-Yung's best effort. It felt like something was broken between them, Kyum didn't smile as much and whenever he did, it didn't reach his eyes, he didn't excitedly told his hyung about everything the second he got home, didn't stop by the café for lunch anymore, he didn't drag him around on the weekends, to the aquarium or a park or a new restaurant. And Do-Yung realized how empty his life was without Na-Kyum. It was all numbing darkness with his light gone.
He hadn't changed, he was still the exhausted little boy who was numb to the world. Only his Kyum lit it up, only Kyum made him feel.
But it was alright. Kyum was still here, he still stopped by the bakery on Sundays to buy Do-Yung's favorite croissant, still folded his clothes for the day in the bathroom, still helped him make dinner. When Do-Yung came to have lunch with him on his campus, he never refused. Do-Yung could fix it. With enough patience, everything would go back the way it was. Do-Yung had inimitable patience.
And he was right. Slowly, Na-Kyum relaxed around him. His smile grew. The warmth came back in his eyes. He sat on the new sofa. Fell asleep in front of movies. Went grocery shopping with Do-Yung on the weekends. Do-Yun felt like he was been brought back to life. Everything was slowly going back to normal.