Waiting for the bus feels unbearable.
I pace back and forth along the curb like a restless ghost, my sneakers scraping lightly against the pavement each time I turn around. My heart is beating far too fast for someone who is only waiting for public transportation, and the cold night air does nothing to calm the rush of adrenaline pumping through my body. If wishes truly had the power people claimed they did, I would already be standing outside Lee Ye's door right now, ringing the bell and demanding answers like the dramatic heroine of a late-night drama.
Instead, I am here. Waiting for a bus that seems to be moving at the speed of a tired snail.
I slap both of my cheeks with my hands in an attempt to snap myself out of this ridiculous nervous frenzy. The sound echoes lightly in the quiet street.
"Ow!" I hiss immediately.
The cold weather makes the sting ten times worse, and I rub my cheeks miserably.
Just then, my phone rings.
I dig it out of my jacket pocket quickly, already smiling in anticipation, because a stupid, hopeful part of me thinks it might be him.
The smile disappears the second I see the caller ID.
At the same moment, the bus finally arrives with a loud groan of brakes and a rush of warm air from the opening doors.
I stare at the screen for a few seconds, a strange heaviness settling in my stomach. Slowly, I slide my finger across the screen and lift the phone to my ear.
"Hello."
For a moment, everything inside me freezes.
My body goes completely still as the voice on the other end speaks.
My eyes widen gradually as the words sink in, each one heavier than the last.
The world tilts.
"Are you getting in or not, young lady?" The bus driver calls impatiently from the door.
I cannot move.
Tears begin falling down my face before I even realize they are there. My hands start trembling violently, and this time it has absolutely nothing to do with the cold wind cutting through the street.
"Shit." I whisper under my breath.
I spin around and run down the street, frantically waving my hand until a taxi screeches to a stop beside me.
The ride to the nursing home feels endless. Every second stretches painfully as my mind fills with images I desperately try to push away.
Please be okay.
Please be okay.
Please do not leave me too.
By the time I reach the building, I throw money at the driver and run inside without even waiting for my change. My heart is slamming wildly against my ribs, and my vision is blurred by the tears pouring down my face.
I cannot lose her too.
The nurse spots me the moment I burst through the entrance. She hurries toward me, clearly startled by the sight of me half-sobbing and half-gasping for air.
"Miss Seo Yeon, please calm down." She says gently, reaching for my arm.
Fear grips my throat so tightly that speaking becomes difficult.
But there is only one thing I need to know.
"Nurse." I choke out, my voice shaking, "Is my grandma okay?"
She sighs softly.
My stomach drops.
She has not said anything yet.
My eyes widen in terror as I grab her shoulders desperately.
"Is my grandma... dead?"
I squeeze my eyes shut immediately and shake my head over and over again.
"Please say something." I plead, my voice cracking. "Can't you see I'm going crazy?"
Her eyes widen in alarm.
"No, no." She says quickly. "Your grandmother is okay. Like I told you on the phone, she fell earlier this evening. We found her on the floor in her room. The visiting physician came immediately and treated her. She is stable now. You do not have to—"
But I am already walking away before she finishes.
My feet carry me down the hallway toward Halmi's room, though I feel strangely numb, as if my body has disconnected from my mind. The nurse follows closely behind me, still trying to reassure me, but I barely hear her.
All I want is to see Halmi.
To make sure she is still here.
To make sure she has not left me.
Like Mom did.
I reach the door and grab the metal knob. A drop of water lands on it, and it takes me a second to realize it came from my own tears.
I stand there for a long moment.
Everything I felt earlier tonight, the excitement and nervous energy that had me rushing toward Lee Ye, is completely gone. It has evaporated, leaving nothing behind except exhaustion and the familiar ache of fear.
Life has never been gentle with me.
Right now, I feel small. Tired. Helpless.
When I finally push the door open, my heart cracks all over again.
Halmi lies asleep on the narrow nursing home bed, her small body looking even more fragile than usual beneath the thin blankets. My gaze immediately drops to the thick cast wrapped carefully around her left leg.
My hands begin shaking again.
I walk slowly to her bedside, covering my mouth to stop the sob that threatens to burst out. It does not help. Tears keep streaming down my cheeks.
"Halmi." I whisper brokenly, reaching out to stroke her gray hair.
Suddenly my vision fades, and the room disappears.
Instead, I see a small living room from years ago. My aunt's house. The air still smells faintly of the summer from the tragedy that changed my life forever.
"You are not sending my granddaughter to an orphanage." Halmi shouts fiercely.
My aunt throws her hands in the air in frustration. "Oh, please. You expect me to raise her too? I already have two children. I cannot afford another mouth to feed."
"I will take care of her." My grandmother declares proudly, beating her chest. "You wicked woman."
Little me stands quietly in the corner, clutching a small bag of belongings.
I look up at my grandmother with wide, frightened eyes.
That is how I will always remember her.
The woman who fought for me when no one else wanted me. The woman who refused to let the world throw me away after my father's terrible mistake destroyed our family.
She reaches out her hand to me and smiles warmly, a smile that reaches her eyes.
To the little girl I once was, she did not look like an ordinary grandmother.
She looked like a hero.
When I finally leave the nursing home later that night, the cold air hits my face sharply. My eyes are still swollen from crying, but my heart feels lighter knowing Halmi is still here.
Still breathing.
Still fighting.
But the nurse's words echo relentlessly in my mind.
"You have to prepare yourself mentally."
I walk slowly toward the apartment building as I cry, ignoring the curious looks from people passing by. My body feels completely drained, both physically and emotionally.
Right now, I need comfort more than anything.
The kind of comfort I am not even sure I deserve.
And that is when I see him.
A tall figure stands in front of the building, and it's exactly where my thoughts had wandered only moments before... Actually, it's more like who my thoughts had wandered to.
I would recognize him anywhere.
He is wearing a full length black coat that extend below the knee to the mid-calf, a cream-colored baseball cap pulled low over his dark hair, and a thick wool scarf wrapped around his neck that hides the lower half of his face.
Time slows.
My eyes remain fixed on him as if an invisible thread is pulling my gaze.
As though he senses it, his eyes lift and find mine across the distance between us.
For a few seconds, neither of us moves.
Right now, I want to freeze this moment forever.
"Ahn Seo Yeon." He says softly.
The moment I hear my name in his deep voice, whatever fragile strength I had left shatters completely.
My eyes squeeze shut as tears begin falling again.
Why does he always see me like this?
Why does he always appear when I am at my weakest?
The next thing I know, I hear heavy footsteps approaching with urgency. When I open my eyes, he is there—not even a foot away this time.
I blink through the blur of tears, surprised by how quickly he crossed the distance between us. I wipe my face clumsily with the back of my hands, trying to pull myself together.
But before I can say anything, he reaches me...
And without hesitation, he pulls me into his arms.
The sudden warmth of his embrace wraps around me completely, pressing me against his tall frame. My heart begins racing wildly inside my chest.
But it is not the only one.
My cheek is pressed against his chest, and I can hear his heartbeat pounding just as fast as mine.
My eyes close automatically, and my arms slide around him, clinging tightly.
For the first time tonight, I feel safe.
"Let's stay like this." He murmurs quietly.
His deep voice is firm, gentle, and certain all at once.
"For a while."