A week has passed since my almost-kiss with Lee Ye, and my brain is still tied in knots. The questions refuse to leave me alone, swirling around like leaves caught in the wind. Does he like me? If he does, then why did he walk away that night as if someone had pulled him back with an invisible leash? Has he thought about me at all, or has he simply returned to his glamorous world while I replay the way his hands felt on my waist? The worst part is that I have no answers, and my imagination is far more dramatic than reality.
Life continues anyway. I write. I eat. I scroll through job listings until my eyes hurt. I sleep, though not very well. Hye Ri and Ha Eun return from Busan glowing and happy, and I cling to their energy like it is medicine. I laugh when they laugh. I listen to their stories. I pretend I am fine. But every quiet moment drags me back to him. To that night. To that, almost, yet never happening... kiss.
Apparently, my solution to emotional confusion is alcohol.
"Ahjuma! I ran out of soju! Bring me another bottle!" I shout across the food tent, louder than necessary, cutting through the low hum of chatter around me.
The older woman behind the counter sighs as if she regrets every life decision that led her here, but she grabs another green bottle and drops it onto my table with a dull thud.
"Thank youuu." I sing, my tongue slightly disobedient.
She turns to leave, but I grab her wrist dramatically. She freezes and looks at me with exhausted eyes. "What now? Another bottle?"
"Ahjuma," I say earnestly, leaning my cheek into my palm like a tragic heroine who is seeking wisdom. "do you think he likes me?"
She sighs heavily before replying, "Okay. Fine. He likes you... I guess."
"Then why did he leave like that after almost kissing me?" I whine, tugging at my hair in frustration. "Are you sure Lee Ye really likes me?"
She blinks. "Who?"
"Lee Ye." I whisper, as if revealing a state secret.
Her expression shifts from confusion to pure disbelief. "Lee Ye? The famous singer?"
I nod enthusiastically, my eyes wide and hopeful as I nearly knock over my glass.
She bursts out laughing. "If Lee Ye is your man, then the President of South Korea must be my husband."
I blink, trying to process the absurdity.
I gasp, clutching my chest. "Do not!" I protest, swaying dangerously on the edge of my chair, "Mock my love life!"
"Love life?" she scoffs. "Sweetheart, you are one drink away from proposing to that bottle of soju or a random trash can by the roadside."
I glare at the innocent bottle. "Do not drag Mr. Soju into this."
She shakes her head. "Go ask your singer yourself instead of interrogating me. I have customers to serve."
She yanks her hand away and walks off, muttering all sorts of curses under her breath.
Ignoring the curious stares around me, I pour myself another shot and down it in one go. The burn feels deserved.
"Lee Ye! You are a piece of trash!" I shout dramatically into the night, as if he might hear me from across the city.
"Stop yelling and go home!" the ahjuma snaps from behind the counter. "Don't scare off my customers!"
Getting home feels like crossing a desert barefoot. By the time I stumble into the apartment, tears are sliding down my cheeks for reasons I can no longer explain. Hye Ri takes one look at me and gasps.
"Kitten! What have you done to yourself? What happened to you?" she exclaims, rushing forward to steady me. "Thank God, Ha Eun is asleep. You look terrible!"
"Life." I mumble tragically.
She peels my shoes off and guides me, half-dragging, really, toward my room. I watch her lips moving in a private, grumbling prayer I can't quite decode. As she hauls me into my room, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and burst into hysterical laughter. My hair, resembling a bird's nest, looks like it fought a storm and lost. I replay the entire walk home in my head, every curious glance and lingering stare suddenly making painful, perfect sense.
Hye Ri tucks me into bed with gentle care and sits beside me, brushing my hair back from my face. She pats my hair with a soft, steady hand, making me feel small and safe.
"What happened exactly while I was gone?" she asks softly. "You've been acting weird all week."
Seeing my own pain reflected in the softness of her eyes is the final blow, making my heart heavy, sinking like lead in my chest.
She lets out a huff of pure annoyance. "I know he's the reason you're like this."
Fresh tears spill over. Alcohol has turned me into a leaking faucet. "We almost kissed. Again." I confess.
Her eyes widen so dramatically, clasping her hands over her mouth as if to contain her surprise. "What?"
"Hye Ri! He left." I sob. "He left like I was contagious. God, I feel so embarrassed."
My voice cracks under the weight of my emotions as fresh sobs wrack my body like waves crashing against a rocky shore.
Hye Ri pulls me into her side, wrapping her arms around as I sniff loudly. "Now I really dislike him." she declares fiercely. "How dare he make my Kitten cry?"
Waking up feels like a battle for survival. My head pounds with every heartbeat, and the sunlight streaming through the curtains feels like a spotlight shining on my hangover. I groan and roll over in bed, wishing I could sink into the mattress and vanish completely.
I drag myself into a seated position only to be insulted by my own reflection. Between the bird's-nest hair and the puffy eyes, the regret is visible, clinging to me like a second skin. I grimace. "Fantastic."
I shuffle into the living room. Hye Ri is already bustling around the kitchen, her hair tied up in a messy bun and an apron tied around her waist. She turns at the sound of my footsteps, a smirk spreading across her face.
"Ah, the dead has risen." she announces cheerfully. "Sit. I made hangover soup."
"You are an angel." I croak, collapsing into a chair.
Hye Ri ladles steaming soup into a bowl and sets it in front of me. "So. About last night."
"I was possessed." I say firmly.
"You screamed his name in public." she emphasizes.
"I stand by what I said. That wasn't me."
She laughs and leans forward. "So you almost kissed Lee Ye, and then he ran away?"
"Ugh, please don't remind me." I groan. "One second, we are about to kiss, and the next he vanishes like a magician."
"Maybe he got spooked by your wild hair." she teases, chuckling as she settles opposite me. "You looked like you were auditioning for a horror movie."
I throw a napkin at her. "You are not helpful."
She grins wickedly. "Be honest. You really wanted that kiss badly?"
My face heats instantly. "Hye Ri!"
"Imagine it," she continues shamelessly. "Lee Ye pinning you against that wall right there—"
I screech and cover my ears while her laughter rings out in loud, jagged bursts.
"Stop corrupting my innocent mind!"
"Innocent?" she snorts.
We laugh until my head hurts even more, and somehow the heaviness eases. When we finally calm down, she looks at me more seriously.
"For what it's worth, I think he likes you." she says, leaning back with a satisfied smile.
My heart betrays me by skipping. "You think so?"
She shrugs nonchalantly, downing a glass of water. "And instead of overthinking yourself into madness, maybe you should just ask him."
"But what if he doesn't?" I ask, biting my lip nervously.
"What's the worst that can happen?" she asks, her tone light, though the question hangs in the air like a dare.
Her words sit with me all day.
The rest of the day passes in a blur, mostly because Hye Ri won't stop teasing me relentlessly about Lee Ye. Every mention of that almost-kiss sends a fresh jolt of heat to my cheeks, my mind spinning with a thousand what-ifs.
As night falls, I stand by the window, staring out at the city lights. The fear is still there, but something else rises stronger. Frustration. Longing. Determination. Like a wave, overwhelming and undeniable.
It hits me suddenly and completely...
I am tired of wondering.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I spring up quickly, feeling a sense of urgency. I dash to my room, excitement coursing through me, making my heart pound fast. I grab my jacket from the chair and throw it over my shoulders as I hurry back to the living room.
Hye Ri looks up as I storm into the living room. "You dashed out of here just now like someone in urgent need of the bathroom. Where are you going at this hour?" she calls out, her curiosity clearly losing the battle to her concern.
A grin breaks across my face, wide and impossible to suppress. "I'm going to him!" I yell, already half-out the door. I struggle with my sneakers, fumbling and swaying, my feet barely keeping up with the speed of my heart.
Her eyes widen before she breaks into the biggest grin. "Right now?"
"Yes."
She jumps up, practically vibrating with excitement. "Go! Go get your man."
With one last glance back at her, I open the door and rush out of the apartment, feeling so light I could literally fly. The cool air hits me like a sudden, bracing splash of water, and I can't help but laugh from the sheer absurdity of it all.
As I sprint down the sidewalk, the truth finally clicks into place with a clarity that stops my breath. I laugh out loud at the realization.
This is not a silly crush.
I really, truly like Lee Ye Jun.