Damn, this place smells awful!
That's all I could think once I woke up in a dark, wet cave in the middle of God knows where. I tried to crawl around and got a good feel of my body.
I was an actual dog...
It was all clear now. This was another one of those sick dreams. I remembered the battle, Maria, everything. I needed to get out of this dream, and that wasn't going to happen until I got moving.
I tried my best to get up and look around, but that's when I noticed my leg.
It was injured and swollen.
I still tried to move. Whatever injured me might be coming back, and I wasn't going to let that happen.
Not in the state I'm in.
I tried my best to move, but all I ended up doing was flailing around like a scared child.
Then I started hearing footsteps.
I still tried my hardest to move—to hide, at least—but to no avail. Wait? What am I doing? I'm Spike Dogtooth! I don't hide! I fight! No matter how small and weak I am, I always fight.
Suddenly, through some mysterious courage, I was able to stand and face this mysterious foe.
"Bring it on!" I thought, preparing for whatever nonsense was coming. But just when my courage was starting to waver...
"Hey pup! I told you to stop that!"
A strange man stood before me.
"I know the cave smells like literal shit, but that doesn't mean you have to overexert yourself trying to leave!"
He was a tall, blond guy with spiky hair and a very peculiar smile. A very nostalgic smile.
"Come on, pup! I did some gathering, and I found some butt-berries. Yep! Exactly as the name indicates, they're berries with butts!
They say the skin of their butts can heal injuries. How about we try them out, eh?"
He talked exactly like me. And now that I mentioned it, he dressed like me too. A black tuxedo with a red cape, tie, and sunglasses. Who was he? Why is he in my dream?
"Come on! What's with the silent treatment? Okay, I know you hate it when I call you pup, but can you blame me? You're just so cute! Now get over here so I can feed you some butts! Eh, that sounded cooler in my head, hehe..."
Was he the guy who defended me from those monsters in my other dream?
"Look, I know things are bad now, but they'll get better! We're going to get out of this damn planet, right? Planet... Wait, what does he mean, planet?"
"Then we can finally begin my dream to become a mob boss!"
At that moment, for the first time in my life, I don't know why or what drove me to do it, but once I heard those words, I began to...
Cry.
"Spike? You crying, pup? Hey, uh... look, I know after all the shit we've been through, I thought... uh... Spike?"
"Spike?!"
"Spike?"
"Spike?"
"Spike?"
"Spike?"
"Spike?"
"SPIKE!!! WAKE UP!!"
That voice...
That was Maria...
I woke up again, but now I knew this wasn't a dream. I was in a small, cluttered, wooden room—definitely Farmer's shed—on a bed clearly too small for me since my legs were still touching the floor despite me lying down.
At least I'm back to my original size.
Maria sat next to me on a nearby chair to my right, and from the looks of the bags under her eyes, she hadn't slept in a long while.
Was she waiting for me to wake up?
Why?
"Ugh... Hey, kid! How are you doing?"
At that moment, she hugged me tightly. Too tightly, in fact, as it began to hurt... and I let out a small moan of pain.
"S..sorry, Spike! I forgot your wounds haven't healed yet."
Wounds? I checked my torso to discover a ton of bandages wrapped around my chest, stomach, and all around my arms. I guess the battle did take a toll on me.
"Nah, kid. Don't apologize. It's all my fault for getting involved in the first place."
"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you. Why? What was the point in helping us out? You clearly didn't get anything other than severe injuries for it, so I don't really see the point. Didn't you refuse us earlier?"
"Hehe... yeah, I did. Because, no offense, when your dad asked me, he sounded like a coward too scared to deal with his own problems, and I didn't want to help. But once I was proved wrong, it was only right for me to lend a hand."
"Well, that's dumb! If you didn't want to help, you shouldn't have in the first place. All you're doing is mental gymnastics!"
"You mean gymnastics?"
"W..whatever. My point is, you're pretty crazy, you know!"
"Hehe... yeah, I guess it's all part of being Spike Dogtooth!"
She quickly turned her head to the side and started blushing, which was obvious thanks to her green skin.
"Anyway... I gotta ask, what was that thing I fought earlier? I thought the final boss was supposed to be Spanks! Not you! Was that some kind of berserker rage or something?"
"I guess you can call it that. I don't really get it myself. All I know is once I lose control of my emotions, it comes out, and I fall asleep. When I wake up, everything and everyone I care about is either long gone or long dead. I lost control a long time ago and hurt someone I really cared about. Thanks to that incident, I ended up leaving my home and ended up here."
"Hmmmm... I see. Speaking of which, what did happen to your people?"
Before Maria could answer, however, a familiar face entered the room.
"Hey, Maria? Is he awake yet? Dad's getting worried."
That was Spanks.
I tensed up, but Maria quickly got me to settle down.
"Hey! What gives? Wasn't he a bad guy a minute ago?"
"He changed, Spike. It turns out his actions were part of some misplaced aggression."
"Y..yeah, Sp..Spike, after Number 2 saved my life, he poisoned my mind against my father and made me hate him. But now I know the truth. It was thanks to him that all this happened!"
"And where is the bald fucker? He sure seemed pretty stupid, but the way you're describing him, he sounds like some kind of mastermind."
"Don't know. He disappeared after everything was settled, but I don't think that's the last I'll see of him."
"Hmmm, well, you smell like you're telling the truth, and I've got a good nose for that sort of thing. So if Maria of all people trusts you, I don't have much else to say."
"Good to hear. Now, get your clothes and come outside. My dad has a surprise for you!"
Spanks quickly left the room, with Maria following soon after. Before he left, however, she gave me a little wink. Wonder what that could mean.
"You're gonna love it!" she said as she left. I got up and tried on my suit but couldn't help but think about that guy from my dream.
Who was he? Where were we? Was I on a different planet or something? Is this a different planet?
Can't be! I was eaten by a whale! Not some spaceship! Maybe it was just my mind messing with me.
Or maybe there was more to that dream than I thought.
"SURPRISE!!!"
Once I got outside, the whole town gave me the surprise of a lifetime. Thanks for saving our town, I suppose.
As I walked through the crowd of people, I got "thanks" and "we love you"s all around, and I wasn't sure I liked the praise, but it did get my tail wagging.
And yes, I have a tail.
Once I passed the long crowd, I saw Farmer standing on a pedestal in the town square with Spanks by his side. And a giant gift wrapped in red for me.
I wonder what that's about...
And I wonder why it's moving...
"Ah! Spike Dogtooth! It's good to see you awake! It is from the bottom of my heart that I express a solemn thank you from me and my beloved citizens for saving us and helping me reunite with my son!!!"
"Don't mention it, old man! Now, I gotta ask, what's with the present? I didn't help you for some kind of shitty present!"
"Yes! Well, regardless of your motives, I saw it as fair to return my kindness with another one. Now, as my gift to you..."
No way...
"In order to help with your travels..."
Absolutely no way...
"...as the mayor of this beautiful town, Generic Town!... I present to you..."
No way...
"In order to help with your travels..."
Absolutely no way...
"As the mayor of this beautiful town, Generic Town!... I present to you... A SKY WHALE!"
That dream may not have been a dream...
But a memory!
Once he removed the wrapping paper, he revealed a giant whale wearing headphones. The same whale that ate me, in fact!
What the actual fuck...
The crowd erupted in cheers. Confetti rained down. A small band of surprisingly talented squirrels played a celebratory tune on miniature instruments. I just stared, jaw agape, at the enormous, blubbery creature that was now apparently my ride.
"He's a beaut, ain't he?" Farmer beamed, patting the whale's side. "We've fitted him with a state-of-the-art sound system, a jacuzzi, and a lifetime supply of plankton. We even named him! Meet... Waffles."
Waffles the Sky Whale. My transportation. My... life? I looked at Maria, who was trying very hard not to laugh. Spanks, on the other hand, was doubled over, tears streaming down his face.
"Waffles?" I finally managed to croak out.
"Yeah, well, we thought it was catchy," Farmer chuckled. "And he seems to like it."
Waffles let out a low, rumbling groan that I could only assume was whale-speak for "enthusiastic agreement."
"So," Farmer continued, "wherever you need to go, just tell Waffles, and he'll get you there. He's got a surprisingly good sense of direction for a whale."
I looked at Waffles again. He blinked one enormous, googly eye at me and gave another groan. This was officially the weirdest day of my life. And that's saying something, considering I'd recently battled a berserk version of myself and discovered berries shaped like butts.
"Alright, Waffles," I said, trying to sound confident, "how about we take a little trip? First stop... anywhere that isn't here."
Waffles responded with a jet of water from his blowhole, sending a shower of sparkling droplets over the crowd. He then opened his massive jaws, revealing a surprisingly plush-looking interior.
"All aboard!" Farmer shouted, ushering me towards the whale's mouth.
I hesitated for a moment, then shrugged. What the hell. It couldn't be any weirder than what I'd already been through. I stepped inside Waffles' mouth, which, surprisingly, smelled faintly of blueberries.
As Waffles took to the sky, the town of Generic Town shrinking below us, I couldn't help but smile. This was crazy. This was ridiculous. This was... perfect. I had a sky whale. My name was Spike Dogtooth. And the adventure was just beginning.
The End... FOR NOW!!