Weird, why did I suddenly remember something?
What was it… Something important, I know it is..
I had to duck below some oncoming hurdles, mud splashing in my face and sinking into my clothes. It was raining, pouring, and thundering.
Shouting, screaming, and painful yelps from a dog. My heart was racing..
I shook my head, refusing to remember whatever that was.
Instead, I walked over to Casper, telling him to follow along. He jumped up, his tailing whipping in circles as he did a few drills that I had to train with the other warriors. Ducking below the Branchie and jumping onto my armored knee for a boost.
This was regular training I would do with the other warriors, not a Heaven Pup that was supposed to be my companion.
It still worked out; Casper followed around loyally as I did the drills in the limited space we had. Even as we moved around and began to grow tired, my mind was restless.
Over and over, the sound of the dog crying in distress began to grow a hole in my chest. It made me tremble, and I slowly eased my training with Casper, who sensed my distress.
I closed my eyes for a moment, my feet planted firmly in the dirt as a flashing light caught my attention. As I scrambled to my feet, mud and dirt covered my body and face. There was blood too, and I could feel the heavy thuds of my footsteps in the ground as I dashed towards a small figure near some burning piles of rubble.
The shouting of the men on my team and the enemy sounded around me, but my blood was pumping so loud in my ears that I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear the guns, the damned and desperate screams.
I slid in the mud, the curled up and mud covered form finally catching my eyes. The lump in my throat grew, causing a short cry to escape as I took the dog in my arms.
"Hey, it's okay, Rocky! I've got you!" The German Shepherd whined softly, his blood soaking his fur and seeping into my hands. I refused to let him drop; instead, I forced my trembling body to rise, lifting the motionless dog with me. I nearly stumbled backward, but I steadied myself.
His whines were becoming quiet, maybe the thundering bombs and guns going off numbed them, I knew better than to think that was the reason. His body was cold; his fur was soaked and covered in ash.
I moved over, my feet sinking into the mud but I didn't bother to think about. I soon found myself behind a truck before I was down in a trench. Men all around were shouting orders, carrying guns as they either retreated or went back up onto the surface.
I sat near the end of the area to keep Rocky in my lap, scanning the surroundings for anything I could use to patch him up. I quickly scrambled over to a small, makeshift den where a few men were huddled, receiving treatment for their wounds from a couple of medics. Without asking for permission, I grabbed as many bandages as I thought I would need before rushing back to Rocky.
He lay limp in my arms, his body resting in the dirt, and I slid to my knees beside him. Desperately, I began to patch him up, lifting his lifeless body as I tried to tightly wrap the bandages around his ribs where he had been shot.
My ears were still ringing, and it was getting louder. I couldn't hear my own panting breath, the yelling of my comrades. Not even a voice calling out from behind me.
"Vi! Vi! Enough!" A hand pulled me away from the dog, my head swiveling over to meet the man who was in charge. Dawson quickly shook me, trying to get my eyes to focus on him. "Enough, okay? He's gone."
"No-no—" I tried to protest, pulling away to get back to try and patch Rocky up, but Dawson kept his hold firm on my shoulders.
"We can't do anything for him now. He's gone, Vi, and we have to move." He helped pull me up, my arm around his shoulder as he pulled me from the ground. My legs shook, and my vision fogged over. "He's not the only one lost. K9s don't make it this far. He did his best."
"That—he didn't have to die, Dawson!" I pushed at his shoulder, but his grip on me remained firm. My body was already weak and in pain from all the cuts and blood. Still, I turned back to the dog, who lay motionless in the dirt. Dust, ashes, and blood covered his body as soldiers ran past, not giving him a second glance.
Dawson pulled me forward, drawing a gun as we emerged from the trench. Beyond the dusty fog, enemy fire rained down on us. "This is how it works," he said. "You can't save everyone, Vi."
Still, you can try. You can fight back and patch up the broken, you can patch them up and they won't be-
The dust hit my face, settling into my already teary eyes. I squeezed them shut and raised a hand to hold my head, suddenly aware of a rush of pain coursing through my veins. I let out a grunt and fell to my knees, the armor scraping against the dirt.
Casper was by my side, his nose nudging into my arms that I could barely even feel.
All I could feel was the pain; it was quick and swift to take hold of me and keep me in place. I scrambled around, my fingernails digging into my skull with my eyes closed to the darkness.
"AGH! FAH-" I cried out, my body crumbling in on itself, tears dripping down my chin and onto the metal plates on my thigh.
Make it stop- make it stop- make it stop- make it stop- make it stop- make it stop- make it stop- make it stop-
MAKE IT STOP!
"Vienna." She appeared suddenly, her hair flipping over her shoulder and brushing against my cheek. Her wings shielded me from the sun's glare as her hands cupped my face.
My body relaxed the moment her skin touched mine. I kept my eyes closed, leaning my head into her. I let my entire weight rest on her, and she caught me, her fingers brushing my hair away and lingering gently on my temple. Eventually, I found the courage to open my eyes, gazing up at her as my vision adjusted to the sudden brightness.
I caught the look in the goddess's eyes, her lips closed tightly as she looked down at me with creased brows. I didn't understand the look, not until I felt something running down my nose. Before I could reach it, Janus put her hand over it.
It must have been blood, I could see it pressed into her palm before she quickly took it away. The liquid stopped running, my tears being the only thing lingering on my face as the goddess brushed everything else away. Her gaze soon found my own. I wordlessly looked up to her, my eyes drooping slightly with a sudden rush of exhaustion.
"Vienna, my angel. What happened?" She moved onto her knees so my head could rest peacefully on her. She worked her hands through my hair as she looked down at me.
I swallowed a cry of bile that would emerge at her comforting words, forcing my mind to calm and my breathing to slow. "...I had a dream.. a memory or something. But it was.. worse."
I saw a slight flicker of fear cross her features before it was swept away.
"What was it that was different this time?" Her voice was gentle; she moved her hand down to grab onto mine, her long fingers creasing over the places where mine met before she pressed my wristband to take it off.
I couldn't even feel the difference; my mind was occupied trying to find something to answer. I had no idea what made it different. How could I explain something I barely knew myself?
"I-It…" I took in a rushed gulp. "It was sudden. But instead of remembering it first, I heard it.. I could smell the blood and fire first, hear the screaming and the crying-"
"Shhh…" Janus quickly stopped me from crying again, lowering her head to press a soft kiss on my temple while her fingers gently stroked my skin. Her wings enveloped me like a blanket, creating a protective cocoon around us. "You don't have to keep going. I understand now. I'm sorry for asking you that."
I wanted to tell her that it was fine, but I couldn't find my voice. It was stuck in my throat, only hiccuping slightly before I tossed my head over to the side on her lap.
After finding my voice, I trembled out, "c-can you stay here? Please... I don't want to sleep without you."
"Of course." She smiled, lashes falling over her eyes as she did so. I relaxed all the way, my body trembling after the shock of the pain and blood.
The goddess lifted a wing, allowing Casper to come over and lie at my feet. They both provided warmth, comfort, and a promise of safety. It was enough to help me drift off. My eyes closed, and I felt the wings relax beneath me.
All I focused on was Janus, whose hands gently rubbed my head. Her soft, sweet humming brought me the satisfaction of a restful sleep.
With no dream to haunt me this time.
Perhaps that's why time seemed to slip through my fingers so quickly. The last memory etched in my mind was of my eyes growing heavy, lulled into a tranquil slumber by Janus, who was gently tracing soothing patterns on my back. His movements stirred something within me, a comforting warmth enveloping my entire being. As I gradually regained consciousness, I found myself in the same position, lying beneath the watchful gaze of the goddess hovering above me.
I didn't feel tired anymore.
I looked up at Janus; she was still humming, a soft tune moving through the open air. It was low and elegant, her hands working away along my skin. She soon opened her eyes once again, looking down at me with a gentle smile.
"Are you alright now, my dear?"
I gulped, my lips feeling chapped and stuck. "Yes.." I coughed, turning my head when I began to blush with embarrassment. "T-Thank you for staying with me…"
"Of course," her fingers fell in my hair, brushing the purple strands away while she began to lean down. Her lips found their way on my head, gently kissing over my temple while her fingers rubbed below my eyes. "I will stay with you."
I smiled, reaching a hand up to entangle them with the goddess's soft palm. She allowed me to do so, her warm embrace closing around my smaller fingers as we held one another.
We sat in silence, with Casper shifting slightly in the grass while the goddess moved her wings, brushing against my knees. I sighed, feeling completely at ease in that moment. However, that tranquility was soon interrupted by a sudden thought that occurred to me.
I sat up, startling Janus, who shifted her wings off me. "How long was I out for?"
She giggled, running a hand down my neck to help relax me. "Not for long, your session will start in a few, but in the meantime, just relax."
I nodded, feeling somewhat numb yet at ease. I rested my head back down on her lap. She gently moved her wing over to the cup and draped the softness of her feathers over me. With my eyes closed, my wings twitched slightly before settling down over my shoulders like an additional blanket.
Of course, I could feel a slight shift from the woman I knew she would speak to soon. She did so, her voice soft and smooth: "You're safe here, Vienna. I will make sure nothing hurts you. Alright?"
I could only nod numbly. Of course, I believe her; she is right in some cases. But at the same time, something was clogging my mind and shifting my ideas and thoughts away from her and the truthful words.. I had felt so much pain here.
I am not supposed to, I should not feel pain at all.
Janus is promising me that I won't.
And I want to believe her, I really do…
Even though I do, I couldn't stop myself from shaking out a soft yet hardening voice. "It's still there.. It still hurts no matter what."
She was silent for a moment while I rested in her lap, my head turned away from her. As always, the goddess's touch and words were soft and soothing. "I'm sorry, my angel. I wish to keep you safe as much as I can," she said, letting out a sigh that trembled with her breath. "The only way I can protect you from pain is to keep you close to me, no matter what."
I finally took up, looking up to her. "You.. you can't?"
She smiled and gently lifted my face so I could rest my head more intimately on her chest. "No, I will not trap you or hold you somewhere forever," she said, moving her head in sync with mine. I met her gaze, feeling the warmth in her eyes collide with mine. "You must not be tied down. You are free, and you always will be."
Her hand went up to my cheek, fingers trailing my skin with purpose. I sank into it, holding in a sigh that was filled with ecstasy. She leaned her head over me, her hands on my back as I pulled my arms around her neck for something to hold.
"You are strong. You can fight this pain, you can fight off evil." She sank her head into my neck, her voice soft with a tint of pressure. "Even if you shouldn't have to.."
I wish I knew what it was in the first place. What made me so different from every other angel, and why could I feel pain?
Why did I have to remember?
A slight buzz emanated from my wrist, making me look down. I already knew the reason for my body's hesitation; I would have to move again.
I stood from her lap, trying not to press my knees into her. Janus did not mind; her smile never faltered as I awkwardly stood up from her. "Will you leave once the session starts?"
Janus looked up at me, standing up to be beside me. "I will stay if you wish."
"Don't you have more important things to do?"
She gave me a soft look. "You are important, darling." She ran a hand through my hair, and I let a smile slip.
I turned, cupping my wings around my shoulders, just as Casper jumped up to join us. My eyes locked onto hers, my fingers fidgeted slightly, and my face burned with embarrassment. I finally couldn't take it any longer and looked away from her. "Oh, well, I don't think you should stay… I might get too nervous and mess up or something."
"You do not have to win the fight, darling." Janus rubbed her palm on the back of my head and down to my nape.
I blushed harder, trying to smile softly, though it was tight and unreal. "Right. But I have to win; for me, I must. I should prove myself, prove that I am a great warrior. That I can fight just as brave and mighty as all the other warriors."
Janus's expression shifted for a moment, she looked slightly distressed before it was soothed away with a calm look. "You already are. You have nothing to prove."
I looked up to her just as we breached the clearing to the open field, where warriors began to line up. My voice got caught up in my throat, my knuckles tight and nails digging into my palm.
Instead of saying anything, I moved my head down.
I do.. I do have something to prove…
I didn't need to say anything; I knew Janus could read my thoughts or my expressions. I was grateful that she stepped aside, allowing me to move forward to my usual spot in line. Just as I donned my armor, Arden approached us. She bowed to Janus, lowering her head and speaking in a respectful tone.
"Goddess. What do I owe the pleasure of your presence?"
She giggled, shaking her head. "I am just here with Vienna. I will be going when you begin your training."
Arden looked at me, her expression unreadable, before she nodded to the goddess. "Yes, Gate Goddess."
She walked over to meet Apollonia, who shot Janus a pointed look. The goddess paid no mind to them and walked over to stand beside me, along with Casper, who took his usual spot lying down near my feet.
I took a glance at her. "I will be fine."
She let out a breath, shifting her gaze to mine. "Of course."