"Then what... What did you mean. Because that's what I heard. That's what I heard you saying. That I... I don't deserve you"
"No... No.... No," He raised a shaky hand, caressing the other's cheek. "That's not... That's not what I meant. Don't act so oblivious to the situation, please. You know the situation you're in. Even I've heard of it. The emperor... He's pressuring you to marry the third princess. It's not just about rumours, general.
Luo Xing's expression softened slightly, as the courtesan gently caressed his cheek. Still, his eyes narrowed. He wasn't being oblivious, he was well aware of the situation he was in, but the other words... He let out a frustrated huff, as he leaned his forehead against the nape of the others neck. "You... You think I don't know that. I know the situation I'm in, but I don't care. I... I don't care, what the empire wants. I just... I just want you. Does it not matter what I want?"
The courtesan didn't have an answer to the last question. So he just ignored that
"That's not his things work in our world," He said softly, caressing his cheek. And for the first time, he addressed him differently. "That's not how things work... My love. That's not how things work. It's unfair, I know. But it's just the way things are."
A low, almost strangled moan came out from the alpha, as the courtesan called him 'my love'. A shiver went up his spine, as those words left the other's mouth. It... It was everything he ever wanted, and it felt like he was walking on clouds, when the other called him 'my love'. Still, there was frustration and tension in his chest. He still wouldn't accept the fact that the courtesan said they couldn't be together. The high was followed by a soul crushing sense of despair and longing.
"... I don't care... I don't care how things work. I just... I just want you. I- I love you. More than anyone or anything else. I love you like a sunflower loves the sun. Like a fish loves the water. I love you like that."
Luo Xing slowly lifted his head, as he looked down at the courtesan. He... He felt almost desperate, his own hands coming up to gently cup the others face, his fingers delicately tracing the lines of the courtesan's beautiful face. His own expression was full of unbridled love and desire, as he gently pressed the courtesan against the wall. He leaned down slightly, his lips close to the other. "I love you. My heaven, my home...it's being with you. I love you so much. I... I need you. I can't go on without you"
I need you. I can't go on without you"
"... It's ruining your life. Loving me. And I can't... Bear to ruin more than I already have," the omega's voice was quiet, and resifned. But there was a smile on his beautiful face even as tears threatened to fall from his eyes.
The general let out a low, bitter laugh, something cold flashing in his eyes, as he gently gripped the courtesan's chin, forcing the other to look up at him. "Oh. Oh really. That's what you think. That... That loving you is ruining my life. You... You don't realize, that my life was ruined. It was over, the moment I saw you. The moment I first laid my eyes on you. Nothing you can do, nothing anyone can do, will change that fact. I love you, and I am too ruined for anyone else. Too taken by you to ever let anyone else in my heart."
"I...no. no." The courtesan hurriedly shook his head. "I can not. I...I will do anything I could if I had any way to make it better. If...if there's another life, I'll...I'll like to make it up to you."
He removed his hand, tears glistening in his eyes. For the first time, he decided to be selfish. He tip toed to pull himself upwards, and pressed his lips against the other. "Let me be selfish this once. After this... Let us never meet again, until one of us is dead. Please. I beg this of you, my love."
The alpha let out a low moan, as the other pressed his lips gently against his own. He didn't want to let go, he never wanted to let go, but the desperation in the courtesan's eyes, the plea in his voice, made him pause. For a few seconds, he stayed still, his lips against the others, as the courtesan's words sank in. He... No. He wanted to stay with him like this forever. He *needed* to. But still, he nods.
"... Fine. Yes. Fine. After this... I never... I never want to see you again. Until the day... Until one of us is dead"
"Wait," he pulled back, his eyes tearful but determined. "Swear one more thing. You won't keep holding on like a recluse monk. You will marry. And you will try to be happy. Please. You need to promise that to me, my love. Please."
The alpha let out a huff, the thought of marrying... It left a bile like taste on his tongue. Still, it was his beloved's wish. That had to be honoured. "I swear... I swear, I'll marry. And I'll..."
He paused, as a pained expression came to his face. The thought of marrying someone.. Anyone else but the courtesan sent a pang of pain through his heart. He gently buried his face in the crook of the courtesan's neck to hide his pain, and his voice was low and hoarse as he continued. "I'll... *Try* to be happy"
The general felt the courtesan gently run his fingers through his hair, as if he was trying to soothe him. The small gesture... It made his heart hurt even more. His fingers, his slender, slim fingers, gently combing through his hair like that. He gently pulled the courtesan closer, his grip tight, as he buried his face further in the crook of the omega's neck. He took a deep breath, inhaling the others scent, trying to commit it completely to his memory. It... It would be the last time he would get to experience it. In this life, at least.
"You are so cruel, darling... And I thought I was the ruthless one. I promise you all that, my love, but... Don't expect me to give my heart to anyone else. It's... It's yours. And...I beg that of you."
The omega just nods, a tear slipping out of his eyes. "I ... Understand. I won't ask for that."
Luo Xing pulled back slightly, to look at the courtesan. He gently reached up, thumb gently wiping away the tear. He... He could feel his heart breaking, but he promised the other. He promised. He swallowed, a pained look on his face, as he looked at the beautiful courtesan, his love, in front of him. He couldn't hold it in anymore.
"... I love you. I love you so, so much. My heart is yours. My soul is yours. Even after both of us aee dead. I will never belong to anyone else. And if there is another life...I vow to love you. Out in the open. And you have to too. Please."
The courtesan just nods, more tears slipping out of his eyes. "I do...I do. I swear it on my life. I will. In another life...I vow to be yours. Only yours."
The general gently brought his thumb up, wiping away the tears. Seeing such a beautiful, proud man crying this way made his heart clench in pain. He gently cupped the courtesan's face in his hands again, as he looked down at him. He had to make a promise. He had to do this, just one last time.
He gently pressed his lips against the courtesan's forehead, as he spoke in a low, broken voice. "I'm... I'm going to miss you my love. So damn much. Even if death might seem like the much sweeter alternative rather than living without you, I will continue. To live on. Because that is what you asked for me, and we both know I lack the willpower to truly deny my beloved anything."
The omega just tilted his head, wrapping his arms around the other's neck. "I...thank you for your indulgence."