It's hard to explain why I felt like I was walking through fog.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's the heaviness in my chest whenever Elias is near. Or maybe… it's the weight of something unspoken tightening around my throat every time I think of what he might want in return.
I'm trying to be logical. Trying to believe that if Elias really is the donor, and if he really will only help under certain conditions, then maybe—just maybe—there's something I can offer.
And then it hits me. The way he looked at me when I brought up helping him. The way he responded with that low, unreadable "You'd do that for me?"
Maybe… he's lonely. Or maybe it's a girl.
Maybe he likes someone.
Maybe he likes Lila.
I mean, who wouldn't? Lila's beautiful, kind, charming in a chaotic way that draws people in. She's everything I'm not.
So I latch onto it—this possible, logical explanation. It gives me purpose. A plan. Something to control.
When I tell her, she laughs at first.
> "You want me to what?"
> "Just come to dinner," I say, avoiding her eyes. "With me. And Elias."
> "Why do I feel like I'm being set up?" she smirks. "Luna… is this about your mystery donor again?"
> "Yes—and no. I think… I think Elias is the donor. And I think he wants something before he agrees to help. I think he wants you."
She pauses. "You think he wants me?" She sounds… doubtful. Almost amused.
> "I can't be sure, but… wouldn't you go if there was even a chance it could save me?"
Silence.
Then:
> "Of course I'd go. You know I would."
She hugs me tightly, and I try not to cry. Because I'm not sure if I'm relieved or ashamed.
The dinner is set.
And the whole time I'm texting Elias, confirming the time and place, I can feel this strange ache in my stomach. Not nerves. Not hope.
Something else. Something sharp.
When I tell him Lila will be joining us, he replies simply:
> "Interesting."
No smiley face. No surprise. Just… that word.
And somehow, it doesn't feel like approval.
It feels like a warning I don't understand yet.
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