Evening, Bleecker Street.
Charlie returned home, his eyes immediately landing on the crib in the living room.
"Oh, my little Charlie, you're finally back."
Aunt May, standing by the crib mixing formula, spotted Charlie's return. She casually tossed the bottle onto the crib and rushed to greet him.
"Let me take a look—have you gotten thinner lately?"
Her hands squished Charlie's face, her own beaming with a wide smile.
Charlie, however, looked utterly confused. He stepped back, glanced at the doorplate, then scratched his head.
"This is my house?" he asked, uncertain.
Aunt May nodded. "Silly boy, of course it is."
"Cough cough."
At that moment, a young man cleared his throat, approaching Charlie with a warm smile.
"You're Charlie Parker?"
Charlie nodded. "That's me. And you are…?"
"Oh, I'm your cousin. I've been abroad for a while and only recently came back," Ben Parker said.
Charlie: "…"
He'd expected some elaborate excuse.
That's it?
Prompted by Ben's words, Aunt May suddenly realized something.
Under the power of the Time Tablet, they'd been made young again.
To avoid trouble, they'd taken on new identities with help from Spider-Man's "friend."
Had she been too excited just now? Had she given them away?
Her smile stiffened at the thought.
"Uh, I'm your cousin," she said.
Charlie's mouth twitched.
A cousin who looks like Uncle Ben, and another who looks like Aunt May.
Something's not right here.
Then, it clicked.
"Oh, it's you guys! I remember Uncle Ben mentioning something about you," he said with a grin.
Aunt May glanced at Ben, blinking.
You said something?
Ben blinked back, startled.
I never said anything.
Aunt May blinked again. Then who did?
Ben blinked. He must've remembered wrong.
Charlie blinked. Is this Morse code?
"Cough cough. Where are Uncle Ben and Aunt May?" Charlie asked, scanning the room with a puzzled look.
Ben quickly answered, "They're off traveling. It might be a while before they're back."
"Yeah, a long, long time," Aunt May echoed.
Charlie: "…"
This house is getting weirder by the second.
Noticing Charlie's odd expression, Ben grew nervous.
"We're staying here for a bit. That's okay, right?"
He was half-afraid Charlie would kick them out.
Thankfully, Charlie was as sensible as ever. He smiled. "Of course it's fine. We're family—no need to be so formal."
Aunt May let out a relieved breath. "Thank you so much, little cousin."
Charlie scratched his head awkwardly. "No problem, cousin."
If they didn't want to spill the truth, he wouldn't push them.
After all, he was the one who started this kind of thing.
His gaze shifted to the crib, a mischievous smirk creeping onto his face.
Baby Kingpin, you're in my hands now.
"Wow, is this your baby? So cute!"
He reached out, squishing the baby's chubby cheeks in a move that mirrored Aunt May's.
"Yes, that's our baby. Play with him as you like," Aunt May said offhandedly before pulling Ben into another room.
"Looks like Spider-Man didn't tell Charlie anything about us."
"Spider-Man might not even know. We were wearing masks back then."
"Oh, right."
"Should we tell him the truth?"
"Let's wait. He's still young. I'm worried he won't handle it well."
"He's grown up already, hasn't he?"
"But how do we even explain? The Time Tablet's secret can't get out. If he brags to his classmates, we'll be in big trouble."
"He kept Spider-Man's secret. He wouldn't spill ours."
"Fair point. You tell him, then."
"No way, I wouldn't know how to start."
"Me neither. What if he thinks we're liars and kicks us out?"
"Good point…"
"Honestly, I think this is kind of fun. I can't wait to see Charlie's face when he figures it out."
"You're awful. Me too."
And so…
They exchanged a glance, reaching a silent agreement.
Back in the living room, under Charlie's relentless teasing, Baby Kingpin let out an "eee-yah" of protest.
"Oh, you must be hungry. Here, here, I'll feed you myself!"
Charlie aimed the bottle's nipple at Kingpin, haphazardly shoving it into his mouth.
"Eat, come on, eat! If you don't, I'll make you regret it. Eat!"
Kingpin: "…"
He's a devil!
Just then, Ben and Aunt May emerged from the room. Charlie turned, feigning helplessness.
"The baby's too naughty. He broke the bottle."
As he spoke, his hand behind his back crushed the bottle, milk soaking the crib.
Kingpin: "?????"
"Eee-yah! Eee-yah!"
He wailed, pointing at Charlie, cursing him out.
He's slandering me! Slandering me!
Hearing Kingpin's cries, Aunt May frowned.
She hurried to the crib, saw the broken bottle, and immediately checked Charlie's hand.
"You didn't get burned, did you?" She gently blew on his hand.
Kingpin: "…"
"Eee-yah! Eee-yah!"
He protested loudly.
You didn't treat me like this before Charlie showed up!
Even worse, he noticed Charlie's smile turn sinister and wicked.
Kingpin: "!!!!"
Devil!
Sneaky devil!
I'm just a kid!
Why is an adult fighting for attention with a baby?!
I'm the king of the underworld!
I'll turn this around!
I want to go home!
Let me go, and I'd rather sit in a cell!
"Cousin, the baby's crying," Charlie said, picking up Kingpin with a pained expression. "You guys go make dinner. I'll get him to sleep."
Aunt May smiled warmly. "Such a good kid. We'll leave it to you."
With that, she pulled Ben into the kitchen.
"Looks like Charlie really likes kids," she said.
Ben chuckled. "Yeah, it's like practice for him. When he gets married and has kids, he'll be the best dad."
"Thinking about that makes me so emotional."
"Me too."
As they busied themselves in the kitchen, Charlie set Baby Kingpin on the couch.
"Ready? Let's play a fun game."
Charlie grabbed a rubber band, stretching it between two fingers, then placed a paper wad on it, aiming at Baby Kingpin's… sensitive spot.
"Those split-crotch pants are sexy."
Kingpin: "!!!!"
Devil!
Devil!
How can such a despicable jerk exist?!
I'm just a baby, a milk-drinking infant!
"Eee-yah! Eee-yah!"
Tears streamed down his face as he scrambled to escape, but Charlie secured him with Ben's belt.
"Don't move, or if I miss, we'll have to restart!"
With that, the paper wad hit its mark. Baby Kingpin shed tears of humiliation.
"Come on, strike a pose. Let's take a picture."
"Smile! Why aren't you smiling? I said smile! Are you mad at me?"
Under Charlie's threats, Kingpin's tiny hands covered his split-crotch pants, his chubby face forcing an ugly grin.
"Hm?"
Charlie frowned. "No hands!"
Kingpin: "…"
He slowly let go, enduring unprecedented shame.
Charlie Parker, I hate you!!