Hey, hey, hey!
Happy New Year!
I hope that this year becomes everything that you or I could ever dream of!
2025 was wild...
Very much so.
I am glad that it is now behind us, and that we can all just act like it was a long, harsh nightmare, and keep moving, lol.
I hope that all of you have had an amazing New Year and that it continues to be great. You all have been returning to my page to read all of my work, and I am so very grateful for that! You all keep me going, I mean it.
I don't know where my head would be right now had I never decided to break ground of this Old Journal series, and just post something! Anything!
When I started O.J.M. Volume 01, I was so scared and nervous...
I thought that no one would want to read my old rantings, and that it would sit around collecting digital dust, lol.
Well, if we combine the view numbers for Volume 01 & 02 (and the English & Spanish versions) we are sitting at an astounding 239,400 VIEWS!!!
I can't easily fathom that anyone would find my old musings and strange, twisted millennial humor entertaining, let alone worthy of a continued return week after week!, lmao!
Thank you all kindly for helping me get through 2025, and thank you kindly in advance for hanging around with me for so long.
You all mean the world to me, you know?
If you didn't know, you do now!
I won't keep you waiting any longer.
I know what you've come for.
See you back here shortly, yeah?
Enjoy!
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September 8th, 2013.
Journal #086.
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We are really just friends.
That's the reality of it.
That's my half, and I can deal with it.
I'm content with that.
What will be, will be.
She wrote in my journal!
She has some balls, lol.
Interesting how she breaks my boundaries.
Crazy even.
-----
Hmm.
I wish that I had simply just listened to myself...
I knew that she would have rather kept me in the friend zone.
I knew that she only wanted me for "meat" as she liked to refer to sex as.
I knew that she was still in love with her ex, and that I would never measure up to him.
I knew.
I was so in love.
So infatuated.
So full of care and adoration.
I was lost for her.
She knew that.
She knew that she would never feel for me how I felt for her.
She knew that I was willing to all but die for her.
She simply didn't care.
She wanted all of me without the hassle of having to love all of me.
My love.
My affection.
My attention.
My time.
My money.
She wanted everything that I had to offer her but my love.
I always said and believed that:
"God will give you everything that you want, but you will only get half."
That seemed to be my lot in life, and at that moment, I had accepted the fact that my role in her life was not to be more than just friends.
I was coming to terms with that, and I was going to be okay with that.
She could have just told me that I wasn't what she wanted in that way, and I would have simply gone about my life.
She did not do that, nor would she.
She led me on for eight and a half years, and an additional two after I had finally gathered enough courage, strength, and bravery to leave her and put distance between us.
My healing journey didn't fully kick in till late 2024, and I had left her on March 2nd of 2022.
That is horrible, Folks...
She had her hooks in me for far too long, and it took far too much time and effort to shake her off.
I am glad that I did.
-I hated that she wrote in my journal, but I would never tell her. I cared too deeply for her, and she knew that. That was definitely a boundary that I should have never allowed to be crossed, even if she was reading what I was writing.
I should have stood on that, but man...
I was young and infatuated. As experienced as I thought I was, I had never met or dealt with a narcissist.
That, my dear Readers, is a whole new, different, terrifying ball game.
I am sure that I learned as much in those 8.5 years with her as I would have with 10 women in that same time!
I guess in a way, I am grateful for that part...
Lol.
Such is life.
I will leave you all with that, and I hope that you make this new year of ours an amazing one!
I plan on it!
I am leaving all of the negative crap in the past, and I hope that you all find the strength to do so as well!
I love you.
I will see you back here soon enough, yeah?
Safe travels, Folks!
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.