"I'll change!" Ootaea shouted as she conversed with one of the rookies, "I'll become a stronger, more resilient and better person! I'll become someone that can be... Uh... Cool!" She exclaimed with a determined face. I wasn't paying attention to it too much, because I was constantly being bothered by the sensation of a gaze running down my spine.
I couldn't shake it, no matter how much I tried to think of other things.
Did no one else feel it? Or was I just being paranoid?
Though, I suppose it's not like I can just tell somebody that something is watching us from afar, I'd sound like a lunatic.
I decided to push my thoughts away. Though, the moment I let my guard down...
A loud screech, akin to a thousand dying birds rang out in the sky above me. I looked up in response to see a giant black bird, which seemed to have no skin.
And evidently, it came out from the Blue Void boundary in the sky.
In that moment where I couldn't help but be paralyzed by it's ugly beauty, a moment where I could only help but stare at its magnificence, the others rushed to my side and got into a formation.
The bird that looked like it was only a conglomerate of bones with black feathers. Human feet that were mismatched and grotesque were dangling off the edges of its wings. It had no upper beak, but nontheless it was the face of an eagle.
How beautifully ugly...
"Dofro! Snap out of it, get in formation! This is an Amalgamate!" Right. Right! I'm not here to admire the ugliness of these creatures. I'm here to kill them.
"Right! Sorry!" I said, quickly shifting my position to the front of the formation. The others got in a circle behind me, and from seemingly nowhere, some of them pulled out guns, and Ootaea was equipped with...
A scythe?
Now was not the time for questions, although I had no weapons on me, my fists would probably work fine. But still, why do they get weapons and I don't?!
The bird then made its move, sweeping down at one of the rookies.
And before anyone could react to its speed...
Her head was torn off.
It was as if time froze, the only thing that I could see was the reliving of my worst memory.
Another person had died in my presence...
I immediately wanted to fall down to despair, but as it seemed, nobody cared or were even affected by her death. Except for me.
"What's wrong, Dofro?! We have to kill that thing! Everyone, shoot! Ootaea, you stay at the rear and defend!" Leurnim commanded, as if nothing happened at all.
Guns started firing, and Ootaea stood behind me, I looked at her, and I could see a will to fight in her eyes.
As if nothing had happened.
Did nothing happen? I began to wonder. Wondering was all I could do in this hopeless situation.
The gunshots wounded the Amalgamate bird as it tried to swoop in again.
But this time, Ootaea deflected its attack with the large scythe she wielded, as if it was her duty to protect me. The bird then flew up and screeched once again, causing all of our bodies to be disoriented and lose balance.
By the moment we all fell to the ground, it took the chance to come down and snatch another head.
That's 2 of us dead already.
That made two lives I was hopeless to save.
That makes me a failure.
Why was I so useless? Why was I unable to fight? And most of all, why did nobody else care about their comrade's death, not even a shred of fear or sadness was shown on their faces?
I was only a mere weak man.
I had no power, no skill, no... Nothing...
In that moment of diffidence, I was the first to stand up.
"Fuck it, if you guys won't spare me a gun, I'll use my damn fists!" I screamed at the exact moment that the Amalgamate started flying down again.
As I readied my fist to meet its face, the Amalgamate flew the other way and instead went for Ootaea.
It was too quick for me to react. But what was even quicker was the sound of her scythe cutting through its bone.
It screeched, but it wasn't the scream that it usually did, it was more akin to the dying cries of a bird that continued to live after death.
And then it fell to the ground, lifeless.
It was the first time I had witnessed an Amalgamate's death, and Ootaea was the one who accomplished it.
"Heh, see these skills, Greenhorn? This is what it means to be an ADF soldier! You should learn a thing or two from me, shouldn't you?" She smiled at me with her usual grin.
I didn't know how to respond, I was just confused. "What about the two lives we just lost?! How could you act so... So... Unbothered about them?" I yelled at her, I wanted to shake some sense into her.
"Huh...? Are you okay, Dofro? Nobody died, it was a near-flawless battle! We'll probably get a bonus for this!" She said with a confused tone.
But... I saw it with my own eyes, two rookies' bodies were laying headless, right there.
"Then what about these two?! Don't you see their corpses?! Don't you see them?!"
She tilted her head at me, "I... Don't know why you're yelling, calm down, okay? There's nothing there."
I turned to the others who were also staring at me with a gaze that only spelled confusion, they didn't understand what I was talking about either.
"Are you guys kidding... Letting go of your comrades so easily... Wasn't this squadron a family?!" However, what I and the rest failed to realize, was that the Amalgamate had woken up again.
"WATCH OUT!" I lunged to grab Ootaea to move her away from the bird's range, and the second that I did...
It was as if time slowed down.
The scythe that she was holding fell, and I was able to see it's trajectory perfectly, I wasn't too sure why or how, but I could see it in slow motion.
As fast I could, I made a fist and went for an uppercut against the bird, which landed on its chin and sent it spiraling backwards.
"Leurnim! Shoot it!" I commanded without even thinking, and he did so without hesitation, and the others soon followed.
For an instance there... I felt an incredible power surge within my body. My fist turned blue, and it was as if every muscle I had just had an adrenaline shot.
But by the time the others started shooting at the bird, me and Ootaea were on the ground, and my power faded away as quickly as it came.
"Guys, it's done, don't keep shooting!" She yelled, and the others stopped, and the bird was finally dead.
"Dofro, are you alright?!" She checked up on me, but I couldn't respond, my eyes were fixated on the headless bodies of our friends.
God damn it. Why? Why did I let this happen?! I'm a failure, a failure...
"Hey, Dofro! Dofro! Are you okay?! Speak to me!" Her voice grew more desperate, perhaps she'd thought that I was dead or exhausted to near death. But really, I was just trying to accept the reality of three losses that nobody seems to remember.
"Hah..." I chuckled, "Hahah...! Gh...Ghahaha!" I laughed. "Hahahahaha! Ahahahahaha!" I laughed so hard I began to cry tears of joy, but they felt like tears of sadness and mourning. As the pain continued to ruminate within me.
The others stood there in shock, and I didn't even want to speak. It was just so absurd to me that nobody would even care that their friends just died.
Their apathy was too much for me to handle. It was too much, just like how Tiette said I never had a wife.
This world hates the dead, doesn't it? They don't even get the ultimate respect of a funeral, they just move on like robots. Like machines. Like an army of ants that doesn't care if one of their own die, because a new one will always replace the old.
It's disgusting, but... I guess that's just the reality of how people function.
Perhaps I was an outlier for caring too much.
Sir Ladec blared the horn from inside the convoy truck. "Are you alright, soldiers?!"
"We're good! We're good! We just need to call for a clean-up! This rotten thing will probably stink up the road for everybody else that's coming to the city!" Leurnim replied.
"Alright. I'll make a quick call for a clean-up. Just make sure that nobody else is hurt!" Sir Ladec went back into his truck and called someone up on his radio.
I couldn't hear what he said, but I couldn't care less at the moment. Does nobody here see death? Is it not a thing that happens to them?
"Doffy... Are you alright...? It must have been hard meeting that Amalgamate, huh? But we killed it! We're the best team ever, right?" Ootaea smiled at me, but her words only served to further anger me.
"What do you mean? Two people died, how can't you see that? Why do you not care? Why... Why... Why is it that nobody cares?!" I replied. My tone was weak, and my words were barely audible, but she seemed to be able to pick up on what I said.
Leurnim approached me and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Listen, buddy. I understand how hard it might be to face such a disgusting creature after what happened to your wife. But we're soldiers here, not babies. If you want to stay with us, and continue on a path that leads to the salvation of mankind, you'll have to man up, alright?" I wasn't able to distinguish whether he was trying to be nice or not. But frankly, I didn't care.
"Whatever, I'll... Just keep my mouth shut from now on." Unable to bear looking at the corpses any longer, I walked a few paces ahead of the convoy and just stared at the sky.
The sky that was an odd shade of blue.
The sky that was the boundary between me and the Blue Void.
And at that moment, I thought I could see her...
Alice.
Her face was clear as day, her smile was radiant, her voice was a song, and her touch was like silk.
"I'm sorry..." I mumbled to the face in the far-away sky.
But the image of Alice suddenly faded away, and her voice was no longer present, it was as if I was imagining her from the start.
"Dofro..." Ootaea spoke, but said nothing right after.
...
After the clean-up crew arrived and removed the Amalgamate from the parameters, Sir Ladec gave us a 'Go!' and we began walking again.
Nobody said anything, the rookies were quiet, and Leurnim didn't try to initiate a conversation. It was a very awkward atmosphere, and frankly, I didn't like it.
I just wanted to go back to the headquarters already, I wanted to sleep in my room and forget about this mission entirely.
I wanted to just... Disappear from this place.
No... That's not right. I already promised myself that this is the place where I belong, and this is the place where I will be happy. I can't give up just because...
Just because...
Regardless of how I tried to rationalize it, the deaths being treated as if they didn't exist simply didn't sit right with me.
...
Hours later, we arrived at the western town, Point B. I suppose they took the routes from the point towns because it was safer than going through the center, for some reason.
"Ahh... Home sweet home!" Ootaea ran forwards as she looked at the town. Her happiness was contagious, and I found myself smiling as I looked on.
"Alright everyone!" Sir Ladec shouted, "Let's get these supplies to the distribution center!" The others followed him as they helped carry the heavy supplies to a building, with the name "Amalgamate Research Center". I read the name and was intrigued as to why this existed, let alone the information about its existence being withheld from us.
"Dofro, Ootaea, you two stand guard. The rest of us will carry the supplies." Leurnim said, I nodded and so did Ootaea.
As the others entered the building, Ootaea and I stood outside, not saying anything, simply waiting for the others to return.
"Doffy..." Ootaea said, "What are you thinking about?"
I looked at her and wondered if I should tell her what I think, but I decided that it was best not to worry her with such thoughts, as her happiness was far too contagious.
"I'm thinking about the future..." Still, it bothered me that we were lied to. They said we'd take the supply convoy to the ADF headquarters, why are we delivering supplies here? I thought to myself, still confused as to why we would come to a random building in this town.
"But your face says otherwise! The future can't be that confusing to think about... Unless you're thinking about the far-future!" She laughed, "You're a weird guy, Doffy! You should lighten up a little, okay?"
Perhaps I should. Maybe those deaths never happened and I only hallucinated something that was realistic... Probably due to some trauma response from seeing an Amalgamate again. "Yeah, maybe I'll lighten up, but only if you treat me to a nice lunch, rookie."
"Heh, I don't think I can afford that, though!" She replied.
"Why not? You look like you have enough money in that wallet of yours." She pulled out a wallet that looked like a cat with ears perking up. "Yeah! I can buy anything I want! But I'd rather buy my own food!"
"How selfish, you know? I thought you liked me." I said, chuckling a little. I wasn't really sure what to say or what to do, but Ootaea made it a lot easier to be myself. It was nice talking to her, it was comfortable.
"Well duh, I like you! I like everyone here! But you're not as easy to approach as you seem, you always have that aura about you that says... 'Piss off!'." She mimicked me, and I could only cringe.
"Do I really look that mean?" I asked, concerned that perhaps I did really look that mean.
"Yeah, yeah. You do, and I'm pretty sure everyone thinks the same! You know, that's why it was so funny when you talked about the bug spray... It was unexpected coming from you!" She laughed, and I laughed too.
Perhaps it was better to just forget about what happened and move on.
As if some external force compelled my mind to think such a thing, to forget about those deaths... To completely forget about the bad things, as if I was living in wonderland.
"Hah, you don't think I got some good jokes on me!? Well, I'll make sure to show you that I'm the funniest guy around! You'll never expect a single thing from me!" I exclaimed.
"Ah, and how will you do that?" Ootaea asked with a smirk on her face. She was clearly looking forward to me proving that I wasn't the funniest person around.
"Well... I don't know, really. It just has to happen naturally." I said, a little embarrassed that I didn't know what to say in response to her question.
"That's a lame excuse, Doffy-O-Doffy!" She said, using the nickname that she gave me. I suppose this is what it means to have a friend. To have a close bond with someone that you can laugh with.
For a bit, I began to forget the death of Alice.
Though, suddenly as if it were some sort of sick joke, the bodies of the two rookies that died appeared in front of me, but nobody else could see them. Their decapitated heads were on their bodies as if they had never died. Then, as if it were some sort of curse, Alice's body appeared next to me, her body was intact, as if she had never died, but the blood on her body was still visible. What the fuck? I asked myself, is this a hallucination or not? Is this real? No, it can't be real. It has to be a hallucination!
They started circling around me, taunting me with words that I couldn't understand. But the words that I could make out were: "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" They kept asking me why.
Why what? Why I couldn't save you?
Why you had to die?
Why you didn't live?
Why you were forgotten by everyone around?
I couldn't answer any of those questions.
I couldn't answer her either.
But it was too late. She was no longer there, and the two rookies were gone.