I'm Not A Master, I'm A Director
Chapter 459: Miss Marie: Have I Boarded a Pirate Ship?
In the great hall, Jeanne Alter tossed the burned-to-ashes skeleton of the bishop onto the floor and slightly suppressed her smile.
"Oh dear, oh dear. My apologies. I got a little excited."
Turning toward Gilles, Jeanne Alter said:
"Sorry, that took a little longer than expected. We still have so much to do—it really wasn't appropriate of me."
As she spoke, Jeanne Alter swept a contemptuous gaze across the Heroic Spirits still kneeling before her in the hall and loudly declared:
"Allow me to introduce myself once again. I am your Master—Avenger Jeanne d'Arc!"
"Cut! That's a wrap for this take."
With Shinji's command, Jeanne, who had been striking a dramatic pose, finally let out a sigh of relief.
"This is the eighth take, right?" Rubbing her slightly sore neck, Jeanne asked Shinji for confirmation.
"Yep."
"Thank goodness, we finally got it!"
"You've got some nerve saying that."
Shinji rolled his eyes in frustration.
"If you hadn't laughed too much every time, we wouldn't have had to shoot it so many times."
With Gilgamesh's guidance, Jeanne's laugh had improved dramatically. Nearly every take featured a perfect villainous laugh.
The problem was that she kept laughing at the wrong moments. Sometimes she laughed for too long; other times her timing was off entirely, forcing Shinji to reshoot the sequence again and again.
Too much of a good thing could be a problem. Learning from Gilgamesh too well had its drawbacks.
Hopefully Jeanne won't develop any weird habits because of this.
If she ended up randomly going "Hahahahaha!" every chance she got after getting too immersed in the role, Shinji was certain he wouldn't be able to keep a straight face either.
Of course, that was only Shinji's perspective.
"As if I could stop laughing."
Jeanne herself was just as troubled. She secretly glanced at the actor playing Gilles, who was currently removing his makeup, and muttered softly:
"Just look at what they did to Gilles' face..."
Fortunately, in this scene, she could pass off her laughing fits as attempts to figure out the timing of Jeanne Alter's maniacal laughter.
Otherwise, repeatedly breaking into laughter every time she saw the man's face would be incredibly disrespectful to the actor—and, in Jeanne's opinion, damaging to her perfect image.
Both of them were lost in their own thoughts and fell silent, awkwardly staring at one another.
Only EMIYA, standing off to the side, saw through everything.
"Jeanne definitely broke character and laughed there, didn't she?"
"Without a doubt," Gilgamesh nodded in agreement.
"That's exactly the same kind of laugh I had when I saw Enkidu's monster costume."
"..."
EMIYA very much wanted to ask why Gilgamesh possessed such an advanced understanding of different categories of laughter—and what exactly had happened to him after that particular incident.
However, after noticing the gigantic sunglasses covering nearly fifty percent of Gilgamesh's face, EMIYA decided that the answer spoke for itself.
In the end, Shinji never realized that Jeanne's problem had simply been her inability to suppress her laughter.
From the results, however, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
Although Jeanne's acting is still somewhat inexperienced, and she's weaker in scenes that require personal interpretation and subtle character understanding, she can deliver an excellent performance when given proper guidance.
Shinji pondered this to himself.
Jeanne Alter was a difficult role to portray, especially for Jeanne herself, the original saint upon whom the character was based.
But at the end of the day, Hundred Years' War of Evil Dragons was still a commercial film.
And in a commercial film, a performance only needed to score around sixty out of a hundred.
Audiences rarely cared solely about acting. What mattered most was the final visual spectacle presented on screen. Acting was merely one part of the overall package.
As Shinji continued considering how best to guide Jeanne toward an even stronger performance, he watched her acting through the monitor.
After filming the movie's opening scenes, it was time for Jeanne Alter's first encounter with Chaldea's group.
According to Shinji's script, Ritsuka and Mash first run into Jeanne Alter. Mash is no match for her, forcing Jeanne d'Arc to step in and rescue them.
However, Jeanne's incomplete summoning leaves her unable to defeat Jeanne Alter as well.
At that critical moment, Marie arrives alongside Kiyohime and the others. After several Heroic Spirits desperately hold back Jeanne Alter's flames, Marie uses her carriage to help everyone escape.
In terms of combat strength, Jeanne Alter at the beginning of the story possesses overwhelming power. Even several Servants fighting together can do little more than flee in disarray.
"Viva La France!"
As the princess announced the true name of her Noble Phantasm, a magnificent glass carriage descended from the sky and landed between the two Jeannes.
"Everyone, let's go!"
Standing atop the carriage, Olga tossed her beautiful silver hair and called out to the other Servants riding with her.
Beneath the sunlight, the young lady's silver hair truly shimmered brilliantly.
Even though Marie had not yet introduced herself and the audience did not know her true identity, they could already tell that she was a noblewoman of extraordinary elegance and refinement.
"You're not actually some kind of aristocrat fanatic, are you?"
Watching Olga make her dazzling entrance before the camera, Rin complained with a hint of resentment.
Compared to his earlier films, the proportion of noblewomen appearing in Shinji's works had steadily increased over the years.
Ordinarily, Rin would not have paid much attention to it. But after having a bit of friction with Olga, Miss Tohsaka found it increasingly difficult to ignore.
"Are nobles really that great? Do you honestly like women who are all flashy appearances and empty on the inside?"
In Shinji's mind, Rin's irritated complaint was automatically translated as:
"Shinji Matou, you're always hanging around those noble young ladies these days. Have you completely forgotten your old friends? Does a country girl from the Far East like me still have any chance of appearing in your movies?"
"Don't be so impatient, tsundere Miss Tohsaka."
Wagging a finger, Shinji replied with a grin:
"Your time will come. When that particular story arc arrives, you'll be one of the core characters. You'll be just as important as Marie is in this movie."
"Who are you calling a tsundere?! I'm just saying your films are getting shallower and shallower!"
Rin wrinkled her nose twice and let out something resembling a huff.
Having long since become accustomed to Rin's way of expressing herself, Shinji merely smiled.
"I'm a commercial filmmaker. I've never had any depth to begin with! Besides, the Heroic Spirits I choose have to fit the setting of the story. This movie takes place in medieval France, so of course I'm going to use French Servants."
"...You do have a point."
Rin nodded, then immediately rolled her eyes at him.
"Still, I think you're obsessed with nobles! If you wanted a French Heroic Spirit, why didn't you use Napoleon?"
"Because he's a foreigner."
Shinji's casual France-bashing was so natural that Rin didn't even register it at first.
"And as for being an aristocrat fanatic—"
Shinji glanced at Rin.
"It's not that I have a thing for a specific character type. I like all pretty girls equally. As long as a girl is attractive enough, I'll give her more screen time."
"You..."
Rin wanted to say something in response, but when she considered what Shinji had just said, she realized he had indirectly admitted that he considered her attractive.
"Forget it. That's just the kind of person you are."
Miss Tohsaka turned her slightly reddened face away so that Shinji wouldn't see her expression.
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After successfully making Miss Tohsaka blush, Shinji had no intention of soothing her agitated heart. Instead, he continued focusing on filming.
At the moment, Olga Marie, playing Queen Marie, was directing her Servant companions in an attack against Jeanne Alter.
Mozart was responsible for the music.
Elizabeth and Marie handled the singing.
Meanwhile, Kiyohime dragged Ritsuka onto the carriage with the speed and determination of someone kidnapping a groom.
Their division of labor was crystal clear.
It was practically the work of a highly trained bandit gang.
Unfortunately—
"Cut!"
Shinji called for another stop.
"Marie, something feels off!"
Tapping the armrest with his director's baton, he continued:
"Even though they're both singing, Queen Marie and Elizabeth aren't the same. Stop copying the temp worker standing next to you."
Then he elaborated, "Queen Marie's singing itself isn't a weapon. The magical energy infused within the song is what creates the attack. So don't put so much force into your facial expressions. Try to be as elegant as possible."
"Is there really a difference?"
Seeing that Olga still looked confused, Shinji reluctantly explained in the simplest terms possible:
"You're dealing magical damage. The dragon girl next to you deals physical damage."
THUD!
The magically reinforced glass carriage emitted a heavy impact sound.
Apparently, the temporarily summoned Elizabeth had smacked the carriage wall with her tail.
Glancing at the dragon girl's lifeless eyes, Shinji muttered:
"This is seriously weird. I'm pretty sure the summoning spell wasn't supposed to give them self-awareness. Why does she react every single time I insult her singing?"
"Maybe it's because of her obsession."
Yan Qing, disguised as Mozart, answered casually.
"Wasn't it you who said it yourself, Master? This Miss Dragon has made becoming an idol her life's ultimate goal."
Shinji sighed.
"That isn't what I originally said. Anyway, as long as Marie understands what I mean, that's enough. Don't make me explain any further. I really don't want to keep badmouthing her and have her start pounding on the carriage again. This prop cost a fortune to make."
"I'd like to get it right in one take too, but this lady..."
Olga glanced nervously at the dragon girl standing nearby.
This woman's singing voice was truly awful.
Even though Olga had cast protective magecraft on her ears, it still wasn't enough to block out the assault of that demonic singing.
But thinking about it, that was only natural.
According to Shinji, sonic attacks were this Lancer's Noble Phantasm. There was no way her magecraft could completely negate it.
The problem was that every time Elizabeth started singing, Olga—being the closest person to her—would unconsciously frown, causing her facial expression to become distorted.
"I don't think it's a matter of volume."
Yan Qing, who was suffering under the same circumstances, spoke to Olga.
"I think this has already become a kind of curse. She will never…"
Although Yan Qing didn't finish the sentence, Olga was certain the missing words were:
"She will never be able to sing a pleasant song."
The script says this Elizabeth wants to hold a massive concert someday. Are we sure she isn't actually planning to open a slaughterhouse?
Even in her current state—a pseudo-summon burdened with all sorts of debuffs—her singing was still this terrible.
If the real Elizabeth were summoned to perform a concert, the scene would undoubtedly be a massacre.
Now Olga finally understood what Shinji had meant before filming began, when she had asked:
"Why not summon the real Elizabeth when she has such an important role?"
And Shinji had replied:
"Professional singers charge money. This dragon girl's singing costs lives."
Unfortunately, by now, it was already too late.
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