*
10 minutes after the invasion and confrontation, 20% of humanity had fallen victim to the Traces. This includes the numbers that were vaporised by the missiles. Humanity remains far too numerous for the Traces to deal substantial damage. Even if 20% has been the highest casualty rate in recorded history. Even in bloody wars between nations of the ancient origin era, a 10% casualty rate was enough to make an army retreat and surrender.
I've never been good at anything. I hadn't gone into any relationships since entering highschool. I wondered if I would ever have anything I could call my own. That was the way I lived. Perhaps dull, perhaps unhappy. Why live this way? Why continue one without an endgoal in sight? How do you accept this?
I've even had friends that told me such harsh things. Maybe they just weren't my friends, they weren't the people for me. A soft imperceptible hum permeates along the walls, the stale rigid cold air of the classroom teases my neck everyday. The teacher's words muddle into a mess of jargon and indiscernibles. I couldn't care less. My studies have never met any difficulty nor have they particularly excelled at anything. I was carried by the tide of life, granted the comfort of today's sterile and safe environment.
I could be different. I could have been something else. I wouldn't have know. This 'me' right here is the only 'me' that I know. It's the only one I'll ever know. What other 'me' could I have been? What else could I have become? I want to know more, but I don't want to either. I want to see more, but I avert my eyes out of the fear that takes root within me. 5 minutes ago, it had only been 5 minutes.
I was with my best friend Hengji, an idol otaku that also had a passion for sentai. Arugawa, a loner that dyed their hair slightly reddish black, nearly indistinguishable from a distance. His personality is messed up was the prettiest way to put it, but he stuck with us and we're stuck with him. Lastly was Edward, if anyone embodied a loner it would be him. The irony was that everyone wanted to be amicable with him, unlike Arugawa. Yet these 2 stuck despite being somewhat opposites.
I am Faramicia. With an unfettered love for magical girls, 'magical girls are goddesses!' was my motto, and I transformed for the first time in front of them. I didn't know it was possible, was it karma? Was it because of my unrelentless faith? I've admired such graceful yet powerful beings for a long time now. It only makes sense that when I become one, I'm only desecrating their name with my ugly self. So I deserved to die.
It must have been back when I was 5. It was all the way back then, when the crux of my personality formed. As humans we form social circles, in this age we have no want for food or water. Validation, social recognition, clout, it was everything to us, more important than even money. Since everyone has enough money, food, shelter, electricity, WiFi, everything a person could possibly need to live in the modern age, currency had at one point inflated to the point of no return. Everyone had money, everyone wanted more. Simple goods like shoes and clothes begun to have price ranges that soar to the sky, products that existed in higher price brackets never seen before in their category.
So the end result was that our lives were decided at the very beginning. If people liked your personality or not. If people looked up to you or despised you. Your world is the people around you, you are what they see and think of you.
"Hey! Are you even trying?" (Lucas)
"Yeah! It's no fun if you don't run with everything you got!" (Furkar)
Perhaps the me now could beat them up. After all they're so small, so fragile. 5 year olds. How I wish I could go back and change my own fate.
"But... I'm tired. And I don't want to chase..." (Faramicia)
My legs were sore, and I hated the discomfort of being out of breath. I tried to conserve my energy and run as little as I could, and eventually I didn't even run. I hated to exert myself, I hated to be ran away from. It all sounded silly now, but simply seeing someone run from you crushed my heart back then. Wringing it dry of any passion, turning it into pathetic clump of powder.
In the second year of kindergarten, we switched classes. Some classmates stayed, others moved. All in preparation for the next phase of life, elementary school. Studying was not anything difficult in particular. Though to my sensibilities, it didn't seem like I gained much out of scoring higher. People become jealous of you, it draws attention to you. I hated it. Ever since back then, I hated attention. So I went to the 'weaker' class.
On the first day, there were already whispers. Murmuring, giggling, shoulders bouncing in ridicule, not so subtle pointing. I know they are speaking about me. Back then, I couldn't understand why.
"He runs slow! He doesn't try at anything, he's no fun to be around!" (?)
"Ughh! It's this guy again. Why did I have to be in the same class as him?" (?)
"Disgusting... Is he really such a loser? Guess I should have studied harder..." (?)
During lesson, during breaks, during transitions between classes and playtime... The pressure mounted inside me, the more I heard laughter, the more I heard conversation... My knuckles clenched tighter and jaw went sore from gritting my teeth for so long. When class ended, I stood up abruptly. The chair fell over from the force, but I couldn't care less. I was seeing red, I stepped outside of the class to confront Lucas and Furkar. I shouted, I screamed, I cried. I made an ugly mess of myself, spreading even more rumours among those passing by.
"Why!? What did I do wrong to the two of you! You could have just taken it out on me! But you told everyone! Now they're all talking about me!!" (Faramicia)
I gripped lucas' t-shirt collar tight, bringing him within breathing distance. His youthful, spry face no longer contained the joy it usually held. Surprisingly, he wasn't angry. Furkar pushed me over from the side with his body weight, causing me to trip over my own leg and fall. Lucas slowly walked over, reeling from the pain I shut my eyes ready to receive a hit.
"I didn't say anything. In the first place we weren't close to those that remained in the B class..." (Lucas)
I wrenched my eyelids open to observe, he simply squatted near my fallen pathetic self. Furkar was glaring, likely infuriated for lucas' sake. But even he was able to hold himself back after a single push, merely observing or shooing away random witnesses. Even he was trying to protect my dignity, that's how pathetic I was.