"I just wanted to talk. Discuss things, as I am confused. I don't think I can discuss this with anyone other than you." I was facing Lucas, and he was displaying the same aloofness. Which only added fuel to my anger but stood on the ground. I am not going to back out.
One drunken night turned everything into a nightmare.
I and Lucas were childhood best friends. We practically did everything together, and one drunken night changed everything between us. Our worlds were turned upside down.
I still remember my 18th birthday.
Lucas's family is rich, and they are staying in a mansion. After getting permission from his parents, he hosted my birthday party at his mansion. He invited everyone too. We had a blast on that day, and we partied until 3 a.m.
After a few minutes, we dragged ourselves toward Lucas's room. We were laughing our hearts out while remembering some incidents that happened at the party.
After entering the room, we were still laughing. As seconds passed our laughter dried, and silence engulfed the room. We were staring for no reason, and the 'heat' may be due to alcohol. I was more than tipsy, but I was still conscious, and he was too.
For some reason, I was not able to hold his gaze his intense stare was making to feel so many things at a time and I averted my eyes, trying to distract myself and the next minute he was in front of me like the wind.
I was stunned on the spot.
I have seen Lucas many times in close-ups. That never made me what I am feeling right now. His blue eyes stared right into me, making my heart even jump harder. We were of the same height 5.10 still I felt shorter in front of him. Was he muscular before? Why am I only noticing right now? My hands were so tempted to roam on his shaggy hair I pressed myself from doing anything stupid. This is not good.
My heart was racing at this closeness. We were close friends; this was nothing, but it was different. This closeness was kind of suffocating, and there was a hint of something. I wanted to push him, but I couldn't. Our breath was getting heavy, and the next move from his side was unpredictable. I couldn't blame him alone because I reciprocated too.
The next morning, I felt pain everywhere, and the bed beside me was empty.
Was it a hit-and-run case? I couldn't help but question myself.
Previous-night memories started gushing in my mind and everything was so overwhelming. Over a night so much happened between us and I am not angry but definitely shaken
Was it a good thing or bad?
What next? How would be things between us? How he was going to react? How am I supposed to behave with him? Whatever maybe the scenario I don't want to lose him from my life.
I want to talk to him.
The bathroom door opened which gained my attention. Lucas came out, wiping his hair.
He knitted his eyebrow when he saw me thinking still why I was there. Maybe he thought I would have vanished by the time he finished his shower. How the hell I am supposed to do that when I am shaken thoroughly?
We stared at each other for a few seconds, and it was awkward. Over a night everything changed, and it was too late to undo things.
By clearing his throat, Lucas spoke. "You should get going. The previous night incident was a drunken mistake." I was in shock after hearing Lucas's words. Sure, everything happened while we were drunk that doesn't mean we were not aware of what we were doing. I still remember every damn fucking thing I bet he does too. "We need to talk. I, I can't....." I was cut off in mid-sentence. "Please get going. I don't want this to reach the third ear; it's a request." That came in a pretty harsh tone. I was staring at him hoping he would change his mind, but his face was sterner and more static. I started searching for my clothes, and in no time, I was out of his room.
After reaching my home, I took a long shower, still processing everything and confused like hell. I need to talk to someone about everything. How can I process everything without discussing it? How can I ignore it like it was nothing? Why did I feel so good yesterday? I didn't stop him, and he was not in a position to hold himself back. It was not forceful, and I liked it.
What am I? I have not dated anyone till now to conclude anything. But yesterday's incident was a hint at my sexuality.
I came out of the shower and sat on the bed. I can't ignore anything and need answers. What is this between us? So many questions were flooding in my mind, seeking answers, but I can't force Lucas, at least not for now. Maybe I should give him time. Like me, he is also confused and lost. I made up my mind to wait for him patiently.
I didn't predict this move from him. Lucas started avoiding me like a plague. He never accompanied me to the college like before. He started giving lame excuses when our friends were asking him to join us because of me, for sure. He was making sure not to be present wherever I was. It hurts, but I let it slide. My number was blocked on his cell and also my account on many social sites. This was too much in a few days, but I really didn't mind because I knew he needed this.
But still, blocking me everywhere was a bloody harsh step and it hurt like anything.
He carried this attitude for two months straight. I took enough of his bullshit, and I need a full stop, not a pause, to my unrevealing thoughts. I made up my mind to meet him face-to-face.
I was in front of his mansion. By taking a long breath, I entered.
His dad, Mr. Jonathan, was pleased to see me and was surprised. He gestured for me to take a seat and I obliged. "How are you, young man? It's been a few days." "Yes. I was busy with exams and sports events." "It's ok, you guys have a hectic life. I get it. What brought you over here?" "I wanted to meet Lucas." He was perplexed, and I did not get why. "What? You don't know Lucas left the country for his higher studies. How come you are not aware you were his closest friend?" I was dumbfounded after hearing the news. So many questions hit me one after another how, when, and most importantly why? His dad was perplexed. I was trying my best to act normal, but this news came like a hurricane. His dad continued. "He threw a party to all of his friends before bidding goodbye."
It took a few seconds to digest everything while still in a daze. "Is everything okay between you two?" His dad's concerned voice. I sucked up the news somehow. I don't want to give him a hint of anything. "We fought over something, and he was angry with me. It's nothing, uncle; never mind, I will contact him." By saying that, I left the mansion abruptly.
I came out of the mansion and started walking don't know where. After hours of walking my legs started to give up and I sat in the middle of the road without caring.
I was frustrated for letting things happen between us. I cursed myself for spoiling years of friendship. Just one thing ruined everything between us. I was boiling with anger over him for leaving me without discussing anything.
He was gone, leaving me hanging.