~Sirius~
"What are you truly after, huh..."
Something about those words sticks with me. What did he mean by that? How am I supposed to know? I've never...
"Come to think of it... Have I ever chased after anything in my life?"
...Sure, there was the situation with Aureole. But even I can't explain that. Why did I do that? What was I hoping to achieve from helping her? I didn't even know her.
I don't even know her.
Was it praise? A subconscious desire for someone to tell me "Thank you"?
I don't know. Who am I trying to be? Who even am I? What do I want...?
What about before all of this? Before I died...
I lived the same day so many times... what was I hoping to gain? What was I even doing?
"I can't remember..."
I sit on the edge of my new king-sized bed. The sheets are a royal red and trimmed gold, and there are far too many pillows. The bedframe is lifting the mattress to the height of my belly button, so jumping down from here is a whole skydive.
How am I supposed to sleep in this thing...? What if I fall off??
Even the nightstand to the right of the bed is dwarfed. A small, silver bell and a pot of glowing grass rest atop the stand's surface. The grass is the same as when I was at the tree, so at night it illuminates my room with a soft blue. I think it's meant to function as a nightlight... neat.
Wilphrey had shown us to our rooms, and I believe Korlin's is right next to mine. I'm mildly surprised I can't hear him bouncing off the walls right now.
The room itself is spacious, much like the rest of the manor. I could probably do at least six cartwheels from my bed to the door. The floor is carpeted, so it wouldn't make too much noise...
A large wooden desk rests against the elegant wallpaper. There are jars on top with tiny inkclaws cooped up inside. What kind of animals make these? These claws are so tiny compared to mine...
They're from the babies, I'd presume...
Ceiling-spanning bookshelves decorate the room, all housing books I couldn't possibly read. I should probably learn how to read and write soon... Apart from bookshelves, the only other source of decoration is some old oil paintings and plants.
As odd as all of this is, compared to my room back home, this is a massive step up.
Everything was so bland and dull. Not a single decoration was placed on any of my walls. Now it feels like I'm hanging out in Buckingham Palace. Damn... again with the England references.
Moonlight floods in from between the thick velvet curtains. When did it get so late?
What does this make for now? My third night in this world?
...
It still doesn't feel real. So much has happened in just a couple of days... It's overwhelming. So many new things to worry about and learn... Like my memories...
...Memories.
Ah, that's right... Korlin hasn't even brought up memories since I ran away... He must be trying to keep my mind off of it... Such kindness... It's wasted on me.
I will say, it's strange... I can remember things like Buckingham Palace, something I've never really even thought of, but I can't even remember my own grandfather.
It starts from the least important to the most, right? Things that make up my personality. Is that really how this works? Is Buckingham Palace more important to me than my own grandfather?
What is important to me anyway?
If- Since this memory thing is real, what will be the last thing I forget?
I can't even imagine. I have so many memories from when I was younger, but none really come across as personality-forming. So many moments have molded me into whoever I am today. These last years have been nothing but repetition, so surely it can't be anything from them... But that dullness is so vivid...
Does it even matter?
That life is gone now...
But then why... Why do I feel so scared? What am I even afraid of? I hate my old life... don't I?
Why is every action and thought I have a question-?
I pull out my journal from my dirty pocket. Wilphrey said that tomorrow they will provide me with new clothes, so that's exciting. I can finally get out of these blood and dirt-stained wears.
I turn halfway through my book, passing so many empty pages. What to fill them with... There are only so many things I can write down about this world, and I'm sure I'll get the hang of things here eventually, so it would need to be something else, something important...
Ah, that's right... I was going to write down my memories. That's important, right?
...Maybe that's a tomorrow thing.
I drop from my bed and slide the book into one of my desk drawers. Tomorrow I'll start writing down things I need to remember. Alzir had completely forgotten what geology even was. I can't forget something like that. I shouldn't. Should I write down every word I can think of and practice them every day? No, that seems silly... Timekeeper said that as long as I communicate regularly, I should be fine.
So what to write...
Doesn't matter now, that's a tomorrow me issue. I need to take a shower. Or a bath. Wilphrey said that a bath would be prepared down the hall. I haven't taken a bath in ages, maybe I should make it a bubble bath for old time's sake.
I step out of the room and into the endless hallway. Where exactly is this bath? Needless to say, I get lost, and unfortunately for me, the second floor is much more elaborate than the first.
As I walk along, a chill breeze sends shivers up my exposed arm. Is a window open? As Korlin would call it: I take up a side quest and go investigate the source. I find a balcony. One with glass doors wide open, welcoming in the frigid night's air.
This balcony sits at the back of the manor, branching off from the main hallway and into its own secluded, little area. It should be yet another lonely space in this house... But it's not.
Someone stands outside, surrounding themself with the crisp wind. But it's not just someone...
It's Aureole.
She gazes out peacefully into the blackened sky.
Her teal hair is no longer tied up and reaches down to her lower back, carefully folding over her sable wings. Quiet gales sway the silky strands, each one glistening under the moonlight.
She blends in beautifully with the scene around her. As if she's always meant to be looked at paired with the moon.
Every time I see her, I get the urge to thank her. Is that normal? This extent of gratitude is surely weird, no? Regardless, that feeling frolics on my feet. Should I leave her be...? Or should I go thank her? What if she's doing something important?
Damn it, me. Just make a decision...
Be it my will or my body's, I take a step forward.
Walking up, I make my footsteps as quiet as possible. Not for any particular reason, I just don't want to startle her.
I pass through the open airway and into the numb, night sky. Tonight, the sky appears much blacker than before; it is not the same violet I awoke to previously. That must only be when night nears dawn, since the sun is closer to the horizon. Like an everlasting foreglow... Science is cool.
Anyway, it doesn't feel as cold as I thought it would. Only the wind brings a false winter.
The balcony is shaped like a stretched-out semicircle, risen high above the glowing grass below. Fancy, slightly-shorter-than-Pholy guardrails wrap around the edges. Given the way the balcony sticks out from the house, I think climbing to the roof would be a breeze. I should tell Korlin later.
Speaking of which, Korlin suggested that we use Pholy as her own unit of measurement. I didn't have any complaints, but I can only imagine her reaction.
Aureole rests her slender forearms on the guardrails, gazing up at the half-moon. Under the moonlight, her skin seems to glow even brighter. She wears a rich nightgown tucked under a fluffy robe, paired with cute slippers.
I follow her lead and quietly rest my arms a person-length away from her. She doesn't say anything, and neither do I. We only stare at the pale moon.
The sounds of grass rustling, the smell of her light perfume, the gentle breeze brushing against my skin... All of it under this blissful sight, with spanning mountains far off in the dark distance, illuminated by the glowing blades of grass under the moon. Such tranquility sets my mind at ease. It makes my worries feel so small.
I can't help but glance over at her. I want to say something, but I don't want to ruin this moment.
I think it every time I see her, but... she's beautiful. I don't care much about appearances, but she is captivating. What is this feeling, I wonder?
Her facial structure is youthful and brimming with beauty. Her skin is soft and flushed pink due to the cold. Still, it looks just the same as before, still as perfect, she must never even wear makeup... Her button nose and gentle lips expel visible breath into the night.
But somethingis different.
Her eyes.
Beneath her long eyelashes aren't the same gradient eyes from before. No. As her eyes fixate on the moon, her irises take the appearance of it. And not just as a mere reflection. Her eyes look exactly like the moon. An exact replica.
Pale and circular, with half of it completely darkened. Every single detail aligns with the physical moon above. Small craters and the moon's pale glow are all there in perfect unison. It's enchanting.
I can't stop staring. My brain won't let me, and I don't think I want it to.
She notices my gaze and turns her head so that I can fully see both of her moonlit eyes. She's absolutely stunning... Magical, even... Under normal circumstances, the eyes would probably freak me out a little. But they just suit her so perfectly.
"What's up?" She smiles with a radiance stronger than any moon.
I force myself to snap out of it. But only barely.
"Sorry... It's just your eyes... They're very pretty."
She blushes a bit, and her ears wriggle bashfully. I think there's something wrong with me... Why is she so cute?? I can't take this. My chest feels like it's going to explode.
"Th-thank you, but it's all because of the moon."
Her embarrassed expression diverts her gaze back to the sky.
"They do look like the moon... Scarily like the moon... Why is that?"
"Well, I am a lunim silly."
"A lunim? What's that?"
"Wha-" She is completely taken aback by my comment. "A-Are you stupid or something??" Her gentle voice isn't the best for insulting.
Should I try messing with her?
"Maybe a little. I don't know is it a cult or something?" I gasp in a very over-exaggerated fashion. "Are you in a moon cult??"
Her cheeks flare up as she wraps herself in her long hair.
"N-No! Shut up! Stop playing dumb..."
With a pouty face, she steps closer to me and flicks me on the forehead. I act like it hurts, and she immediately withdraws, turning her back to me.
...I am feeling many things right now. Things that I couldn't possibly describe.
I stand there stunned. Now I'm just curious. I need to learn more about her.
She slowly turns herself back over to me. And I think she notices my curiosity.
"Wait, do you seriously not know?"
"No... I really just got here. I don't really know anything."
She seems shocked, but it quickly devolves into a sigh.
She clears her throat.
"Lunims are the primary race of Lunalir."
I assumed as much... There was quite an abundance of people with wings and teal hair out in the city.
"Hmm, and where is that at?" I kid.
"Wha- I told you we're in Lunalir-!"
"Ohhhh..." I chuckle.
"Ahhhh," she catches on and starts squirming. "Anyway, us lunims are known for our teal hair, pointy ears, little wings, and our eyes." She proudly presents each part as she lists them off.
I can tell I have this stupid look on my face from how interested I am.
"So, you're like a moon elf?"
"E-Elf? What's that?"
Damn. Korlin wanted me to ask her if she was an elf. He, strangely enough, was too embarrassed to do it himself.
"Ah, never mind... So what's with the eyes? How do they work?" She is blinking more frequently than before. I think I've made her self-conscious about her eyes... "Oh, sorry, you don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable-"
"Oh, no! It's nothing like that! I-I don't really know the specifics of how it works, but, at night, our eyes always portray the appearance of the moon. As tonight is a halfmoon, my eyes look like it."
I was hoping for a slightly better response than that, but oh well...
"That's so cool! So, on new moons do your eyes just go dark?"
"New moon-?" The phrase must be foreign to her.
"Like when the moon is completely dark and no sunlight bounces off of it."
"Ohhh, you mean a dark moon?"
Wow.
"Is that what it's called here?"
"Yes, silly, where did you learn the name new moon?"
"Aha, I don't know, that's just what I was taught back where I come from. Some would call me a master of astronomy."
"An astronomy nerd, are we?"
"Eh, I prefer geology."
She giggles. I don't think she even knows what astronomy or geology is, but she humors me regardless. Her moon eyes give off an enchanting and mystical aura, mixed with her smile, it almost feels like a dream.
"They do, by the way. They go completely dark."
"...That's so cool." I'm smiling. And so effortlessly...
Her with blank eyes would be creepy, I imagine. But it's hard to imagine her as such.
"So..." her tone shifts to one more serious. "I've been meaning to ask for a while now... Where did you come from?"
A valid question. If I remember correctly, I told her I was basically kidnapped and brought to the city. It makes sense that she would be curious about that.
But can I really just tell her I'm from another planet? That might be a bit much...
"You see, when a mom and a dad get together-"
"I know how babies are made!" I can't tell if she's disappointed or holding back a laugh. "You know what I mean..."
I guess I can't really avoid it.
"I don't know if you'd believe me."
"Try me."
She puts her elbow up on the guardrail and rests her head against her knuckles. Her half-lit eyes stare right into mine.
"...You've heard of a human, right?"
"Like a Witch Spawn? I've heard of them, but I've never met one."
That's right... She mentioned that back in the carriage. Oh boy... how will she react? What if she's not fond of Witch Spawn? I couldn't properly gauge her back then...
Biting my tongue, I awkwardly gesture that I am, in fact, a Witch Spawn.
It takes a moment for her to realize what I'm doing. And then, the whites of her eyes expand, making the moon even smaller.
"You're a Witch Spawn?!" Her mouth hangs open as she smacks herself on the forehead. "I'm such an idiot... I mean, with the way Rawlin was talking, I assumed there was something special about you, but... No wonder the lord took you in so easily... Is Korlin one as well?"
I nod my head.
"Wow..." she thinks to herself for a moment. "Is it true that you guys are born out of the ground?"
"Hm? No- Well, not exactly..."
I guess there's no way of getting around this. I have to tell her how I got here.
I explain to her a brief rundown of what happened. After elaborating on what a truck is, I told her how I was run over by one while getting groceries for my mother. How I was hospitalized and then...
How Canopus pulled my plug.
I tell her the rest about my meeting with the so-called witch and how I clawed out of the ground. How I wandered around, got soaked with water, until I eventually met up with her.
I leave out the parts of my life before all of this happened. I mean, who wants to listen to any of that? I know I don't. I hate even thinking about it. And eventually, I won't have to... Because I won't remember it.
I'm ashamed of what I've let myself become. How I've done nothing for so long. I can't tell her that...
She is completely enthralled by my tale. But a glaring sense of worry lingers above her.
"Your own brother... Why would he do that?"
Why would he kill me...? I haven't really thought about it. So much has happened that I just accepted what happened to me.
"I don't know..."
No... I know damn well why. I messed up.
I was a complete failure of a brother. I wasn't perfect enough.
Noticing my worried look, she changes the subject.
"Well, I have to say, everything I've heard about Witch Spawns is nothing like that."
"Oh yeah? What were you expecting?"
"Well, Rawlin made it sound like Witch Spawns- er, humans, were soulless, selfish monsters that are born from the witch."
"The lord did, huh... That's awfully worrying... What is he to you, anyway? Your father?"
"No, nothing like that. I've only lived with him here for a couple of months. He came to where I was staying and claimed to be a relative. Now..." She folds her arms and rests her chin between. "I'm caught up in all this election business. Studying night after night... It's... tiring."
While I'm clearly lacking information, I can tell she doesn't want to talk about it. Still, only a couple of months...? Claimed to be a relative? Is he? Was she not born into royalty? There is so much I don't know.
"...Well, feel free to decline, but, if you ever want someone to vent or talk to... I'll be here to listen."
She tilts her head, and her moonlit eyes soften. She looks at me with overbearing warmth.
"Thank you, Sirius..."
For a girl of the moon, she smiles like the sun.
My mouth, with a mind of its own, says words I don't mean to, but fully mean...
"I know I said this already, but you're very pretty."
Blush builds back up within her cheeks.
Now, this comment must have taken her extremely off guard. Because what she does next is nothing short of bizarre.
Aureole springs off the railing and stances up like she's ready to fight. Her palms face forward as one leg bends up. She looks like she's about to crane-kick me.
"What- What are you doing?" The words stumble out of my mouth. I have also been caught off guard, it seems. "Is this like jujutsu or something?"
"Wha-? No- No, I'm just being... cautious." Despite her demeanor, her voice is very timid.
"Being cautious of what? Ballerinas?"
I look around jokingly for any sign of ballerinas.
She sighs and drops her guard.
"You're getting all flirty! I can't have you stealing my heart... I have an image to uphold."
"Ouch."
I grab my heart and fall to my knees.
That hurt. That hurt...
Then again, we only met about two days ago. It makes complete sense. We barely even know each other. I haven't even thought of her like that... And I'm nowhere near ready for any sort of relationship. I don't even know how to be in one. Especially after that incident in eighth grade...
"I didn't mean it like that, silly. I... I'm letting myself get too comfortable."
Too comfortable...
I'm doing the exact same thing, aren't I?
I've never bantered with someone so much before I met Korlin. I've never thought anyone was this pretty before I met Aureole. I've never been so interested in someone before I met her...
And now I'm living in a mansion with people I only met today...
I would never do this...
Seriously... Who am I pretending to be? Is this really me...?
...
I should do what I actually came out here for.
"Right, I came out here to thank you..."
"Oh, please- You don't have to do that anymore-"
"Not just for bringing me here. Not just for all this..."
"Then what...?"
I need to tell her. Whether or not if this is who I am... She helped me cry for the first time in years. I don't even remember the last time I cried. I've been too scared to cry. I convinced myself I should never cry. And maybe I still shouldn't...
But I'm so glad she let me.
"I don't know how to say this, but... Thank you. For the first time in a long time, you made me feel something other than fear."
...
Wonderstruck.
That's how she looks.
Like she's been waiting to hear those words for centuries.
Her pointy ears wiggle and blush. Her pale moons lock onto my very soul.
"I... uh-" she's scrambling for something to say.
I chuckle at her distress. Not in a rude way or anything, I just think it's cute.
"Sorry, you don't have to say anything back. That was random of me."
"Oh- no no no no, I..." She clears her throat. "You're welcome. I don't know how much I really did, but... I'm glad I could help."
"..." My response is that of a genuine smile. How does she keep nabbing those from me?
"...Can I ask you something though?" Curiosity, or maybe concern, pokes through her composed posture.
"Of course."
"What do you mean by... fear, exactly? Both times I found you, you were in distress... But that second time... What exactly happened? I know you said you were killed, but... It looked like there was more to it."
The first time she found me was when I was wandering the streets. I didn't know where I was or what I should be doing. I was soaked and terrified. I still don't know what it is I should be doing, but she relieved some of my worries. She gave me a bit of life back... I couldn't possibly thank her enough, even if I tried.
The second time she found me, I was bawling like a baby. That man with those blood-red eyes only solidified the fact that I shouldn't be here. I still don't know if I should be. Embarrassing as it is, I'm grateful she gave me the gift of tears. It had been so long... that I feared I had forgotten how.
But I haven't forgotten how to cry. Not yet. I hope never, but with my memories disappearing... Who knows what I'll forget...
How can I explain this to her? I can't just dump all of my pathetic excuses for feelings onto her...
"It's just... been a stressful couple of days. I was ripped from my old world, thrown into a new one, and then I found out all of my memories from my old world are being ripped out... It's a lot... My life has been nothing before all this. Maybe I was scared that... That now everything is changing so fast... And I can't keep up..."
"...Wait." Concern takes full control of her. "...You're memories? Are you losing your memories?"
I figured she'd know since I was a Witch Spawn. Maybe it's not common knowledge that we lose our memories? Oh well. I need to play this off... She looks too worried; I can't have her thinking it's some big deal.
It's not like I care about my old life.
"Mm. Over the course of this year, my memories of my past life will erase themselves... Until I remember none of it."
"..." Her eyebrows knit.
"The only thing I have to keep track is this stopwatch." I hand her my doomsday timer, and she examines it thoroughly. "When it reaches zero, I'll remember nothing of my past."
Her concern is on full display; she almost looks as if she could cry for me... Still, no pity emits from her moonlit eyes. How is that even possible...
"Sirius..." She struggles hard to find the right words. "Sorry, I'm not sure what to say... I can't imagine what this feels like..." Her fingers start shaking, and she hands me back the watch.
"It's alright! Really! Besides, I'll still remember everything that's happened since I died. I'll remember meeting you, and coming here, and-"
"..." She doesn't buy it.
"I hate my life before coming here, if anything, it's probably I good thing I'll forget-" As the words come out of my throat, I start to choke on them.
Why does that feel so wrong to say? I do hate that life. I shouldn't be hung up on it, right? I was given a second chance by that witch... I need to be grateful that I'm here at all.
"Sirius..."
"I'm fine! Really... I'm fine. Don't worry yourself because of me, okay?"
"...You already said you're scared, you know? You don't have to act like everything is fine."
"..."
I have no words. I don't know how to respond to that. Of course I'm scared. Who wouldn't be? What will my mind be like when the timer is done ticking?
I'm not scared of losing my memories... I'm scared of who I'll be after they're gone.
I think.
Honestly, I'm not even sure.
But I am sure that... I'm putting too much attention on myself. At this rate, it will only garner me pity. I don't want to see her pity me. If she can see through my "act," I'll just need to act better.
"Feel free to decline, but, if you ever feel overwhelmed or need someone to talk to... Just let me know, okay? I'll be happy to listen."
"Using my own words? You're shameless." My voice is unsteady; I hope she doesn't notice. I offer her a raspy laugh.
She looks down and giggles to herself.
"Maybe so..." The twin moons look back at me. "And that goes for anything, alright?"
"What...?"
"If you feel overwhelmed with anything, not just your memories. If it's all too much, feel free to talk to me."
This kindness is almost enough to make me cry. It's not like people were constantly rude to me back on Earth... I think I only feel this way...
Because she's so genuine.
And that matters more than anything.
"Thank you... I'll keep that in mind."
Our smiles meet each other as a chill breeze brushes through our hair.
She has me captivated. I'm enthralled by her presence.
"It's a little chilly, isn't it?"
"Oh- Yeah, I guess so."
"I think I'll try and head to bed. Let's chat again soon, okay?"
"Of course."
She gives me one last grin and silently steps back into the manor. All I can do is watch as she turns the corner, waving me goodbye...
And then, the luminous angel wanes away.
...
It's a different feeling, watching her walk away, knowing she'll be right down the hall...
She's not so far away anymore. I'm getting closer to the people around me... Despite me being like this, they...
Is it not so hard to believe that... They want to talk to me...?
...
Maybe it really is alright... Maybe I can enjoy myself like this... Maybe I...
...
...