He takes small steps.
Each advance evokes a fresh dread.
His footsteps make not a single sound. They feel incessantly insignificant. Compared to that man, he is nothing.
He stares at the ground, glaring at his own shadow.
It slithers smoothly, following his flow without flaw. Its darkness is mesmerizing, a concrete captivation away from the-
Red eyes emerge on his shadow's head.
He swiftly lifts his stare, trying to block out the memory. But that man is inescapable. He haunts his heart as if he were still right beside him.
His eyes are burned into his brain. Their crimson gloss reflects in every sliver of light.
-Bury it. Bury it. Bury it.
But he can't.
He can hardly even close his eyes without seeing them.
His head throbs. A splitting headache, or something far worse? The pressure that man emitted was ungodly. It's a mystery how Sirius's body is still intact.
With his gaze forward, he meets the opprobrium of others. They glare at his clothes and red-smeared face. Realizing his hoodie is damp with his own vomited blood, he slips it off and ties it around his waist.
It doesn't do much to stop the staring.
He can practically read their thoughts: What's a Witch Spawn doing with blood on him? Did he kill someone? Don't make eye contact. I need to get away from him. He scares me. He shouldn't be here.
He doesn't belong here.
...
He closes his eyes and covers his ears.
-Block it all out. Bury it.
He escapes the herds of people and finds a familiar area.
An almost empty square, with an elegant fountain at its center. Very few people inhabit the space; they only pass through. It almost seems abandoned. Though they must have sent cleaners out. The bloodstains he and that girl left have been wiped away.
Sirius walks over to the fountain and admires its shape. It has a large, circular base and a grand, five-tier centerpiece pouring water over tiny pillars. Above the water's source is a short statue of a creature resembling the wailian that had attacked him and Aureole.
-Always going in circles...
He grabs his once-shredded arm; the memory of its pain still lingers within. But in comparison to that man's gravity, the sensation was a pleasant one.
He sits on the fountain's edge and places his head in shaky palms.
One by one, the events of the past few days come pouring out...
Death.
Being trapped beneath the ground. Imprisoned by nature's suffocating casket. Clawing desperately to try and escape. Trying to breathe.
Being stared at. Being looked down upon, simply for existing in a world he didn't ask to be in.
Meeting that girl, Aureole. If he hadn't been talking to her, would she have even been attacked? It was my fault, wasn't it? His actions led to both of their arms being disfigured. Is she alright?
Meeting Korlin. Watching him frolic and enjoy himself. Holding him back. Feeling like a spectator to someone else's life.
Meeting Gary. I'm sure I was a burden staying that night. He only cared about the clothing.
His memories. They're going to disappear. And there's nothing I can do. I'm powerless. Even Timekeeper lost them... What could I possibly do?
Running away. How pathetic.
Alzir. The stricter time limit. What difference does it make? It's pointless anyways.I'll forget regardless.
Running away, again.Why are you like this?
That man. Such raw hatred, and only from a stare. How helpless he was in that man's grasp. How he was unable to stand. Unable to talk. Unable to breathe.
Unable to do anything.
-I can never do anything...
You're worthless, me.
You don't belong here.
All you do is cause problems.
You... don't deserve this second chance.
...
Reflecting on recent events, tides of sadness wash over him. He's had everything he's ever wanted here. His stagnating days seemed to disappear when he was with Korlin. So many new people, so many new sights, so many new experiences... So much change, so much potential joy, so much life...
But I went and messed it up. Like always.
...
He is a mess. An alone, frightened, and pitiful mess.
Now, these past couple of days are just a glaring reminder of why he gave up living in the first place.
-Just when things started looking up for me... It all comes crashing down again.
Why am I so...
He rubs his tired eyes.
He drops his hands, and one of them hits something against his waist.
He lifts his shirt and pulls out the leather journal he had tucked there. He brushes his thumbs across the texture, then gently hits himself on the head with the book. He taps his forehead a couple more times before recalling something.
-Alzir kept notes about his past...
Sirius flips open to an empty page and grabs out his inkclaw. At the top of the page, he writes a single word: 'Me'.
Without realizing it, he retreats back into his old life. He begins writing down basic "facts" about himself.
[Don't forget yourself.
Birthdate: April 17th
Age: 17
Mom: Saiph
Younger Brother: Canopus
Father: Lance
Future Job: Geologist(?)
Talents: Drawing, writing, sprinting, some others...
Favorite flower: Hyacinths
Favorite Color: ]
He taps the claw against the sheet.
'Favorite Color'...
He's always thought the notion to be a foolish one... Yet, he continues tapping ink next to the words.
...
Then it dawns on him...
-I don't know.
His fingers crinkle the page as he starts to shake.
He drops the journal and buries his hands in his hair.
-What the hell... Why don't you remember? It's such a simple question...
His mind slowly unravels, and he comes to a realization...
He doesn't even know who he is.
What he likes, what's important to him, simple little things that anyone else could answer... He doesn't have a single answer for.
Future Job: Geologist. Sure, he likes nature, and the Earth has always fascinated him... But base his entire future on it? Is that what he wants? Wanted? He doesn't know. It's not like it'd matter now.
Talents: Drawing, writing... Both things that have waned. Even his physical skills and abilities have waned. Everything always wanes. But even when they hadn't, they weren't impressive. He's never been impressive, and yet...
Everything was better when he was young.
Nothing mattered. He didn't care about anything. He just enjoyed every day the best he could. He wanted to grow up, live life to its fullest... But he already was. And now... Nothing matters. He doesn't care about anything.
All the potential he had as a child has vanished, and that mindless happiness is now but a distant dream. He is a mere shadow of who he was, devoid of all personality and desires. He's lost all connection to his past self, now only bearing fleeting memories of a bygone existence.
...
-Is this even the memory loss...?
It's not.
...
The fountain's water scent is fresh and clean. The flowing streams sing a soothing song, as a gentle breeze brings a chill. The hollow space echoes the wind's calming cry, as goosebumps trickle up his skin. He releases his hair and hangs his arms over his lap.
It's a perfectly peaceful scene.
Usually, it's this emptiness that brings him tranquility. But right now, he can't help but feel so incredibly small. Wrapped in only quiet nothingness, loneliness.
His eyes drop to the journal spread out on the floor. He wants to scream. He wants to so badly. He doesn't even know what his scream sounds like. It's been dormant for so long.
-Why did you get a second chance? What am I supposed to do? You can't do anything. You've never done anything.
A mix of envy and spite for his younger self. It's always been there, but now its constriction is crushing. Why didn't you do more? Why didn't you try more things? Why did you let me end up this way?
There is no light in his abyss of thought.
A lump grinds in his throat. His eyes sting, made worse by the breeze. He can feel his small heart hurting in his chest. He doesn't feel worthy enough to cry. He won't let himself cry.
He's drowning himself in a pool of pent-up tears.
-You don't deserve to cry now. You didn't cry over the death of your dog. You didn't cry over the death of your grandpa. You didn't cry when you let everyone down. You didn't cry when you had to leave everything and everyone behind. You didn't cry when you saw how hurt mom was. You've never cried for anyone. You're a liar. So why should I cry over myself?
All you do is cause problems. For mom, for dad, for Canopus, for everyone back on Earth, for Timekeeper, for Aureole, for Alzir, for Korlin... You are a burden. They don't care about you. They never have. They never will.
So why...
Sirius digs his fingers through his hair, tearing out strands. He brings his palms back to his lap and stares blankly at the ripped-out hair.
...
Why...
"Why are you even alive...?"
...
His hands tremble, and his mind spirals into the depths of darkness. The void calls his name, circling his brain in tight cords. Thoughts that shouldn't be there, forbidden thoughts he set aside long ago...
He considers ending it. Ending this pointless existence.
But just as he almost succumbs to those thoughts...
His body is coddled.
Slender, pale arms wrap themselves around him from behind. Long sleeves swaddle him in a blissful warmth. All traces of cold evaporate from his body. It feels as if he could melt in these arms.
Whoever it is that holds him leans into his ear and, with a tender whisper, erases all of his negative thoughts.
"I'm glad you're here."
Her voice is soft, soothing like a lullaby. Her words come from the heart, true and cordial. Such sincerity showers him with insurmountable serenity. She smells like flowers, a nostalgic, angelic aroma that caresses his nose.
The world seems to simultaneously stop and shrink. Light seems to swallow all of his shadow, and his endless night retreats into a bleeding dawn.
Before he can think or question a single thing, years of pent-up emotions spill out. He does something that not even death could pry out of him. Something he's yearned for but always refused.
Be it from built-up sadness, or the simple joy of kind words and an embrace...
He cries.
He cries for himself.
Tears pour from his crinkled eyelids. The warm liquid streams down his cheeks and doesn't stop. It keeps falling and falling onto his hands and fallen journal.
His vision blurs, overcome with oceans of foreign water. He tries to wipe them away, but they refuse to stop flowing. He almost laughs, but it comes out as a silent cry.
He places a hand over the girl's and squeezes them tight. She strengthens her embrace and nuzzles her head on top of his. He succumbs to her warmth and melts into her arms. His quiet whimpers grow louder.
A desperate desire overtakes him, and he lets this feeling take control. His body weight shifts sideways, and he turns around. He wraps his own arms around her body.
Her arms remain around him, gently brushing his back. Her chin sits in his hair; she doesn't say a word. She doesn't need to.
His body shakes along with his sniffles. She raises one arm and pets his head. He feels like a little kid again, and he welcomes it. He feels so vulnerable, but in the best way. This type of exposure feels nothing like before. His tears dampen her dress; she doesn't seem to mind.
He doesn't know if he deserves this. He doesn't care. He wants this.
He needs this.
For the first time in forever, he has a desire. A real, demanding desire. To never let this feeling go. But he knows... he needs to soon.
He hasn't been embraced like this in years. He can't remember the last time. His mother often tried to hug him, but he always avoided them. Those weren't what he was looking for. They always felt fake.
But this... This feels real. Genuine. An authentic, caring hold he never wants to end. He hasn't felt an emotion like this in so long... He hasn't cried in so long...
-It's so warm.
He knows kindness and sympathy have their limits. As much as he wishes he could stay, he knows not to overstay his welcome. And so...
Sirius squeezes her tightly one last time before letting go.
He lifts his head and sniffles as her hands drop to his. She holds his hands; her slender fingers are soft against his rough skin. Sirius wipes his cheek on his shoulder, then looks into his savior's eyes.
Beautiful teal, gradient irises shining like jewels.
It's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen...
Aureole.
Her hands tighten around his, and she smiles with the same warmth as her embrace.
Sirius doesn't know what to say. He opens his mouth, but nothing is said.
A genuine, golden smile lifts his tear-stained cheeks. His eyes sting, but it feels strangely sweet. He can cry again at any moment.
Feeling his need for more tears to fall, the girl speaks softly once again.
"For what it's worth, I'm happy you're alive."
On cue, more tears spill out. He tries to wipe them away on his shoulder, but not to much avail. This measure of positive reinforcement is foreign and hardly fathomable. Never in a million years would he think something so kind would be said to him.
He's always wanted to hear those words.
Even if the words turn out to be a lie, in this moment, it doesn't matter. A simple reassurance of life is enough. It's more than enough.
His lips quiver, unable to form anything coherent. He whispers words that he's said a thousand times. But this is the first time he's ever meant them.
"Thank you," his hands squeeze hers. "Thank you..."
-Is it... okay for me to feel this way?
Her posture, along with the wings on her back, relaxes. She fires off another smile that pierces right through his heart.
Tears blur his vision as he retracts his hands to wipe them away. He blinks repeatedly until she comes back into focus.
Her face comes fully into view, and he's able to admire every detail. While they may not be embracing each other any longer, he still feels her warmth. She's so close... He doesn't want to stop looking at her.
Pulling himself together, he manages to regain some awareness.
"So," Sirius initiates, his voice still weak. "What are- What are you doing here...?"
"Well," her arms fold loosely over themselves. "I was looking for you."
"For me?"
"Mm. I wanted to thank you, properly, that is. I was searching for quite a while, but then I figured that maybe I'd find you here."
"You found me..."
"I did..." She adjusts her position, a smile crossing her lips. "Though, I will say... I wasn't expecting this."
A sudden wave of embarrassment washes over him. He can almost feel his cheeks burning red.
"Ah- Ahhhh, sorry, sorry- I didn't mean to- I just..."
"No no no no! I didn't mean it in a bad way!" She waves her arms around to shut down his sentence. "I think it was sweet. It's clear you needed a good cry."
Sirius almost lets out a chuckle.
"I just- Never usually cry... and I got your dress wet-"
"It's okay! It's okay. It's no big deal at all, I've got a bunch of these." She lifts a piece of damp clothing and grins. "Besides, I think it adds character, you know?"
They share a short giggle.
"Um, so..." An air of shyness shrouds her. "Your arm seems to be healed; did you find the clinic alright?"
"Oh-" He almost completely forgot that happened. "Yeah, I found it just fine. Thank you." He doesn't have the heart to tell her the directions she gave were wrong. He looks down at her own previously-mauled arm. "Yours seems healed, too."
"Yep!" She wiggles her previously damaged arm around. "As soon as I got to the castle, everyone started swarming around me and healing my arm. It was a lot of attention..."
-Is she nervous around people?
"Castle? You mentioned going to meet nobles earlier. Is that where it was?"
Only one castle comes to mind. The massive, medieval castle in the center of the city, built atop a massive mound. At the moment, only a singular castle turret, marked with a flag, peeks over a building and into view.
"Mm, I had to discuss and rehearse lines for my acceptance. But it turned into a safety lecture after they heard what happened..." She sighs.
"Acceptance? Are you like a princess or something?" He says it jokingly.
...
Her reaction is not jokingly.
"...You mean... You don't know?"
"...No...? Know what?"
The back of her hand covers her mouth, and the corners of her lips lift from behind it.
"You helped me without knowing who I was?" She tilts her head like a puppy.
It is an expression displaying intrigue, but also one shedding a spark, as if something is falling perfectly into place.
"I guess so...?"
"I see..." she blushes faintly. "Actually, this leads me to how I wanted to thank you."
"Oh?" Despite actually being curious of who she is, he pushes his curiosity aside. She is his full focus.
"Well... you said you just got here to Auretta, right?" Her shyness is in full effect.
"Oh, yes..."
"Do you have a place to stay?"
"No, not really... The night after we met, I slept in some stables. Last night I slept under a tree..."
Her concern is on full display. But thankfully, he finds not a shred of pity. Her worry is genuine, in an almost motherly fashion.
"O-Oh..." she clears her throat. "W-Well then, would you... and feel free to decline-! ...Would you want to maybe stay over at my place...?" She twiddles her thumbs, her heart rate rocketing.
...
The question catches him completely off guard. Did he mishear? No, certainly not...
Sirius blinks a couple of times to make sure he's awake.
-Huh?! Is she serious? This is happening way too fast, right? What am I supposed to say??
"Uh- I-"
"Of course, we wouldn't be alone or anything! It's not even technically my place- it's my lord's. I just thought that since you have no place to stay- you could live there for a while. Of course, I'd also need to ask permission to bring you there, but I'm sure he'll allow it-!" Her words are rapid and frantic, like she's racing to get them out. She places her forehead in her palms. "Why is this so embarrassing to ask...?"
An odd sense of relief crosses his mind.
Be it from seeing her own nervousness or her desperate explanation, Sirius settles his mind.
-Thinking logically, I do need a place to stay. I need somewhere to gather my thoughts and find out what to do from here on out.
But most importantly, I can't just let her efforts go to waste. She's embarrassed enough as is.
"Would that... really be alright?" Sirius breaks her dizzied daze.
"Of course! It's the least I can offer you!"
Her earnest expression draws out a feeling of guilt. Her smile... Her warmth... A place to stay... What did I possibly do to deserve this? Something feels off, but he can't quite grasp what.
"...Why?"
"Hm? Why what?"
"...Why would you do all this for me? I don't recall you being in my debt. Why are you being so kind to me?"
-She's not like everyone else in this world. She's actually willing to help me. But why-?
"...Did you forget? You got my wristlet back! Bringing you in is nothing in comparison to your kindness." She smiles and fiddles with the wristlet beneath her sleeve.
The sudden compliment throws him off balance. Sure, he got her the wristlet back, but does that really warrant such a reward? That accomplishment of his rings deaf in his ears.
"I guess, but... Is it really that important?" He feels stupid asking the question.
"Yes... Without this... I don't know what I'd do." She releases the wristlet and rests her arms at her side. "It may not be the most precious thing to me... but... it's necessary."
"..."
"Hm, if it makes you feel any better, look at it this way... There's a chance that bringing you along will help me. So, feel free to call it a selfish request from me for you to come. And who knows, maybe the lord is hiring and we're in need of employment!"
Her reasoning makes him chuckle. He feels so foolish.
"Dragging me into the workforce, huh? And under a nobleman nonetheless... Very tempting." Sirius plays into it, denying now would just be rude. And stupid. Best to keep the mood up.
"That's all you care about?" she kids, giggling.
"Well, and I suppose if it might help you out... I'll come." Sirius gives her a reassuring smile and nod. "Thank you."
Hearing his decision, she smiles brightly.
"Shall we get going then?" she asks, gently clapping her hands together.
"Yeah."
They both stand up and brush off their behinds. Sirius wipes off the remaining traces of tears on his cheeks.
"Alright, let's head for the carriage!" she proclaims as she points off into the distance. She begins walking towards her pointed direction, her footsteps light and gentle.
"Mm," Sirius gladly follows, picking up his journal. He brushes off strands of hair and ensures the pages aren't too damaged.
"So..." she says playfully. "What have you been up to these past couple of days? Any troubles?"
"Well..."
Before he can get another word out, a sudden realization strikes him. His pursuit falters.
-Wait. I can't just follow her...
"Wait a second..." he stops her.
"What's up?"
"I- Hm... how do I word this? Well, I met this guy... in a similar situation to mine. He also just arrived here, and we ended up wandering together. I don't think I should just disappear without saying anything or helping him find somewhere to stay."
"Oh... So, a friend of yours?"
-A friend... huh? I don't...
"Something like that... Would it... Would it be okay if he came along? If not, I understand, and I'm sure he would too, he's pretty laidback-"
Aureole suddenly flashes a warm smile and giggles.
"You're a very kind person, aren't you, Sirius?"
-She remembered my name...
"Huh?"
"Hehe, of course, he can come along. You seem to care for the guy, so I'm sure he's also a good person. It'll take some extra negotiations, but if it's to thank you... That's perfectly fine with me."
-Good person? No, I'm- Care about him? Do I care about Korlin? No. I don't know about that...
"I- T-Thank you so much," Sirius gives her a little bow. "You are too kind."
"Don't worry about it. Remember, you helped me, so I want to repay you in any way I can." She does a tiny twirl, causing her dress to spiral. "Now, where is this acquaintance of yours?"
"Oh, ah... About that... I have no idea. Well, unless he's still at the observatory. Though he probably tried following me..." his words trail off into a mumble.
"What was that?"
"Ah, long story... I might know where he's at; if not, it might take a while to find him."
"Hmm... Then, would it be okay if I went on ahead to the carriage? I'll notify Wilphrey to prepare it for an extra person. I had only planned on taking you back."
"Y-Yeah, go ahead. I shouldn't take long, once I find him, he'll probably sprint there."
"Glad to hear," she lets out a soft giggle. "Well, then I'll see you in a bit. Bye! Stay safe!" She turns and begins jogging away.
"Wait! Where is the carriage?"
"Oh, right!" She pivots and points in the direction of the massive castle. "It'll be at the foot of the path leading into the castle. You won't miss it!"
"Oh...Okay, I'll be there."
-I don't think she can mess up these directions, thankfully.
"Alright! See you later, Sirius!"
For some reason, hearing his name in her voice makes him feel fuzzy.
Sirius waves while offering a kind smile. She does the same.
And thus, the luminous angel wanes away once more.
He watches her disappear, his body begging him to follow.
Just moments ago, he felt he had nothing to live for. And now, once more, a sparkle of life shimmers in his eyes.
The thoughts he had earlier have almost entirely vanished, suppressed back down deep inside. Right now, his mind is fixated on Aureole and finding Korlin.
His body is full to bursting with curiosity and anticipation. But in order for their next meeting to occur, he needs to get moving.
Sirius doesn't remember the exact route back to Alzir's place, so, with a bit more life than before, he starts retracing the few steps he can.
Her warmth lingers on his body as he walks. As do her words echo in his ears.
-"I'm glad you're here."
The thought almost makes him tear up. But he restrains himself, and the castle on the distant hill comes into view.
-Korlin will love that place...
"Oh-"
Sirius stops and flips open his damp journal. He turns it to the crinkled page and, with a fresh view, fills out the line he couldn't previously.
Favorite Color: Teal