Each step was heavy and hard. What am I doing? I questioned myself. 'You are going to witness betrayal once again.' My mind mocked me and screamed at me to turn back and bury my head in the pillow; at least your dignity would be saved. I groaned when the scream got high-pitched, and stubbornly, brushed it off.
What am I going to prove by witnessing betrayal for the second time? Why the hell did I end up in this damn hotel elevator? I should have gotten used to his betrayal, but why is my heart thudding so hard? This is not like the first time, maybe due to maturity. I was heartbroken for sure, but this felt like an entirely different level. Is this because I didn't catch them; instead, I was invited to witness them?
My breath was heavy, and frustration was radiating from everywhere at the same time, cautioning me to head back, but stubborn me. I wouldn't, and I don't know why.
My hands were shaking, and by taking a shaky breath, I combed my hair back just to take control of the tsunami that was erupting in me. Distraction—I needed that badly, but my mind was blank and filled with images of Ralph and Asher.
The elevator dinged, indicating that I had reached the designated floor. 'You can still turn around; there is still time.' My mind passed the reminder, but I didn't hesitate to take a step forward. 'This is so stupid,' I mutter to myself, "and 'this is what you get for being stubborn in the wrong situation,' was the mockery I got in return.
I was in front of the hotel room. 'This is crazy, turn fucking back,' something in me screamed, but I stood frozen on the spot. I clench and unclench my hand a few times just to get rid of shakiness, but no such luck. I brought my shaky hand near the door, but I couldn't knock; my hand was resting on the door without any movement. 'Man up,' every fiber in me was yelling. 'You wanted to witness everything, so knock the damn door,' it taunted. I took a long breath. Things are going to end today once and for all, for good.
These stupid feelings need to stop once and for all. I should have plucked when I was a teen, at least when I got to know that he was dating someone. That was enough reason to back off, but no, I wanted to pursue and dig my grave. At last, I am successful in one thing; my graveyard was ready, and I just needed to jump in. Today is the day I am going to bid goodbye to both the lovebirds and get lost forever. I have taken and endured enough.
This was not supposed to end this way, after everything Ralph and I went through, but for sure, destiny had its own plan. Ralph was a guest in my life, meant to stay for a few days, and in every visit he made sure to break my heart, and I always let him. This needs to be stopped. The aching should be stopped. The fear of losing Ralph, making sure that my hold on him is stronger so he doesn't slip, the anxiousness of his meeting with his ex, and taking cautious steps around him should be stopped once and for all.
A tear finally dropped, and this time, I finally let them flow. I never let a tear flow before, never even once, but today I couldn't stop it, no matter what. It hurts so much; witnessing them would be pouring more salt on the wound. It hurts even before entering the room; everything is burning in me. I just want to stop this. I should have stopped my foolishness long before, but I didn't know how to bury or pluck my feelings. Even now, I want to burn my feelings, but I don't know how.
This madness is slow poison bound to take me one way or another with my permission. I am not getting where I went wrong this time. The first time, yeah, I agree, somehow it was my mistake, but this time, I did my best; at least there was a sincere effort. I know I wasn't perfect at present either, but I was doing everything to get there. I was doing everything to make him stay, to choose me. I know I didn't pop the question, but I was preparing myself; sue me if that's a crime.
He was becoming my world, I guess, from Day 1. No matter what he did, even the betrayal, I couldn't stop myself from pursuing him again. Why am I so stupid? No wonder my personal life sucks when I choose a betrayer over and over.
This is it; this should be it, closing this chapter forever, no turning back. 'Well, it seems like you found many reasons to turn back and get lost from here.' Once again, my subconscious was sharing his penny thoughts, but I was glued to the spot. 'Your stubbornness is going to be the death of you' by muttering that it vanished. I chuckled at that, 'of course,' I muttered to myself.
I wiped my tears, inhaled my breath to get control of my emotions, and straightened my posture. I am going to remove these two bastards from my life forever, especially Ralph, who fucking swore to ruin me by not either entering or by vanishing, staying fucking neutral, and would always fucking crawl back to his ex. The result I predicted: his fucking loss. I am not going to let him in my life ever again, nor in any other lives if I have any. After inhaling and exhaling a few times, I knocked on the door.
Asher opened the door with a smirk just to piss me off, and he succeeded. "My man, stalker, and snoopy dog, I was waiting for you. Perfect fucking time like usual; Ralph is waking up after our wild night." My body went stiff. Don't let them get you, I chided myself, but who am I kidding? The heaviness was more, and the ache was getting worse. I was feeling sore all of a sudden, and I wanted to collapse once and for all. "Get in, please." Asher widened the door and walked inside. I followed him.
It was a suite that was perfectly suited to their status. Asher halted his steps in front of the bed where Ralph was rubbing his eyes. I stood near the bed, facing Ralph, who was blinking his eyes and half-naked; the lower part was covered with a sheet, so I bet he was fully naked. Asher walked near the table and started pouring alcohol.
I stood in the spot, eyes glued to Ralph's face. I don't know what I should do or how I should react. Should I start by glaring at him and shouting at him till I remove my frustration and walk out with whatever dignity is left?
Ralph blinked his eyes a few times and started rubbing them to clear his eyesight. Well, someone was fucking high. He was baffled when he studied his surroundings, and I stood watching him without uttering a word. Ralph abruptly woke and was in a sitting position, once again scanning the area.
Ralph was fully naked, covering his hickeys. At least two used condoms were near the bedside. These were enough reasons to ignite my already erupted volcano and consume them. For some reason, I stood there, my throat was tight, and no words were coming. "Where am I?" Which was left from Ralph' mouth slowly, with confusion written all over his face. That question should have pissed me off, but strangely, I was stunned on the spot.
I heard Asher chuckle somewhere nearby. Ralph immediately turned toward the voice and was shocked and was even more shocked when he met my eyes.
I couldn't move my legs or my eyes from Ralph, who was still looking confused and consumed by guilt. Ralph started babbling something between swearing. I was able to catch a few as my mind was blank. Tears were flowing without Ralph's awareness; he didn't bother to wipe them. This is new, and once again, I was numb for a different reason.
I clenched my hand so hard that I think it definitely left mark or even little blood. I exhaled my breath slowly, and by taking my shaky hand, I started rubbing my neck. Ralph was still babbling, and I inhaled once again when I got a complete picture of what happened.
I started walking around, gathered Ralph's clothes, including his underwear, and handed them over to Ralph, who was taken aback. With a shaky hand, Ralph grabbed the cloths and averted his eyes. "Get ready, Ralph, and please wait for me. I need to finish some unfinished business." He nodded his head, still not meeting my eyes.
I was in front of Asher, without wasting another second. "We should talk." Asher was strangely in shock. When I was in front of him, he started glaring at me. "Don't make me fucking yank you. You'd better walk now." I met his glare with my own, and he was dumbfounded for a second. That was a clear threat. Damn, how coin flips?
We started walking toward the balcony. I closed the door and was beside Asher, who was facing the sky. The weather was cool, and the air was hitting us as we stood on the 15th floor. I took an exhausted breath, and this one I needed the most. I was on the verge of agony from morning, and now I don't know what is awaiting me once Ralph and I leave the goddamn hotel.
This changes everything that I had built so far with Ralph for entirely different reasons, but the result will be the same. I chuckled at the irony of my life. If I were betrayed once again, I would have cursed, loathed, and finally, I would have moved on. At least, I would have tried by remembering the reason, but now, how the hell am I supposed to move on?
We were silent, and the load I was carrying from the morning seemed to be doubled. I pinched the bridge of my nose as irritation just bubbled more and more. "You are not only breaking him but shattering him into pieces." Asher faces me. "He is mine." I was stupefied for a second. That was the most idiotic response I have ever received. Is he fucking serious? "Are you fucking listening to yourself?" He started glaring at me. "He is fucking mine, and I can do whatever I want." "Like drugging him and sleeping?" I shouted those words with my fierce gaze. His eyes were wide in shock. I held his collar and brought him close to me. "You fucking moron, you are breaking him inch by inch. If he reaches the verge, we lose him forever. Do you fucking want that?" He averted his eyes and released my hand harshly. He brushed the unknown dust from his shirt and straightened his shirt. "Don't you ever fucking do that, got it? However, maybe Ralph, in whatever position, even if he is fucking bedridden for a lifetime, is still mine, only mine. I am not letting him go from my life, like, forever." I can't believe this psychopath. I sighed, not with resignation, but trust me, dealing with a psychopath is exhausting.
What the hell did Ralph see in him? Psychoness. Pardon me for being fucking normal. "Pray tell me, why are you constantly cheating on him if you are so obsessed with him?" "I am not getting a fucking problem over here. I fucking tried, but what's wrong with tasting different things? At last, I would end up with him at home. Those are like hotels; we taste them, but we're never going to end up there. Now, tell me what the fucking problem is, and I fucking tried." I don't know what to say to him anymore. This guy needs help. I couldn't help but chuckle. If I ever switched places with Ralph, I would end up being a murderer. This guy tests your sanity beyond your limit.
"That's not fucking funny, and I am not letting him walk away from my life. Mark my word, Snoopy." I rolled my eyes at his creative nickname. I stretched my hand to relax. For the first time, I didn't feel threatened by his threat. "Well, I am not letting Ralph get back to a psychopath once again, and I am fucking making sure of it." He was surprised. "Snoopy, are you threatening me, me?" "Am I? Yup, I am." A smile spread on his face, and I don't know how to take it. "This stalker, this—I was desperately waiting to see this Snoopy. You are no better than I. I always knew you resembled me in many ways, and I was waiting for your strike. At last, your real face, strike for strike, obsession for obsession, threat for threat, and you too are a bloody psychopath if you didn't notice till today." I coughed at that. "Trust me, Snoopy, you are. You fucking stalked a guy who was dating someone in your teens, and you just always try to sniff the gap and fill in. These are clear symptoms of being psychopathic. As I said, there is no difference between us if we strike out the status part. Geez, this will get interesting from here on, right, Snoopy?" Am I? Is he fucking, right?
"Well, maybe I am just like you. I am done denying it, but I will make sure not to beat you. You are you, and I am I. We feel the same way when it comes to Ralph. We think the same way. We turn into psychopaths, and we are obsessed when it comes to Ralph. I try to find worthy reasons to hold him, and you let go of him easily by not locking your cock. He is the one for me; I know that very well, but till today I am trying to make up my mind, trying to be perfect so that I wouldn't run from him again. And there you are, always fucking ruining your chance with him by sleeping with any or everyone. We both let go of the same person for our own selfish reasons. I faced him. Your chapter ends in his life, thanks to you, and I am making sure of it; you bet on that. I couldn't even bloody relax as I am just behind you, and now, I don't even know what awaits me when I and Ralph exit this fucking room. Thanks to fucking you. I exhaled a long breath. I tried my best not to turn out like you, damn bastard; would you let me be? In a few hours, things will change forever, and you should fucking thank yourself. Asher's breathing was heavy, his eyes were flickering, and this was just the beginning.
"Stay away from Ralph. He is mine. I am trying my best to mend him; he was coming into shape, and fucking thanks to you for ruining it. This needs to be stopped. You fucking, his life should be stopped. Playing with his feelings and, at last, breaking him should be stopped. I am making sure of it without showing any mercy to you. I am not going to regret my next step." I took a step back from him, composed my posture with a final glare, and walked out.