Carman was strolling down the market street in the Court of Fontaine. He was out going grocery shopping. Vegetables, fruit, bread and some deli items were on his list. Little was he expecting the chaos he would soon be dealing with.
"Careful son, grip too hard and it will squirt all over." said a mother to her child who was holding a ripe sunsettea.
Carman raised an eyebrow but quickly moved on, at the produce stand he visited, he overheard the vendor say to a male customer, "Careful with these cucumbers, they are larger than the average basket can handle."
Carman sighed as he collected the items on his list, bringing them up to the front. The man said, "Ah kid, perfect timing, got a fresh supply of melons if you are interested, perfectly fresh and firm, give 'em a squeeze if you don't believe me."
"No thanks…" said Carman.
"A shame. Maybe next time." Said the vendor.
'What the hell was that, what is with people using innuendos today?' Thought carman as he walked towards the bakery.
"Buns, get your fresh buns here!" yelled one of the workers on the outside. "Soft buns, cream filled buns, burst in your mouth when you bite them, perfect for an evening snack."
Carman massaged the bridge of his nose as he walked into the shop.
"Ah, boya, what's the matter? You look tired, something keepn' you up all night?" said the woman behind the counter.
"It's nothing Ms. Pan, two loaves of bread please." Said Carman.
After paying for the bread, Carman made a quick trip to the Deli, doing his best to ignore the constant meat themed innuendos being spoken.
After paying for the items he ordered, Carman hurried over to a bookstore, and lost himself in the shelves, hoping to get away from people.
He came across Ryuzu, her face buried in a book titled "seport evitarran fo koob"
"Ah Ryuzu, there you are, you said you would meet me at the bakery today after you got back from your commission. Why are you here?"
"Sorry, I spotted this book on my over and got distracted." she said, still reading the book.
"Thats unlike you." Said Carman
"Its lazy writing." Said Ryuzu,
"What, the book?" asked Carman,
"No, this book is fine, I am just saying that the author is very burnt out at the moment, and decided to add a filler chapter to appease the readers, and since it lined up, they decided to do the funny chapter trope." Said Ryuzu.
"I… don't understand anything you just said." Siad Carman,
"You will, maybe. Anyways, I'll go get the rest of the groceries, you look tired you should rest here and give the readers time to reset before the next build up." She said as she stood up.
"Readers? Buildup, to what?" said Carman
"The climax of course…" she replied,
"God Damnit. Not you too Ryuzu." Groaned Carman
A small smirk made itself clear on Ryuzu's lips, "What can I say, its chapter 69…" she said as she turned around a bookshelf and disappeared.
Carman just sat there confused. 'The hell was that supposed to mean?'
Soon the clerk made their way back to where he was sitting.
"Ah hello there young customer, having trouble finding a particular book? We've got everything here, from short and sweet to long and satisfying."
Carman gave the shop owner a blank look. "I need a tactical retreat…" he said as he quickly left the store.
Looking around, Carman watched more innuendos play out, each person seemingly blissfully unaware of the double meanings in the words they were using.
"Am I the weird one?" He contemplated but quickly shook his head and decided to just leave the city for the day and made his way to the Aquabus, only to find the platform packed, and several more people speaking in innuendos about fish and fishing rods.
He quickly turned to leave and head home instead, maybe he could lock himself up and stay away from everyone until this all blew over. However, Carman quickly found himself in the market once more. He tried walking in every possible direction, but quickly found himself back where he was.
Just as he was about to panic, Ryuzu appeared sitting on a bench that hadn't been there a few seconds ago.
"Ryuzu, when did you get here, and where did that bench come from?" he asked.
"Eh, we've gone too deep into the joke, continuity is just a suggestion at this point." she said.
"Again, that doesn't make any sense." Said Carman. "Anyways, I need help, I keep ending up back here no matter where I go, I just wanted to go home."
"Ah yes, spacial dimensions have been toyed with here." She said looking around.
"So, I have been trapped in a spacial loop?" said Carman.
"Oh, no, just a narrative, they just can't let you walk off until the punchline hits."
"Punchline? What Punchline?" asked Carman,
Another smirk appeared on Ryuzu's face as she once again stood up to leave, "You'll know once you groan." she once again stood up and disappeared around a corner.
"Wait, come back what punchline were you talking about!?" yelled carman as Ryuzu disappeared.
With a sigh, Carman gave up and walked towards a Cafe, if he was going to suffer through innuendos, he was going to get some caffeine into his system.
"Welcome back, do you want it hot and creamy again?" asked the barista at the counter,
"I… beg your pardon?" asked Carman.
"The Fontainian roast blend with milk, cream, and sugar. That is what you ordered the last two times you were here." Said the Barista, her face innocent.
"Ah yes, yes." Said carman as he left and sat on a lone chair in the outdoor seating area.
His coffee was soon brought out to him and he gave the Barista a quick thanks before he took a sip of the coffee to try and settle his nerves.
Suddenly the sound of trumpets could be heard as a boisterous female laugh made itself known to all within earshot.
"Behold dear subjects, it is I, the Hydro Archon, Focalors." said a white-haired girl with a dark blue top hat and impressive Ahoge, her coat and skirt billowing dramatically in the wind.
The people stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Furina.
Looking around Furina put on a bold smile and said, "Imagine my surprise when I was walking down the street looking for an establishment to grace with my presence today when I came upon so many indecent acts and vulgar language… you two, keep your tongues to yourselves." she said pointing at a couple down the street.
"We are just sharing Ice cream?" said one of the partners.
Carman placed some mora on the table and prepared to leave.
"You boy in the overalls, what do you think?" said Furina, pointing at Carman.
Carman put on a deadpan expression. "I think they are putting a bit too much tongue into that ice cream, some say that kisses are sweet, but it looks like they are trying to make it sweeter."
Furina put a hand over her mouth in mock shock, as the couple that had been called out blushed profusely. "My, my how eloquent, and opinionated too, wish to elaborate on your views of proper technique then?"
"No, not really. All I know is that if one more person moans while handling fruit near me I am going to lose it." Said Carman as he left the cafe and walked off.
Carman walked down an alleyway, carrying the groceries he had managed to purchase. Suddenly Ryuzu was next to him, carrying a large bag of purchases.
"Finally, some peace, I can finally go home," Siad Carman.
"Not yet, I'm afraid, the readers are still unsatisfied." She said,
"Ok what the hell are you talking about?" asked carman some frustration leaking into his voice.
"The comment section demands closure Carman." she said.
Carman groaned as they reached their apartment, "I could care less, if I come across another innuendo, I am going to get cramps."
Carman looked over at Ryuzu, whose face had a small amused smirk once again.
"I did it didn't I?" He said, his voice completely exhausted, "You know I didn't mean it like.
-The End-
[Log has been categorized as non-canonical]
[Narrative Parameters have been re-engaged]
[Meta Awareness rollback in progress]