After navigating the school with his three-man villainous team, Sirius reached the classroom assigned as his homeroom on his itinerary.
"Tsk… school," Sirius groaned, eyeing room 323 in the distance. "I bet it's even more boring in this universe."
Annoyed, Sirius walked into the room, nose in the air, looking down at the rest of the class as if they were his subordinates. The kids in the front, who had seen him defeat the bully, trembled in their seats. Meanwhile, Jackie and his baseball crew glared back at him, bloodlust in their eyes.
Reaching the back of the room, Sirius found himself in a staring contest with Jackie.
"What do you want, poser?" Jackie sneered, chomping on his gum and spitting as he spoke.
"You're in my seat, dung-brain," Sirius snapped back.
Pop!
Jackie burst a bubble with his gum and angrily clenched his bat as he turned toward Sirius.
"Well, what are you gonna to do about it?" Jackie retorted.
"You're about to find out," Sirius said, raising his fists. "The hard way."
By his side, Se-oh cracked her knuckles, while Nottingham leaned his head to the side, cracking his neck.
Boing! Boing!
"Impossible!" Jackie exclaimed, blushing.
Boing! Boing!
"What is that sound?" Sirius asked, confused.
Boing! Boing!
As the sound grew louder, Sirius noticed the entire class taking their seats as if expecting the principal.
"Wait, even you, Not?" Sirius inquired.
"Not?" Nottingham asked.
"Yeh short for Nottingham? How do you like the nickname?"
"Shhh! Not now! I want to make a good impression. I Can't believe she's our homeroom teacher" Not whispered.
"Ok, Not, but why are you…" Sirius began, only to be interrupted by Se-oh.
"Stupid boys!" Se-oh yelled, stomping to her seat. She crossed her arms and turned away in indignation.
"Wait a minute," Sirius mused, examining the room again. "Only the boys are acting strange; the girls seem angry or disinterested. Could it be—"
Boing! Boing! Boing!
As Sirius turned to the entrance of the room, the fragrance of an extremely luscious flower overflowed through his senses. A warmth came over him like none he had ever felt before as the silhouette of an incredibly shaped woman appeared in the doorway.
The teacher, a goddess with curly flowing pink hair, walked into the room. Her overly voluptuous chest created ripples in time space as she walked.
Boing! Boing!
Each time she walked, the absurdity of her chest size bounced up and down filling the room with the sound of the movement, and like a spell, entranced the school boys with its melody. She was wearing tight black pants that demonstrated her curvaceous curves and a loose white dress shirt that revealed all to the naked eye. Sirius had barely looked up at long enough to admire her perfect face and rose colored cheeks before He notice from the corner of his eye…
"A nipple," Sirius whispered.
"Hehe!" His teacher laughed, winking at him.
His heart began to race faster than an entire drumline of drummers. Overwhelmed by the woman's beauty, his eyes popped out so far that he had to use a rope to lasso them back into place. His face flushed red with embarrassment, and his toes buckled together as if he were a ten-year-old child watching the woman stride into the room.
BOING! BOING! BOING!
With each step, he heard the sound, and at each bounce, his nostrils spurted out blood like an automated sprinkler system. He thought he would make it until she finally sat down at her desk.
Poof!
With that sound, Sirius lost all composure, envying to the highest degree the level of attention her chair had received.
"Hello class," The teacher said gleefully. "My name is Ms. McDucket! Unfortunately, I am not your homeroom teacher, who is running a few minutes late, but I am here to take atten—"
"I'm here!" Sirius blurted out in the middle of her sentence.
"I can see that! Aren't you in a cute outfit with your long black cape? What's your name?"
"My name is—" Sirius said, twiddling his thumbs together.
"Wait… I was here first!" Jackie interjected. "This guy came late! You should take my name first!"
"What?" Sirius grunted. "You little ingrate! I'll have you know I was perfectly on time! Besides, this may be a ballpark, but we are in different leagues!" He shooed Jackie away. "Go back to the little league! I'm MLB!"
"GRRRR!" Jackie and Sirius grunted as they began butting heads.
"Now, now, boys, let's all calm down… Oh, wait! Do you hear that?"
Crack!
"Ow!"
The sound of snapping twigs and an old woman in pain came from down the hall.
"OH NO!" Jackie cried, returning to his seat. He shook in fear, covering his head with a hood as the sound got louder.
CRACK!
"OH COME ON!" Sirius groaned. "What the hell is it now?"
CRACK CRACK!
"OW!"
An old woman with a cane slowly tread into the room, her hand on her back. As she inched closer, she readjusted her witch hat, which was falling off her head, with the tip of her cane.
"Well, everyone, it's time for me to go! It was nice meeting you! Ms. Umbra, I'll let you take it from here," Ms. McDucket said playfully as she walked away.
"Nooooo!" Sirius cried as he watched her walk away, though the view from behind was actually quite pleasing for him.
Turning back to the old woman, he watched as she slowly leaned back in her chair, cracking every vertebrae in her spine as she did so. Scratching the bottom of her cheek that had an oversized, wrinkly mole, she turned to Sirius and eyed him suspiciously.
"Hah?" She murmured as she came eye-to-eye with Sirius, who was standing in the center of the room, shameless. "What the hell are you looking at? And why aren't you sitting in your seat?"
Angry that the old woman had challenged him, Sirius walked up to her desk and waved his finger.
"Listen, you old hag! How dare you take Ms. McDucket away! Bring her back this instant, you prehistoric, fossilized, dinosaur-museum-preserved-looking woman!"
Looking back at the class, Sirius expected laughter, but there was none. Every single student was looking down at the ground, petrified in fear.
"Hah? What are you all afraid of?" Sirius said.
"Above… your head…" Not said, pointing above him.
As Sirius looked up, he saw a tiny umbrella floating above his head.
"An umbrella? What's that going to—"
BOOM!
An entire rainstorm erupted, drenching his clothes and striking him with lightning. As his body lit up from the strikes, the old teacher took a sip of her coffee before slamming her cane on her desk.
"Listen here, you Count Dracula megalomoron, Halloween-kid-who-gets-no-candy- ooking punk!" She increased the lightning strikes with a flick of her wrist. "My name is Ms. Umbra, and I am a young, beautiful woman, you got that?" She yelled as he continued to be shocked by lightning.
"Yes… Ms… Umbra…" Sirius croaked as the lightning strikes continued.
"Good," she said, stopping the lightning. "Now say, 'I'm a young, beautiful woman,'" she ordered, poking at him with the umbrella.
"Y-you're… a young… beautiful…" Sirius began, struggling to get the words out.
As he looked at her face again he fought with all his might to get the words out but he just couldn't manage. Her forehead was so dusty and wrinkly that as he spoke a spider ran out between them before hiding back in another wrinkle on her face.
"Corpse," he blurted out.
"Hahahaha!" Jackie and Not laughed at Sirius's blunder. THey along with members of the class rolled in their seats at Sirius's words.
As they finished laughing, they noticed the room began to darken as something loomed over their heads.
"Wait, what the—!" Jackie and Not chimed in.
As Sirius rose to his feet, he looked up to see at least one hundred umbrellas perched on the ceiling, all raining down on the class.
"You idiots!" Se-Oh screamed as she hid under her desk for cover.
"Hehehe," Ms. Umbra laughed, flashing a toothless smile. " Well Well Well!Let's see who the corpse is after this class! Get Zapped! Pipsqueeks" She boomed.
CRACK! BOOM! ZAP!
The sounds of the attacks made it all the way down to the principal's office, where Arthur was once again blowing his nose.
"Ah, Ms. Umbra," he said, smiling. "I can't remember the last time I heard so many thunderbolts. I knew sending the new student there was a great idea."
"How is this possible?" Sirius said, continuing to be shocked by lightning.
"In this universe, I'm the victim, and Arthur is the tormentor? Narrator, tell the writer of the story that's messed up!"(Sirius)
"I just did. He actually has a message back for you," (Narrator)
"And what was that?" (Sirius)
"He said you're such a dumb character that the story basically writes itself! So if anyone is to blame, it's you!"(Sirius)
"WHAT?!" Sirius exclaimed.
"CURSE YOU, WRITER! ONE DAY I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET THOSE WORDS!" Sirius as he started crying like a little baby
"SCREW YOU TOO, NARRATOR! I WAS NOT CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BABY!" Sirius yelled.