But they don't know, I don't want to get married. I will never look for another man in this lifetime.
Fu Xiu left, and that man took my love away too.
I hate him for being so heartless, but I also love him.
Our memories together have such a painful ending, but the process… was so sweet.
I am willing to remember those beautiful things, and they are so beautiful that I can't love another man.
He was my first love, and probably the only man in my life.
I hate him, but I also truly love him.
Since I can no longer be a mother and cannot find my child, why should I invest in new relationships?
I'm tired, and I don't want to, nor am I willing to love again.
Love is too exhausting, I can't bear it.
It may be hard for others to believe, but I'm only 24, yet psychologically I feel like a dying person who has experienced too many hardships. I'm so tired, so tired.
...
July 31st, Sunny
Yuqian won't give up. He found a renowned old Chinese medicine doctor and took me to see him.
The old doctor's diagnosis was similar to that of Western medicine.
But he still left us a bit of hope, saying that if I take good care of myself, it's possible that my health could improve one day.
I know that the old doctor is just giving us hope.
Two points of hope, in my opinion, are actually zero.
The old doctor only said there was hope but didn't say how long it would take to recover, right?
But Yuqian is very happy. He has never given up.
I don't want to disappoint him, so I follow the old doctor's prescription, take the medicine, and pay attention to various aspects.
The medicine is really bitter. I have to take it every morning and evening. By the end of each dose, I want to vomit, but I have to hold it in and not throw up the medicine I just swallowed.
...
September 20th, Overcast
I'm struggling to hold on, it's so difficult.
But Yuqian tells me that the child is still waiting for me. He needs a healthy mother too.
Yes, for the child, I must persist.
Yuqian is still helping me search for Fu Xiu and the baby's whereabouts.
But it's been so long, and there's still no news.
Where is the baby...?
I don't know if he's doing well, and I don't know how Fu Xiu and his family told the baby about me.
Baby, Mommy misses you so much.
...
Fu Yinxiu finally reached the most recent diary entries. The sky outside had begun to lighten, turning from black to a misty, smoky blue.
His eyes were bloodshot, and the diary was stained with tears—both his and Ming Yutong's.
He looked up to see that Ming Yutong was still asleep.
He reached out to touch her forehead again, finding it cool. The machines beside her were functioning normally.
This routine had become almost automatic for him throughout the night. He had done it so many times that it was now a practiced habit.
Confirming that Ming Yutong was stable, he recalled the doctor's reassurance that as long as no complications arose within the next 24 hours, she would be okay.
He calculated the time—it would be soon.
Holding Ming Yutong's hand tightly, he lowered his head to continue reading the diary.
He turned to a new page and noticed a word on that page was smudged and there was a visible smudge and a slight crinkle in that area.
It was clear that Ming Yutong had cried while writing that part.
To write in a diary while crying—how heart-wrenching and sorrowful must it have been?
The diary read: "Turns out it was all a lie. Fu Xiu, Fu Yinxiu, ha, he even lied about his name."
Fu Yinxiu's eyes stung painfully. He couldn't bring himself to read the rest of the diary because he knew how much he had hurt her and was afraid to see how she had described him.
He closed the diary, unable to look further.
Gently holding Ming Yutong's hand, he placed it against his forehead, tears falling one by one.
"I'm sorry, Yutong, I'm sorry," Fu Yinxiu whispered through his sobs. "I'm sorry, I love you."
"Wake up, please, wake up soon. I'll listen to whatever you say, I'll do whatever you ask. You can hit me or scold me, I won't get angry or upset you again. I'll hold you and pamper you, give you the best of everything. I won't let anyone bully you. You can make me pay for all the hurt I caused you, even if it means shooting me in the chest."
"All I ask is... just don't make me leave you, don't push me out of your world." Fu Yinxiu was surprised by how many tears he was shedding.
Tears fell continuously, soaking a large part of the bedspread.
He held Ming Yutong's hand, pressed his forehead against hers, and kissed her from time to time.
"Yutong, I'm a fool, I'm a complete fool! I know I don't deserve you, I never did, but... but I still love you, I can't live without you." Fu Yinxiu sobbed. "Pity me, don't abandon me."
"Please..."
"Yutong, I love you, I love you, I love you..."
He was a fool, a complete fool!
Fu Yinxiu suddenly slapped his own face, "Fool!"
He stared at Ming Yutong without blinking, afraid that if he did, he might lose her.
His eyes were bloodshot, dry, and painful, but he barely felt it.
The sky outside was getting brighter, and a knock on the door was heard.
The door opened, and Ming Yuqian walked in.