About two or three days later, when I reached brother's shop, there was nothing. When I asked the nearby shopkeeper, he told me that he has been admitted to the university of the city.
Uncle said holding a phone to me, "your brother asked to give it to you. And he said that you should call him."
I took the phone, almost mad with happiness. To be honest, I was not really happy about the phone . I was happy that my brother was admitted. He had said that it was his greatest wish to go to university.
After that I bought some essentials and cycled home. I reached home soon. There were holidays from school due to extreme cold. I came and sat on Blossom's grave.
"You know Blossom I am very happy nowadays, but only outwardly. My heart breaks inside when I see so many families visiting here. If you were with me, maybe I wouldn't feel so bad.
I feel inferior to them. They have people with whom they can share their grief. But look, I only had you and now you too are gone. What should I do, Blossom? You ask God to call me to Himself. Though send me to hell, but please take me out of this hell."
I started crying saying this. And cried for a long time. After that I came inside and hid in the blanket. I don't know why I was crying so much today.
Actually, now I am tired of fighting this loneliness of mine.
I am tired of this nonsense of my life.
I am tired of keeping a smile on my face with a broken heart.
I am tired of suffering life alone.
I am tired of smiling at happiness alone.
I am tired of experiencing seasonal changes alone.
I am tired of welcoming the springs alone.
I am tired of walking the paths alone in autumn.
I am tired of sitting alone under an umbrella in the rain.
I am tired of sipping tea alone in winter.
I am tired of reading stories alone at night.
Because there is no one to listen to my story. There is no one to whom I can tell the story of my whole day and relieve my fatigue. There is no one to whom I can talk and free my heart from sorrow. There is no one who will do anything to fulfill my wishes. There is no one to pat my head at night. There is no one who appreciates me. There is no one to sit and drink tea with me. There is no one to walk with me on lonely paths.
It is said that " life comes once. Live it well."
But to be honest, we can't live it our own way. It feels like Nature has made us puppets. We have no life of our own. So it would have been better if God had made us angels. Then we would just do what He told us.
As soon as I said that, I shook myself. If I doubt even God, where will I go? And anyway, complaining doesn't help.
"Just say no more, Larina." I said angrily to myself.
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