There are gardens that bloom out of blood and meat. There are skies full of endless possibilities for any to believe. There is a song for us all that we must learn to sing before we can dance without stepping on each other's feet.
I am a two left-footed person.
I am learning that I don't have to be.
Where I was once skin and bone, I have become plump and strong. Where I was before so insecure, I am now comfortable and brave. I have learned to view myself not as I was before but who I am now. I can see a reflection of depth rather than the scaley opaque skin I pretend that I am. And though it is different I feel it's familiarity as though we'd done this once before.
In a time far gone or far beyond.
And now, again.
For years the dream has fallowed me; simplicity and stability. A very modest desire which I have craved ravenously. And now, in many forms, I have reached it. Far earlier than I could ever have hoped. Something that is finally so impossibly good yet it is indeed true. It is more than anyone could ask for and the stuff of my dreams. It is more than I ever knew I could handle. And sometimes it feels like I can't, like it is a heavy basket that I grip with two sets of white knuckles. It is an obese pie that I must eat whole. It is the very jump in my step and the tear out my eye. It is stunning in the most disobedient way.
Moths had taken to following me.
Now yellow butterflies have traded with them.
When nature smiles upon me I know I have found my way. When light bursts out of darkness and rainbows bloom above me, I know the path I walk, though difficult, is just. When color flutters around me in different arrangements of forms and consciousness I feel at home in myself.
No matter the tunnel you find yourself in or the coals you must walk over, even if you feel you are alone, if the flowers start to bloom around you then you must keep going. You must trust your deepest instincts.
Do not ignore the voice in your head but do not let it overtake you. There is a lesson in every thing, and there are voices you will hear that are not your own. They will teach you how to move up and how to move down. Remember that a lesson is not a rule, and listening is not agreeing, you must trust yourself to make these distinctions within.
No one else can do it for you but believe me, they will try.
We all must walk through these gardens, where some things die and other things grow. We all must find a plot to lay in. We all must know when it is time to go. Even tough rooted plants must be transplanted when it is time.
So, will you allow yourself to grow, or will you make your home in your little flowerbed forever?