[Content Disclaimer: References to trauma, death and disputed life perspectives that some readers may find upsetting.]
There are endless ways to do every single thing. There are a zillion ways a single scenario may turn out. Your life is not dependent on whether or not you take path A, B or C; there are far too many variables for you to limit yourself in that way. Whatever way you think your life has gone, whether you would have done it differently or not, it happened. It was always going to happen. Any things that didn't? Well, they were never going to.
Maybe in another life or some alternate universe. Perhaps there is an instance where a single motion of your hand would have caused a butterfly effect. I single sentence unspoken was the destruction of that relationship a few years back.
It happened. It didn't. It was a choice you made or didn't make but there was a reason for it either way you look at it. You don't have to agree with it. Not all choices are in our control, sometimes we are faced with choices, subtle and otherwise, that are out of our control with no way to get out perfectly clean.
Life is messy.
We must constantly work on ourselves and our relationships. When we stop looking inside of ourselves, we also stop seeing the people and world around us. As blind and hungry creatures, we make these "mistakes" and end up with regret.
Our greatest regret, however, will come at the ends of our lives. As we lay in our death beds, wherever we find ourselves then, the memories we will care about then will be the ones with those who we kept close to us. The regret will be your endless chasing for "better things" that kept you far from those loved ones.
The would've, should've, could've of our lives will haunt us for as long as we allow it.
Life is insufferable.
No matter what you do or how much you care about someone, you are nearly always out of control and lacking in understanding. We believe that the scientists, the historians, our teachers understand what they preach. We believe that we understand their explanations. It is logical. It is scientific. It is true because the people in charge and the educated say so. We are all wrong.
We are wrong because in under to understand something, you have to experience it.
You do not understand that it hurts to fracture a foot until it is your foot that is tight and burning, throbbing in a cast that is set too tightly. You cannot understand the crippling agony of losing a loved one until you are standing over them, laying a rose in their casket. Looking at their longing face for the final time.
It is the same as reading an autobiography and proclaiming to know how it feels to go through the same things, when in reality, you did not experience it no matter how similar or familiar the circumstances seem. They were not yours. So, how dare you to claim them in that way?
We are all guilty of it from time to time. It is in our nature to attempt to identify with others and the things we see. From finding our best friends to declaring to each other which television character we are.
Is it because of our incessant search for our inner selves? We all yearn to know our place and purpose; we want to discover the activities and occupations that make us feel the most alive. We feel that we must do it as soon as possible. What we fail to realize, is that these things change. The changes can happen quickly or over a large period of time. They can happen all at once or bit by bit. Stubbornly, without hesitance for approval, the changes will happen.
The choices we make now lay the path for our futures. That path will change course over and over, you may even choose to carve a new one and wander off. Regardless of what we think is right or wrong, correct or a mistake, time will go on. It runs past us like a river and all we must do is follow it toward the sea where it will eventually end. There will be many trees and bushes to slow us down and we will have to stray into the forest at times to get through.
We will always make it through. We just might not be the same people as we were when we entered the woods.
Throughout your journey, remember: Nothing worthwhile is ever easy and time will never run out.