For me, "normal" was something far more restrictive than it was for everyone else.
The little things people did without even thinking... I could never share in them.
It always felt as though I alone was living in a different flow of time.
That suffocating feeling never truly left me.
A fish that could never swim freely.
A bird that could never take flight.
A flower that would never bloom.
Sometimes, I wondered if I was nothing more than a cage.
A cage shaped like a girl named Uguisu Kanemoto.
As long as I remained who I was, perhaps an ordinary happiness was something forever beyond my reach.
"You have about ten years left."
When those words were first spoken to me, they felt strangely distant.
As if they had been meant for someone else.
I believed I still had plenty of time to accept that reality.
Yet before resignation could settle in...
Resolve came first.
If I pushed myself too hard, my parents would only suffer.
At the very least, I didn't want anyone else to cry because of me.
That was the decision I made.
That was the lie I repeated until it became truth.
I wore dignity like a mask.
I became the ideal "Uguisu Kanemoto."
I would be strong.
I would continue living that way.
And yet...
...Ah.
So that was it.
You shattered that resolve...
That determination...
As though it were nothing at all.
"You're normal."
No words could have resonated with me more deeply.
No...
There was one other sound.
The ringing of the bell that connected us.
That sound echoed just as clearly.
That was when it all began.
The time we shared together.
"So... what exactly did you want to talk to me about, Uguisu-senpai?"
"Forgive me for asking so suddenly, Miyako-san. It's... well... one of those conversations girls are supposed to have."
After school, the clubroom had emptied, leaving only the two of us.
Miyako-san.
One of the few girls Hineya-kun treated completely naturally.
If anyone embodied the "normal" Himeya-kun often spoke about...
It would be her.
"I imagine you've already heard about Shin-kun and me."
"I mean... after that dramatic confession in front of your classroom? I'd be surprised if there was anyone in school who hasn't heard."
"...Was that not something people normally do?"
I asked as Miyako-san smiled with an expression that seemed to say far more than her words.
"Umm..."
She scratched her cheek awkwardly.
"I guess... there are people who'd do something like that... maybe?"
"I see."
Relief escaped my shoulders.
"Then I wasn't mistaken."
"...Eh? Well... I suppose that's one way to put it."
Her answer was hesitant.
Still, it sounded as though my actions hadn't been entirely inappropriate.
That alone was enough.
"So?"
Miyako-san turned toward me again with her usual cheerful smile.
"What did you want to ask?"
"...To be honest..."
I straightened my posture.
"I've never dated anyone before."
"Mhm."
"I don't actually know what... a normal relationship is supposed to look like."
"I see."
"So..."
I lowered my head ever so slightly.
"Would you teach me?"
"...Teach you what?"
"How to be Shin-kun's girlfriend."
Silence.
Miyako-san stared at me for a long moment before closing her eyes and tilting her head toward the ceiling.
"Hmmm..."
She looked as though she were trying to solve a difficult puzzle.
"Um..."
She finally spoke.
"Why me?"
"Because..."
I answered honestly.
"When I thought about the girls Shin-kun spends the most time with... you were the only person who came to mind."
"Makes sense."
She nodded repeatedly with her eyes still closed.
"I figured that since you're able to be around him so naturally... you would know how to give me proper advice."
She immediately thrust a finger toward me.
"Objection!"
"...Eh?"
"I'm Himeya's friend."
She pointed at herself.
"You're his girlfriend."
Then she pointed at me.
"You can't treat those two roles the same way."
"...I suppose you're right."
I couldn't argue with that.
"Listen."
She folded her arms confidently.
"This is where you go all-in as his girlfriend."
"...As his girlfriend?"
"Exactly."
She grinned.
"Coming to pick him up after school the other day?"
She gave me a thumbs-up.
"That was a total pass."
"...Really?"
"Totally."
She began pacing back and forth across the clubroom.
"That guy reads a ridiculous amount of books."
"...He does."
"Which means he's definitely dreamed about all those classic romantic scenes."
"...Isn't that a bit of a stereotype? I read quite a lot myself."
She suddenly leaned toward me.
"But don't you dream about the romances you read?"
"..."
I hesitated.
"...If I said no..."
A small smile found its way onto my lips.
"...I'd be lying."
Books had always been more than stories to me.
They were knowledge.
They were worlds I could never reach.
Dreams that remained forever beyond my grasp.
"So then," Miyako-san said with a satisfied nod, "doesn't that mean the two of you already have the perfect textbook?"
"..."
I considered her words.
"...Perhaps you're right."
"So stop worrying."
She smiled brightly.
"If something feels right..."
"Just do it."
"...I understand."
A gentle smile spread across my face.
"Thank you, Miyako-san."
"I'm glad I asked you."
She laughed.
"No problem."
The following morning, I left home earlier than usual.
I walked along the familiar road I took every day to school...
...then continued straight past the school gates.
Beyond that point lay a road I had never walked before.
It felt strangely exciting.
Almost like setting out on an adventure.
Perhaps the reason my heart was pounding so loudly was because I knew just how bold this was.
Or perhaps...
It was simply because I was about to see Himeya-kun first thing in the morning.
When I finally arrived in front of his house, I took a deep breath.
I needed to calm myself.
If I arrived flustered, Himeya-kun might start worrying about me for no reason.
"..."
Should I ring the doorbell?
Would I end up greeting his parents all of a sudden?
No...
That was far too soon.
Still...
What kind of face would Himeya-kun make?
Would he be surprised if I suddenly asked him to walk to school together?
No...
Of course he would.
At least, I certainly would.
"...Hehe."
A quiet laugh escaped my lips.
Because instead of imagining his surprise...
I imagined how happy I would be if someone came to meet me like this.
Unable to stop smiling, I gently covered my cheeks with both hands.
Just then...
The front door opened.
"Shin-kun."
"...Huh?"
His eyes widened.
"Senpai? Wait... why are you here?"
"I wanted to try walking to school together."
I smiled.
"That's something lovers do, isn't it?"
For a moment...
He simply stared at me.
Then his shoulders relaxed as a sheepish smile appeared.
"...You really surprised me."
"I'm sorry."
"No..."
He laughed.
"I think I'm just happy."
Those simple words were enough to send another warmth blooming through my chest.
Perhaps...
This was what people meant when they talked about ordinary happiness.
A few days later.
The lunch bell rang.
Almost immediately, I picked up the wrapped lunchbox I had carefully prepared that morning and left my classroom.
My destination was obvious.
The second-year classrooms.
Where Himeya-kun was waiting.
No...
He wasn't actually waiting.
I simply wished he were.
"..."
My cheeks were softening into another smile.
Had my face always been this honest with my emotions?
Unable to stop it, I gently pulled at my cheeks before sliding open the classroom door.
"Uguisu-senpai!"
The first person to greet me was Miyako-san.
"Welcome."
"Thank you for having me."
Her eyes immediately dropped to the cloth-wrapped bundle in my hands.
A knowing grin spread across her face.
Without saying a word, she flashed me a thumbs-up.
I answered with a firm nod.
Mission understood.
"Senpai?"
Himeya-kun stood up from his seat and walked over.
"What brings you here?"
"I was wondering..."
I held the bundle close to my chest.
"...if you'd like to have lunch together."
"Sure."
He smiled immediately.
"Let's go. I'll just grab something from the cafeteria first."
"That won't be necessary."
"...Huh?"
"I prepared your lunch as well."
I lifted the wrapped box so he could see it.
The classroom froze.
"M-M-M-Made..."
One of Himeya-kun's friends stared at me in disbelief.
"...A homemade lunch?"
Another finished the sentence for him.
Both of them slowly turned toward Himeya-kun.
The expressions on their faces weren't anger.
Nor jealousy.
It was something far more difficult to describe.
A mixture of envy...
Shock...
And complete disbelief.
Miyako-san, naturally, decided to make things worse.
"Wooooo!"
She clapped dramatically.
"Look at you, Senpai! You're going all out!"
Himeya-kun rubbed the back of his head, looking slightly embarrassed.
"...Let's eat on the rooftop."
He scratched his cheek.
"...It feels more like something couples would do."
"...All right."
I smiled.
For some reason...
He looked just a little troubled.
That night...
After we had shared lunch together on the rooftop...
I sat quietly on my bed with a novel in my hands.
Not one of my usual books.
Since I had started dating Himeya-kun...
I had begun exploring an entirely new genre.
Teen romance novels.
Many of them had originally been written for mobile phones.
Perhaps because of that, the dialogue came quickly.
The sentences were short.
Direct.
Only the emotions that truly mattered remained.
Before I realized it...
I had become completely absorbed.
There were still so many different ways stories could be written.
So many ways to convey love.
"...Though..."
I quietly closed the book.
"This genre is... rather intense."
Forbidden love.
Drugs.
Love triangles.
Infidelity.
Assault.
Death.
Page after page was filled with situations that most people would probably consider the very opposite of pure romance.
What surprised me even more...
Was learning that some of these stories had been written by girls no older than I was.
If these novels were so popular...
Perhaps this was what people considered normal now.
"...A passionate romance like this..."
I murmured.
"...It truly is both poison and medicine."
I closed my eyes.
And imagined.
It came far more easily than I expected.
After all...
I already had a memory to build upon.
The rooftop.
The lunch we had shared together.
I replaced the heroine of the novel...
With myself.
And the hero...
With Himeya-kun.
The scenery slowly unfolded behind my eyelids.
The warning bell announcing the end of lunch echoed across the rooftop.
"Senpai... today's lunch was delicious."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it."
"Though... the rolled omelet was incredibly sweet."
"I apologize. I may have added too much sugar."
As the other students gradually returned to the school building, I quietly packed away our lunchboxes.
"Well then..."
"Shall we head back, Shin-kun?"
There was no answer.
"...Shin-kun?"
I called again.
Still...
He remained seated.
Before long, everyone else had disappeared.
Only the two of us remained on the rooftop.
Then...
The bell signaling the start of afternoon classes rang.
"Shin-kun... we'll be late."
He smiled.
"I'm still hungry."
"Eh?"
I blinked.
"I'm sorry... I wasn't sure how much boys usually eat..."
Had I not prepared enough?
Guilt immediately settled over me.
"That's not what I meant."
He slowly stood.
"Dessert."
Before I realized it...
He had stepped closer.
Closer.
Until my back gently touched the wall behind me.
He rested one hand beside my shoulder.
Trapping me.
Not forcefully.
Simply...
Leaving nowhere for my heart to escape.
His face was so close.
But more overwhelming than the distance...
Were his eyes.
They looked directly into mine.
My entire body felt hot.
"I'm... sorry..."
I whispered.
"I didn't prepare dessert..."
"You did."
He smiled.
"It's right in front of me."
He leaned even closer.
A kiss.
Surely...
He was going to kiss me.
Instinctively, I squeezed my eyes shut.
But...
Nothing touched my lips.
Instead...
A warm breath brushed against my ear.
"We've got fifty whole minutes before anyone interrupts us."
His voice was lower than usual.
Soft.
A whisper.
It sent a shiver through my entire body.
"S-Shin-kun..."
I could barely form words.
"Skipping class just to stay on the rooftop..."
"That's perfectly normal."
His whisper carried a playful smile.
"When two people are in love... they stop caring about time or place."
Then...
His lips drew nearer...
"Hah...!"
My eyes snapped open.
"..."
"..."
I was hugging my pillow.
My own lips were pressed gently against it.
"...W-What have I done...?"
Himeya-kun would never be that forceful.
And yet...
"...Is..."
I stared at the pillow in my arms.
"...Is this how... kissing is supposed to feel?"
Tilting my head slightly...
Would it make it easier for Himeya-kun to kiss me?
Would slightly damp lips feel softer?
Thinking only of him...
I timidly kissed the pillow once more.
Another afternoon found me alone with Miyako-san in the clubroom.
The moment she saw me, she broke into a wide grin.
"Nice, nice! You're doing a great job acting like a real girlfriend."
"Is that so?"
I couldn't help smiling.
"If that's true, then all my efforts have been worthwhile."
"So?"
She leaned forward eagerly.
"What did you two do today?"
"I tried something I read about yesterday."
"Oh?"
"There was a story where a couple used a photo of themselves together as their phone's lock screen."
I took out my smartphone.
"So I thought we'd try it ourselves."
Miyako-san's eyes sparkled.
"That's perfect! Totally something a happy couple would do nowadays!"
She practically bounced in place.
"Come on! Show me!"
I unlocked my phone and held it out.
"This is the one."
"..."
"...Whoa."
She stared at the screen for several seconds.
"A selfie in a hallway?"
She burst out laughing.
"That's actually amazing."
"I don't think it's anything that remarkable."
"Oh, it is."
She shook her head.
"School isn't somewhere you stay forever."
She spoke more quietly now.
"One day you'll graduate."
"You'll stop wearing those uniforms."
"You'll move on."
Her finger gently tapped the screen.
"But this picture..."
"It captured a moment you'll never get back."
"..."
"Our history together."
I found myself smiling.
"Yes."
"I suppose you're right."
"This really is one page of the story Shin-kun and I are writing together."
Miyako-san folded her hands dramatically.
"Send it to me!"
"...No."
"Come on!"
"I need evidence."
"So I can tease Himeya later."
"I'm afraid I can't allow that."
"Aww."
She puffed out her cheeks.
"I'm kidding."
"...Mostly."
"I just want it as a memory too."
She smiled.
"After all..."
"I've basically been Cupid for you two."
"...That's true."
I laughed softly.
"You've helped me many times."
"If it's only the photograph..."
I started to unlock my phone again.
Then...
Himeya-kun's face appeared in my mind.
That small, uncertain smile.
The expression he wore whenever he seemed to be holding something back.
"..."
"Uguisu-senpai?"
Miyako-san tilted her head.
"Is something wrong?"
"...No."
I lowered my eyes.
"I've been very happy."
"...But..."
"Is Shin-kun truly happy as well?"
She blinked.
"What?"
"I've been trying so hard to become..."
"...a proper girlfriend."
"But..."
"What if I'm only satisfying myself?"
"What if..."
"...I'm making things difficult for him?"
Miyako-san laughed.
Not mockingly.
Warmly.
"There isn't a boyfriend alive who'd hate having a girlfriend who cares this much."
She stepped closer.
"You know Himeya."
"He acts first and thinks later."
I nodded.
"Yet..."
"He's also ridiculously considerate."
"He worries too much about everyone else."
"...Does he?"
"He absolutely does."
She crossed her arms.
"He's so kind that he ends up holding himself back."
"But..."
"He told me he wanted to treat me normally."
"He said he wouldn't hesitate around me."
"He says that."
She shrugged.
"But he's still holding back."
"..."
She looked me directly in the eyes.
"You two still haven't kissed, have you?"
"K-Kissed...?!"
The word exploded inside my head.
Heat rushed to my face so quickly I thought I might faint.
"I..."
"Th-That's..."
"..."
I hurriedly pressed my lips together, trying to regain my composure.
Unfortunately...
That only made me more aware of them.
Miyako-san giggled.
"That reaction tells me everything."
She rested her hands behind her head.
"You know..."
"Healthy teenage boys want to flirt with their girlfriends."
"..."
"I..."
I struggled to answer.
"I wouldn't..."
"...object..."
"...if Shin-kun wanted to."
The moment the words left my mouth...
My face became even hotter.
Miyako-san stared.
Then...
"...Wow."
"What?"
"I didn't expect you to be so aggressive."
"Aggressive?"
"Well..."
She laughed.
"I'm not saying you should pin him down or anything."
"...Would that be inappropriate?"
"..."
"..."
She stared at me.
"You actually considered it?"
"There was a novel..."
I mumbled.
"...where something similar happened."
"I thought..."
"...if the timing were right..."
"...perhaps..."
"..."
My voice grew quieter with every word.
Miyako-san covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing.
"Uguisu-senpai..."
"I seriously underestimated you."
I buried my face in my hands.
"Normally..."
"...don't girls want the boy to make the first move?"
"..."
"...Yes."
I nodded so hard my bangs nearly fell into my eyes.
"I thought so."
She smiled knowingly.
"You've probably even practiced kissing with your pillow."
"..."
"...Eh?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
The world stopped.
"...Eh?"
My voice cracked.
Miyako-san blinked.
"Huh?"
"...H-How..."
"...did you know...?"
"..."
She looked genuinely confused.
"I wasn't talking about you."
"I meant Himeya."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Could you..."
"...forget..."
"...that you ever said that...?"
Miyako-san's eyes grew wider.
Then she exploded into laughter.
"NO WAY!"
She clutched her stomach.
"That's adorable!"
"I can't believe you actually practiced!"
"..."
Only then did I learn something new.
If embarrassment became intense enough...
Your face stopped feeling hot.
It became strangely...
Cold.
Miyako-san slowly wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
Then...
She suddenly placed a finger against her lips.
"...Want to practice?"
I blinked.
"...Practice?"
"Kissing."
"I'm afraid I don't understand what you're suggesting."
"If it's between girls..."
"...it doesn't count."
She casually licked her lips.
"..."
"...N-No..."
"I..."
"...I don't think..."
"..."
"But why?"
"...Wouldn't Himeya be upset?"
"That's one reason."
I nodded.
"But..."
"I'd also feel guilty asking you to go that far for me."
Miyako-san grinned.
"So..."
"If I'm okay with it..."
"Then it's okay?"
Before I could answer...
She suddenly closed the distance between us.
One step.
That was all it took.
She placed one hand against the wall beside my head.
Blocking my escape.
"...!"
My heart skipped.
This...
This was exactly like the scene I'd imagined.
Even though it wasn't Himeya-kun standing before me...
The memory of my own fantasy flooded back.
Heat rose through my body.
Without thinking...
My eyes drifted shut.
"...Uh-oh..."
Miyako-san muttered.
"...Now I kind of want to kiss you for real."
Those words jolted me back to reality.
"No!"
I quickly placed both hands on her shoulders, stopping her from moving any closer.
"I..."
"My first kiss..."
I took a shaky breath.
"...Whether it's with a boy or a girl..."
"I want it..."
"...to belong to Shin-kun."
For a moment...
Neither of us spoke.
Then Miyako-san laughed.
"You know..."
"In a manga..."
"This is exactly when Himeya would walk through that door."
"..."
She wasn't wrong.
Without thinking, I glanced toward the clubroom entrance.
The door remained firmly shut.
I let out a relieved sigh.
Miyako-san smiled softly.
"You really are cute, Senpai."
"I used to think you were this mature, elegant upperclassman."
"..."
"I only pretended to be."
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
"If I've changed..."
"...it's because of Shin-kun."
Miyako-san looked at me for a long moment.
Then a mischievous smile slowly spread across her face.
"I've got an idea."
"...An idea?"
She reached into her pocket and pulled out her smartphone.
"Let's make a video."
"...A video?"
"A love message."
She held up the phone like a microphone.
"For Shin Himeya."
I blinked.
"..."
"...I've never read a novel with a scene like that."
Miyako-san laughed.
"Then let's make one."
"Something that'll never change."
She gently pushed me toward a chair.
"Come on."
"Sit."
"Look at the camera."
"...W-Wait, Miyako-san..."
"Nope."
"Ready?"
She pressed the record button.
"Go."
"I've never seen anything like this in a novel..."
I looked uncertainly at the smartphone Miyako-san held in front of me.
"It's a sudden idea."
She grinned.
"You said you've changed, right?"
"Then why don't we preserve the version of you that exists now?"
"The you who's in love."
"The you who'll never be exactly the same again."
"..."
"Go on."
She pointed toward the chair.
"Sit down."
I still didn't fully understand what she meant.
Even so...
I quietly obeyed.
"Look over here."
She raised the phone.
"And just say whatever comes to mind."
"...Whatever comes to mind?"
"Yep."
"Imagine Himeya's the one watching."
"..."
That...
Wasn't difficult at all.
Because the moment I pictured Himeya-kun...
The words began flowing on their own.
Without hesitation.
Without preparation.
As naturally as breathing.
"...Ready?"
"Yes."
"Recording."
The tiny red light appeared.
I looked straight into the camera.
No...
I looked straight at him.
"Shin-kun."
"I can't even imagine a future where these feelings fade."
"Right now..."
"I'm experiencing, with every part of my heart..."
"...just how wonderful it is to love someone."
"I don't think..."
"I could ever forget these feelings."
"Not for the rest of my life."
"..."
"I've spent so long believing that ordinary happiness wasn't meant for someone like me."
"But then..."
"You looked at me."
"And you smiled."
"You treated me as though there was nothing unusual about me."
"As though I was simply..."
"...a normal girl."
"Those words saved me."
"Without you ever realizing it..."
"...you rescued me."
"So..."
"Thank you."
"And..."
"I hope..."
"...I can make you just as happy as you've made me."
"..."
"I love you."
"...More than anyone."
"...Cut."
The recording ended.
Only then did the embarrassment finally catch up with me.
"...Uugh..."
I covered my burning face with both hands.
"Did..."
"...did you really record all of that?"
"Of course."
Miyako-san was smiling from ear to ear.
"Wanna watch?"
Before I could stop her...
She pressed play.
There I was.
On the screen.
Looking directly into the camera.
Looking directly at Himeya-kun.
"I can't even imagine a future where these feelings fade."
"I'm experiencing, with every part of my heart, just how wonderful it is to love someone."
"I don't think I'll ever forget these feelings."
"Not for the rest of my life."
The recording ended.
Silence filled the room.
"..."
"...Uguisu-senpai?"
I continued staring at the screen.
"...I..."
I whispered quietly.
"I can make..."
"...that kind of face."
"Hm?"
"I never knew."
"When I talk about Shin-kun..."
"...I look..."
"...that happy."
Until this moment...
I had never truly seen myself.
Not objectively.
Not honestly.
Only now did I realize it.
I really...
Truly...
Loved him.
This was a side of myself I hadn't known existed.
And somehow...
It filled me with warmth.
"...Still..."
I looked back at Miyako-san.
"What exactly is a video like this supposed to be used for?"
"Hmm..."
She tapped her chin dramatically.
"If you two ever get into a fight..."
"You could use it to make up."
"...What if we never fight?"
"...Uh..."
She fell silent.
Several seconds passed.
Then suddenly...
"I've got it!"
She clenched her fist triumphantly.
"Your wedding!"
"...W-Wedding?"
"If they play this during the ceremony..."
"When they're showing how you two met..."
"Himeya will cry."
"W-Wait!"
I nearly jumped out of my chair.
"I'll be the one crying!"
"I'll die from embarrassment before the ceremony even ends!"
"Then..."
Miyako-san laughed.
"You can both cry together."
"Please!"
I reached toward her.
"Delete it!"
"Nope."
She hugged the phone protectively against her chest.
"This masterpiece isn't going anywhere."
Then...
She played it again.
Watching it with an unexpectedly gentle smile.
"...It's beautiful."
"..."
"It makes you realize..."
"...just how happy loving someone can make you."
"..."
I nodded.
"...Yes."
"You're right."
"It really does."
She lowered the phone.
"Himeya's a good guy."
"Uguisu-senpai..."
She looked me in the eyes.
"Please take good care of him."
"...Miyako-san?"
She smiled.
"And I'd better make sure this video's backed up somewhere safe."
"..."
"...Could you..."
"...please not?"
"Nope."
She stuck out her tongue playfully.
I couldn't help laughing.
Yes...
It was embarrassing.
Painfully so.
But...
It was also something I could be proud of.
Because every word in that video...
Was true.
I wondered...
Would Himeya-kun ever see it?
If he did...
When would that day come?
I still hadn't told him.
The truth about my body.
The truth I knew I could never hide forever.
Miyako-san had said he would cry if he watched this someday.
But...
If that day ever came...
I wanted Himeya-kun to smile
I wanted to sit beside him.
My face bright red.
Tears in my eyes from sheer embarrassment.
And together...
We'd laugh.
I wanted to believe...
That such a future was still possible.
This video...
Was nothing more than the feelings of one perfectly ordinary girl...
Who had fallen hopelessly in love with the boy named Shin Himeya.
No masks.
Just...
Me.
Exactly as I was.
"Because I am simply a girl named Uguisu Kanemoto."