"That same place again."
It's been 4 years since I've began dreaming of living another lifetime. I don't know when it started but I became aware of it during my eighth birthday. At first, I thought it was simply another one of my many dreams that we tend to forget as the day passes but the memories just wouldn't fade no matter what. What unsettled me the most was its consistency. It feels like every time I fall asleep, I dream of another me in another lifetime and in another place.
I dream of it every day, living the mundane life of a technologically advanced world and last night wouldn't have been so different if I hadn't dreamt of death.
"Look at him, isn't he the most beautiful creature you've ever seen?"
The thoughts of death were buried behind me as I smiled at my family. The royal couple could barely contain their excitement as they hovered around the ugliest child I have ever seen.
"Isn't he lovely Artie?"
I looked at the balding little creature with few gold tendrils on its head. The way it opens its toothless mouth, with drool that just won't stop, makes my whole body shiver. How can I use the word 'lovely' to describe such ugliness? I stared up at my mom and dad and their kind faces.
"Yes. He's terribly... beautiful."
"Shouldn't it be time for you to prepare for your debutante ball tonight?"
My mother's empathic gaze and father's sad smile brought back some unpleasant memories.
In contrast to other places, in our culture, a debutante ball is held every year for girls between the ages of 14 and 18. This is an indication for one to enter the noblesse circle. You might be wondering what the difference is between being one and not. First and foremost, it is a privilege. Only people belonging to the noblesse circle are allowed to own, vote, apply for positions, inherit titles, and get married. In my dreams, for one to be accepted in the society one must reach the age of 18.
"It's gonna be alright." my mom squeezed my hand. "For once, I just hope you never win this time."
For a mother to utter such ominous words meant that something terrible was about to happen at the debutante ball.
"I'm of royal birth mom, what I do is for the people. " I smiled at my mom.
I looked down at the infant princeling, his fists flailing blindly, his face red with the effort of existing. Poor creature. He had no idea of the world that would one day demand his obedience — or his crown.
And I hope this ugly beast won't have to rule a fallen country.
I reached down and pinched his plump cheek, a smile curving my lips. "You are going to rule an empire," I whispered to him, not as a blessing but as a promise. A promise that one day, when the time came, I would see to it myself.
He gurgled in reply, a wet, ridiculous sound. My parents cooed as though it were profound.
The words lingered, heavy as iron chains. Empire. Dreams. Death. They circled me like vultures.
I laughed — sweet, practiced, perfectly princess-like — but inside, my thoughts were sharper.