"Kwan, I am so sorry I couldn't make it. My cat got into labor just as I was about to leave. I called the vet but he told me to deliver her at home. I was so caught up with her that I didn't get a chance to inform you. I am so sorry. I am really really sorry." He apologized sincerely.
"Can I come over?" It was all I could ask. I felt like he was slipping away from me again and I didn't want it to repeat. I wanted to see him, right then.
"Huh?"
"Send me your location."
"Okay." He said quietly.
I hanged up and waited for him to send me the location which he did quickly. I set the navigation and followed the direction. The rain was getting just heavier and heavier. I made it to the right location and managed to park in front of the building. Without wasting any time, I ran out in the rain and to the building. I checked his apartment number again and made my way to him. My heart was beating weirdly for some reason. It was as if I was running out of time. I was filled with mixed emotions and my throat felt tight.
I rang the bell and waited patiently. The door opened and I met his troubled eyes. In that moment, I just wanted to hold him and break down completely. Holding myself felt so hard. The lump in my throat was getting bigger and tighter.
"Oh my god. Did you run under the rain? You are wet." He exclaimed, almost reaching out to touch my hair but his hand stopped mid way and he withdrew it.
My heart skipped a beat at his gesture. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel his touch, again. I wanted to remember how his warm touch felt like. I had been mourning for it for years.
He smiled. "Come in. My cat just gave birth so I am a little wrecked."
I raised my eyebrows. "You have a cat?"
He nodded, ushering me in. "Yes. Come, see her little kittens."
I walked in and looked around for a while. It was a cozy apartment with a hall, two rooms and a kitchen. He led me to one of the rooms where in a big cardboard was his cat and her two kittens. The first thing I noticed was her contractions were not over.
"Her kittens are so pretty, aren't they?" He asked, smiling admiringly at his cat.
I stared at him. "Yes, very pretty."
"She is the cat from our school. I fed her for months there and got attached. When I found she is pregnant, I took her in. I had no idea when she would give birth. It was such a shock for me. I never saw any animal give birth before. She looked so much in pain. I had to be there for her. And I-" He turned to me and stopped as he found me staring at him. "-I am sorry. I should have informed you. Did you wait for me?"
There. I couldn't hold back anymore. I stepped forward towards him and pulled him into an embrace. He completely froze. I sighed heavily in relief. He still felt tiny in my embrace.
"I have been waiting for you every single day." I said, breaking down completely. "I-I don't know what to do, Kao. I was so helpless. I couldn't find you anywhere...I just couldn't find you..." I held him tighter.
"Kwan...please...let go." He placed both his hands on my chest and pushed me away gently. He looked up at me. "Please, don't."
My heart shattered. I stared at him, unable to believe it. I couldn't make out what he was thinking. His eyes didn't give away anything.
The cat started to meow in pain as her contractions started again. He looked at her in panic.
"She still has kittens to deliver." I said.
He looked at me for a moment then rushed out of the room. He entered few seconds later with a towel in hand. He sat on the floor beside the cat and wiped off the blood. I sat down next to him, watching him. I could tell he had gotten ready for dinner with me. He was still in his formal pants and white shirt. My heart felt heavy as I watched him. Those years of suffering came flooding to me. Was I the only one hoping to meet again? Was I the only one missing him? Was I the only one suffering?
"Oh my god, look!" He exclaimed as the cat gave birth to another kitten.
I reached out to pat the mother cat's head. I observed her stomach and there was no more contractions. "I think we should give her some privacy." I said.
He looked at me. "Are you sure?"
I nodded. "They are natural warriors."
"Okay..." He looked unsure.
We walked back to the hall. The atmosphere was tensed between us. I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know. I wanted my answers.
I sat on the couch as he went to wash his hands. I stared at the floor. And slowly, my heart started to fill with rage. I felt like he didn't care about me. He didn't show any emotions when he saw me. He didn't act like he missed me. I felt like I was the only one who had been suffering those years. From the corner of my eyes, I saw him enter the room.
"Why did you do that to me?" I asked, still staring at the floor. I didn't want to beat around the bush.
"Huh? I told you-"
"No!" I yelled and looked at him. He flinched in fear visibly and my heart filled with guilt immediately. And in that moment, I swore to never raise my voice at him again.
I got on my feet and walked closer to him. He stepped back with fear in his eyes. I froze. He looked scared and troubled. It felt weird.
"Kao, why did you do that to me? I-I ..." My voice broke. "I was so helpless. You left me no clue. You didn't tell me why you left me. You didn't even give me a chance to explain. Why did you leave me, Kao?" I asked, turning my voice soft.
His eyes filled with tears and his mouth trembled. "Kwan." he called my name.
I stepped closer and pulled him into a hug. We both sobbed for a while in each other's arms. I wanted to hold him forever. I thought my feelings for him had faded but the day I saw him again, those feelings overwhelmed me. And in that moment, I didn't know what to do with those overwhelmed feelings.
"I didn't want you anymore and I didn't have the courage to tell you. That's why I decided to ditch you that way." He spoke.
I frowned and pulled away slowly. Did I hear that right? I stared at him in disbelief. He stared right back into my eyes and I doubted if he was lying. But he was staring right into my eyes. I felt weak. I reached to cup his face in my hands.
"You are lying, right?" I asked. It must have been false.
He shook his head. "I am sorry. It's the truth."
"But you told me you loved me and that you were happier with me. Were those a lie?" I asked in hopelessness.
He nodded, a tear rolling down his eyes.
I shook my head in disbelief. That can't be. "You didn't want me anymore? Why?"
"I-I was embarrassed."
My hands fell from his face. More tears filled my eyes. "Embarrassed?"
"I am a boy. I must have been distracted for a while. I realized it later. I couldn't gather courage to tell you."
I stepped away from him. I just couldn't take it anymore. "Okay." I said, turning to leave. Tears streamed down my face as I made my way back to the car. I didn't care if I soaked under the rain. I got in and drove away.
The next morning Jeremy showed up early. I was still in bed and he slipped in with me.
"Good morning." He greeted, kicking my behind lightly.
I stared at him. "Good morning."
"Wow, I guess you slept a lot. Your eyes are all swollen." He laughed.
I closed my eyes again.
"Come on, wake up. We gotta go." He shifted closer and tickled me.
I moved away from him and turned the other way.
He moved closer and wrapped himself around me. "Wake up."
"No."
"Lazy. We need to go. My uncle is waiting to meet you."
"What did you tell them about me?" I asked, turning to face him.
He brought his face closer to mine, making his eyes bigger. "That you are someone I am seeing."
I gasped. "What? Seriously?"
He laughed. "Yes." He seemed to be in a good mood.
I sighed.
He pecked my lips. My eyes widened. He repeated it again and again.
"What are you doing?" I asked, leaning my face away from him.
"Kissing you." He grinned and pecked my lips again. "You look so cute like this."
I smiled, shaking my head.
"Come here, let me kiss you." He tried to kiss me again but I placed my hands over his chest and pushed him down. He laughed as I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom.