Jeremy was acting a little disconnected for the past few days. I couldn't make out the reason as every time I asked him if something was wrong, he would say it was nothing. He was acting out of character. He had always been a little quiet and reserved but those days, he was just weird. He didn't talk freely or even tease me. And he was spending more time alone. He didn't visit me frequently nor asked me to hang out with him. Maybe it was just a phase.
I took leave early on Friday. As soon as I was done, I rushed to the medical chamber.
"Hi." I breathed. He was grabbing his things from his desk and he smiled broadly at me.
"Hi."
"Tonight's for sure right?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yes."
I bit my tongue in nervousness. "Before that, can we...exchange numbers? Like we would need to contact each other right?" It sounded so lame.
He chuckled softly. "Yes sure."
I didn't know why I was being that way. I felt young and reckless. I wanted to be hopelessly in love. I was being immature, running after work to see him just once. I wanted to reconcile and talk to him. I had so much to tell him, so much to ask. I didn't know what his feelings were but from my end, I just wanted to talk with him, even if it meant to be starting from first base.
"Why did you choose to be a high-school doctor?" I asked, as he took his white gown off and hung it up.
He pressed his lips together. "I did my internship at the city hospital and realized I wasn't made for that. So I joined this school."
I nodded. "Why didn't you go abroad?"
He turned to look at me in surprise. And for some reason, the atmosphere between us grew heavy. I could feel it. "I...just didn't want to." He said and quickly looked away.
I nodded again.
We walked to the parking lot together in silence. He was glancing at me frequently as I walked a step behind him.
"Why are you following me?" He asked.
"I am not following you. I am going the same way as you." I said. The weather was cold. I looked up at the gray sky and then at him. His back looked lonely.
He was walking to his car and I followed him. He turned to face me, after coming to a halt in front of a Hyundai Verna. "Which time are we meeting?" He asked, looking into my eyes.
I stared at his eyes in nervousness. "Um seven?"
He smiled. "Okay." He said and outstretched his hand out, palms up. I looked at it and then at him. For a moment, I almost reached to take his hand. "Your phone." He said. I shook my thoughts and handed him my phone.
He saved his number and gave it back to me.
My heart was racing and I could feel my ears turning hot and red. I immediately gave him a missed call. My heart ached a little as I realized something. "Um my number is still the same as before." I said, smiling hesitantly.
He looked at me sharply in surprise, not expecting me to say something like that.
"Did you lose it before?" I blurted out. I was just so curious to know what actually happened.
His eyes fell. He didn't say anything. My heart sank. Why wasn't he answering? What really happened? Why was he being like that?
"Kwan I..." He trailed off as I leaned forward in hope for an answer. He shook his head. "Nothing. Leave it."
I frowned. Leave? Leave what?
"I will see you later." He said and without even looking at me, he got in his car and drove away. I stared after the car, processing what just happened.
I realized he was uncomfortable. He was uncomfortable with my question. He didn't want to answer it. But why? What was he hiding?
I drove back to my place thinking about his behavior. He had changed a lot. He had grown into a man. His features were sharper than before, his voice a note lower and his personality was distant. He wasn't the happy-go-lucky person anymore. He was quiet and just distant.
Back home, Jeremy was waiting for me. I was surprised as for the past few days, he was sort of ignoring me. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him. I couldn't keep him in the dark. I shouldn't do that. But what would I say? That the guy I once loved so much had suddenly appeared in front of me after all these years and that I wanted to try my luck again? That would be so disastrous. What would he think of me?
I changed my clothes and washed my face. I stared at myself in the mirror. The more I stared, the more it turned creepy. I shook my head at my own silliness and walked out of the bathroom. Jeremy was sitting on the bed. He got up and walked to me. He crushed himself over me, hugging me tightly. I was taken aback.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Just a moment." He breathed and grew more comfortable in my arms. I held him back and sighed, resting my chin on his shoulder. I needed a hug too. It was soothing.
"So want to talk about why you have been acting weird these days?" I asked quietly. He must have been going through something and just needed time to himself.
"Not yet." He buried his face in my neck. "Why do you always smell so good?"
I rubbed his back. "Take your time. Talk to me when you are ready." And I will talk to you when your distress is gone.
He nodded, inhaling on my neck. He leaned back and looked me in the eyes. I thought he was going to say something but he didn't.
"What?" It felt weird.
"Whoever gets you will be very lucky. And I am sure I am not the one." He said.
I frowned. What did he mean?
Before I could ask anything, he broke into a smile. "Okay. I should leave now. See you tomorrow. I will pick you up at ten in the morning." Oh yeah, the visit to his uncle.
"Okay." I nodded.
He turned around and left the room. What happened to him? Everyone around me were weird. What did he mean he was not the one? What did he know?
I lied down on the bed, ready to take a nap. As I closed my eyes, my mind ran my day's flashback. I fell asleep wondering and trying to figure out things.
I woke up by the alarm. I jolted up on bed in excitement. That was it. I could definitely get my answers during dinner. I wrecked my closet, trying to find something to wear. Finally, I settled to wear something formal. I wore my warmer inside, white shirt and the light blue blazer and pant. It shouldn't be too much. I styled my hair up and applied a lot of perfume. I was finally ready to go. I checked myself in the mirror one last time and left.
I reached the destination we planned to meet and to my disappointment, he wasn't there yet. I asked the waiter for a nice seat in the corner where we would get a little privacy and sat down, waiting. I checked the time and realized I was early. I looked around the fancy place. The music was nice. They were playing piano pieces and the atmosphere was very calm and quiet. Customers talked quietly among themselves and from a glance I could tell they were classy and rich. Looking around, I was surprised to find that the music wasn't from any music system but there was someone playing live piano at the other corner. I watched the young guy play the piano, getting lost in the beautiful tune.
I started to get nervous as it was past seven and he still hadn't showed up. I thought of giving him a call but I didn't want to appear hyper. He could be stuck in traffic. But my heart started to sink when it was seven thirty and he still hadn't showed up. The waiter had come for my order twice already. I didn't want to even think about him ditching me. I shouldn't think that. Maybe he was just running late. By the time, it was seven forty-five, I was devastated. Maybe he really stood me up. I leaned back on my chair and stared at the empty chair across me. I decided to leave when the clock struck eight. I was expecting him to show up before that. But to my disappointment, he actually didn't show up. And it broke my heart. Again.
I stood up and walked out with my eyes on the ground. As I stepped outside, I was greeted by a heavy rain. Luckily my car was parked underground. The valet brought it and I drove away carefully. To distract my mind, I played the radio. To make it worse, 'into you' by Ariana Grande started playing. I turned it off. My throat felt tight. I was in disbelief that he didn't show up. My sight started to get blurry so I parked at the side of the street and stared st the steering wheel. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. I placed my head against the steering and exhaled my sadness.
The vibration of my phone startled me and I looked at the caller id. My heart lit up and I quickly picked it up.
"Kao." I breathed.