I bit down on my lips hard, not knowing how to start.
"What happened? Why are you so quiet?" He asked in his soft voice.
I took a deep breath. "Uh well, I have something to say."
"Okay."
"Umm so...you know my vacation is coming to an end. I have to go back on Sunday. I...live in boarding and they don't allow phones with us. So..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say more.
He was quiet. Whenever he would get quiet, it meant it had upset him.
"See, it's not in my hands. That's the regulation of the school. Some students do sneak phones inside somehow. I can do that too but my father won't allow it. My exams are just a few months away and my father will kill me if I ask to take my phone with me."
"I understand." He said quietly.
The quiet tone squeezed my heart. "I...I am sorry..." I said.
"Huh? What are you apologizing for?" He asked, confused.
I didn't know. "I don't know. I know it is not the best thing to say but...can you wait for me to come back?" I waited for his reply with my heart at my feet. It was selfish of me to ask that but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to let go of him.
I heard him sigh. "Of course I can." He muttered in a low voice. "I...I don't want you to go but I know it is not in your hands. But..." He trailed off.
"But what?"
I could hear his low breathing. "I...I hope you don't forget me."
It surprised me. I didn't expect that. And of course, it put me in a tight spot. I wasn't good with emotional talks. Whenever he would share his feelings, I literally had no words to say. I always found myself dumbfounded at his confessions.
He exhaled loudly. "I mean you are a handsome guy. There are many many people who want you. And I know you are not even mine to call but still, please...don't forget me."
A smile broke onto my lips. "Are you being insecure?" I asked, amused.
"Yeah yeah, I am."
I laughed. It felt cute. "You don't have to worry about it. I am a man of words. If I said I have feelings for you, it won't change till you push me away."
He was quiet.
I laughed again. "Shy?"
"No...I am just wondering."
"What?"
"You have never seen me. How can you like me?"
I sat up on my bed and arranged the earphones. "The looks doesn't matter for me. I don't know why but...I like talking to you. I feel happy when I talk to you. I have never felt this way with anyone. I am actually surprised at myself. I...I never thought I could like guys. But you make me feel things...like you give me butterflies-"
"Stop. Stop."
"What?"
"I am literally burning out here. Stop before I faint."
I laughed. "You are so dramatic."
"The one dramatic is not me but you. You!"
"What?" I laughed harder.
"Ah...leave it. You are really something, silly."
It directly hit me in the groin. There was something about him calling me silly. It was a major turn on for me. I liked it when he called me silly casually.
"Hey." I called.
"Hmm?"
"I...I am turned on."
He gasped. "I barely said anything. How can you be turned on?"
I sighed. "I don't know. I just am. Do something."
"Hmm...let me think."
"Let's do it, like last time."
He chuckled. "That will require a little effort from your side."
I smiled as I imagined him blushing."Okay, let's do it."
.....................
"Dad?" I called during dinner on Saturday. The whole family was a little gloomy because I was to leave for hostel the next day.
"Yeah?"
"Uh...can I carry my phone with me?" I asked, expecting him to start scolding me.
"Why do you need phone at hostel?" My mother spoke before my dad could say anything.
I bit my lips nervously. "My exams are near and it is really hard to get a computer with internet at school for my research. If I take my phone, it will come handy."
"How can you guarantee it won't distract you?" Dad asked.
"Aiy, come on dad. You know Kwanie is an excellent student. He can do well even without studying. Phone won't be a distraction for him." Twelve year old Puai spoke, supporting me.
I threw her a bright smile, deciding to treat her with ice cream later.
Dad nodded along with mom. I definitely had a chance. I was a good student with good grades. And my parents trusted me. There was a possibility.
"Let's see." Dad told, crushing my expectations.
Of course his 'let's see' meant no.
"Papa! let him take his phone with him. I miss him when he goes away. I want to talk wtih him everyday. Please papa." Puai begged.
I was surprised at my little sister. Of course she loved me so much.
Dad sighed.
I took a clear look at my little sister's face and realized her jaw was clenched tightly. Slowly, her eyes started to flood with tears. She dropped the spoon on the plate and wailed out. "Please...."
I put my spoon down and patted her back, a lump rising in my throat.
It was always emotional on my last day at home before leaving for hostel. And it was an everyday scenario for my sister to cry.
"Puai...don't cry. I will be back within a few months. And after that, I don't have to go anywhere." I tried to console her.
She sobbed.
My heart just couldn't take it anymore. I got out of the chair and picked her up in my arms. She was still tiny. I looked at my parent's faces before I walked out of the dining, carrying Puai.
"...and that was the happy ending." I smiled and looked at my little sister lying down next to me.
She nodded, her eyelids turning heavy.
"You can sleep now."
"It was a great story. You are a great story teller." She mumbled.
I chuckled.
She shifted closer to me and wrapped her tiny arms around me. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." I said and grabbed my phone from beside me.
I opened the app and sighed. He was last online at four in the evening. He was probably busy. I couldn't even call him because I didn't have his number. The app was the only source enabling us to continue our communication. And we could only call each other when both would be online at the same time. There was no video call option in the app.
I had installed that app when I just wanted to experience with my sexuality. It wasn't a dating app but an app that let us talk with strangers all over the world. And these places aren't suited for children. Most of the people came there looking for only one thing and for sure, I went for the exact same thing too. But it was also for my own experiment.
It was when on a rainy night at two in the morning, I came across him. He was bisexual too and was experimenting the same thing as me. Like any other guys, at midnight, we were horny as hell and had a hot and steamy chat before even introducing ourselves. He later introduced himself as Rocky but something about that name didn't click in. It didn't suit him. But who likes to give away their real name in apps like that? Well, I did. I gave away my real name, my real address but a fake age.
I was surprised how natural it felt with him to have that kind of chats as a guy. It felt too natural for me and I realized I was right about my sexuality. I was in fact, a homosexual.
....................................................
Mr. K last online at 3:41 am
Hey...so I am on my way to school now. It's a Sunday so u must be sleeping late. Good good. Sleep well. Um...I still don't know if i can manage to sneak my phone in or not. I will see. So i jst wanted to say that stay happy. i will be back within a few months. i won't ask you to wait anymore. have fun. if it still works, we can continue after i come back. damn, i m getting car sick. lol.
so guess this is our goodbye. just remember one thing-there is always someone who thinks abt u n cares abt u. take care. goodbye.
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