ANGELA
*Goddamn it, Laurie!*
I flung open my locker door, momentarily relishing the sound of the cheap metal as it rattled the locks along the row and startled the handful of underclassmen who were loitering nearby. Thank God the weekend is almost here because I don't know how much more of this I can take. I stood motionless in front of the small collection of out-of-date textbooks haphazardly piled in my locker, trying to figure out which ones I needed to bring home and which I could forgo lugging back and forth between dwellings. I did my best to ignore the hurried whispers behind me, but I could feel their eyes on me every time I reached for a brown paper-covered book. One more day till the weekend.
*One more fucking day.*
I rested my head on my hands and leaned my elbows against the inside of my locker as if I could somehow bury my head inside and escape to Narnia. Laurie had been tight-lipped all week and for some idiotic reason, I decided that today was the day I was going to ask her about it. I knew she was going to be upset about my run-in with Michael downtown, but I did not expect her to implode outside Lippman's classroom this morning before first bell. Initially, she pulled me aside and broke down into hysterics, muttering something about how I was "ruining it for her" and repeatedly stressing that I simply didn't understand what she was going through. It was heartbreaking and infuriating all at the same time. When she didn't hear what she wanted, Laurie escalated the exchange and shoved me back against the wall screaming, "just stop fucking it up!" I could see it in her eyes when I stepped back and accidentally dropped my backpack on the ground, she had not meant to push me so hard, but the damage was done. Eva, who had been trying to record the ordeal from the sidelines, immediately rushed inside the classroom to alert everyone of a fight out in the hallway. Once she realized we were being watched, Laurie bolted for the side door down the hall, which led to the faculty parking lot and provided easy access to the main street. Mr. Lippman caught me readjusting my backpack just as first bell rang, and I spent the better part of the class trying to talk him out of giving Laurie a detention for fighting. Fortunately, Eva's incessant interjections from across the room did not help her cause and Mr. Lippman inevitably relented though he was admittedly reluctant to do so.
The rumor mill began shortly before lunch, which is how long it took for the whole school to watch the snippets of our argument that Eva had been able to record before Laurie's outburst. O'Neil had been able to show me the video at lunch while I caught everyone up on the details and all I could say was that I was suddenly grateful Eva couldn't afford a better cell phone. The audio had been thankfully muted by the hallway traffic, so all the social media posts remained largely vague and by the end of the day, most of the backlash had died down though the residual murmurs were infuriating. No one dared to say anything to me directly, but I was worried about my friend and constantly being reminded of what happened this morning wasn't helping.
I was so mad that I slammed my locker door shut and hissed at it when I caught the tip of my thumb in the gap. *Shit, that hurt.* I instinctively sucked on my wounded thumb, desperately trying to zip up my backpack and sling it over my jacket so I could head home. To be honest, I truly wasn't expecting to see Simon behind me when I turned to leave, injured thumb still nestled on my bottom lip.
"Are you alright?" He asked with what appeared to be genuine concern.
"What the fuck?" I said, my voice catching in my throat as the initial shock washed over me. Instinctively, I pulled my hand down from my face, which immediately made me wince when I inadvertently caught it on my backpack strap. "Shit."
"This doesn't seem to be your day." Simon murmured, a coy shyness belying his choice of words. I didn't mean to chuckle, but the exhausted smile that crossed my lips was inevitable once he had distracted me from my anger. The relief was temporary. I sighed, just in time to watch a small troupe of sophomores quickly dart around the corner in a puff of giggles and "oh, snap." I could feel their whispers crawl up the back of my neck and an overwhelming urge to bolt seeped through me.
"I take it you heard." I said without emotion, readjusting my backpack once more. I looked back at Simon, who simply held my gaze with quiet resignation. Once he nodded, I scoffed and muttered "start the presses" under my breath as I walked past him. I did my best to avoid eye contact while I made my way down the hallway, keeping my head up and shoulders back in a desperate attempt to maintain composure while I was still trapped within this brick tomb.
"Wait." Simon's voice caught my attention as I cleared the corner into the main corridor. I paused, somewhat surprised to find him so close behind me. "I didn't mean to offend you." He said calmly when he got to my side, his hand momentarily brushing my jacket before he consciously pulled it away. His demeanor shifted, seeming awkward suddenly; unsure of himself. The contrast was odd but strangely endearing.
"You didn't." I said finally, a measure of defeat in my voice that made my gaze wander. It was hard not to be embarrassed by the relief that rushed through me once I realized the last of the "get to the bus" crowd was clearing out of the corridor. The handful of students who were left were busy rushing to their afterschool sanctuaries and paid little to no attention to the two of us. I exhaled slowly as I turned to face him, consciously aware of my desperate need to get out of here. Simon's gaze was fixed on me, which probably would have been unnerving if I hadn't been emotionally drained by the day's events. "I'm just having a really fucked up day."
To my surprise, Simon didn't say anything. He swallowed what appeared to be a small smirk and instead, motioned in the direction of the gymnasium. I followed his lead, and we walked in silence till we cleared the band room towards the back end of the school.
"Have you heard from Laurie, yet?" Simon said, slowing down to a snail's pace once the main glass doors were visible. I paused, shifting the weight of my backpack as if it would somehow lessen the burden.
"No. And I sincerely doubt she will reach out." My voice seemed whispered, though I didn't mean for it to be. Oddly enough, my quiet resignation seemed to stall our movements, and so we stood motionless together just inside the doorway to the back foyer of the school. Simon's silent consent to this arrangement was oddly comforting, and I let out a sigh as I slowly turned to look dispassionately in the direction of the gymnasium entrance, which was just on the other side of the glass doors lining the length of the farthest wall. Seems strange, but suddenly my desire to leave school grounds dissipated and I was left with a crippling feeling of emptiness. *I love Laurie, she's one of my best friends.* Without looking back at him I reluctantly muttered, "She didn't mean to--"
"Do you always make excuses for her?" Simon's voice was sharp enough to slice through my hazy attempts at a programmed response and I looked at him with something resembling injury. He stood motionless, staring at me with concern despite the slight harshness in his tone. I wanted to argue with him, to defend my friend's honor. But in that moment, I couldn't. Simon seemed to pick up on my unwillingness to answer and shifted his position before continuing. "Not to put too fine a point on this but why?"
"Guilt." The hushed word escaped my lips just as the tears threatened to surface. I could feel my deep seeded fears about Laurie seeping up towards the surface and I momentarily broke eye contact with Simon to stare at the ground between our feet. *Don't cry.* I shut my eyes for a moment and swallowed my injured pride. I felt defeated, like I had somehow failed to keep her safe from this vicious cycle. Slowly, I exhaled as I raised my head and caught Simon's gaze. The concern on his face was disarming and unexpectedly, I found myself wanting to tell him everything. *Maybe I am lonely. Or maybe, I just need to be alone.* With some measure of composure I said, "Let's just say Laurie has a history, and it wasn't pretty." I decided to go against my instincts, not trusting myself in this moment of obvious vulnerability.
"She's not your responsibility." Simon said softly, taking a step in my direction to lean into the conversation. His words hit me harder than either of us expected, as I slumped back a bit and narrowed my gaze. I had heard these words echoed once before, though at the time they had been uttered in anger by an authority figure that I didn't respect or concede to. They had used that phrase to dismiss my concerns about Laurie, while Simon seemed to use it to absolve me. He's not wrong. Still, while the thought warmed me at my core, I couldn't help feeling responsible given everything that had happened the last time Laurie fell into this abyss.
*If only it was that simple, Simon.*
"Agree to disagree." I muttered with a passive smile. Simon's frow burrowed but he didn't argue with me, and I found myself smirking a bit at the contradiction. I relaxed my stance, readjusting my backpack for no reason though the action seemed to break me from the trance we were seemingly trapped in. I could feel my strength return and without hesitation, I absentmindedly cupped his elbow and gently said, "But thank you, all the same." Simon seemed uneasy all of a sudden, but he gave me a small smile with a slight nod. As I withdrew my hand, his eyes momentarily darted towards the gym doors, and I decided that this was as good a point as any to bow out with whatever dignity I had left. "I'm guessing you've got a ride?"
"I'll manage." He said softly, a small chuckle escaping his lips before he pursed up and glanced at the glass doors.
"Well, I'm gonna head out and go--" I started to say while I motioned towards the gym, though midway through my statement, I realized that I didn't really have the energy to come up with a valid exit strategy. *Fuck it.* "Scream into a pillow. I'll see you around, Simon." I was glad he laughed out loud, and as he took a step toward the glass doors, I chuckled at myself and shifted my weight so that I could head towards the gym.
"Some other time, Artemis." He said as he walked, and I couldn't stop myself from turning to face him with a strange "are you fucking kidding me right now" look. His smile broadens and he laughs once more, which oddly made me laugh as well. Seems silly to argue with him about this ridiculous nickname right now. So, I just shrug at him and roll my eyes as I shake my head with feigned disbelief. Simon bowed his head, momentarily shielding his smile while he wiped his lips. "In my defense, I've been debating between 'Artemis' or 'Artie' since I ran into you by your locker." I frowned at his phrasing, not really knowing how to respond, but not wanting to end the conversation just yet either. *There are worse names he could call me.* "I just -- well, the thing is 'Artie' just doesn't sound right." His hesitancy and uneasiness are strangely charming and perhaps it was just that my defenses were down, but I suddenly liked the sound of his voice when he called me "Artemis."
"I--" I sighed, seemingly comfortable with the notion that I didn't have to argue with him. "Agree." The concession bought me another smile and I too, relaxed my shoulders as we finally parted ways.
I crossed the gymnasium in a blur, my mind swimming in a sea of conflicting emotions despite the smile that was clearly plastered to my face. I was able to ignore most of the roar and rabble, lost in my jumbled thoughts while aspiring athletes hustled and bustled in the background. The juxtaposition was intoxicating, and I exited the gym feeling both raw and wild. The student parking lot was almost empty, a handful of vehicles scattered across the asphalt in a haphazard array. I fiddled in my pockets for my car keys, not really registering my movements, simply looking back out towards the street as if I could catch a glimpse of Simon as he made his way towards Haunted Mansion. In a daze, I yanked on my key chain so hard that I accidentally dropped it by the back of my station wagon.
*Pay attention, you idiot.* With a sigh, I bent down to collect my keys and barely had time to swipe them up before I heard a voice sneak up from behind.
"Always on your knees it seems."
I looked back to find Michael standing mere feet from my vehicle and my mind immediately went blank as a profound sense of panic overwhelmed me. *Shit.* Slowly, I got to my feet, just in time for him to close the short distance between us. When he did finally stop, I had taken a step back to place a hand on the back of my car, as if touching something familiar would somehow make this unfamiliar threat less frightful. He smiled, very much content that he had caught me off guard as my eyes quickly surveyed the empty lot behind him.
*I'm alone.*
"You're uncharacteristically quiet." He said, his voice playful and menacing all at the same time. *Say something.* Of course, I couldn't. My voice was trapped inside my clenched throat, my heart racing while my mind remained blank. It was clear that Michael was enjoying this, and I found myself unable to do more than quietly fiddle with my lanyard on my lowered hand while he continued walking towards me. He settled by my back bumper, leaning against the passenger's side of my trunk as he continued. "I have to admit, it's a nice change of pace." We stood there straddling the backside of my vehicle for a brief moment before my fingers slowly found their way to my small collection of keys.
"Laurie's not here." I said slowly, my face devoid of any emotion as I quietly gripped my house keys between my fingers like a makeshift set of brass knuckles. Michael smiled, then chuckled as he stroked the backside of my station wagon in an oddly suggestive manner.
"I know." He said, still smiling at me with obvious enjoyment. "You seem tense."
"Can't imagine why." My voice was shaky, but the winter air made it seem like I was out of breath. Michael's laugh got caught in the wind, but the rattle made me shift my weight so that my keyed hand was just out of sight.
*Goddamn it, Angela. Do something.*
"Why don't we go get something to eat?" Michael's voice finally broke the deafening silence though the request itself seem to shatter my frozen chains. *Shake this up, you need to get out of here.* I could feel my strength slowly return to my limbs, but my mind was still racing to find an exit strategy given my current circumstances.
"Why don't you stop smoking your own product?" I muttered as I gripped my keys tightly behind my back, to the point that I could feel the hard plastic outlining the busted dealership key against my palm and thumb. That's when I realized I already had an exit strategy. *The alarm.* My eyes widened as I remembered that while my vehicle may have been an unimpressive wagon from the 90s, it came equipped with a 3-button dealership key. The lock and unlock buttons never worked but the third button gave me the ability to raise hell in case of an emergency.
*Pretty sure this is a fucking emergency.*
"Is that a challenge?" Michael asked, his voice dripping with something resembling innuendo though I didn't bother to register the offense. He was pressing his body into my car now, cocking his head in my direction as if to say "come hither" though it was clear I was going to lose this "cat and mouse" game if I continued playing by his rules. *Fuck that.* I took a step back towards the backseat on the driver's side while Michael seemed poised to follow. He didn't get far.
"No, just a suggestion." I said, instantly pressing the alarm button on my car key.
The alarm blared through the empty parking lot, echoes amplifying the jarring beeps and screeches without dulling the sound. My lights flashed as I reached for my car door, frantically positioning the keys into the lock with the least amount of fumbling possible given that my nerves were already shot. Michael scanned the parking lot for onlookers while I threw my backpack onto the passenger's seat and slammed my door shut before he could move out from behind my vehicle. Without meaning to, Michael inevitably wandered further into the parking lot, his calm exterior momentarily shattered by the loud disruption.
*Someone really doesn't like drawing attention to himself.*
Thankfully my hunk of junk doesn't have functioning automatic doors and the driver's side has a glitch where the door immediately locks after you shut it. I had been meaning to fix it, but my frugal procrastination seemed to work in my favor this time as the engine roared and ultimately stilled the alarm bells. Michael turned towards my car, but I was already safely in gear and heading off before he could do more than kick a stone into my now empty parking space.
----------~----------~----------
*I shouldn't be here.*
Even though it was well within my realm of capabilities to just skip my Friday classes and stay hidden under my covers till my parents came home from work, I decided to come to school and face whatever music was playing for me there. Granted, I had been dragging my heels all morning, taking the longest route possible to get to school and was currently waiting in my car till the second warning bell went off to go inside. I was obviously getting random looks from people as they walked past my car but fortunately, no one stopped to pester me. Nor did they stop to ask why it was that a perfectly rational human being was sitting in their car silently gripping the steering wheel while staring at the back of the gymnasium when they should be getting ready to go to school. All the while, the only thought running through my head was to go home and that I shouldn't be here. This is ridiculous.
*I'm leaving.*
Just when I had decided to call it an impromptu three-day weekend, I heard a light tapping at my driver's side window. I didn't need to look up to figure out who it was and suddenly I felt incredibly stupid for having driven here at all. I gripped the steering wheel tighter for half a minute, thinking I still had time to drive off without so much as looking at him. But then again, it'd be obvious that I was avoiding him, and I wasn't sure I wanted to do that anymore. I took a deep breath, leaned back into my seat, and inevitably looked out the driver's side window. Simon was standing by the door hinge, slightly slouched with a mildly confused look on his face. *Ok, enough stalling.* I grabbed my backpack, which was resting in my front seat and opened my door to get out.
"Good morning." He said, his voice measured as I locked my car and positioned my backpack on my left shoulder so I could put my keys away. Except I didn't. Instead, I found myself remaking my makeshift brass knuckles while I quickly surveyed the student parking lot for the son-of-a-bitch who had inadvertently turned my busted baby into a get-away vehicle. Simon didn't say anything as I avoided his gaze, simply examining my reaction while I silently fought the urge to panic. When I did look at him, he wasn't smiling. Neither was I.
"Yeah. Right." I muttered, shifting to move passed him in a hopeless attempt to find my footing.
*I'm here every day, I can do this.*
"Angela," Simon's voice caught me long before I registered that he had gently gripped my elbow to steady me as I passed him. His voice was nonthreatening, but I spun around all the same. The rapid motion made me skip a step, but Simon leveled me so I could just lean against the hood of my car as my backpack fell off my shoulder and dropped to the floor besides me. He released his hold to give me some space, but his brow was furrowed and the look of concern on his face was mixed with something else that I couldn't quite place. *What a fucking mess.* I threw my hands up and just stared dispassionately at the back of the gym. "What happened?" I shut my eyes rather than look at him, childishly wishing I could just disappear.
"I'm--" I started to say, unsure whether I should say anything at all. I couldn't say anything to my parents, a foreign concept that effectively locked me away in my room for the duration of the evening. I was almost ashamed that they didn't bother to question my decision to eat dinner in my room, simply accepting that I was busy while they haphazardly carried their drinks and plates to the living room so they could catch up on their favorite show while they dined. Laurie had burned a bridge or two over the years and while my parents supported my right to choose my own friends, they weren't shy about expressing their thoughts about her. We eventually reached a standoff where I could remain friends with Laurie so long as she wasn't ever left alone in the house. Michael's presence in the parking lot shattered my nerves, but I knew well enough from Laurie's earlier outburst that she wasn't herself again. They wouldn't react well to the news that her dealer was stalking me by my own vehicle after school. If that *is* what he was doing. He could have been in transit and happened to see me. Who's to say why he was there. "I'm fine."
"You're shaking." Simon's voice was suddenly tender, and I looked back to find him standing besides me with my backpack in his outstretched hand. "What happened after I left you?" My voice caught in my throat, and I hesitated before I took the bag from him though I simply lugged it onto the hood of my car with a dull thud.
*I have to tell someone.*
"I'm not sure what happened." I said finally, leaning back against my car. Simon simply shifted to my side with his back to the gym, one hand on my front headlight. Neither of us spoke, even after second bell inevitably filled the air. *I should just go home.* But instead of getting back in the car, I thrust my keys into my jacket pocket and asked, "you heard about Laurie's outburst yesterday?"
"I did." Simon said as I turned to face him.
"Well, it wasn't as random as everyone claimed on Facebook." I muttered, waving one hand in the air before I started using it to fiddle with the zipper on my backpack. "I ran into her dealer in downtown Middlebrook last week. Vic and I managed to blow him off, but apparently we left an impression because Laurie heard all about it. From him." I stopped, waiting for him to react.
"Why was she upset?"
"Michael told her I was going to be bad for business and threatened to cut her loose." I said, pausing for a moment before I finally added, "she wanted me to get off her back."
"She wanted you to look away." Simon said softly and I nodded, somewhat surprised that he wasn't shocked by the notion that Laurie was doing drugs or that I was on a first name basis with her dealer. "You refused?"
"That's why she pushed me back." I muttered, once again motioning with my hands. Simon said nothing, his face devoid of judgement though his expression was hard to place. I ended up facing my car with my head buried in my hands, elbows resting on my backpack as I continued. "She wants to have it both ways and I pissed her off when I refused to stand by. That's why I was upset yesterday after school."
"I'm sorry." Simon said, gently touching my shoulder to get my attention. I turned my head in time for him to retract his hand though he did take a small step in my direction. His presence was comforting and his calm demeanor oddly inviting given the nature of what we were discussing. "I don't really know what to say." His honesty made me chuckle and I smiled in spite of the seriousness.
*Should I be telling him all this?*
"There's more." I said solemnly, surprised that my voice caught in my throat as I spoke. Simon nodded, though he said nothing. I knew I was going to regret saying anything more, but that didn't stop me from continuing. *Just tell him.* "He was here. Yesterday, when I got to my car."
"Michael?" Simon said, his brow furrowed for a brief moment. This time I nodded though I was motioning in his general direction as I did.
"Standing where you are now, except my car was facing the other way." I added, the defeat in my voice clear as the crisp, cool winter breeze that danced through the parking lot. This time, Simon did react, suddenly standing stiff though he didn't move from where his feet had been planted.
"The car alarm." Simon whispered, almost out of breath. I frowned at him.
"You heard that?" I asked, somewhat perplexed at the notion that he was anywhere near school grounds when I finally got around to ditching Michael.
"Faintly. In the distance." He said, shaking his head as he continued. "That was you?"
"That's how I got away from him." I muttered, patting my backpack a few times as if I were silently rewarding a mud-covered pet.
"Smart." Simon said, and I chuckled at the thought.
"Desperate, is more like it. But thank you." I said with a small smile, finally laying my hand on my backpack as I momentarily looked out towards the school. *Strange that the security guard hasn't spotted us yet.* "Look--"
"What did he want?" Simon asked, deliberately cutting me off. The sudden interruption startled me, but the concern on his face made me want to continue.
"That's just it, I don't know." I confessed though remarkably, I felt somewhat better than before. I admit my nerves were rattled by the whole affair, but in the end, I really didn't know why Michael approached me yesterday. "Probably just wanted to scare me."
"Seems like it worked." Simon said in a playful manner that caught my ire and I almost immediately started raising my hand to concede the point with a defiant display, but he gently grabbed my forearm. The act effectively silenced me as my voice once again caught in my throat. "At least for a moment." He added, his voice softened, stepping back a bit when he released his grip.
"I suppose I should feel safe at school." I said quietly, as if school grounds had provided refuge yesterday whilst Michael was here. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Simon seemed amused but his stoicism quickly returned when I said, "I don't."
"Can Vic or Lawry walk you to your car in the afternoons?" Simon said, leaning back against the car as he spoke. *He seems oddly comfortable with all of this.* Personally, I just wasn't entirely sure what to feel. I certainly didn't like the idea of having to need an escort at all hours of the day. My scoff seemed to communicate my obvious disapproval, but Simon just shook his head before I could think of how to respond to the request. "At least for a few days." He muttered, gently tapping the hood of my car while he glanced past me into the woods lining the street. I wanted so much to argue with him, but the truth was, I really didn't want to risk running into Michael again.
*He's not wrong.*
"I guess." I said, conceding the point. Simon flashed a brief smirk that briefly warmed my core before I realized the security guard had just rounded the corner of the school. "Shit."
"Don't worry, Artemis." Simon said, drawing my attention back to him in time to see he had flashed me a broader smile. I furrowed my brow as he slightly nudged my backpack in my direction and leaned back towards the direction of the school. I slugged my books onto my back just as he cupped my elbow and began walking us towards the guard. "I'll take care of it."