I woke up and I knew he has gone.
The space where he laid is cold. It's been hours since he left, I guess. I glanced at the clock on my bedside.
8:00 a.m.
I chuckled.
18. Finally.
I got up and stretched my arms. It's late in the morning but the air is chilly. I shivered from the cold and silently cursed myself for forgetting to put my shirt back on last night. I sighed.
Last night.
My eyes wondered to the stack of books that lay untouched on my study table.
I knew him before he probably knew I existed.
He was that smart kid the aunts of the neighborhood would talk about. His mom would beam with pride whenever he's mentioned at any of the soiree she attends with my mother.
I heard about him first, then I saw him.
He was – 17.
Tall and lean, he towered over most of the kids. I'd easily pick him out of the crowd. Seldom would I see him mingle with kids his age and when he does, he's like a magnet that people naturally gravitate towards him. He doesn't like it though. I can tell by how he would have a smile plastered on his lips but doesn't reach his eyes.
He always wore his hair a little long, not much to my liking but he has it slicked back and I can see his face in full so I can't complain.
His eyeglasses sits perfectly on his straight nose but I see him push it up once in a while when he's bored or when he's anxious.
Behind his spectacles are sharp eyes and he would always have a brooding look. One look and I was captivated. I knew I wanted him.
I wanted him so bad I had to pretend to fail my Math class to convince my mom I needed a tutor.
I just needed him close.
I've been patient, settling for the weekly tutor sessions where I can see him and hear him.
Having him close would get me on overdrive. He on the other hand, would treat me like a child. I was 14.
It frustrated me when he'd refer to me as a kid or when he would brush me off.
Then he moved to university almost a year after he started to tutor me. I was glad he choose to stay in the same campus.
I'd deliberately stay at the football field as much as I can so I can see him when he goes to the university building.
I'd see him laugh with his friends. Eat lunch with them.
I also see him stare off in space at some times. Read books alone at the library.
I watch him every day.
It keeps me sane as I wait for the weekend when I can have him to myself.
Three years is a long wait.
I bit my lips. They feel swollen.
My mom said it was infatuation reminding me Kai is a guy. My friends said I will get over it.
I sighed and combed my hair with my fingers, pulling them in the process.
I have been pining for him for so long I feel my heart would burst. In my head I would reach out to him and hold him but my arms would ache reminding me that he isn't anywhere close for me to even touch.
I'm almost done with the tutor program. He's going to move on to a different student while I get transferred to someone else.
One more weekend with him.
I've always gotten my way making sure he's stuck with me. Always with me.
Three years is a long wait.
I feel my chest constrict.
It hurts.
Why does it hurt?