Mu Dishi stared at Ma Jingguo, a flicker of surprise in his eyes. Under normal circumstances, the younger man would be chattering non-stop, a string of "xiao shushu this" and "xiao shushu that," but tonight, Ma Jingguo was eating quietly, his jaw set, his gaze fixed on his bowl. The silence was thick with an unspoken tension.
Mu Dishi broke it; his voice laced with amusement. "You normally talk a lot. What's the occasion tonight?"
Ma Jingguo put his chopsticks down with a sharp clatter and looked up, his eyes blazing with an anger Mu Dishi had never seen. Mu Dishi found himself oddly amused by the sight of his usually cheerful companion looking so grumpy.
Mu Dishi scoffed, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. "Tomorrow it might snow because today, I am honored to see the happy puppy get angry."
"Xiao shushu, it's not funny at all," Ma Jingguo grumbled, his voice low and serious.
"I find it quite amusing, actually."
"I don't. Why would you say that to someone you don't even know?"
"Say what?"
Ma Jingguo repeated the words, his voice tight with frustration. "'If you want him, you must go through me.'"
Mu Dishi's expression remained neutral. "You're upset about those two phrases?"
"I am!" Ma Jingguo's voice rose, a raw hurt in his tone. "Since we met, you have never said anything like that to me. What makes Fu Yuanjun so special that you would stand in front of him, protect him, and even say those words?"
Mu Dishi's gaze faltered. "It's because he… never mind. I'm full." He stood up, turning to walk towards their room.
Ma Jingguo chased after him, slamming the door shut with a loud bang. He grabbed a stool from under the table and sat directly in front of Mu Dishi, blocking his path.
"Xiao shushu," Ma Jingguo pleaded, his anger warring with his hurt, "I don't like it when you talk halfway and stop in the middle of a sentence. How am I supposed to know what you are thinking?"
"I already told you to never mind it."
"Never mind it… fine. Then answer my question!"
"Let it go."
"I can't!" Ma Jingguo's voice trembled. "Since we've known each other, you always chase me away. Other than 'go away' or 'you can leave now,' you've never said anything like that to me." He grabbed both of Mu Dishi's wrists, squeezing them hard. "In your opinion, is Fu Yuanjun better than me to deserve such caring words from you?"
Mu Dishi yanked his hands away, a cold fury rising in his chest. "If you feel like you don't want to stay in this room with me, go away and book a different room or sleep at a different inn."
Ma Jingguo scoffed, a bitter sound. "There you are again, chasing me away." He looked Mu Dishi in the eyes, his own filled with a desperate sadness. "Xiao shushu, do you even love me? Or is this just my one-sided love?" He looked down at the floor, unable to bear the unreadable expression on Mu Dishi's face. "In your heart, am I not as important as a dead man or a stranger?"
Ma Jingguo's question struck a raw nerve. "You can go away now before I send you out through that door!" Mu Dishi yelled, his own anger boiling over. He knew Ma Jingguo was upset, but he refused to continue this pointless argument when they were both so furious.
Ma Jingguo couldn't meet his eyes. He felt if he did, he would lose control and start crying, a display of weakness he was sure Mu Dishi would despise. He lowered his head and asked in a small voice, "Xiao shushu, am I important to you at all?"
"Scram!" Mu Dishi yelled back.
"Fine!" Ma Jingguo yelled, the word filled with a heartbreak that tore through the air. He stood up and stormed out, leaving the door wide open behind him.
Mu Dishi got up and calmly closed the door, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He needed to calm himself down. He was angry at Ma Jingguo. Why would Ma Jingguo ask such stupid, ridiculous questions? Who in this world could be more important to him than Ma Jingguo? If he didn't love Ma Jingguo, why would he do all those shameless things with him? If he was unwilling to let Ma Jingguo touch him, then Ma Jingguo could not, which is why he was so offended when Ma Jingguo questioned his love and trust.
After a long time spent lying on the bed, Mu Dishi finally calmed down. He realized that he hadn't said a single nice word to Ma Jingguo since they had first met. He had addressed him as "little dog," refused to let him use his name, and even refused to help him after the fire palm strike, tossing him a knife to kill himself. Everything he had ever given Ma Jingguo, Ma Jingguo had cherished, even that knife. Ma Jingguo carried it with him all the time, placing it under his pillow before he went to bed. Five years later, when they met again, he had simply told Ma Jingguo to leave and get married. Ma Jingguo had obediently followed his orders. Ma Jingguo was right; why did he always hurt him before he cared for him? Why couldn't he just open his mouth and tell him how he felt?
The street was bustling with people, a sea of noise and motion, but the only sound Ma Jingguo could hear was the echo of his own voice asking "why." He sat down at a small roadside table, ordering a few dishes and four jars of rice wine. Suddenly, a young teenager about fifteen or sixteen years old sat next to him and rested his head on Ma Jingguo's shoulder.
"This da ge, please help me out," the teen whispered.
Ma Jingguo looked at the young teen. He was handsome, but when compared to Mu Dishi, they were like heaven and earth. Mu Dishi might be older in age, but his ethereal beauty surpassed every man Ma Jingguo had ever seen.
Ten men, nicely dressed, rushed into the street. "He was just right here!" one man shouted.
"Let's spread out and look for him!" another ordered. The ten men dispersed into the night.
The young teen sighed deeply. "This da ge, thank you so much." He moved to sit across from Ma Jingguo.
Ma Jingguo poured him a cup of rice wine. The young teen took a sip and quoted, "People think that getting drunk can relieve their pain, but they don't realize that the pain of yesterday will never disappear."
Ma Jingguo looked at the teen, impressed. "You're right. Such a talented young man."
"Oh, I'm sorry for my rudeness," the teen said with a smile. "I am Batu Bazar."
"Batu Bazar… you're not Chinese. What are you doing in the Central Plains?"
Batu Bazar proudly said, "I am a proud Mongol, and I will never claim myself to be Chinese regardless of the situation." He smiled at Ma Jingguo. "Actually, I am running away from home."
"How old are you?"
"I am fifteen."
"Why are you running away?"
Batu Bazar sipped his wine. "My father is forcing me to marry some lady I don't even know. I always believed love comes naturally between two people. I don't want to be forced into something I don't want to do." He gestured to Ma Jingguo's table. "What about you? Why are you drinking by yourself?"
"I've always thought that actions speak louder than words," Ma Jingguo replied, his voice heavy with sadness, "but I was wrong. I can't accept when my wife talks so nicely to other people but never speaks a single nice word to me."
Batu Bazar laughed, a youthful, carefree sound. "My mother yells at my father all the time. Sometimes she even curses at him, but when my father is a little sick, my mother will pamper him like a baby. Da ge, I guess your problem is jealousy. Sometimes, when you are too protected and too jealous, it can cause disasters and even make your wife tired of you."
"Really?"
"Jealousy will make your wife question your trust in her. In a relationship, if your partner keeps questioning you about every little thing, won't it be boring and annoying? I know I would be."
"What if my wife praised other people but not me? What should I do?"
"Why do you need your wife to praise you?"
"I don't like it when my wife praises other people in front of me. I want all of her attention on me."
"Let me ask you," Batu Bazar said, his young face suddenly serious, "why did you choose her in the first place?"
"I chose her because of her personality and beauty."
"When you first met her, did he praise you?"
"No."
"If one day she came to you as a changed person, praising you for every little thing that you did, what would you think?"
Ma Jingguo paused, then replied, "I would think she had another lover."
"There you go, question answered," Batu Bazar said with a knowing nod. "Da ge, praising is just coaxing words to show face to another person. Only in front of you, the person she loves, can she truly be herself, because she trusts that you will never leave her, even when she shows you her ugliest personality. There's an old saying: 'Only a wife can undress before her husband without feeling embarrassed.'"
Ma Jingguo asked, "What if another person likes my wife? What should I do?"
Batu Bazar choked on his wine. "Da ge, you should be very happy that other people like your wife. It means that she is perfect. If it were me, I would definitely be very happy and proud. The more people who like her, the happier I will become, because it means that I picked someone who is worthy."
Ma Jingguo stared at the small teen who looked more like a girl than a boy. The little teen was indeed very smart. He made Ma Jingguo realize that when he had first fallen in love with Mu Dishi, Mu Dishi had always been this way. He loved Mu Dishi wholeheartedly from the third day inside that cave until now, and he would continue to love him until his last breath. The words from this little teen also reminded him that sometimes, when you love someone so much, you have to learn how to give them their personal space. He put ten liang on the table and stood up.
"Da ge, are you leaving?" Batu Bazar asked.
"Mm… I left my angry wife at home. I am going back."
Batu Bazar smiled.
"Thanks for your words," Ma Jingguo said, genuinely grateful.
"No problem," Batu Bazar replied, standing up to bow.
"You are a smart fifteen-year-old." Ma Jingguo looked at the young Mongol teen, a fond smile on his face. "By the way, my wife… he always has a short temper with a very thin face who gets embarrassed easily. That is what I love about him."
Batu Bazar's mouth fell wide open. "Say what? Your wife is a man!"
Ma Jingguo smiled. "A very beautiful, handsome man that no other men or women can compare to." He walked away, leaving the Mongol teen with his mouth agape in the middle of the street. Ma Jingguo waved. "Enjoy the food!"
His entire perspective shifted after a chance encounter and a few kind words from a stranger, a young man who was surprisingly much wiser than his years, led Ma Jingguo to the door of their rented room. He stood before the door to their room, finding it dark and silent. He drew in a long, cleansing breath, pushing the weight of his anger and frustration out of his lungs. The door's hinges didn't creak as he eased it open, his movements quiet and deliberate, careful not to disturb Mu Dishi.
He shed his heavy outer clothes and, with a practiced motion, slid his knife beneath his pillow. He then climbed into bed and, for the first time in what felt like a long time, moved closer to Mu Dishi, pulling him into his arms. He held him not out of duty, but with a renewed sense of tenderness and connection.
"Did I tell you to scram?" Mu Dishi's voice was low and quiet.
"You did, but I refused," Ma Jingguo replied, kissing the back of Mu Dishi's head. "Xiao shushu, I am sorry. I should have known better that I am the most important person in your life. I shouldn't have questioned your trust. For that, I am sorry."
"I… I…" Mu Dishi sighed deeply and turned around to face Ma Jingguo. "I am sorry for never saying a single nice word about you. From now on, I will try."
"If xiao shushu thinks it's too difficult, then don't do it," Ma Jingguo murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "I love xiao shushu just the way you are."
Mu Dishi looked up at Ma Jingguo and kissed him, a rare, initiated kiss that sent a shockwave through Ma Jingguo. Mu Dishi began to undress Ma Jingguo while kissing him, then suddenly, for no apparent reason, he stopped. He rolled back, sleeping on his side facing the wall.
"Why stop?" Ma Jingguo asked, bewildered.
Mu Dishi said coldly, "Your wine smell is too strong. I refuse to continue."
Ma Jingguo screamed inside his head. What the heck? I shouldn't have drunk that strong rice wine. If I hadn't drunk it, right now xiao shushu would be in my arms. My favorite lotus position. Lotus position. Ahh…!