before 6 months...
Everyone is asked a similar question at least a hundred times in their life and that question is…
''what do you desire to do?''
And so was I; well, mine was at least a thousand times. I was asked the very same question so frequently as if I had my whole life already arranged even before I saw the light. I was always unsure about the answer, so it was my parents who decided everything for me from my clothes to school, my subjects till activities and almost everything. I am grateful to them for keeping me safe and protected but at the same time, I craved the freedom of thought and freedom of life decision that many had around me. I decided to decide for myself at the edge of 19. My whole life I did what I was asked but now I wanted to do what I wanted to do. But…
What did I want to do??? What did I want to become??? What should I do to achieve what I wanted???
So many question marks appear in my head that I started feeling dizzy.
Then I asked my friends about them and guess what they said…
Flashback…
''GAP YEAR!!!''I exclaimed loudly looking at the three ladies who I treasure a little bit too much; Elena, Naila, Sara.
''what are you going to do with so much time?'' I questioned.
''traveling and this and that'' was the reply I got.
''traveling where? Which and what? '' I questioned again.
''Abroad and doing stuffs which other people of our age do''
The young ladies in front of me just shrugged their heads as Elena answered as if it was the most normal thing to do. I incredibly stared at them as if they had grown another head. Well, how do you expect me to act they represent the future of their parents' empires well at least I thought so. I turned to the most intelligent on Naila. ''you too agreed? What about your parents? What did they say?'' I questioned her.
She nodded ''and no my parents didn't agree, they were pretty much horrified but Aye I am not backing down this time.��' Declared fully determined.
Saying I was confused won't define how lost I felt, I looked at them completely shocked indicating to them I didn't get them. I wasn't sure how to react to the news from my batch's bests as well as my childhood friends.
Naila noted my confusion; ''Aye! After this year we will be off to our chosen places to become what our parents want us to so, why not for once, only once let's try to be what we want for ourselves and forget what we have to become for others '' explained it to me while other 2 agreed with the first one.
''exactly''
''yes''
I smiled thinking so, even the best and most obedient ones have this freedom spirit embedded in them but still a whole year is too much and if they go abroad then what will I do whole vacations alone and my smile just left.
''We have 7 months holidays before admission. Isn't that more than enough? Then why are you taking it too far and taking a whole year off!'' I exclaimed.
���'Aye! Don't exaggerate it.'' Sara interrupted.
''I am not Sara,'' I replied to her as politely as I could with my falling mood.
''Yes you are'' she shot back.
''Sara! I just don't perceive why you guys are stuck on taking a year off like a chewed gum on a shoe?'' I shot back annoyed not realizing that I almost screamed.
''Aysa!!! '' Naila and Elena gasped at the same time while Sara kept on looking at me expressionlessly. ''I am sorry'' I apologized in a low voice and looked down being fully aware of my impolite behavior.
'' I just… I am envious of you three, ''I admitted my true feelings and paused for the reaction but got nothing '' you guys know what you want to do and you guys are going to pursue it but on the other hand I am lost.''
Not knowing when tears started dripping my face. I really don't cry in front of anyone except my family but they are an exception. Sara sighed and sat beside me on the sofa and stroked my back silently. '' why are you lost? You have family who dotes on you, and you have us.'' Elena was the one to break the silence this time.
''I am grateful for them and you but I am not sure what I want to do. I want to enjoy my youth too, but I don't know what I want (sob) I am not even sure if I am good at anything other than studying and obeying my parents. And you guys are going abroad. Sara sighed '' Aysa! This is our sole chance after this we all are going to go our own separate ways until Ph.D. we won't be able to take a breath without the pressure of studies and then we will start working on our assigned spots until God knows when. We want to enjoy our concluding years as children with no worries.''
They were accurate and I was being insensitive but still, I guess they have a very valid point. For a moment I felt envious because they were going to go but me, what about me?
''you all will enjoy but what about me?'' I hiccupped as I spoke once more lowly looking at my lap ''how exactly will I enjoy my last days of freedom and whom will I spend them with,'' finally confessing everything on my mind.
Sara, who was previously patting my back suddenly slapped my back '' you didn't let us complete and started rambling on your own.'' She looked at Elena who just passed me an envelope. I confusedly looked at the envelope only to hear them urge me to open it. I opened the envelope and gasped. I looked at my friends in front of me as if asking them if it was real to which they widely smiled and nodded in agreement. I smiled widely, but my happiness was short-lived as I remembered my parents who wouldn't let me go and I became sad. Naila noticed my sudden mood change '' Aye! What's wrong?''
I sadly smiled looking at her" I appreciate your effort and love but you know my parents very well no matter how much they love me. They won't allow me to take a gap year and a year-long abroad trip is out of the question. ''
They knew them so they all got silent. My parents never allow me to have a sleepover at their houses for more than 2 days without my guards so going to a foreign place for a year all alone was just an impossible thing.
For some time suddenly we all four got quiet then suddenly Elena spoke ''then don't take a gap year''
''and how will that help'' Sara confronted Elena a little annoyed before sarcastically adding '' Sherlock!'' Elena didn't mind her at all and looked at me, ''It will make your parents less angry and as you said we have 7 months before admission starts and then a month more before the class starts right so you could just spend that time with us.''
'' What about the interview?'' I voiced out one of my main concern
''As for the interview isn't it online you could take it from anywhere,'' Sara answered me
''But it doesn't alter the fact that her parents won't let her go abroad ''Naila stated the fact which busted the bubble of little hope. Making everyone return to their previous position. ''AH! No matter how much I think. It seems impossible'' suddenly Sara screamed making us all startled but before we could react. Naila interrupted'' Aye your nineteenth birthday. ''
''What about it, '' I questioned her frowning.
''its right at the corner right,'' she continued.
''yes, ''I answered.
''Did you ask your parents for the gift?'' she questioned.
''Nope,'' I answered and suddenly it struck to me what she meant and others did too. ''Very well! Ask them to let you go for your birthday '' they spoke at the same time. They were right my parents never denied me anything I wanted on my birthday but still I was doubtful so I decided to voice out my concern, ''but what if they don't let me go.''
''You mean your parents not fulfilling your wish?'' Sara questioned me aggregating quite a lot.
''the very same one who brought a white tiger with blue eyes from Africa within 2 days!!!''Elena exclaimed.
''You know I always asked for things which didn't involve me going somewhere, and I must remind you that my parents bought me Lana because I wanted to go to Africa to see white tigers and then adopt one,'' I explained.
''Don't worry they haven't denied you anything till now they won't deny you that too'' Naila reassured me before continuing'' and if they did. Just try to make them compel your parents really love you. I am pretty sure they will agree.''
''Yeah, she is right,'' Elena agreed.
''you can do it'' Sara cheered.
''let's make our last year as teens the best year of our life'' Elena cheered loudly making us all laugh joyfully.
END OF FLASHBACK…
Merely thinking about the meeting with my friends last week made me smile as I walk towards the grand hall where the party in my honor took place.