I settle drink a water and a coffee the take a long shower. Going over everything that happened on repeat, that was...different. What the hell why did she do that?!? Why did I just...? The thoughts tumble out without direction confusion, anger, and panic. I down a couple beers and burritos then run the the club and meet Judy in the basement, once there I spill my guts, slam back beers and she threatened to call security till I give her several more schematics for slightly improved, considerably safer chrome. A couple hours and many beers later I stagger out, not feeling much better but vented out at least, I punch a ton of roaches then start drinking again. Waste my day like this and once the sunsets I head to a bar and drink some more. Kill more roaches with empty beer bottles, drink some more and finally return to my apartment to crash.
Waking up in my roommates bed she's still in my arms and I'm...feeling really good physically like, incredibly light and rested, otherwise... Ashley remained asleep looking so, peaceful, I slowly managed to untangle without waking her feeling aroused, guilty, and a bit afraid all at once. I went and showered then made breakfast bringing it to her in bed, she was on her phone, and turned it to me.
"What is this." She said in an accusatory tone, I look at her than it dumbfounded, she was focused on my drinking skill in cyberpunk...shit, she might as well be able to see my dreams, by why's she...upset?
"Umm what's wrong?". I lamely ask feeling guilty but being genuinely clueless.
....
....
"You tell me!"
"Huh?"
"You fuck me then go off and stress so much that you gained a level in worrying!"
"Wait, seriously, oh shit is that one on those skills that makes it worse?"
"FOCUS!"
"Sorry on what?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
I stand stunned and confused
"NOT GONNA TALK!!!"
She screams in my face then screams and slowly crawls back in the bed looking at me with a softening confused expression.
I still look at her feeling confused unable to keep up with her wildly switching moods? No something else.
She blinks a few times and whispers "what's wrong" still angry, still accusatory but softer actually listening now, that said I have no clue what to say and I'm not fully certain what she's asking.
"You said you weren't a virgin and you've brought girls over so what's wrong" she says firmer this time but the concern in her eyes is growing, confusing me more. "Tell me!" She shouts. I flinch but still have no clue what she's asking I look down at the sausage egg and French toast I made, wondering if I forgot an allergy we aren't that close so I could've not know, then a drop of water falls on the food, I reach up to my hair but it dried then another drop tickles my nose, I wipe it and realize, ohh shit! I was crying and didn't even know it. I looked at her and started to speak and choked on the first word.
She cycled through emotions rapidly as we just kept looking at each other. Finally I set the food on her bed and walked out. Went to my room and shut and locked the door, what the fuck.
After a few minutes I pulled myself together and I got a predictable light knock on my door. I opened it and she stood there, now wearing a thin robe. We stood there still uncertain what to say. "Sorry" I said flatly unsure what else to say."
"You have to do better than that."
"Look I can try to explain but it's kinda stupid"
"So long as you don't feel guilty for giving me aids" she retorts in jest.
"I'm clean, not funny and you jumped me without letting me say anything"
"You didn't stop me"
"I kinda tried, at first"
"So what you're some weak man crying the victim."
"Seriously. Look just sit down and stop that crap. It just matters to me and it was all outside my control and I don't know what happens next and it's a lot"
"So you panicked and spent the day drinking because I fucked you."
"Look when I sleep with someone even I know it can't last I treat it like a permanent relationship, I try to make it work!" I say my volume rising without me realizing it "This may be abit foolish and a joke in modern society but it matters ok, my decisions matter and everyone I'm with matters, and if you say otherwise you're saying neither of us MATTER!!!" I finish with a shout and we both look at each other stunned.
....
....
....
....
"I'm sorry, but I don't regret what I did and I won't be slugh.....sorry, we had sex, it wasn't bad but you freaking out and crying makes me feel like shit so you need to get over it"
"You'd be disgusted with me if I demanded the same with you"
She starts to retort then pauses closes her eyes and gives off a long half groan half sigh.
"I won't let you make me feel guilty about last night." She finally says evenly.
"I'm not asking you " I quickly reply
"You are though."
"So I have to go along with everything you randomly decide or I'm the bad guy!?!"
"You werent complaining last night.!...until...."
After a pause she finishes "How long has it been?"
"Huh?" I ask abit stumped
"Since your last girl" she replies flatly through nearly gritted teeth her annoyance showing.
"Ummmmmmm, hmm let's see" I start muttering and thinking through various life events "three?years? I think?"
"Liar" she retorts harshly enough to make me jump "you've had several couples and girls over this year."
"Oh, well I have friends"
"Friends don't stay the night, nor walk around half naked"
"I feed and massage people and you cut off the A/C all the time"
She gives me a long look "are you shitting me?"
"Nooo?"
"How!?!"
"How what?"
"How can you have so many girls over and not fuck them!?!"
"I don't fuck friends nor clients"
"So just ethics?"
"I guess?"
....
....
After a bit she gets up and goes to her room, an angry shout and a few minutes later she returns to my room with her cellphone and without her robe.
"You will tell me I'm right that last night was neccesary, I'm sorry I pushed you and was inconsiderate but you will fuck me, you will fuck me in the games and you will get over it. Your right I shouldve asked for but I am right, I'm sorry ok. Now your turn!"
"I'm sorry?" I stammer a bit confused
She glares at me and shows me a folder with a couple dating apps, she then shows me she's uninstalling them
"I'm not going to marry you, but I will be exclusive for six months, after that we can touch base ok?"
I sit stunned for a couple minutes then she sighs, punches me in the face and kisses me.
"When a girl agrees to be exclusive you say something nice and appreciative idiot"
..."thanks?"
She storms off clearly pissed but neither of us know what else to do.
With that I get dressed and go for a run. While I'm out I check the worry skill.
Healthy Worry: Concerns that have been touched on 3 times in the last minute will become 0.1% less of a priority and your next thought will become 0.1% more of a priority per level.
Damn this is amazing...wait did I seriously think of her nearly a thousand times last night?!? Well I'm sure I stressed about other things abit but, good Lord..