Every hero needs a villain.
Kevin got Derek.
Derek was everything Kevin hated.
Tall.
Perfect hair.
Expensive clown outfit.
Actually talented.
He introduced himself in the park by making a balloon dragon while doing a backflip for no reason.
Children applauded.
Kevin wanted to pass away.
Derek smiled.
"You must be Kevin."
"You must be the reason mirrors are expensive."
Derek laughed.
"I've heard about you."
"That feels like a threat."
"It is."
Turns out Derek was the city's "professional clown."
He did weddings.
Corporate events.
A mayor once shook his hand.
Kevin had once been banned from a petting zoo.
Different careers.
Derek leaned in.
"There's only room for one clown in this town."
Kevin stared.
"…There are literally thousands."
"Symbolically."
"Ah. Drama."
Thus began The Clown War.
Derek stole Kevin's park corner.
Kevin replaced Derek's bike horn with one that played whale noises.
Derek sent Kevin glitter in the mail.
Kevin still found glitter three months later.
It was psychological warfare.
Then came the final battle:
The annual Spring Festival Talent Show.
Winner got:
$500 A trophy Local respect Unreasonably high emotional stakes
Kevin entered.
Derek entered.
The town prepared for nonsense.