Chapter 149: Eric's Panties (2)
[Hyde POV]
After the meeting, I went to the Formans with everyone else.
"I'm going to go study at Donna's." Jackie clutched her book and opened the
car door as I parked my car on the street.
"If you have done your homework instead of talking the entire time, you might
not need Donna's help." I said sarcastically.
Jackie turned back, scofing slightly. "And lost my ammunition? I don't think
so."
She spent the whole time getting to know her 'rivals'. Who was dating with
who, who has a nose job, who was the slut of the other school, and many
more.
"Hyde. Do you think I have a shot with that girl?" Fez asked, swooning slightly.
"Jackie?" I asked, bafled.
"No. Caroline."
"Who?"
"The girl at the cafe."
"Oh, the one with the bubble butt?"
"Yes! That's the one." Fez nodded excitedly."I don't know. Maybe." I shrugged.
We went inside the Forman's house through the kitchen, stumbling onto Red
who was still sitting at the dinner table and Kitty who was washing the dishes.
"Steven! Have you had dinner yet?" Mrs. Forman asked excitedly. "Do you
want some?"
I saw Red's plate and was revolted.
"Not if you're serving that. Is that raw chicken?"
Red grumbled and said, "Boiled."
"Why are you eating that abomination?" I asked, narrowing my eyes
skeptically.
Fez added, "Yes Mr. Red. Have you ever heard of something called; spices?"
"Do you think I want to?" Red replied with annoyance.
Kitty slammed her towel on the counter and said, "Oh. Come on. I made it
especially for you. You know the doctor said you have to lower your
cholesterol level."
"Your cholesterol's high?" I asked him, slightly worried.
"None of your business." Red grumbled and stood up. Then, he ran out of the
side door.
"Red! You haven't finished your meals!" Kitty quickly chased after him.
I chuckled and went down the basement. Kelso and Eric were watching TV
and they noticed us.
"Hyde. Whip cream?" Eric handed me a can of whip cream.
"Don't mind if I do." I muttered and took it from him.I sprayed the cream directly into my mouth. Fez sat in front of the tv
instinctively.
"Fez. Move." Forman widened his eyes, slightly startled.
Kelso leaned forward and pushed Eric to the side. "You're the one who should
move."
"What– OH!" He realized what it was and quickly made a circle.
Then, everyone looked at me.
I sighed and took out the blunt from my pocket. "I'm going to start charging
you for it now."
"We have no money." Kelso laughed playfully.
"Oh I'm going to make you have money." I grumbled and handed one blunt to
them, and one for myself.
We lit it up and smoked in the basement. I blew a circular smoke from my
mouth, which made them all intrigued.
"How do you do that?" Fez asked.
"I'll teach you later." I chuckled slightly.
Kelso leaned in to Forman and asked, "By the way, what happened with
Shelly? You guys did… handstuf?"
"What?!" Eric widened his eyes, startled. "Kelso! I didn't do that with just any
whores who threw themselves at me."
"Weak!" Fez mocked Eric.
"Pathetic!" Kelso also added.
I just laughed and asked, "What happened?"I couldn't see the episode until it ended so a little information might be good
for me.
Forman began telling us the story. Shelly kept trying to hint at him to make a
move.
She even ignored him when he mentioned Donna. We smoked for a while,
and I didn't even realize the episode had started since I was too high.
Eric also told the 'tatternut' story, which made Kelso mad.
"Man, Donna saw Shelly practically living in my lap. How could she not be
jealous?" Forman complained. "I'm hot." He added, trying to prop himself up.
"It's because you are decent, good-hearted and pure." Fez interjected, having
whip cream on his eyebrows and sideburns. "You know,...a sissy." He mocked,
playfully. His left eyebrow cream slowly falls from his face.
We all chuckled, except for Forman.
"Forman, I think what we need here is some input from Tater Nuts." I said,
turning to Kelso. "Tater Nuts, what do you think, Tater Nuts?"
"Eric, this-" Kelso flinched and turned to me, snapping angrily. "Hey, stop
calling me Tater Nuts!"
He turned to Forman again and his voice turned calm. "If Donna's not jealous,
I mean, it means, basically, you're in the free and clear. She's giving you the
okay to cheat. You gotta cheat!"
"Hmm. Tater Nuts makes sense." Forman said sarcastically.
"Quit it!" Kelso sprayed the whip cream on Forman, but it fell behind him.
"I mean, I could be with Shelly right now, if I wanted to. So, why shouldn't I?"
Forman muttered, looking quite hurt.
"Because then you will have two women when some people have none!" Fez
whimpered."Forget it, Forman. You're not a cheater." I snifed slightly.
"You know what? It's time for me to lay down some grand wisdom to all of
you." I muttered, inhaling a deep smoke.
"Guide us, Grandmaster." Kelso said and bowed slightly. Fez did too.
"In every relationship, there's a reacher, and a settler. Every good relationship
has one person who reaches for someone out of their league, and one who
settles for someone below theirs."
"That's stupid." Eric scofed.
"Really? Think about it. Midge and Bob, who do you think is the reacher, and
who's the settler?" I asked.
"You can't use that as an example." Kelso frowned. "Everyone can see Midge
is the one who settles."
"Then, a harder example. Jackie and Kelso. Who do you think is the reacher
and the settler?"
Everyone thought about it seriously.
"It's Kelso, right? The reacher?" Fez asked.
"No! I'm definitely the settler!" Kelso argued.
"Kelso got it right. Since Jackie was the one reaching for him first. If he's the
reacher, he won't ever cheat on her. Only the settler will cheat, not the
reacher." I added.
"You mean, Donna is the settler, so she knows I won't ever cheat on her,
right?" Forman was a bit pissed.
"Yeah. She definitely is not even thinking of the possibility." Fez chuckled.
Kelso snickered and said, "She might be cheating on you right now."
"No she's not." Forman scofed."You know, a wise man once said, "Know thyself." That man's name... was
Tater Nuts."
Kelso turned to me, face full of annoyance. Then, he suddenly turned to Fez
and smiled.
"I got to be honest with you, guys. Okay, l- I do shave my legs. I just- I just like
the way it feels."
The recorded part ended, but our conversation continued.
"So, what about Laurie and Kelso? Who's the reacher, and who's the settler?"
Fez asked.
Forman replied first, "I hate to say this, but Laurie is definitely the settler."
"What?!" Kelso was furious. "I'm the settler– always!"
"It's hard to say, since they are both horrible people." I said and finished up my
blunt.
"Hey!" Kelso was hurt again.
Forman laughed and said, "So I guess the one who cheats first is the settler."
"Then, I am the settler." Kelso said triumphantly. "I did it with Pam Macy just
this morning at school."
No one was really shocked by it.
I have the theory that if Kelso didn't end up with Jackie, he would've ended up
with Pam Macy. They were off and on for quite a long time.
Laurie walked into the basement and smelt the weed.
"Hey. Pass it to me." Laurie demanded and took the weed from Kelso.
"Kelso, are we doing something tonight?" She asked, looking slightly annoyed.Kelso flinched and asked, "Are we supposed to?"
I grinned and said, "Kelso! Did you forget your three month anniversary
again?"
Kelso widened his eyes, frantically turning towards me. "Really?
Three-months?"
He turned to Laurie quickly and said, "Happy three month-versary babe."
"We're dating for over 4 months now." Laurie grimaced, annoyed.
"Hyde!" Kelso tried to hit me, but I avoided him.
I cackled and said, "You're the one who forgot, not me."
Kelso turned to Laurie and said, "Why don't we go to the club?"
She beamed up immediately. "Great! I'll go change."
"Into something slutty I suppose." I added.
Laurie froze while passing by me, slapped me in the shoulder and ran
upstairs.
"You guys want to come?" Kelso asked after Laurie's gone.
I noticed something from the way Laurie and Kelso treated each other. It was
as if they were going through the motions rather than wanting to stay with
each other.
'I guess the thrill of keeping their relationship a secret is gone now. Maybe
they will break up soon.'
…
As I returned home, I saw Ophelia sitting in my living room, eating chips while
watching TV."Hey–" She choked on the chip and began a coughing frenzy. She hit her
chest and quickly drank the soda to unblock her throat.
"Pwah~" She exclaimed in relief and wiped her mouth with the back of her
hand.
"What are you doing?" I laughed as I took off my shoes and walked to the
living room. Then, I put my leather messenger bag on the cofee table.
"Waiting for you." She replied, pouting slightly. "Why don't you come back
home straight after school?"
"I have work to do, and then I hang out at the Forman's." I sat next to her.
She leaned in and snifed me like a puppy.
"Why do you smell like herbs… Are you smoking…" She whispered, "the
devil's grass?"
I burst into laughter and said, "It's weed. You can say weed."
"You haven't smoked for a while. I thought you had quit." She reached into my
denim jacket and tried to search for the bag.
"What are you doing? Trying to turn me on?" I asked jokingly.
"Where is your stash? I'm going to flush it down the drain." She said playfully,
biting her lower lips and tried to pin me down.
I surrendered to her and while she was on top of me, I pulled her in for a kiss.
We wrestled using our tongues for a bit. As we separated, she grumbled
sulkily and said, "Your saliva tastes like smoke. Stop smoking or else I'm going
to stop kissing you."
"So you have no problems with cigarettes, but marijuana is your bottom line?"
I teased."Cigarettes don't make you go crazy." She said cheekily.
"Right. All it does is give you cancer." I replied sarcastically.
"You always have to win an argument huh?" She leaned in close and kissed
me again.
I slid my hands under her shirt. But before I could do anything, I raised my
body up and looked around seriously.
"What are you doing?" Ophelia asked, confused.
"Every time we were going to do something, someone always interfered. So I
need to be careful."
She giggled and said, "Have you locked the door?"
"I did. But I'm going to check it again."
I stood up, went to check the front and the back door.
"I'm going to take a shower." I said, taking off my clothes in front of her.
She looked at my body in confusion and asked, "Where are your tattoos?"
"It disappeared." I replied with a grin.
"How?" She asked, confused.
"It's just a temporary tattoo." I replied casually. While walking away, I
accidentally hit the cofee table and my bag.
The bag dropped to the ground, and the content spilled out.
Ophelia noticed the thick stack of script inside the bag.
"Hmm?" She picked it up and asked, "Are you writing another movie?"
"Yup." I said casually as I walked away."I'm going to read this while you're in the shower!" She shouted from behind
me.
"Okay!"
I came back twenty minutes later, wearing only a towel robe. However, she
didn't even turn towards me.
Bafled, I tried to open up the robe slightly to show my chest and sat next to
her, slinging my arm over her shoulder.
She finally turned towards me.
"Hey." I used the Miles Morales method to seduce her.
She blushed and said, "Wait. I'm still reading the script."
"Is it good?" I asked, curious.
"It's really good!" Her eyes glittered. "I'm really enjoying this story."
She went back to reading, ignoring me completely. I waited for a while, then I
gave up and went to put on my clothes.
I even had a sandwich while waiting for her to finish.
"Can I bring this home?" She asked suddenly. "I don't think I can finish it
tonight."
"You can read it tomorrow. I need this tonight to plan for the storyboard." I said
casually.
She pouted and said, "Then give me my copy for me to read."
"Hmm?" I was taken aback. "I'm not planning to cast you in this."
She froze, looking at me with a bewildered expression. "Wait. I don't think I
heard that right– You're not casting me? But I'm your biggest star?""That's precisely why I'm not casting you. This is a TV movie. I'm not going to
put you in this low-level production."
"Why are you making a tv movie then?!" She asked angrily.
"It's a part of my deal with ABC. Because I'm making the movie, they are
going to put my home renovation program pilot in a more desirable timeslot."
"Hmph!" She crossed her arms and turned her head away.
After stewing in her spot, she exploded, "So because I'm too famous, I can't
act in whatever project I want?"
"You can actually pick whatever you want if you're famous. Right now, your
position isn't solid yet. So I'm trying to avoid putting you in a TV movie." I
replied casually and smiled at her.
"Don't get mad." I brushed her hair behind her ear. "I'm going to do three
projects simultaneously. This is just one of them."
She visibly relaxed and said, "Oh. Great. So I'm going to act in one of them,
right?"
"Hmmm." I thought about it.
She got pissed of. "You better say yes!"
I laughed and said, "Alright. Yes. But it's not going to be me directing it. You'll
have to learn to work with someone else."
She sulked and pulled her head away.
"Aw come on. You know I have school." I tried to placate her.
She suddenly turned and leaned in to me, sticking her chest on my arm.
"What if the director told me I have to blow him to get the role? I don't want to
work with anyone else."
"He's going to have to be blowing me if he wants the job. Don't worry, he won't
dare to mess with the producer's girlfriend, is he?"She grinned slightly and said, "So I'm your girlfriend?"
"To everyone else, and us, yes. But avoid saying it to the 8 people I'm close
with."
Ophelia furrowed her eyebrows in frustration. "Is this part of the secret couple
thing?"
"Definitely. I'd like to keep you with me for a long time if I could. So you know
who to avoid, right?"
She raised her fingers and began counting. "The Formans. The Kelsos. Your
foreign friend. Donna. And that little girl, Jackie."
She shifted her ass slightly, turning entirely towards me and said, "But I think
they already know about it, no?"
"Not really." I shrugged. "I never confirmed anything with them."
She batted her eyes, frowning cutely. Then, she gave up and leaned her head
on my shoulder.
"Fine then. I won't tell them."
"Thank you. And I'm sorry you have to go through this."
She giggled and said, "It's fine. We don't even know if we're going to be a
couple forever."
"That's true." I nodded.
She glared daggers at me and said, "You're supposed to say, 'We might', or 'I
hope so', not 'That's true."
I grabbed her by the back of her head and pulled her in for a kiss to shut her
up.
"Nothing lasts forever. But I hope we will." I said, wearing a smoldering look.
Then, I grinned childishly and asked, "Is that what you want?"She blushed and stood up immediately. "I think I'm going to go home now."
"To flick the bean?" I asked.
She looked confused. "Why would I flick the bean? What does that mean?"
"Nothing." I waved it off and said, "Why don't you stay for tonight?"
"I have to make breakfast for the family tomorrow–"
I pulled her by her hand and sat her down on my lap. "Don't go. They can take
care of themselves now."
"But–" She was reluctant.
"You have done a wonderful job taking care of them." I whispered. "You can
get some rest now. Let your dad do his work and go live your life."
"That's selfish." She pouted.
"Is it selfish?" I smirked. "Or is it just the norm?"
She went silent for a bit. Then, she played with her hair and said, "I guess I
can stay for one night. But let's be clear, we're not going to go all the way
today."
"That's fine with me. As long as we can cuddle." I said casually.
She blushed even harder and covered up her face with her hands.
"Ah, I'm going crazy because of you." She muttered.
That night, we just spooned while we slept.
The next morning, I went to school as usual.
I went to classes like usual. And I returned home as usual.
'When's the episode going to continue?'As I returned to the Forman's basement, I saw Eric grabbing his Chemistry
books.
"You know what? I'm going to give Donna one last chance to notice– How
great I am." Eric said frantically and put his books back down.
Fez laughed and said, "He's going to be disappointed."
Eric suddenly went back in and asked, "Hyde. Can I borrow your car? I'm out
of gas."
"Sure." I gave him the keys easily.
"Wait. I thought we're getting nachos?" Fez asked, bewildered.
"We can take Forman's car." I replied casually.
"Oh. Cool."
So far so good.
Chapter 150: Eric's Panties (4)
[General POV]
Eric walked into the Pinciotti's kitchen through the backdoor. Jackie and
Donna were studying at the dining table.
Jackie walked to grab a soda instantly as Eric walked in.
"Hey, Donna. Look, we're not gonna be able to hang out tonight." Eric said,
pretending to be non-chalant. "I've got to go to the library… with Shelly."
Sitting down, Donna replied casually, "Okay, that's cool. We can just hang out
tomorrow night.""No, yeah, no." Eric sucked air through his teeth. "See, yeah, I'm gonna have
my hands full
with this Project that's due in a few days… so I'll be off alone with Shelly."
She didn't react much, which prompted him to say, "She doesn't wear a bra,
you know."
"Yeah, whatever. Bye." Donna turned to her books again.
Suddenly Bob and Midge entered through the side door, acting giggly with
each other.
"Uh-oh. Farmhand got a hold of the rich lady."
As they saw the kids, they stopped.
Bob cleared his throat and greeted them. "Oh, hi, kids."
Midge added, "Your dad's not really a farmhand. Yeah. It's just a little
intimacy-game we're playing."
"And it's fun!" Bob laughed.
"Yeah." Midge giggled and they both ran to the living room together.
The games were how they got over their big fight about Midge's afair
suspicion. It really damaged their relationship, so much so they had to see a
therapist.
The therapist was the one who recommended the games to them.
Donna muttered, "I'm sorry you had to see that." Her eyes lost its spark as she
said, "I'm sorry I had to see that."
Eric scofed and said, "Yeah, well, you know, Shelly's waiting for me. So-"
"Yeah, Eric, you said that." Donna said, furrowing her eyebrows slightly.
"Okay, bye." Eric sighed and left."That's odd." Donna muttered. Jackie walked towards the table and sat next to
Donna.
"He usually gives me a kiss good-bye." Donna turned to Jackie.
"Yeah. To be honest? It kinda grosses me out." Jackie narrowed her eyes
slightly.
Donna suddenly realized something, "Wait, Jackie, should I be worried that
he's spending so much time with Shelly?"
"Okay, well, normally I'd say yeah, but Eric would never cheat on you." Jackie
said casually.
She added, "I mean, all guys cheat. But I never really thought of Eric as a
guy."
"Yeah, he's more like a- like a really masculine girl." She grinned.
"Uh-huh." Donna replied flatly.
"Yeah, kind of like you." Jackie nodded gleefully and grabbed Donna's
shoulder.
Donna was speechless.
Hours pass by quickly. The girls finished their homework, and it's almost dusk.
Donna walked to the Forman's house with Jackie.
"Look, he's already home." She saw the Vista Cruiser and smiled happily. "I
can't believe I was so suspicious."
Jackie gave Donna a slightly repulsed smile.
Donna didn't care and took out lipstick from her coat jacket.
"He's such a good guy. I'm gonna write him a note. A little, "I love you.""
Both of the girls giggled together."You know, Michael once wrote me a sexy note. Except, he can't really spell,
so I didn't know what I was supposed to do to him." Jackie said, slightly
frowning as she remembered the memory.
Suddenly Donna saw pink panties in the backseat of Eric's car as she was
writing the note. She gasped, her soul almost went out of her body.
The note stopped at, 'I Lov'
Frazzled, Donna immediately opened the car door and grabbed the panties.
"Oh, my God!" She exclaimed, shaken to her core.
Jackie grimaced and said, "Donna, you should not leave your panties in your
boyfriend's car!"
Donna turned to Jackie, face full of disbelief. "I didn't."
"Oh." Jackie exclaimed flatly. "Oh!" She widened her eyes in realization. Then
her shoulders slumped with disappointment. "Ohhh."
…
[Hyde POV]
I caught Red trying to sneak a burger in the garage as I walked into the house.
"Hey, there, Red. Does Mrs. Forman knows you're out here clogging your
arteries with a double cheese?" I asked casually.
He replied meekly. "Yes." Then, he straightened up and tried to threaten me.
"So there would be...no reason to tell her."
I chuckled and said, "Sorry, Red. I don't think I could lie to Mrs. Forman.
'Cause I really, really love her."
"All right, you blackmailing S.O.B. What do you want?" He surrendered
immediately."Sure could use some fries." I pointed at his hand.
He gave me a box filled with fries and said, "Here. Now beat it."
I ate some fries and walked to the basement. "You don't have to be rude."
…
Inside the basement.
I sat on my usual spot, flipping magazines as Fez learned to do a magic trick
using cards.
My eyes water from the constant yawning. Suddenly I saw an interesting
article in the magazine.
'Steven Hyde? Rockstar or Director?'
It was a full page article about me. I was confused since no one had
interviewed me before, but they got a lot of the details right.
Then, I saw the source of the information. It came from Bruce, and his name
was even mentioned in the magazine.
'That attention-seeking man.'
" Is this your card?" Fez asked as he showed me one.
"No." I replied without looking.
"Is this your card?" He changed and asked again.
"No." I shook my head again, smirking slightly.
"Is this your card?" He asked again.
"No. You have to ask me to pick a card before starting."
"Ah, screw you."He threw the cards on the wire-spool table.
Laurie walked into the basement and stopped next to Kelso. He was standing
behind the couch, playing with his yo-yo.
"Hey, Kelso, I had a dream about you last night." She said with a sultry voice.
"Really?" He grinned, excited.
"Yeah."
Fez and I turned towards them.
"We were doing stuf, and it was all hot and sweaty… and I just kept calling
your name over and over."
She inhaled deeply and moaned his name out loud, "Tater Nuts! Tater Nuts!"
Fez and I burst into laughter.
Kelso's face didn't change. He asked seriously, "And then what?"
Laurie rolled her eyes and walked to the washing machine.
Donna suddenly burst into the basement through the side door.
"Hey, Laurie, I found something in Eric's car that I think must probably be
yours."
She held pink satin panties with a small ribbon in front.
"Is that- Oh, good heavens, it is." Fez whispered. "I am in the presence of
panties."
Laurie was folding her clothes. She turned and sneered slightly.
"Donna, please. I don't wear pink panties." She said disdainfully.
"Yeah. She'd have to wear panties to wear pink panties." I interjected.Laurie was annoyed and slapped my shoulder again.
"Hyde, did you have a girl in Eric's car?" Donna turned to me and asked
urgently.
"No. Oh, but I did have some nachos in there. And to mess with Forman, I
smeared cheese underneath the seat so it'd really stink."
I laughed slightly and asked, "Did it stink in there?"
"Kind of." Donna replied.
"All right!" I laughed in satisfaction.
"Well, then, whose are they?" Donna asked, looking betrayed.
"Hello? You have not asked me." Fez walked towards her. "Could they not be
Fez's panties? I mean, is that so hard to imagine, Fez in a car with a woman?"
Donna paused before asking again, "Whose could they be?"
Fez slumped his shoulder and went back to the couch. Kelso walked over the
couch and grabbed the panties from her.
"All right, Donna, here. I'll figure this out. I like to think of myself as the
Columbo of panties."
Kelso played with the panties and acted as an investigator.
"Yeah. I'd say we're looking at a woman. Ages 16 to 38… with a five-figure
income. She lives within a four-mile radius of here and is very popular with the
gentlemen."
"Sure, she is. She'll have sex in a car that stinks like cheese." I quipped.
"So, what you're saying is, they could be Shelly's." Donna asked seriously.
"Come on. Forman wouldn't cheat on Donna." I tried to calm her."Sure he would. Shelly's a tramp. No man can turn down a tramp." Kelso
wasn't being helpful.
"Well, let's find out. Laurie, have you ever been turned down?" I asked.
Laurie grinned and replied, "Nope."
"Oh. Sorry, Donna." I shrugged slightly.
Donna's hand shook with extreme anger.
"Don't feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for Eric. 'Cause I'm gonna kill him!"
She rushed to the door, tried to open it but couldn't.
"Will somebody please open the door so I can kill Eric?" She shouted
desperately.
Fez stood beside her and slowly unlocked the door.
*Clack*
Donna rushed outside immediately. Fez and Kelso turned to each other before
quickly going after her.
I was left alone with Laurie in the room. She suddenly walked towards me and
asked, "Were you playing cards? Did you bet money?"
"No. Fez used them for magic tricks. Why? You want to lose again?"
"I'm not going to lose forever!" She was taunted.
"Like hell I'm going to let you deal, you cheater." I said and grabbed the card
from her.
"I'm not going to let you deal either!" She tried to wrestle the card away from
me.
"Fine. We'll do it when there's a dealer." I sighed and gave up."Coward." She stuck her tongue out at me.
"Not a coward. Just not stupid."
…
-TV–
Pinciotti's kitchen.
"What if this wasn't even the first time?" Donna grabbed her purse and coat,
preparing for her confrontation.
Jackie leaned on the kitchen counter, looking worried.
"What if there have been other girls? Other panties?" She was spiralling.
Suddenly, Donna began daydreaming.
{ Eric and Donna were making out inside his room. She pushed him to the
bed, and as they were trying to kiss, she found panties hidden in his blanket.
She stood up immediately and asked, "Eric, where did these panties come
from?"
Eric replied flatly, "Uh, gee, I don't know. But there's nothing in the dresser.
Nothing at all."
With ominous music playing in the background, she went to check the dresser
and pulled out hundreds of panties from the drawer.
"Okay, but at least my closet is panty-free. Donna, you have my word." He
gulped slightly.
Donna didn't believe him and checked the closet. Panties were spraying out of
it as she opened the door.
"Okay, Donna, please, ignore the rope in the middle of the room."
Donna turned to see the giant red rope connected to the ceiling.Eric said urgently, "And whatever you do, don't pull it!"
She pulled it, and thousands of panties rained down the ceiling.
"Eric, how do you explain all this?" She asked, betrayed and in disbelief.
"Panties! Glorious panties!" Eric laughed maniacally as he threw the panties
around like confetti.}
As Donna came back to the real world, she muttered, "Bastard!"
Midge was walking into the kitchen when Donna was going out.
Midge asked, " Hey, there, Donna. Where are you going?"
"To The Hub to kick Eric's ass!" She replied angrily.
"Yeah, well, kick it good." Midge said innocently.
She turned to the other girl in the room and asked, "Jackie, why is Donna
gonna beat up Eric?"
Jackie grinned, "Donna found another woman's panties in the Vista Cruiser."
Midge gasped, turning pale. "Oh, no!"
Jackie was excited. "I know, right. Eric's cheating on her."
"Jackie, those panties were mine!" Midge said with frustration.
Jackie gasped and asked slowly, "You and Eric?"
"No! Me and-" Midge paused and looked at Jackie with disbelief. "Geez, you're
dumb."
Jackie was flabbergasted as she heard it.
…At the Hub.
Eric and Shelly were studying at the table near the jukebox.
"Now, remember, we can't have the protons and electrons right next to each
other…" Eric glanced at her and joked, "because that would just be madness.
Madness, I say!"
Shelly burst out laughing and leaned in close to him.
"Oh, Eric Forman, you are just the funniest person I've ever met."
"No, I wouldn't go as- Yes. Yes, I am." He chuckled, amused by himself.
"Doesn't your girlfriend mind you spending so much time with me?" Shelly
asked, gathering information.
"Well, no. Apparently, she's thrilled about it."
"Well, she's crazy."
"'Cause if I was your girlfriend, I would want to kiss you all the time."
"Really?"
Before Eric could react, Shelly grabbed him and kissed him deeply, with
tongue.
He pushed her away almost instantly and wiped his mouth. "Whoa! Hey, come
on, lady! I'm spoken for!"
The kiss did have some impact on him.
"Wow!" He shook the temptations away immediately.
Kelso and Fez entered the restaurant in a hurry. They rushed towards Eric.
Fez asked, "Hey, did we miss anything?"
Eric was flabbergasted, "What? God, no. You didn't miss anything."Donna entered The Hub a few seconds later.
"All right, people! Let's back up! Give 'em some room here!" Kelso immediately
cleared out the area.
"Hey, Donna, hi, hello." Eric greeted her with a shaky voice.
"Don't "Hey, Donna, hi, hello" me." She snapped, furious. "I trusted you, and
you cheated on me with this slut!"
"Uh, Donna, I don't-" Eric was bafled, thinking, 'How did she know?'
Shelly stood up, wearing an ofended expression, "Excuse me?"
"Yeah, I said it. You want some of this? Come on!" Donna exploded.
"Donna, hey, whatever you think happened-" Eric tried to calm her down.
"I know what happened. I found these in your car!" She flails the panties at
him.
"Panties?" He asked, confused.
"Aha! So he admits they are panties." Fez whispered to Kelso.
Donna taunted Shelly again, "Hey, next time you fool around with someone
else's boyfriend… why don't you take your panties when you're done?"
Shelly said defensively, "Those aren't mine. Mine are white. And cotton. With a
little pink rose in the front."
Every man there began thinking about her panties.
Donna slapped Eric's shoulder with the panties, asking furiously, "So these are
some other girl's panties?"
Kelso interjected, "Whoa, whoa! No ofense, Donna," He turned to Eric, "but,
dude, you're on fire!""You know what, Eric? I don't need this." Shelly said as she picked up her
books. "Oh, and by the way, your car smells like cheese."
She left, leaving only Eric to confront the furious Donna.
"Donna, look, you have to believe me. I have no idea whose panties those
are." Eric said nervously.
Midge suddenly rushed into the restaurant, shouting, "Donna, those panties
are mine!"
Kelso and Fez dropped to their knees and began worshiping Eric.
"Eric! Ohh! Ohh! You are a god!"
They bowed once and added, "A god, I say!"
Donna's anger dissipated quickly. She approached her mom and whispered,
"Um… Mom… Why were your panties in the Vista Cruiser?"
Fez and Kelso peeked up slightly. Fez said, "And please be specific."
They were anticipating some dirty stories involving Eric.
"Donna, when you've been together as long as your father and I have… you
need to do creative things in creative places." Midge said truthfully.
The boys shuddered in disgust and stood up immediately.
"Ew!"
"Ohh! Gads!" Eric tried to shake off his disgust.
…
In the Forman's kitchen.
It was dinner time.Mrs. Forman made fried chicken for the children, but Red's plate only have
brown rice and some salad.
Red stared at his own plate with disgust.
As Mrs. Forman looked away, Laurie held her chicken drumstick and fed it to
Red.
"Psst. Daddy, here."
Red quickly ate the chicken in three bites, finishing it before Mrs. Forman
turned back to put orange juice on the table.
She went to the drawer to grab some cups, crouching down. Her petite figure
disappeared from the kitchen, making Hyde– who just walked in, thought she
wasn't around.
"Red, you eating again? I thought you'd be full after that burger." Hyde said as
he sat in Eric's usual spot.
Red and Laurie widened their eyes in shock. Mrs. Forman stood up and Hyde
froze as he noticed her.
"Burger?" She asked, turning to the dining table.
Hyde quickly tried to cover it, "Yeah. The broccoli burger."
Mrs. Forman looked around and saw everyone's nervous expression.
"Oh, you are lying!" She exclaimed and placed the cups down on the kitchen
counter.
Red grumbled, "Well, come on, Kitty. This isn't food. This is what food eats."
"Well, but it's good for you." She said urgently.
"Well, if it's so good, how come I'm the only one that has to eat it?" Red
argued.
Kitty thought about it and said, "Good point."She picked up everyone's plate and put it on the kitchen counter.
"Hey, he's the food sneaker!" Hyde was flabbergasted.
Mrs. Forman put Red's food on Hyde's plate, making him grumble.
"Eat up!" She said happily.
Red taunted Hyde, smiling like a winner. "You wanna mess with me again?
You just come on back."
Hyde shrugged and said, "I don't live here, so I actually can go back to my
place and order some Kentucky Fried. How about you?"
"Damn it." Red cursed, looking defeated. His eyes flickered and he whispered
to Hyde, "Order extra. I'll come by to pick it up."
Hyde just agreed with him without thinking much.
…
Sitting on top of the Vista Cruiser in the driveway was the lovebirds– Forman
and Donna.
"Say it again." Eric said jokingly.
Donna blushed. "I already said it."
"Come on, one more time." He egged on.
She relented and said, "You're hot."
Both of them laughed.
"Hot enough to get Shelly?" He asked.
"Hot enough to get Shelly." Donna agreed.
"Hot enough to get any girl I want?" Eric asked again."Hot enough to get Shelly." Donna snickered.
Eric looked smug and said, "Yeah. That's just good stuf."
"You know, Eric, you don't have to rub it in. I know I made an ass out of
myself."
"Well, you know what? That's what you get for taking me for granted." Eric
laughed and added, "'Cause, Donna, I may be skinny, but- Yeah, I'm Mick
Jagger skinny and that's very in right now. Yeah, it's very hot."
(A/N: It's the 70s. Mick Jagger was at the height of his stardom)
Donna giggled and kissed him, "Eric, I know you're hot, 'cause you're with
me."
Both of them decided to move on from the topic.
"Okay. So, what have we learned from all this?" Eric asked and jumped down
the car.
"Always lock the doors to the Vista Cruiser." Donna guessed.
"Right you are." He agreed with her.
…
After settling the issue, Eric decided to clean up his car. All of his male friends
were there to watch him, not help him.
"Man, Bob and Midge must really hate me." Eric complained. "'Cause right
after having sex in my car, I think they smeared cheese under the seat."
Hyde and Fez turned to each other and snickered.
"That's just mean." Eric continued.
He finished wiping and threw the towel on the roof of the car."There. Okay, I think it's safe for human occupancy again."
Kelso noticed something and picked it up from the backseat.
It was a gray boxer.
"Uh-oh. Looks like Bob left something in the car too." Kelso shuddered and
threw the boxer away.
"Eric, you must sell this car." Fez said seriously.
"Or call a priest." Hyde added.
Eric just stood there, the light slowly going out in his eyes.
…
[Hyde POV]
"The episode finally wrapped up."
I breathed in relief while watching Kelso chasing after Fez with Bob's boxer.
He put the boxer at the end of the stick and tried to put it on Fez.
[Episode 8: Eric's Panties
Old Rating: 8.2
New Rating: 8.3
Bonus point: 1
["Reacher Settler quote was immortalized on the internet."]
"Oh. That's a nice bonus."
With the episode out of the way, I thought I could focus on editing for the next
few days, however the Episode countdown surprised me.
{Episode 9: Hyde's Christmas Rager}
{Starting in 21 hours.}"
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