Chapter 10: When You Punch Yourself in the Face and Still Lose
In which Peter Parker battles the coolest version of himself, and humility lands like a roundhouse to the face.
If you'd told Peter Parker two weeks ago that he'd be using his webbing to make medieval weaponry, he probably would've assumed you were high on radioactive glue.
But here he was—crafting a bo staff out of chakra-hardened silk like he was some kind of ninja Gandalf with arachnid tendencies.
"Okay," he muttered to himself, holding up his latest creation. "Not bad. Not bad at all."
The staff gleamed faintly, chakra humming through it like a livewire. It felt light in his hands, flexible yet solid—kind of like an indestructible licorice stick. With just a little effort, he spun it, grinned, and—
WHACK!
It hit a tree. The tree didn't like that.
Crack. Snap. Crash.
"Oops."
From the other side of the clearing, Naruto clapped slowly. "You know, when I said build weapons, I didn't mean deforest the training grounds."
Peter shrugged. "Collateral damage. Nature'll bounce back, right?"
Week Two: Web Forge Training
This wasn't just about swinging from rooftops or catching bad guys anymore. No, no. This was web-shaping—a glorious blend of creativity, combat, and chakra-induced chaos.
Peter had learned to mold his webbing into:
Shields that could block kunai and chakra blasts (and, eventually, boulders).
Swords with serrated edges that could slice through steel.
Spears that he could throw like Olympian javelins.
And even chakram-style disks, which were extremely cool until one boomeranged back and took out a chunk of his hair.
"Stylish," Naruto had said, laughing way too hard.
The real game-changer, though, was the web armor.
Layer by layer, Peter wrapped his body in chakra-infused silk until he looked like a tactical spider-ninja. The armor flexed with him, absorbed kinetic energy, and best of all—was breathable. (Because no one wants to fight crime in sweat-lockdown mode.)
Naruto tested this the only way he knew how:
By throwing boulders the size of small SUVs at him.
Peter had barely finished adjusting his shoulder plating when Naruto yelled:
"HEADS UP!"
Peter looked up. And instantly regretted every life choice that had led him here.
"OH COME ON—!"
BOOOOOM!
Dust. Webbing. Crushed dignity.
Peter flew through three trees and landed face-first in the dirt. His armor flared with blue chakra as it slowly peeled itself off and dissolved.
From the sidelines, Naruto whistled. "You're still alive. Nice."
Peter groaned, staggering upright. "Did I at least block it?"
Naruto gave a rare nod. "Almost. Try again."
Peter blinked. Then grinned. "Wait. That wasn't sarcasm?"
Naruto smirked. "Don't get used to it."
After that, Peter got serious.
He refined the web staff, learning to adjust the chakra flow for length, weight, and durability.
He created spider-knuckles—little web gauntlets over his fists that packed a punch like a chakra-infused freight train.
He developed shock webbing, capable of pulsing outward like a mini EMP. Naruto called it "Peter's budget Rasengan."
("Hey!" Peter had shouted. "Rude but fair.")
He even crafted sticky bolas, which were as hilarious as they were effective—especially when Naruto forgot to dodge and got tied up mid-air.
"Okay, okay!" Naruto laughed as Peter watched him dangle upside-down from a tree. "You're improving."
Peter crossed his arms, proud. "Told you. You might not be the only ninja in town soon."
Naruto dropped free, landing lightly. "You're still missing one thing."
Peter raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What's that?"
Naruto grinned, snapping his fingers.
A boulder dropped from the sky.
Peter's face paled. "YOU HAVE A ROCK SUMMON?!"
BOOM.
Dust.
More healing.
-------------------------------
Some people learned to ride a bike as kids.
Peter Parker? He learned to fight for his life mid-air while being chased by bloodthirsty clones and death spikes.
Thanks, Naruto.
Week 3: Welcome to the Spider-Circus
Mobility training with chakra was like suddenly unlocking cheat codes for gravity.
Peter's web-swinging became faster, smoother—ninja smooth. The kind of smooth that made squirrels jealous and birds angry for no reason.
He learned to channel chakra into his webs for micro-adjustments, allowing him to dodge trees, curve around cliffs, and land with the grace of a caffeinated cat.
But the real fun? That came when Naruto said:
"Alright, next drill—forest of spikes, dozens of shadow clones, and you're only allowed to touch the air."
Peter blinked. "Wait. Touch the what?"
Enter the forest:
Spikes. Everywhere.
Naruto clones. Grinning like they were in a dodgeball match and Peter was the ball.
And Peter? Midair.
Barely clinging to reality—
Literally.
"I CAN'T STAND ON AIR, NARUTO!"
Peter flailed as he missed a webline and dropped several feet.
"You don't stand on air," Naruto called from somewhere above. "You stick to it. Use the chakra threads in your feet and hands to create tension lines. It's like building a bridge made of silk while you're falling!"
Peter shrieked as a clone almost bisected him with a glowing kunai.
"BUILDING A BRIDGE WHILE FALLING IS NOT A COMFORTING ANALOGY!"
Still—he tried.
He extended microscopic chakra threads from his fingertips and soles, anchoring them to tiny dust particles and water vapor.
For a moment—just a moment—he didn't fall.
His heart skipped a beat.
And then a clone punted him out of the air like a football.
Crash. Groan. Heal. Repeat.
But he got better.
Day by day, the falls became fewer.
The dodges became cleaner.
The laughs got louder.
Because—yeah, this was insane.
This was Spider-Man in a live-action anime obstacle course of doom.
But deep down?
Peter was thriving.
He snared clones mid-air, zipping them into trees like spider-shaped trebuchets.
He web-zipped through collapsing branches, flipped upside down, and webbed two clones to each other mid-spin.
He even web-slapped one with a chakra-empowered hand so hard it exploded into smoke mid-scream.
"Yo!" he laughed, flipping through the air. "Did I just invent the aerial backhand jutsu?!"
Naruto, watching from a high branch with popcorn in hand (yes, he summoned it), grinned.
"You're getting cocky."
Peter grinned. "I call it Air Spider Slap! Coming to theaters near you."
Then a clone kicked him into a tree.
"OW!"
Naruto cackled. "You were saying?"
But bruises aside, by the end of the week…
Peter was moving like a predator.
His webs weren't just travel tools anymore—they were extensions of his instincts.
He could swing, fight, trap, dodge, and counter, all in one fluid motion. Like a symphony made of flips and bad decisions.
---------------------------
After exactly one month of Naruto's lovingly insane training plan, Peter Parker had achieved a rare and powerful form of growth:
Post-Traumatic Enlightenment.
Let's rewind for a second.
You ever fall from orbit?
No? Cool. Don't.
Unless, of course, you have a chakra-weaving space mentor who thinks it's a cute bonding exercise.
Peter had screamed his lungs out the first time he dropped from the stratosphere.
Fire, wind, velocity, the unshakable feeling that your kidneys are in your mouth—the whole package.
But Naruto?
Naruto was floating next to him with a can of soda and sunglasses on, yelling,
"Aim for that mountain over there. Try to land this time, not crater!"
Thanks, Sensei.
The impact should've shattered every bone in Peter's body.
But it didn't.
Thanks to chakra, a little midair steering, and sheer stubborn survival instinct, Peter hit the ground like a comet…
…and walked it off.
Literally. He just stood there, steaming slightly, and blinked.
"Did I just survive reentry?"
Naruto landed next to him, grinning like a lunatic.
"Welcome to the big leagues, kid."
That was when Peter realized something huge.
He wasn't Spider-Man anymore.
He was… something else.
Something that could trade punches with demons, fall from space, and wake up the next morning feeling like he just did yoga.
He had become a true hybrid. Half ninja, half spider, all chaos.
The Clone Gauntlet
You'd think fighting one Naruto would be hard enough.
Try hundreds.
Clone-style Naruto didn't just beat Peter. He humiliated him.
Every angle. Every counter. Every taunt.
There were so many fists flying at Peter, it looked like he was trying to survive inside a human blender.
At first? He got absolutely obliterated.
Now? Peter could flip through the air, redirect two clones into each other, web three more to a tree, and dodge a sixth with a smirk.
"Your punches are getting predictable," he once muttered mid-fight—before getting roundhouse-kicked into a boulder.
Still. Progress.
The Golden Form
Imagine fighting a sun.
Now give that sun martial arts skills and a chakra arsenal the size of a small country.
That was Naruto's Golden Form.
Every move was perfect.
Peter didn't even try to win. He just focused on surviving the first ten seconds.
Then the first minute.
Then the first five.
Every day, Naruto would knock him unconscious so hard that Peter started dreaming before he hit the ground.
But one day?
He ducked a golden punch.
Just one.
Naruto had raised an eyebrow and muttered,
"Heh. Took you long enough."
Peter lay on the ground, gasping. "Are you—are you smiling?"
Naruto just grinned wider.
The Elemental Apocalypse
Wind.
Fire.
Lightning.
Water.
And Peter's personal favorite? "Let's just drop a mini-Everest on your face" earth style.
You ever try to fight lava?
It's a bad time.
You ever try to web up a cloud?
Peter did. It ended poorly.
But the lesson wasn't about strength.
It was about adaptability.
Punch not working? Use a shock-web.
Getting fried? Coat your suit in water chakra.
Earthquake? Turn the ground into webbing and ride the shockwave.
By week four, Peter had stopped thinking during battle.
He just moved.
-------------------------
The Final Night
Peter stood on a cliff as the wind howled around him. He wasn't wearing a suit. No gear. No mask.
Just him and the stars above.
Naruto stood beside him.
"You did good," he said simply.
Peter nodded, his body relaxed but alert.
"I feel… different."
"You are different."
Peter looked at his hands. They were scarred, burned, calloused.
But steady.
"I'm not afraid anymore," he said.
Naruto grinned. "Then you're ready."
Peter turned toward him, curious.
"Ready for what?"
Naruto stepped back, forming a hand seal.
And then—another Peter appeared.
A clone. Wearing the old Spider-Man suit.
Naruto gestured.
"Ready to face… the man you could have been."
Peter narrowed his eyes.
And smiled.
"Let's see who's better."
------------------------------------
Rooftop, NYC, 11:38 PM. Windy. Moonlight dramatic. Perfect for an existential brawl.
Two Spider-Men faced off—one young, chakra-hardened and slightly cocky. The other? Veteran. Cool. Dad-joke energy radiating off his spandex.
Older Peter cracked his neck. "You sure about this?"
Younger Peter smirked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I didn't survive getting thrown from orbit to back down now."
Younger Peter lunged first, darting in low with a sweeping leg kick.
Classic opener.
Older Peter jumped, flipped over him with ease, and landed lightly behind him.
"Nice try," he said, tapping the back of Young Peter's head like a teacher grading a pop quiz.
Young Peter whirled and jabbed.
Older Peter ducked, returned with a palm strike to the chest—
—Young Peter caught the arm, twisted—
—but got web-yanked mid-throw by OG Peter's free hand.
He flipped him midair, slamming him onto the rooftop.
THUD!
Younger Peter winced. "Okay. That was rude."
Young Peter rebounded fast, firing two web-lines—one to yank himself forward, the other to fake a trap.
Older Peter side-rolled under it—then did something clever.
He webbed the web.
Snagging the younger one's line mid-air, he yanked him off-balance.
"You're web-slinging predictable," he quipped, flipping over a mid-air kick.
Young Peter twisted at the last second, rebounding off a vent pipe and launching a spinning heel kick.
This one connected.
Older Peter's head snapped back as he staggered.
"Oh!" Younger Peter grinned. "Did I actually land one?"
Older Peter massaged his jaw. "Beginner's luck."
They both switched stances.
Younger Peter—boxer base, chakra-supported muscles.
Older Peter—pure street-fighter: unpredictable, resourceful, brutal.
Young Peter feinted high—jab left, hook right—
Older Peter ducked under the hook and shoulder-checked him into a wall.
WHAM!
"Your power's great," OG Peter muttered, "but you're still thinking too much."
Young Peter groaned, pulling himself out of a fresh Peter-shaped dent in the bricks.
"Yeah? Well—"
BOOM!
He zipped behind his older self and dropkicked him through a rooftop vent.
Older Peter rolled mid-fall, caught himself on webbing, and slingshotted back up—
Fist-first.
POW!
They clashed midair. Both punches landed. Both flew back. Both groaned.
Stalemate.
Both panting now.
Sweaty. Bruised. Grinning like idiots.
"You done?" Older Peter asked.
"You wish," Younger Peter growled.
They charged again.
Young Peter dipped under a kick—webbed OG's leg—yanked.
OG Peter flipped forward with the momentum, landed behind him, and elbowed him in the back of the head.
Young Peter stumbled—twisted into a spinning roundhouse—clipped OG's ribs—
Older Peter grunted, caught the follow-up punch, twisted his wrist—
Younger Peter headbutted him.
"YOW!" both yelled.
"Why do we headbutt with the same skull?!" Younger Peter winced.
Breathing heavy.
Eyes locked.
Young Peter knew this was it.
One move. One moment. Whoever flinched would lose.
He fired a web—faked left—
Older Peter dodged right—saw through it—webbed his incoming punch—
They both spun, flipping in the air.
Two fists collided in the middle of the spin.
But—
Young Peter hesitated—a flicker of thought, a moment of calculation.
Older Peter didn't.
His fist landed first.
A clean shot to the temple.
Everything went black.
-------------------------------
Young Peter woke up to the night sky spinning above him.
Older Peter crouched beside him, offering water.
"You okay, champ?"
"I hate how cool you are," he mumbled.
"You almost had me," OG Peter said honestly. "A millisecond slower. But hey—you'll get there."
Younger Peter rubbed his jaw. "Yeah… I will."
He sat up, bruised but smiling.
"And next time? I'm using my jutsu."
Older Peter blinked.
"Wait. You weren't using any of your ninja stuff?!"
Younger Peter grinned.
"…Surprise."