I felt like my head had been run over by a mystical, ancient Chinese carriage. Then put in a blender. Then stomped on by a mythical Qilin.
The absolute *audacity* of it all! I didn't ask to be bound to some cosmic, high-tech parasitical entity. I didn't get a contract, I didn't get an HR department to complain to, and I certainly didn't get a choice! It was literally a cosmic extortion scheme.
*"Hey there, beautiful soul! Option A: Your eternal consciousness gets permanently deleted from existence. Option B: Transmigration! Choose wisely!"*
Naturally, I chose life. But did they give me a grand, dramatic preparation montage? Did I get to pack a bag, read up on the history of my destination, or at least say goodbye to my favorite streaming platforms? No!
*Fuck that system and its creator! I hope both sides of their pillows are permanently scorching hot!*
[Host, I can hear you, you know. ٩(◕‿◕)۶]
I jumped so hard I nearly detached my newly acquired spine. The voice was so sickeningly cheerful, it sounded like a cartoon mascot on a caffeine high.
"Holy mother of—! Don't do that! You nearly gave me a second heart attack, and I just got this body!" I shrieked, batting at the air as if I could physically swat away a sentient AI interface.
But the system didn't care about my cardiovascular health. It didn't even bother to listen.
[Welcome to your first world, Host! Time is money, and plot waits for no transmigrator!
Initiating data transfer of the world's plot line.
Transfer initiating: 1%... 25%... 55%... 75%...]
"Wait, wait, wait! At least let me sit down—"
[100%! Data dump successful! Enjoy the ride! (≧◡≦)]
And just like that, the world went completely black.
=====°°°°°
Thirty Minutes Later...
If a passing cultivator or local merchant happened to glance down the narrow, damp alleyway on the outskirts of the capital, they would have seen a truly pitiful sight. Lying face-down in the mud was a young man.
To call his attire "clothes" would be an insult to the textile industry. He was draped in a collection of dirty, shredded rags that looked like they had been chewed up and spit out by a demonic beast.
His hair was a magnificent, chaotic bird's nest in a state of terminal disarray—it was safe to assume a comb had never touched those strands in this lifetime.
His skin was smeared with an impressive, multi-layered patina of dirt, mud, and unidentifiable grime.
Overall? He looked like a corpse, and frankly, he smelled worse than one. He looked like someone who had actively declared war on the concept of soap and lost spectacularly.
This tragic, stinky figure was, unfortunately, our main character: Riku Minaru. Or at least, he used to be.
A couple of minutes passed before the body suddenly twitched.
With a miserable groan, Riku—now occupying a body that smelled suspiciously like wet garbage—forced himself up.
A splitting headache hammered against his temples, synchronized perfectly with the furious thumping of his pulse.
"You fucking system! Just you wait!" I roared into the empty alley, shaking a dirt-crusted fist at the sky.
"If I ever get a chance, I will strangle your digital windpipe! I will delete your source code! I will kill you in a heartbeat!"
[Okay, Host! Understood! Logging your enthusiasm for future metrics! (◕‿-)✧]
I let out a long, ragged sigh. My shoulders slumped. Defeat washed over me, heavy and suffocating. There was no fighting this.
I was a tiny human speck in a vast, multi-dimensional web of cosmic bureaucracy.
With tears of pure frustration and self-pity welling in my eyes, I leaned against the damp brick wall and wept for my lost apartment, my high-speed internet, and my clean indoor plumbing.
=====°°°°°
The Grand, Catastrophic Plot
After spending a solid ten minutes crying my heart out and wallowing in self-pity, I wiped my face with a sleeve (which only succeeded in moving dirt from my arm to my cheek) and decided I needed to understand the hand I had been dealt.
"Alright, fine," I muttered, nursing my throbbing head.
"Let's check the plot of this world. Lay it on me, you mechanical menace."
A holographic blue screen flickered to life in my mind's eye, displaying a beautifully illustrated, glowing map of a vast continent.
[World Overview: Welcome to the Land of Mingzhu, a grand ancient world currently suffering from a severe case of political instability, corruption, and terrible governance.
The land is split among five major powers, known as the Five Kingdoms:
1. The Kingdom of Yue (The North) — Meaning 'Moon'.
2. The Kingdom of Xue (The South) — Meaning 'Snow'.
3. The Kingdom of Yun (The East) — Meaning 'Clouds'.
4. The Kingdom of Qiu (The West) — Meaning 'Autumn'.
5. The Kingdom of Yang (The Center)— Meaning 'Sun'.
The Kingdom of Yang sits directly in the center of the continent. It is overwhelmingly prosperous, possesses the most fertile lands, and stands as the most powerful and wealthy kingdom out of the five.]
I nodded slowly, adjusting to the mental narrative.
"Okay, so it's a classic setup. The rich central kingdom surrounded by four jealous neighbors. Let me guess, they don't get along?"
[Ding-dong! Correct!
Driven by insatiable greed, jealousy, and a lust for absolute power, the four surrounding kingdoms—Yue, Xue, Yun, and Qiu—will secretly form a grand coalition. Together, they launch a coordinated, ruthless invasion against the Yang Kingdom.
This war will be the catalyst for utter devastation. The fall of the Yang Kingdom will result in a horrific disaster, claiming millions of innocent lives. The invading forces will spare no one; from the elderly to newborn children, the slaughter will be absolute.
However, karma is a swift judge! Once the Yang Kingdom is utterly destroyed and its riches plundered, the fragile alliance of the four kingdoms will instantly collapse. Driven by mutual distrust and greed, they will immediately turn on one another, plunging the entire Land of Mingzhu into a relentless, bloody civil war.]
The system's tone remained horrifyingly cheerful despite describing a continental apocalypse. The map on my mental screen turned a deep, blood-red color, showing burning cities and fractured borders.
[With the Land of Mingzhu completely weakened, fractured, and drowning in its own blood, neighboring foreign empires from across the seas will catch wind of the chaos. They will swoop in like vultures to take advantage of the vulnerability, leading to the absolute, irreversible downfall of the entire continent.
And as for the names of the key players, the main generals, the tragic crown princes, and the mastermind villains...]
The screen suddenly pixelated, showing a massive, glowing block of text that read:
**RESTRICTED DATA.**
I blinked. "Wait, that's it? What are their names? Who is the mastermind?"
[And that, Host, is the overarching plot of the story! A classic tale of tragic collapse, geopolitical hubris, and incoming doom!]
=====°°°°°
The Identity Crisis
I crossed my arms—mindful of the cloud of dust that flew off my sleeves—and furrowed my brows.
"Okay, the plot is a massive, multi-kingdom tragedy. Got it. Now, let's talk about my favorite subject:
Me. Who am I in this grand epic? Am I a hidden imperial prince? A genius rogue cultivator? A disgraced general seeking vengeance?"
I puffed out my chest, waiting for the inevitable power-up or legendary background that usually came with these types of stories.
[Answer: You have successfully inhabited the body of a local beggar whose name is Xiu Liang.]
I blinked. Once. Twice.
"Xiu Liang?" I repeated, testing the syllables.
"Wait, it means 'beautiful and bright', right? That's actually a pretty nice name! Okay, so what's his deal? Is he the secret heir to a fallen clan? Does he possess a supreme, hidden spiritual root that everyone thinks is trash?"
[Answer: No. He is literally just a beggar.]
"But... but wait!" I protested, my voice cracking slightly.
"During that entire massive plot summary you just dumped into my brain, I didn't hear the name 'Xiu Liang' mentioned even once! Not even as a casualty!"
[That is because he doesn't matter to the plot at all, Host! (★ω★)
Xiu Liang is not a protagonist. He is not a male lead. He is not a villain, a sub-villain, a minor antagonist, or even a named cannon fodder who gets stepped on by a young master's horse.
In the grand scheme of the Land of Mingzhu, he is absolutely nothing. A pure background extra. A bystander. To be precise, the original Xiu Liang actually died of starvation in this very alleyway about forty minutes ago, which is why his vacant, unowned body was available for your immediate occupancy!]
The silence that followed was deafening.
I looked down at my dirt-caked hands. I looked at my bare, mud-covered feet. I sniffed the air and immediately regretted it as the scent of my own unwashed aura assaulted my nostrils.
"I am... an extra," I whispered, horrified.
"I don't even get a cool character? I don't get a sword? I don't get a handsome face that makes jade beauties spit blood in envy? I'm just a stinky, starving bystander?!"
[Precisely! Look on the bright side, Host: you have zero expectations to live up to! No one expects a beggar to save the world!]
"But *you* expect me to save the world!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air.
"Which brings me to my next terrifying question: What the hell am I actually supposed to do here?!"
[System Notification: Issuing Main Missions!]
A golden, glowing scroll unrolled itself in my mental interface, completely replacing the apocalyptic red map.
=====°°°°°
The Impossible Mission Log
Main Mission 1.
World Salvation, Prevent the utter destruction of the Yang Kingdom. Stop the four-kingdom coalition and save millions of lives. Survival, Grand Merits, and World Peace.
Main Mission 2
Personal Life,Have a good life, find happiness, and build a loving family.True fulfillment and emotional stability.
[As for any side missions, hidden quests, or character-specific tasks, they will trigger dynamically in the long run as the story progresses! You've got this, Host!]
I stared at the screen, my mouth hanging open so wide a fly could have easily nested in it.
"Let me get this straight," I said, my voice dripping with pure, unadulterated sarcasm.
"You want me—a literal, penniless, starving beggar who currently smells like a fermented cabbage patch—to infiltrate the highest echelons of ancient geopolitical warfare, stop a four-nation military alliance, save a superpower kingdom from annihilation, and *then* find a nice girl, settle down, buy a house in this economy, and raise a family?"
[Yes! (b_ d)]
"Are you out of your mechanical mind?!" I shrieked.
"I don't even have shoes! I am currently a biohazard! If I walk up to the gates of the Yang Kingdom's palace to warn them about the invasion, the guards won't listen to me—they'll throw me in a dungeon for weaponized body odor!"
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. Panic wasn't going to solve this.
If I wanted to survive, if I wanted to prevent a continental massacre, and if I wanted to eventually fulfill that oddly wholesome second mission of building a good life, I had to take this one step at a time.
I couldn't stop an army today. But I could do something about my immediate survival.
"Okay," I said, determination flaring up through my exhaustion.
"Let's do this. But first..."
I held up my filthy, mud-crusted hands, caught a fresh whiff of my shredded, grease-stained clothes, and winced.
"...I desperately need a bath! If I'm going to save the world, I am absolutely not doing it while smelling like a garbage dump!"