A few hours. A few days. All remains the same in my eyes. The only difference to me is the varying shades of grey that outline my existence. The dull aching pain is never ending and so I never wander far from my room for fear of the disappointment I receive from my step-father. I sit in the same corner of my bed lost in thought. Funny enough, to all of you who seem to have enough heart to read this, the same blank white wall never seems to lose interest in what I have to say and that is why it is possible to practice self-reflection. That is until I am distracted by the soft tapping of knuckles on hollow wood followed by those dreaded words any adolescent hates….
"Get up, time for school."
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It all has to start with math. Mr. Berkley's room. So I'm looking for a new home room on the first floor, 120a.
I clutch the strap of my empty pale blue backpack as if it is my only hope for life. I keep my head down allowing my dark hair to fall over my face as I navigate through the student lined halls.
114a.
Anxiety feels my chest to the brim driving my pulse up with every step.
116a.
The stares and whispers are like daggers piercing at my back as I walk by. I didn't think it could get any worse but I was wrong, the usually boisterous Halls were silent with everyone bunched against the wall staring. The signal thundered with life brought the still school back to life.
118a.
Pushing and shoving leaves you in a whirlwind if you are new to the game. I shouldn't be considered new but after being locked up for so long you could say it's like pushing a three-year-old into the driver's seat and telling him to drive. I start moving with the flow of people but it seems like every step I take is no longer mine. As I got carried by the crowd to my destination a million questions flooded my brain. Forty sets of eyes land on me. Watching me like a freak of nature. Some with pity, most with disgust. I slowly back away from the entrance. My mind is numb so I allow my feet to take the lead. My feet take me to an all too familiar stairwell. Kissers Corner. I used to ditch chemistry with my friend Maxine as a freshman. An image of my amber eyed friend flashed through my head. Another image of her bright smile that made the twin dimples on her cheeks stand out. I remember how we had gone to that party. We were on spring break at that time and, ironically, I had just celebrated my thirteenth birthday two days ago. My parents were going to be out of town for the whole month so my older step brother Luke and his best friend Blake in charge of the house. I shake my head violently. I already knew where this would lead to and I wasn't ready to remember.
¨ So you´re back in natural habitat already?¨
I turn my body around to face Shelby. Shelby had been one of my best friends back then. I had met her back in sixth grade when she was known as an unusually tall gangly looking girl with freckles. During the summer before middle school started we started wearing makeup but she alone started developing her figure. We had an argument two weeks before school started and stopped talking to each other. When school started she acted like a completely different person and I couldn't blame her because so did I. While she was enjoying the attention the boys gave her I was shrinking back in the corner of the room. I had never enjoyed all the attention in a classroom, in a party, that's a whole other story.
¨You haven't even been here an hour and your already hooking up with someone?¨ she said in a condescending tone.
I didn't say anything. Just like all those other times she had tried to piss me off. Just like when she started going out with my boyfriend. Just like when she went out with Luke