"I Choked On A Mozzarella Stick And Got Reincarnated As Infinite"

Marcus Webb was just a normal guy. A normal guy with a Sonic hyperfixation, a dangerous mozzarella stick habit, and absolutely zero survival instincts. So when he chokes to death at 2 AM while reading Archie Sonic Issue #1 on his phone, he figures that's probably it for him. Game over. Thanks for playing. No continues. Except apparently the universe has a sense of humor, because Marcus wakes up on Mobius. In the body of Infinite the Jackal. The most unnecessarily edgy villain in Sonic history. Complete with the mask, the coat that billows in nonexistent wind, the Phantom Ruby, and — this is the really bad part — an apparent curse that makes every single word that comes out of his mouth sound like rejected dialogue from a DeviantArt OC's backstory written at 3 AM by someone who just discovered Linkin Park. He TRIES to say normal things. He really does. But "sure you can have it" comes out as Vergil's entire monologue from Devil May Cry 5. "Nice to meet you" becomes a philosophical treatise on the nature of the void. "I'm not a threat" transforms into a thinly veiled promise of apocalyptic destruction that somehow makes everyone trust him MORE. And the worst part? The absolute WORST part? Nobody thinks it's weird. Sonic thinks he's "kinda wordy but cool." Sally sees him as a valuable strategic asset. Tails thinks he's the greatest person alive. Antoine says "I like him." He quoted Sephiroth while eating a chili dog and Bunnie said "well bless his heart, he's got a way with words." His plan was simple: lay low, don't interfere with the timeline, maybe help out when the really dangerous villains show up later. Instead he tripped over a root, accidentally activated the Phantom Ruby, saved Princess Sally from SWATbots, got recruited into the Freedom Fighters, fought Sonic over a Chaos Emerald he was TRYING to give back, and delivered approximately seventeen apocalyptic monologues before dinnertime. Now he's stuck. A dead mozzarella stick victim trapped in the body of an edgelord, living in a cartoon world that takes his ridiculous speeches completely seriously, armed with a reality warping gemstone that responds to his panic by being as extra as physically possible, wearing an outfit that looks like Hot Topic and a military surplus store had a baby, and slowly realizing that he might actually have to use his absurd powers to protect these cartoon animals he's growing embarrassingly attached to. Because Robotnik is out there. And what comes AFTER Robotnik is worse. And somewhere underneath all the cringe, all the involuntary Vergil quotes, all the dramatic poses and billowing coats and glowing red eyes... Marcus Webb might actually be the hero this world needs. He just wishes he could say that without it coming out as "I am the darkness that stands against the darkness, the blade that cuts the thread of fate itself, the one truth in a universe built on beautiful lies." He meant to say "I'll help." Rated T for totally unnecessary edge, dramatic property damage, chili dog consumption, involuntary anime villain speeches, one mozzarella stick fatality, and Sonic being entirely too chill about everything all the time. Updates: Whenever the author's own inner edgelord compels him to write