Okay so.
Before we continue.
I need to tell you guys something.
Sit down. Get comfortable. Get a snack. Get a mozzarella stick if you're feeling brave.
This fic is going to be long.
Not like "oh it's a multi-chapter fic that'll wrap up in 20 chapters" long.
Not like "it's a lengthy story that might hit 50 chapters" long.
I'm talking 400 to 500 chapters long.
Four. Hundred. To. Five. Hundred.
I am going to take Infinite — this poor, cursed, mozzarella-stick-killed, involuntarily-edgy, Vergil-quoting, Sephiroth-channeling, Sally-conspiracy-creating disaster of a man — and I am going to drag him kicking and screaming and monologuing through EVERY. SINGLE. ISSUE. of the Archie Sonic Comics.
Every one.
From Issue #1, which we've already started butchering in the most beautiful way possible, all the way through to the bitter end. Every storyline. Every arc. Every character introduction. Every dramatic twist and turn that the Archie Sonic comics threw at us over the course of their absolutely UNHINGED publication history.
The early goofy era? We're doing it. Infinite is going to stand in the background of slapstick comedy episodes delivering monologues about the void while Sonic does a bit about chili dogs. He's going to accidentally turn a pie-throwing contest into an existential crisis. He's going to quote Dante from DMC during a beach episode and everyone's going to think he's being deep about the ocean.
The Endgame arc? OH we're doing that. Infinite is going to be there when things get REAL. When the stakes go up and the tone shifts and suddenly the silly Saturday morning cartoon becomes a genuine political thriller with real consequences. And he's going to accidentally make everything MORE dramatic by simply existing in the scene and saying things like "the throne of power is built on bones, princess, and the bones are restless" while Sally is trying to have a serious conversation about constitutional monarchy.
The Knuckles solo stories? We're going there. Infinite is going to somehow end up on Angel Island and accidentally convince the entire Echidna civilization that he's either a prophet or a demon or possibly both. He's going to look at the Master Emerald and the Phantom Ruby is going to have a REACTION and it's going to be WEIRD and Knuckles is going to punch him and it's going to be the most dramatic punch in the history of the comic.
Mecha Sonic? Mecha Madness? Infinite is going to watch a roboticized Sonic tear through everything and his mouth is going to say something like "so this is what happens when speed abandons its soul" and it's going to accidentally be the most profound commentary on the arc's themes that anyone has ever made and Sally is going to write it in her notebook and add seventeen new strings to her conspiracy board.
The return of Robotnik — Robo-Robotnik becoming Eggman — the moment Marcus was ORIGINALLY planning to reveal himself and help? He's already blown that plan to smithereens by being incapable of laying low for more than eleven minutes. So now he has to deal with a NEW, MORE DANGEROUS Robotnik while being publicly known as the Freedom Fighters' most dramatic member. Good luck Marcus.
And here's the thing.
Here's the THING.
I said Infinite is going to accidentally become the true Final Boss.
I mean that.
Through absolutely NO intentional action on his part, through a cascading series of misunderstandings and edgy speeches and Sally's ever-expanding conspiracy board and the Phantom Ruby doing whatever it wants whenever it wants, Infinite — Marcus Webb — the guy who DIED EATING A MOZZARELLA STICK — is going to stumble, trip, and monologue his way into being perceived as the single greatest threat Mobius has ever known.
Not by being evil. He's not evil. He's a good person trapped in an edgy body.
Not by choosing to be a villain. He actively does NOT want to be a villain.
But by being so RELENTLESSLY, UNCONTROLLABLY, COSMICALLY edgy that eventually — after hundreds of chapters of accidentally saying things like "all according to plan" and "you are not yet ready to comprehend my purpose" and "the final act has yet to begin" — the entire world of Mobius is going to look at this man and conclude that he has been the secret architect of EVERYTHING.
Every war. Every crisis. Every villain. Every disaster.
All part of Infinite's design.
Because that's what everyone thinks. Because that's what his MOUTH keeps telling them. Because every time he tries to deny it, the denial comes out as "believe what you wish — the truth cares nothing for your acceptance of it" which is the LEAST CONVINCING DENIAL IN THE HISTORY OF DENIALS.
He's going to be standing there at the end of the entire Archie Sonic run, surrounded by every hero and villain the series ever produced, all of them looking at him, all of them convinced that he was the puppet master behind everything, the secret final boss, the true antagonist of 24 years of comic book history.
And he's going to be internally screaming.
Just as he has been since Chapter 1.
Just as he will be in Chapter 500.
A man. A mozzarella stick casualty. Screaming inside a jackal. Forever.
Now.
The Ken Penders era.
Deep breath.
I'm... thinking about it.
For those of you who don't know — and God, I envy you — Ken Penders was a writer and artist on the Archie Sonic comics who created a LOT of original characters and storylines, particularly involving the Echidna civilization, and whose work became the subject of a massive legal dispute that eventually contributed to the entire Archie Sonic comic line being rebooted and ultimately cancelled.
His era is... controversial. VERY controversial. Some people love it. Some people hate it. Some people have opinions about it that could fill entire dissertations and have, in fact, filled entire dissertations, because the Sonic fandom is nothing if not thorough in its analysis of things that make it angry.
Including it would add probably 50-100 chapters to the fic. It would mean dealing with characters like Locke and the entire Dark Legion and the Echidna politics that made Game of Thrones look straightforward. It would mean Infinite accidentally becoming entangled in the most convoluted lore in Sonic history and probably delivering monologues about "the sins of the father echo through the bloodline like thunder through a canyon" while Knuckles tries to figure out his family tree.
It would also mean that Sally's conspiracy board would need to expand into an entire ROOM because the Penders era introduces so many plot threads and characters and connections that Sally would need a WAREHOUSE to track all the ways she thinks Infinite is secretly responsible for the entire Echidna civilization's history.
So here's what I'm thinking.
I'm going to include it.
Not because I think the Penders era is good. Not because I think it's bad. But because the mental image of Infinite the Jackal standing in the middle of Echidna political drama, accidentally quoting Itachi Uchiha while a bunch of echidnas argue about genetic destiny, and somehow being perceived as the secret architect of an ancient civilization's entire sociopolitical structure, is TOO FUNNY to pass up.
Can you IMAGINE?
Can you imagine Infinite looking at the Brotherhood of Guardians and saying "bloodlines are chains forged by the dead to bind the living — you are slaves to a legacy that was never yours to carry" and every single echidna in the room going "...oh my God he's RIGHT" and Knuckles just LOSING it?
Can you imagine Sally's conspiracy board after the Penders era? It would need its own ZIP CODE. She would need NICOLE to develop a dedicated AI subroutine just to track all the connections. She would have a ROOM. An entire ROOM with strings and pins and notes covering every wall floor to ceiling, and in the center, written in letters so large they're visible from space:
IT WAS ALL INFINITE.
IT WAS ALWAYS INFINITE.
Yeah. We're including the Penders era.
God help us all.
So to summarize:
Total estimated chapters: 400-500 (possibly more if I get carried away, which I will, because I have no self-control)
Scope: Every single issue of the Archie Sonic Comics, from Issue #1 through the finale, including:
The early goofy eraThe transition to serious storytellingThe Endgame arcThe Knuckles solo series and the entire Echidna civilization sagaThe Ken Penders era (God help us)Mecha Sonic / Mecha MadnessThe death of Robotnik and the rise of Robo-Robotnik/EggmanThe Xorda arcSonic's year in spaceThe destruction of KnotholeEnerjak RebornThe Iron DominionThe Genesis WaveWorlds Collide (Sonic meets Mega Man and Infinite has to deal with a WHOLE OTHER FRANCHISE)The reboot eraWorlds UniteAnd everything in between
Ongoing plot threads:
Infinite's involuntary edginess getting worse over time as the Phantom Ruby bonds with him more deeplySally's conspiracy board growing from a small notebook to an entire intelligence operation dedicated to decoding Infinite's "master plan"Infinite accidentally becoming the perceived final boss of the entire Archie Sonic universeMarcus's internal monologue becoming increasingly unhinged as the gap between what he means and what he says grows wider and widerThe coat. The coat never stops billowing. It will never be explained. It is eternal.Every single character in the comic eventually having a moment where they interact with Infinite and walk away thinking "that guy knows something"Infinite quoting progressively more obscure edgy characters as the fic goes on, starting with the obvious ones (Vergil, Sephiroth, Shadow) and eventually pulling from sources so deep-cut that only the most dedicated edgelord scholars would recognize them
The endgame (pun intended):
Infinite, standing at the end of everything, surrounded by every character who has ever existed in the Archie Sonic comics, all of them convinced he is the true final boss, the secret architect, the master of all designs.
And Marcus Webb, inside Infinite's head, looking at the conspiracy board that has become a conspiracy BUILDING, looking at the hundreds of characters who think he planned everything, looking at the Phantom Ruby that has been his partner and his curse for 24 years of comic book time...
...and just going:
"I choked on a mozzarella stick."
That's the plan.
That's the WHOLE plan.
And unlike Infinite's alleged designs, this one is ACTUALLY real.
See you in Chapter 4.
— The Author
P.S. If this fic actually reaches 500 chapters I am going to get a tattoo of a mozzarella stick. I'm not joking. Hold me to this.
P.P.S. Sally's conspiracy board is going to become a recurring visual gag that gets more elaborate with every appearance. By Chapter 100 it will have its own theme music. By Chapter 200 other characters will start contributing to it. By Chapter 300 it will be sentient. By Chapter 400 it will be more powerful than the Phantom Ruby. By Chapter 500 it will achieve apotheosis and ascend to a higher plane of existence, and Sally will follow it, and THAT'S the true ending of the fic.
I'm only partially joking about that last part.
P.P.P.S. The mozzarella stick that killed Marcus? It's going to come back. Don't ask me how. Don't ask me when. But it WILL come back. And when it does, it will be the most dramatic mozzarella stick in the history of fiction. Infinite will look at it and say "so... we meet again, old friend" and it will be simultaneously the funniest and most pathetic moment in the entire 500-chapter run.
Goodnight.