CHAPTER FOUR:
She hadn't said a word all morning. Just paced now and then, sipped tea she didn't taste, and stared at the corner of the wall like it held answers.
I didn't push. Some wounds speak louder in silence.
Then, somewhere between the fourth minute of nothing and the fifth minute of stillness, she sat down again, curled one leg beneath her, and said, barely above a whisper—
"He wanted the best for us."
And just like that, it began.
She wasn't rambling. She wasn't breaking down. Just speaking — like she'd rehearsed the truth too many times in her head and now there was no energy left to decorate it with emotion.
He was a writer. Not some popular name, not one with fans or recognition. But he wrote like it was oxygen. Stories, poems, unfinished scripts. He had journals full of plans, characters, dreams no one ever paid to read.
He had hope.
And for a while, that was enough but it wasn't .
Well that was how she got the poetry , well at the sound of it, just seems he was a good one.
we lived small, but full. One gas burner. A shaky mattress on the floor. Nights with power cuts and soft talks about what our kids might be named one day. He was my peace then. I was his reason.
But dreams cost time. Time cost money. And eventually, they had none of both.
I asked him to try something else. Not because I didn't believe in him — but because I did but at the time I wanted us to stop waiting and work. I wanted us to grow, to breathe, build family together, a healthy one, to stop borrowing food from neighbours or skipping meals to pay rent.
So he tried.
Applied everywhere. Printed out CVs. Waited in queues under sun and rain. Each rejection sank into his chest like a quiet stab.
Then one day, he got a call.
Just like that.
I never knew what job it was. He said it was something real — something that could finally put food on the table and dignity in his pocket.
And I trusted him.
Until i followed him. Not because i didn't believe him — but because the changes came fast. Long nights. Missed calls. Whispers. Sudden tension.
And when I asked her doesn't give a reply.
so, followed him that day, i didn't expect to be brought in. I didn't even ask to stay.
But from that moment, i couldn't walk away.
I wasn't just a girlfriend anymore. She was a piece on the board. Unwilling, but present. Guilty, but loyal.
He had to..., he said they caught a glimpse of his me, his pride and kept threatening him. He had no choice; his fate decided for him. So, the operation that happened I don't know who sent them he just gave me a quick message the government are very bad, he said the very people we hope on are the friend who we never knew was that heartless. He has been sending me packages, clothes and all, and money in my account. That day was the day they had the operation, and I was used to make him to move on deck because I did show up there and I was a tool, so he had no choice and I think it was the same for the other accomplice, maybe they were threatened with their loved ones.
He knew what was coming. He planned it that way. If chaos broke loose, maybe I could escape unnoticed. And that was why he delayed inside and as he knew the cops was coming, and let me escape ten minutes before their escape to arise suspicions activity and that was why he let me stand outside so the CCTV camera could see me and I could be interrogated by the feds and kept in the custody because I wasn't saved in the out world alone.
But escape doesn't always mean freedom, does it?
I shook my head in response was saying no to her.
Now, she sat in front of me — wrapped in the shadow of that man, of that love, of that moment.
She still believed there was goodness in him.
Even if the world didn't.
And I said nothing.
Because sometimes silence is the only thing soft enough to hold a truth like that.
I couldn't reply, say anything else, I just froze up.
And then she gave up a loud wail, she cried out, screamed on top of her voice and I knew we were all waiting for the unexpected. Did he die or he made the escape or he was caught.
Maybe we had different oppositions about what the outcome may be or we had a selective agreed view because at this point, I want him to be alive and be at the custody but then she gave out a scream.
Please don't let him go into anybody else custody, please can I trust you, he might be killed so as not to spill it out, please if he is alive. Yes, I know, I can feel it, he is alive, please they are going to hurt him, she kept saying until, I held her close to my chest I could feel her tears this was the first time, she was in pains, she felt to be blamed, she kept crying and I began to feel for her mental health.
You know this is love, never giving up on trust, if you love them don't give up on it, it was a definition of fighting for the one I love.
I never knew love like this exists in the real world i thought it was only cinematic. But this was like the cinematic titanic movie in real life and I am the only one to witness this, I had never had such loves before, growing up, I never believed in love, I had so many choices, but no I couldn't choose from, because I was scared of heartbreak I was scared to believe that real love does exists, it exist when you had found your missing rib.
I had a lifetime experience of it and at first I never wanted nothing to do with love, I was just living my life with people having to say many things, like how I was being a narcissist, a playboy and all but never knew I was not, I wanted everyone to be happy, despite not being always, I never wanted to play with them or date yet because I believe I was too distant and I was shy too, I couldn't give out that same love, it wasn't easy having to face that, I'm there what much I could do to convince them thereby giving it a chance, the first girl I wanted to date was a nice girl too, I loved her, but the peer pressure was much, and I didn't want to feel like I had waste her time, I was loving or showing emotions from afar, not nonchalant but it seems like it, I don't know to tell her and that was my mistake, I couldn't speak, the words couldn't leave my mouth, yes I love you, I do, but seeing her smile with others made me know that when you know you truly love someone is when you decide to let her go and that I did, I don't know if I was ready, but I wanted her but I was irresponsible then. As time went on, I wanted to speak, I wanted her back, but she had moved on.
But then life came with a precious gift but then, I became more neglecting when I gave it a chance again, yes I felt the love but It just wasn't my ideal love, I wanted commitment, trust, happiness, attention, I started longing for such but got none, I loved her so much that no one couldn't finish the tale of how I loved her, she was my all in all, my everything, I wish to chat, look, smile and hold her all day, but never got any chance to, I wrecked up, heart flew off any time message surfaced my phone, continue chatting her even though my battery runs down I never quit, I begged for attention, I wanted her to see me as I do see her, I wanted more, I never knew I could be like that, so loving and all, she was beautiful, full sized beautiful little lips, pink and dark top and down, so beautiful and was my four eyes, very promising hardworking girl, very understanding and cute, kind and always happy, a woman with principles that would do anything to keep her dignity intact, a queen,... my queen, one I would take bullet for, yes I love her continuously. she had been a good person more that I can encounter, she prioritised success and helped me a lot, during school, helped memorized my number, helped me out when needed, she offered to help in my calculus, anything that concerns me she was there to fight for it and usually gives me the best talk when am down, ready to fight for me too, even when she was sick, . She was all I dreamed off but the attention is also what was missing, the mutual connection, she just keeps mute, but she tells me by her actions that she did loves me, she told me, I knew she wouldn't trade me for anything. So, every day I wished she was mine, first time I let it out, I spoke up to her front also her friends. I wanted it to work, fight for it and got her at the deadline but my past kept traumatizing me she was the first I dated, she was beautiful, sweet voice, everything I prayed and I wished for, she is always my top one, without her I couldn't breathe, we called all night, my live for her just as the first girl I talked about but hers was never to be measured, it was unexplainable and she was the first girl i dated, she was my all in all, my beginning and my end, my love, continuously I love her, she was who I said to my myself yes she is my missing rib, I promised myself that I will keep loving her all my life, but again life was unfair, she was my expensive banquet, I was so happy, she had everything like she lack nothing, she was a fallen angel, cute eyes, scary too but I loved it, so romantic, I keep wishing I could sing her "ordinary by Alex warren", write to her "Want U by Noevdv", whisper to her "Shape of you by Ed Sheeran", all the lyrics was the words I wanted to talk to her about, the kiss, call her baby, dance with her, go on dates, watch cinema, listen to her favourite songs, every day of my life, I Wanted to share my dreams and secret with her but then , we lost contact, we lost touch and life presents unfair treatment, I could not do anything I fought, I tried I asked around, my friends, I stopped for some months grieving but then I found her, the gem but then I lost her, it was traumatizing I couldn't believe and it seems she was happy, so I thought leaving her to be happy at that moment was best, past should be past, yes I was not happy she went on fast, she didn't wait but I realised it was my fault too, I shouldn't have stop fighting yes I do, the lyrics in my head was the was explained by "Lewis Capaldi", my day kept bleeding with nightfall, I was someone who used to be loved, it was worst, I became addicted to thinking, lonely, I hated love, I never wanted to hear such in my life, and I wanted her back, I became depressed she was all I continued dreaming about, she was me and I was her, I wrote her songs, letter wants to give tale or story about our love just like the song "Love story by Indila", I became aggressive, it hurt so much, I had mood swings, oh yes I couldn't stop, the love was strong, I decided to go back I began with the song lyrics Perfect by Ed Sheeran, girl you know I want your love but then it clicked, I won't give up in fact I needed to text her, but the universe had its own issues, problems, I keep wishing I could go out space and keep shouting on top of my voice, "fuck you universe."
yes she had her reasons, yes, she was depressed, I still love her, she was my all in all, she said keeping tabs wasn't in her mind anymore, she just wanted to disappear but a thought of me, she couldn't keep me hanging, she forces herself to reply, she had caught off every of her friend, she couldn't bear with the adulthood life, she wasn't the same as before, she hated the word but me In it gives her a bit of happiness, joy, a sensation, and this I had encountered this all my life even now am speaking, I was a depressed lonely brat, always a victim of anxiety, sometimes the whole pain attacks to the chest and renders you useless, sometimes I feel like dying, to quiet, sleep a day, don't do anything else life, fuck off all my dreams, just live a life unknown, no friends, no happiness, I couldn't smile for once, no joy, always thinking, over thinking, tears all day and night, feeling like I wasn't enough, I wasn't doing enough to help out in my family, I keep up trying and I also know my best seems nothing, I force myself all night to stay up and read for exams even when my body completely disagrees with me, I stopped listening to my head, I tried to make my heart stronger. Yes I was an anime freak, I watch anime like my life depends on it but it's based on my own interpretation, it helped out, so many certain alike stories, I am logical guy, everything is logic, I had friends but my friends are same as me, anime fans, nature freaks, logic is what we bargain for, movies too, we read books, about the world, argue about belief, religion, how human came about, beliefs and how it came about, the whole universe, we question everything trying to find answers, ancestral beings, underlying logic, what was our purpose, we lived a life of no love, just us and the world, nothing else, we were brothers, family, long lost twin, we have each other, we are usually happy when we are close to one another and I found out we are always interactive anytime we feel comfortable and yes we are but life is unfair one thing I learnt through all dis is that peace matters the most. As I was about concluding, a call came in. It was about mark her beloved.
I picked up the call immediately with both hearts pounding out the chest and you could hear the beating of drums.
as we heard the news, we both had our mouths agape and then she slumped and fainted.