I was debating whether or not to let her lean on me, but the girl suddenly relaxed, giving me almost no time to hesitate as her whole body went limp against my neck and shoulder.
I instinctively reached out to catch her, but my constrained limbs couldn't stretch out, and I grabbed at empty air.
"Hey, let me lean on you for a bit." The girl's voice was low and hoarse, carrying a scorching temperature.
I retracted my hand and obediently lowered it.
It was still too cramped. The warmth and softness spread from my fingertips like an electric shock. I steadied my heartbeat and moved my hand to the position furthest from her.
"..." The girl's delicate body was like Pandora's box; touching it caused a strange palpitation that I didn't want to experience again.
Perhaps my movement was too awkward and dazed, as I could feel her let out a soft scoff.
"What are you laughing at?" I asked in a muffled voice.
Kusanagi turned her face, her breath brushing against my ear, "Your hand."
"What's wrong with my hand?" My temples throbbed, and my ears began to burn. It was clearly a cold, violent, and unrestrained voice; it shouldn't sound so clear and pleasant in my ears. We were too close, and every word from her lips drilled straight into my heart; there was no escaping it.
"Isn't your hand uncomfortable?"
"It's fine right here."
"Bring it up and put it on my waist."
"..." I dodged her breath, having the urge to tell her to shut up. Was she doing this on purpose? Leaning over was one thing, but with her lips also facing my direction, there was simply nowhere to hide.
Seeing that I didn't reply, Kusanagi simply pressed my hands down firmly, and her soft, slender upper body completely nestled into me.
I sighed, but it was already too late.
"This is much more comfortable."
"..."
She hunched her shoulders, rubbed against me for a moment, and then contentedly nestled into my chest.
I was being held by her again, and she had forced me not to push her away, but this position was indeed much more relaxing, and with the tension released, my back didn't hurt as much.
The girl leaned in my arms with peace of mind. She didn't feel like she was being punished; instead, it looked like she had found a good place to rest. Her narrow, slender palms were very hot.
Was it an illusion? I could hear a rapid, out-of-control heartbeat, very strong, not belonging to me. I took a breath, feeling dizzy, and decided to find a topic of conversation.
What could I say that wouldn't seem so awkward?
"Is... school closed for Christmas?"
Her soft, dark, smooth head moved against my chest, and she replied, "Both Christmas and Christmas Eve are holidays; we get three days off."
"Japan is certainly different; for high school students in China, even a day off is a luxury."
"That sounds so exhausting." She rested her face against my heart. "So, only those with excellent grades can come to Japan to study abroad, right?"
I felt she was too close, and I moved away in agony.
"When I was in high school, I could finish several barrels of pen refills, and the test papers I did would be stacked as high as a table."
"That exaggerated?" The girl gestured. "As high as a table? How many sheets would that be?"
"Some could be stacked as high as several tables."
The girl's surprise was written all over her face.
I lowered my head and pursed my lips.
Kusanagi's speaking speed became light and quick, "Japan is indeed more relaxed, but if you can't pass the exams, you might be held back. Then your peers would become your seniors, and your juniors would become your classmates. Just thinking about it feels terrifying."
"Terrifying?" Using 'terrifying' to describe classmates?
"Those kids who are younger than you become your peers, and you have to accept them calling you'senpai'—it's scary just thinking about it."
The girl's rare resistance and fear actually made me feel her shiver, but I wanted to laugh a little. What kind of strange panic was this?
"Someone like Miss Nozawa wouldn't understand; I don't want to be the older one."
"Oh? So you want to be the younger one and never grow up?"
"Don't make it sound like I'm a three-year-old child."
"You're not much different from a few-year-old child." I raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not a child," the girl said, slightly annoyed, as she nudged my chin with her head. "I just like being the younger one."
I was forced to lift my head by her nudge. "What do you mean?"
The subtle, even breathing of the person on me was amplified in the quiet environment, becoming uneven.
"I like people older than me."
She gave me a silent glance in the dark.
I was taken aback by this. Like people older? Wait, she isn't talking about Mori Reiko, is she?
Thinking about how she had proactively asked for Mori Reiko's number, along with the subtle feeling of betrayal from before, I was instantly shocked.
It was like a bolt from the blue. A thousand tangled thoughts knotted in my heart; I never imagined that Kusanagi would like that type!
Then what about Inohara? It's not that I'm saying Mori Reiko is bad, it's just that for her, the age gap is too big...
This, how can this be accepted!
With an expression like I'd been struck by lightning, I stuttered incoherently, "It, it's not that it's impossible, it's just that your age gap... is a bit large. I think it would be better to wait until you're an adult before considering it..."
Kusanagi listened in confusion for a long time. When she heard "the age gap is very large," she finally realized who I was talking about. She took a deep breath, gritting her teeth.
"That's not what I meant!"
I immediately stopped and fell silent.
If it's not her, then who?
"You are really stupid." Kusanagi's voice was speechless and extremely annoyed. "In any case, it's not Senior Mori."
"Oh." Having been snapped at, I moved my body sullenly. The girl was very unhappy with my previous response, and her fingernails were already digging into my palm.
However, getting her definitive reply, I breathed a sigh of relief for no reason. She just said she likes older people; it doesn't mean she already has someone she likes.
The more she dug, the harder she pressed; it was purely an excuse to vent. "So stupid."
She pretended to use force, but in reality, my palm was being tickled by her, feeling tingly and numb.
"There is no one in the world stupider than you." The girl's verbal attack didn't end. "So stupid, so stupid, so stupid."
I tried to vindicate myself. "Those who can come to Japan to study abroad are all smart, top-tier students."
"Compared to you, Sister Li Shijia is much smarter."
I frowned, stunned by her calling her'Sister'. This person refuses to call me sister, but calls Li Shijia'Sister' so naturally.
"I've always wanted to ask you, why won't you call me sister?" I leaned close to her ear. "Li Shijia is of the same generation as me."
"...Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
"I also want to hear you call me sister."
My eyes must have been sparkling at this moment. I, who have always liked younger sisters, have thought about this scenario countless times: a beautiful, cute girl sweetly calling me "Sister Nozawa." Just thinking about it made me incredibly happy. How cute!
Kusanagi suddenly felt uncomfortable. She hid in my arms, covering her ears with the front of her clothes.
Huh? She's actually pretending not to hear.
"Just call me that, just once." I shook her hand, pleading softly. "Just once is fine, I want to hear it."
"..." This request seemed particularly difficult for her; she covered her face and said nothing.
I was a bit disappointed and gently tapped her forehead with my chin to punish her. Kusanagi still didn't say it, which counted as refusing my request.
Disappointment aside, I didn't press her further. Although the young lady didn't agree, she wasn't idle either, constantly rubbing and holding my palm, probably thinking she had hurt me earlier.
A long time passed, so long that I thought countless three minutes had gone by, so long that I thought the wardrobe was about to be opened by Momozawa, when the girl in my arms suddenly blurted out a sentence.
"You and Sister are different." This was said very softly and shyly, quickly vanishing into thin air.
Different. How are we different?
I couldn't think of a reason, but I felt that the "different" she mentioned meant being treated more specially, and a warm feeling bloomed in my heart.
I am different to her—automatically translating it to this sentence, I slowly curled my lips into a smile, the feeling of joy intensifying.
The topic of'sister' ended there; I wouldn't make things difficult for her.
Another while passed.
The girl's slightly calloused fingertips touched my middle finger bone, slowly rubbing and twisting. I inexplicably remembered her hands when she was shuffling cards, and I felt awkward.
"You have a callus on your knuckle; it sticks out a bit." She rubbed and held my middle finger, where there was a small, thick callus on the joint from writing too much.
"Is it caused by writing too much?"
"Yes, it's only on my right middle finger. Clinically, it's considered a finger deformity or bump, a skeletal issue; it can't be changed."
"It sounds so serious when you put it that way."
"It's not serious; it's a common doctor's habit to make small things sound particularly serious."
"That's true." Kusanagi's voice sounded like she was smiling.
I habitually started to advise, "You should be careful when writing too. Local ligament and soft tissue contusions caused by pressure can recover with heat compresses and rest; make sure you don't end up like me."
She stretched out her hand and compared it with my palm; it was actually about the same size as mine, even a little longer.
"It doesn't matter; then I'd have the same style as Miss Nozawa." Her hands were really long; she could actually easily wrap them around mine. I was a whole head taller than her, but these were truly hands meant for playing the guitar.
"I have many calluses too; they're all from playing the guitar."
The calluses on her fingertips were rough and hard, yet had a flexible and soft touch, much like mossy stone walls in a stream; they felt rough to the touch, yet were very smooth.
"It doesn't matter; it suits you well." I said. "Indeed, few girls have hands like this, but hands with a larger bone structure are also very charming." I really liked these hands; they were much more special than the hands of ordinary girls.
"Compared to hands that have never done any work, these are, um, how should I put it, a medal?" I thought for a moment and used the Japanese word for medal; Kusanagi should be able to understand.
The girl was silent for a moment.
"Miss Nozawa's calluses are also very beautiful."
"Who uses 'beautiful' to describe calluses?" I smiled. "It sounds like a compliment."
How can something that most girls probably hate be called beautiful?
"But I think they are beautiful." She touched that joint, her fingertips tracing circles, then suddenly took my hand and tightly interlaced our fingers.
"Without them, I wouldn't have met you."
The early hours of Christmas morning came so quickly. After the game ended, the drunk Li Shijia called a taxi. Kusanagi accompanied Momozawa, while I took Mori Reiko back to the dormitory. I kept thinking about that sentence along the way.
An ordinary person like me, the kind of international student you can find anywhere in Japan, would never have met someone like Kusanagi if it weren't for the host family.
What's so good about meeting me?
"What are you thinking about, so lost in thought?" Mori Reiko reached out and waved her hand in front of my eyes, her voice gentle.
"Nothing," I returned to my senses and smiled apologetically. "You drank quite a bit; are you feeling alright?"
"You drank quite a lot too, and yet you're taking me back; thank you for your hard work." Mori Reiko tilted her head and smiled too. "Today was very fun; thank you for inviting me, Nozawa."
"You're welcome, Professor. Everyone had a great time tonight. Do you have any plans for Christmas?"
"I have a special lecture tomorrow; the school specifically scheduled it for when the most people are around." Mori Reiko said. "In order to attract students from other areas to apply, tomorrow will be very busy. This is my first time participating in a Japanese Christmas, so I'm quite looking forward to it."
"Me too." I curved my eyebrows, thinking about being with Kusanagi tomorrow, even my tone was tinged with a bit of joy.
"You must have been numb from staying in the wardrobe for so long, right?" She couldn't help but chuckle. "Momozawa deliberately didn't let me call you, saying it was to punish you for a while longer."
I smiled helplessly. "I knew it; three minutes isn't that long." But thanks to Momozawa, the intense chatting during those empty three minutes was a rare experience.
"What about you for Christmas?"
I curled my lips. "I'm going to visit The Jikei University School of Medicine tomorrow, with Miss Kusanagi."
Mori Reiko is an alumna of Jikei, so I wonder how she will react to knowing I have the opportunity to go to the main campus?
Mori Reiko indeed showed an expression of disbelief. "Jikei University doesn't accept any external visitors. Or did your Miss Kusanagi handle all of this?"
I was a little embarrassed. What does 'your' mean?
"Please just say what you have to say; I know that's your alma mater."
"Jikei Medical is notoriously exclusionary. There are only a few internship spots each year, and ordinary people have almost no chance. If I'm not mistaken, this spot was obtained through many channels."
"What do you mean?"
"It means that although it's only for one day, it's something that took a lot of effort to arrange." Mori Reiko's eyes became unreadable. "She went to such lengths to get you into the school just for you to visit?"
"She asked me if I wanted to go, and I agreed. It is indeed for a visit tomorrow."
Mori Reiko laughed dumbfoundedly. "Going to such great lengths just for you to take a look—this is quite a heavy gift."
"..."
Mori Reiko's meaning was very clear; this was a heavy and valuable gift.
Thinking of the girl's nonchalant tone, a sense of helplessness gradually rose in my heart, and I didn't know what to say at all.
We walked for a while longer until we reached the train station platform. Mori Reiko shook the frost off her shoulders. "Don't walk me any further; you should go back now. It's enough that you've brought me here."
I couldn't digest what had just happened at all. After hesitating for a while, unable to suppress the confusion in my heart, I asked Mori Reiko to confirm again, "Professor, is what you just said true?"
"A world-class university—how many people have put in effort for this, wanting to catch a glimpse of the glory of this top-tier institution? Unfortunately, excellent people are always the minority, and they don't even have the conditions to make contact. Even just auditing is a goal that is hard to reach, yet you can achieve it very easily because of Miss Kusanagi."
I tensed up there, standing still like a statue for several minutes.
"Since it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, cherish it well. Being able to observe and learn is a very rare experience. I am also optimistic about you for the internship spots."
"...Thank you, Professor."
"I don't know what that child has done, but one thing is certain: she cares about you quite a lot."
At the woman's unintentional remark, my brow twitched violently.
"I wish you a smooth visit tomorrow. If you need anything, you can come to me."
I looked at her, standing still in place.
A question was stuck in my heart, the words were right on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't speak them out. What is this question?
A sudden sour bitterness and a sudden secret joy in my heart were about to drown me. I stared blankly, and countless scenes flashed through my mind like fragments, finally converging into one detail.
Uncomfortable emotions mixed with a strange feeling of palpitation; the vague signs gradually became clear. Numerous emotions surged together, yet I felt like there was a lump in my throat.
The station lights stretched on, and the flickering rain began to fall in the early hours of two in the morning.
There was no one around, only the dim light remained.
Seeing that I hadn't moved for a long time, the woman calmed down for a moment and sighed.
"Nozawa, you are my student. Logically, I shouldn't tell you these things, but I have a say in this area, and I rarely misjudge people."
I listened in a daze, my emotions soaring like a storm. I had a premonition that in the next second, that answer would completely crush me.
"My intuition tells me," her gaze fell into the distance.
"Kusanagi likes you."