Dex looked out the train window, a vast land with a beautiful stretch of grass, several animals living together, horses, cows, creons, and many others, they lived peacefully in a stretch of grass no wider than a city.
In the distance, a white horse galloped across the plain, its mane lifted by the morning light. For a moment, Dex felt as though he was seeing freedom itself, wild, graceful, and bound by no rail, this train moved straight, determined by its track, while that horse chose its own direction, it could turn, go back, and go anywhere it pleased.
Dex looked inside the train, morning light filtered through thin curtains, falling slowly across the wooden seats and the faces of sleeping passengers, their heads nodding along with the gentle vibration of the journey. An old man in a brown coat sat hunched over a book whose cover had long since faded. In another corner, a mother was tidying the hair of her young daughter, her fingers moving gently with full tenderness.
At this moment they were on their way to the Shine Kingdom, a neutral kingdom in the west that people often called the land without war, a place where swords were rarely drawn, and peace was valued more than victory, anyone who fought would be punished.
It sounded like a good place indeed, however from the rumors those rules were only used as protection for those in power, the kingdom itself was filled with corruption that had taken root as deep as a pulse.
Dex himself had already asked Anna why she wanted to go to a place like that, she said the two kingdoms were hostile toward each other, so it would be impossible for the pursuers to enter easily, while for Anna and Liana, since there were only two of them they could easily avoid inspection, and pretend to be travelers.
"Hey are you sure you want to settle there?" Dex turned his gaze toward Anna who sat across from him.
"Perhaps, besides I have no support from the nobles, so it would be impossible for me to take part in the struggle for the throne" Anna looked outside, her gaze far too beautiful for someone being chased by death.
Dex glanced to the side of Anna and beside himself, Van and Liana appeared to be sleeping soundly on the train seats.
"If I may ask, what was the cause of the king's death?"
"I don't know, I only ever met him once during my coming of age ceremony at seventeen"
"What? You only met once? Did the king truly not care about you at all" Although he himself had no memory of his own mother and father, Dex was still slightly taken aback.
"I don't blame him, after all it must be difficult to lead such a great kingdom"
Dex let out a short humorless laugh.
"Nonsense, he had enough time to get a woman with child, yet he didn't have enough time to look at her?"
Anna lowered her head, she felt a little sad hearing Dex's words, after all who asked to be born a princess, Anna would rather have lived in a normal family and had a harmonious home.
Seeing Anna go quiet, Dex chose to say nothing, he did not feel what he had said was wrong.
It was deeply distasteful to Dex to cover up someone's mistakes, in the hope that they would change or become better.
Dex glanced at Van for a moment.
What an annoyance, being able to sleep that soundly, Dex thought irritably.
He leaned his back against the seat, stretched his legs slightly, and closed his eyes not because he was sleepy, but because he did not know what else to do.
Three minutes passed.
"You know" Anna started again, her voice calmer this time, like someone speaking to herself with another person nearby by coincidence, "during that ceremony, he gave me a brooch shaped like a sunflower. He said it belonged to my mother"
Dex did not answer.
"I don't even know what my mother looked like" Anna continued. "She passed away when I was three years old. So that brooch... well, it's the only thing he ever gave me"
The train shook slightly as it passed over a rail joint. Sunlight shifted across the dusty wooden floor.
Anna touched the collar of her shirt, her fingers feeling for something beneath the fabric. She pulled out a thin chain, and hanging at its end was a small brooch, its metal slightly tarnished, yet the shape of its petals was still clear.
Dex looked at it briefly, then turned his gaze back to the window.
"A beautiful brooch"
Anna smiled faintly hearing Dex's words.
"May I ask something?" she said at last.
"You've asked a lot today"
"Just one more"
Dex did not answer. Anna took that as permission.
"Have you ever regretted something?"
Dex opened one eye, looking at her with the expression of someone who had not expected to be asked something like that on a train in the middle of the day. "What kind of question is that"
"An ordinary question"
"There is nothing ordinary about that question, Anna"
Anna was slightly startled hearing her name, Dex almost never called her by name.
"Alright, an extraordinary question then. Have you ever regretted something?"
Dex closed his eyes again.
The silence that followed went on long enough for Anna to think the conversation had ended before it truly began.
"I have" he said at last. "But not because of something I did, more because of something I didn't do"
"What's the difference?" asked Anna.
"There is one" Dex spoke toward the ceiling, his eyes still closed.
"If you do something and it turns out badly, at least you know. You can learn from it, accept it, and move on with your life. But if you don't do something and it turns out badly..." he paused, a pause that felt deep for what was only an answer. "you will never know whether it would have truly turned out badly, or whether it could have been different. And that not knowing doesn't leave. It simply sits quietly in some corner and reminds itself every now and then"
Anna looked at her hands in her lap. "An unknowing heavier than the regret itself"
"Yes. Exactly right"
A brief silence.
Dex asked nothing further, Anna explained nothing, the two of them let that sentence stand on its own, enough as an acknowledgment, needing no further unraveling.
***
The train stopped briefly at a small halt that did not even have a name on any map, just a worn stone building and an old man standing in front of it holding a red train signal.
Van woke when the carriage door opened, his head lifting quickly, his eyes immediately alert before he realized there was nothing to be alert about, he blinked several times, looking around with the expression of someone not entirely certain he was awake yet.
"How long was I asleep?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
"Long enough to snore one hundred and forty seven times" answered Dex without opening his eyes.
"I don't snore"
"Van"
"Yes?"
"You snore"
"That's impossible, I've never—" Van stopped, glancing at Liana with an expression that asked for her support. "Do I snore?"
Liana sipped her tea that had long gone cold with an expression of complete neutrality. "I have no wish to be involved in this debate"
"That means yes" said Dex.
"That means I choose not to be involved" Liana corrected, though the corner of her lips moved slightly.
"A very thin difference" Dex murmured.
Van reached for his book from beside the seat with the expression of someone officially ending this discussion, he opened to the page he had left off, read one line, then closed it again and stared out the window. "I'm hungry"
"You just woke up" said Dex.
"I know when my stomach is hungry, besides I'm always hungry after sleeping, it's a perfectly normal biological thing, there's nothing strange about it"
"Nobody said it was strange"
"Your tone said it was strange"
Dex opened one eye. "I speak with the same tone for everything, Van"
"That is precisely the problem"
***
Not long after the train began moving again, a traveling vendor passed through the corridor pushing a small cart filled with snacks and drinks, his voice warm and bright, mixing with the soft clinking of glass bottles knocking against each other as his cart swayed with the rail.
"Roasted nuts, filled rolls, hot tea, ginger drink, warm mare's milk"
Van and Anna called the vendor over.
The vendor stopped in front of them with a smile that had been practiced over decades,
"Two teas please" said Anna while handing over a few coins.
"Filled roll" said Van almost at the same time, then added, "She's paying for it" Van pointed toward Anna.
Anna could only let out a quiet sigh and hand over a few more coins.
The vendor began preparing their orders, his hands moving deftly as he poured tea without needing to look at what he was doing, a man in his fifties, thick mustache with ends that curled slightly upward, and eyes that held a curiosity he kept hidden behind professional warmth.
"Where are you all from, if I may ask? From the accent of the gentleman who spoke just now it sounds like you're from the east?"
"That's right" Van answered, accepting his roll.
"My, that's quite far" the vendor poured the tea carefully, filling each cup to exactly two thirds, no more, the habit of someone who had done it thousands of times on a swaying train. "I've been on this route for twenty years, I can usually make a rough guess at where someone is from by the way they speak"
The vendor let out a small chuckle, handing two cups of tea to Anna.
Anna placed one of the teas in front of Liana.
"That's how it is after years on the train, sir, people become books you read for a short while, then they get off and you never find out how the story ends" the vendor counted out change with his thick fingers, then glanced quickly over the small group. "If you don't mind my asking, where are you headed? Still far or nearly there?"
"Shine" answered Anna.
The vendor went still for a moment, his hand pausing over the small drawer where he kept change, his smile did not disappear but changed shape, like someone choosing their words with more care than usual.
"Shine" he repeated softly, as though tasting the name. "A beautiful kingdom indeed, the architecture has no equal in the west, its towers can be seen from outside the city even before you pass through its gates, and the gardens..." he shook his head with the expression of someone who had seen something that stayed with them, "the central garden spans half a district, its flowers were planted from every corner of the continent, the first time I passed through there twenty years ago, I stood there for nearly an hour even though the train was about to leave"
"Is something wrong?" asked Anna, catching something in his tone.
The vendor handed Anna her change, then closed his drawer slowly. "It's a shame when people only look at the surface" he said, quieter now. "Shine twenty years ago and Shine today are different, my lady, back then the law was truly respected, whoever came was treated equally before the courts, people trusted their own rules because those rules were genuinely fair"
"Is it different now?" Van pressed, his scholarly tone surfacing.
The vendor went quiet for a moment, his eyes sweeping the corridor with a motion that was very quick and very practiced. "I'm only a vendor of tea and bread, sir, matters of the kingdom are well above my head" he shrugged, but his eyes said something different from his mouth. "What I know is, people who come to Shine carrying trouble usually leave with trouble much larger than what they brought, and people who come carrying a thick enough purse go back with a purse thin as paper"
"So things really are that bad there now" Van murmured, less a question than a conclusion.
"I didn't say that, sir" the vendor replied with a smile that was too professional. "I'm only recounting twenty years of observation" he pushed his cart onward, his voice returning to its bright and cheerful register as though the previous conversation had never happened. "Enjoy your journey,
"roasted nuts, filled rolls, hot tea" the vendor walked away and attended to the other passengers.
The four of them sat in silence for a moment.
"What a delightful destination we have apparently" said Dex at last, his eyes still closed.
"You're the one who said fine when we asked to come along" answered Liana with an irritated tone.
"Yes, and it seems I regret it"
"Regret over something done" Anna glanced at him. "You said earlier that kind is easier to accept"
Dex opened one eye, looking at her with an expression that was difficult to read. "Come on, sometimes a complaint is just necessary isn't it"
Van took another bite of his second roll with the expression of someone enjoying this situation far more than he should.
'That roll is quite good' Van thought, entirely unbothered by the whole exchange.