Chapter 27
Jiang Li did not remember when he had fainted. All he could recall was the overwhelming scent of whisky and rosewood filling the room, heavy and intoxicating, pressing against his senses until even breathing felt difficult. His eyelids were unbearably heavy, and when he tried to open them, it felt as though sand had been poured beneath them, grinding with every small movement.
After a few slow blinks, his vision finally cleared.
That was when he noticed the weight around his waist.
His breath caught.
An arm was wrapped securely around him—Shen Yu's arm. Their bodies were pressed so close that Jiang Li could feel the steady rise and fall of Shen Yu's chest against his back, warm breaths brushing faintly against his skin.
His eyes widened instantly.
His bare back was flush against Shen Yu's firm chest.
Panic surged through him. Without thinking, Jiang Li pushed himself up and stumbled out of the bed, only for his legs to give out the moment they touched the ground. Pain shot through his body, sharp and unforgiving, turning his limbs weak and unsteady as he collapsed to the floor.
A soft, broken sound escaped him.
And then he felt it.
His body stiffened as realization hit him all at once. The ache in his lower body was deep and overwhelming, a raw, tearing pain that made it difficult to even breathe properly. With trembling fingers, he reached down hesitantly, touching the place that hurt the most.
His hand came away wet.
For a long moment, Jiang Li simply stared at it in silence, watching as the warmth trailed faintly against his skin. A quiet, almost hollow chuckle slipped from his lips as he leaned his head against the edge of the bed.
The tears came without sound.
They slid down his face steadily, one after another, even as his expression remained eerily calm.
It wasn't as though he had never wanted this.
In truth, he had dreamed of it countless times—of being held like this, of being close to Shen Yu, of giving himself completely to the man he had loved for so long. In his heart, it had always been Shen Yu, and no one else had ever come close to taking that place.
But this…
This was not how he had imagined it.
In his dreams, Shen Yu chose him.
Shen Yu wanted him.
Not because of instinct. Not because of biology forcing his hand. Jiang Li had always wished for something simple yet impossible—that Shen Yu would reach for him out of desire, out of genuine feeling, the same way Jiang Li's own heart had always ached for him.
The difference between those dreams and reality cut deeper than the pain in his body.
A quiet fear settled in his chest, cold and suffocating.
He was afraid.
Afraid of what would happen when Shen Yu woke up. Afraid of seeing regret in his eyes when all Jiang Li could feel, despite everything, was a fragile kind of happiness at having been claimed by the person he loved.
Afraid that, in Shen Yu's eyes, he would be nothing more than a mistake given form.
Letting out a shaky breath, Jiang Li gripped the edge of the bed and slowly forced himself to stand. His legs trembled violently beneath him, and a pained moan slipped past his lips as he steadied himself.
It hurt far more than he had expected.
This was not the first time he had imagined their first night together. In those quiet fantasies, everything had been softer, gentler. He had imagined waking up beside Shen Yu, seeing him smile with his hair messily falling over his eyes, the faint scent of breakfast drifting through the air like something out of the stories he used to read.
Not this.
Never this.
After steadying himself, Jiang Li limped slowly to the bedside and looked down at Shen Yu. Even in sleep, his face was strikingly beautiful, distant in a way that made him feel almost untouchable.
For a brief moment, Jiang Li was reminded of those eyes.
Those purple eyes that had looked down at him before—cold, powerful, almost inhuman, like something divine rather than mortal.
A faint frown formed on his lips as his fingers moved unconsciously, brushing lightly against Shen Yu's skin.
"What are you…?" he whispered softly.
The question lingered in the air, unanswered.
Pulling his hand back, Jiang Li turned away and made his way toward the ensuite bathroom. He needed to leave before Shen Yu woke up. At the very least, he needed time—time to breathe, to think, to understand what had happened without facing whatever expression might be waiting for him.
Because if it was regret, he knew it would destroy him.
The warm water eased some of the pain, dulling it into a lingering ache that he could ignore if he forced himself to. Once he finished, he avoided looking at the bed entirely, knowing that even a single glance might make him hesitate.
And he could not afford to hesitate.
When he reached downstairs, his steps slowed as his eyes took in the state of the living room. The mess was impossible to ignore, and heat rushed to his cheeks as fragments of memory threatened to surface.
Quickly, he grabbed his backpack and left the apartment.
Outside, he stood quietly at the bus stop, his gaze lowered as he reached into his bag and pulled out the pills Taehyun had given him. He stared at them for a long moment, his fingers tightening slightly around the container.
Why am I even doing this…?
The question echoed in his mind.
If he had loved Shen Yu all this time believing he was Alpha, then why should anything change now? Why should he force something different when his feelings had never depended on secondary gender in the first place?
A bitter voice answered him almost immediately.
You're lying to yourself.
That man is not a beta.
How could a beta go into rut?
The thought made him shiver.
There was no one else there to say those words.
It was only him.
Only his own mind, cutting him down with a cruelty no one else could match.
Happiness had never come easily to him, not in a body that always felt like it betrayed him.
"Hey… aren't pills like these expensive?"
The sudden voice broke through his thoughts.
Startled, Jiang Li looked down to see a man crouching in front of him, picking up the pills scattered across the ground. Only then did he realize how tightly he had been holding the container—so tightly that the lid had cracked open, spilling everything without him noticing.
Before Jiang Li could respond, the man continued speaking.
"These are suppressants, right? A lot of omegas can't even afford them. You shouldn't just throw them away."
One by one, he gathered the pills before standing and placing them carefully back into the container. Without hesitation, he returned them to Jiang Li.
As Jiang Li lifted his gaze, he finally saw him clearly.
Hazel eyes met his own, warm and striking, reflecting sunlight in a way that made them seem almost golden. His curly brown hair framed a tanned face that stood out immediately—he didn't look like he was from here, yet his Chinese was completely fluent.
Jiang Li parted his lips, about to ask who he was, but the man's expression suddenly shifted.
His eyes widened in surprise.
"Your eyes…" he murmured, his voice filled with something close to awe. "Are you wearing contacts?"
Jiang Li frowned slightly and shook his head.
"You have natural pink eyes?" the man asked again, disbelief clear in his tone.
Confused, Jiang Li hesitated before the man held out his phone to him.
"There," he said. "Look."
The phone unlocked without any hesitation, and Jiang Li found himself opening the camera almost instinctively. The moment his reflection appeared on the screen, his entire body froze.
His eyes—
They were no longer the same.
A soft, unnatural pink filled them, threaded with swirling hints of purple that shifted faintly like something alive beneath the surface.
They didn't look real.
They didn't look human.
The phone slipped slightly in his hand as he stared at his reflection, unable to look away.