5th March 215 a.D
I would have never imagined I would have to attend my own sister's funeral at just sixteen years old.
These past four days have been hell. The day I was informed of my sister's passing I spent the whole night looking at the ceiling, without being able to catch any sleep. I was not sad at first, contrary to what many people might think. I was angry, furious. I couldn't comprehend why she would leave us like this. It was not her fault, probably she didn't even provoke it. I couldn't help but feel that way. In my head she decided this, and I don't think I will ever fully forgive her for it.
That day I lived my life like any other day. I went to school normally. Everyone looked at me like I was insane for it, but I did not feel one bit of sadness. Keli and Siren did behave differently with me. It felt like they were walking on eggshells around me, always asking if I was okay or if I needed anything, how annoying. And it did not matter how many times I told them not to, they just kept going.
Twenty four hours after her death, an immense feeling of sadness delved into my heart. It was sudden and unexpected. But it is normal, is it not? At the end of the day these are the stages of grieving, and I can not simply avoid them. I spent that whole day in bed, bawling my eyes out. All the sadness that I had not felt the day before swept me away like a wave. I did not eat, nor go to the bathroom, or anything of the sort. I just stayed there, crying. I felt useless and powerless.
These past two days have been better. I am still sad, actually, borderline depressed. But, at least we have more answers about Ari's death. I do not believe a single one of them, though. Nothing seems plausible according to her personality.
The police said that she had committed suicide. Specifically, that she had shot herself in the head. But none of it makes any sense. Why would she suicide? Ari had never been depressed, she actually had a pretty good life. Why would she do it on a river? Shooting herself on the shore of a random river makes no sense. None of it makes any sense! I hope no one ever finds what I'm about to write, but… I do not think my sister committed suicide. It makes more sense to me that she was killed. Which brings me back again to the same question: Why? I do not think I can tell this to anyone, they would believe I am insane for it. I guess I will have to accept what I have been told as the truth for some time.
Today is her wake. I woke up in the morning with no willpower to live, but still had to get ready for it. I took a hot shower and washed my face with music in an attempt to wake myself up and forget about everything for a while, but to no avail really. I put on the only black dress I own, it is actually a very simple halter dress, plain black with no decorations. It was a little bit chilly outside, so I put on some tights. I decided not to do my makeup, as I did not have the energy for it. My eyes were swollen and red from crying. I had not slept either, so I also had baggy eyes. All around I looked a big mess, and kind of like a corpse, but I did not care at all. I put on my shoes and went downstairs to meet my family so we could leave.
"Not even a little perfume?" My mum asked me as soon as I appeared on the stairs. "Come here." I did as she said and went to where she was. She took a little container from her purse and opened it. She grabbed the pad that was inside and impregnated it with the pink powder that was inside. She then applied it on my face, from my cheekbone upwards. "See? Better!" She said with a big smile on her face the moment she finished both sides of my face.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I did not look much different from before, perhaps less pale, but nothing else. I guess taking care of me for these past days is my mum's way of coping with Ari's death. She has been looking so depressed lately, it honestly breaks my heart. I wish I could do something to help her, but no pain compares to the one of losing your child. There is nothing I can do besides being on her side when she needs me, allowing her to take care of me, regardless of how annoying I might find it.
I almost forgot to mention that we had kind of adopted Vala in the way. He was devastated by Ari's death, and he has been a great help around the house, above all for my mother. They have spent a great chunk of time going through old photographs. My mother has also been telling him all types of anecdotes, I do not think she left a single one out. The bond between them had grown so much for the time being, that now he feels like a brother. I am glad we have him around, he is great company.
My father finally left his room and directed us to go to the car. The four of us got in it, and we started the journey to the place that was going to hold her funeral. Mum decided to hold it in her and Ari's default temple. When Ari was a child, she and mum would always go to this temple to light up a candle to the goddess of beauty and pray for a good image. There were little to no people that visited this place, for most people appreciated other qualities such as fortune or love. They always had a blast with all the celebrations and parties the temple held every year.
We arrived at the temple and mum and dad started helping out the priest with the preparations for the funeral, making sure everything was in order. I sat in one of my benches that was positioned facing the statue of the goddess. With my hand on my lap, I just waited until it was time to start. I had no interest in taking part in any of this, aside from the mandatory. I just simply dedicated my time to play with my hands.
"Are you not going to help your parents?" I looked at my side. Vala was sitting beside me, asking half-baked questions that nobody cared about.
"I couldn't care less about any of this." I replied honestly. All this superstitious stuff, I did not care for any of it. My mum and sister are the only religious people in my family. Well… Ari was, but my mum still is. Although religion has been a great moral support for her, I still do not care about it. I can not bring myself to care about it. It is all too superficial and hypocritical. And above all, religious people have always given me bad vibes.
"I guessed as much…" He answered with a smirk on his face while laughing gently. It was actually the first time I heard him laugh since she died. It seemed that he was starting to get better… good for him. "Anyway, there is someone waiting for you," he said while he looked at the entrance of the temple. I looked right after him, seeking for the mysterious person that was awaiting me. There was in fact someone, but I couldn't see who it was, for my mother was right in front of them, apparently receiving some bouquet of flowers. After a few seconds, my mum pulled away and I could finally see who it was: Keli. I looked back around to ask Vala about it, but he was already gone.
"Your mum said you have been really quiet. Are you okay?" His voice resounded all over the temple as he sat in the seat where Vala had been just a few minutes earlier.
"I'm fine." I was not. But I was not going to tell him that. If I did, he would go on a rant about grieving and mourning and psychology and what else. I had enough on my plate, I did absolutely not need to hear a lecture from Keli. And, yes, he is my best friend and all of that stuff, but I simply did not care.
Furthermore, I was starting to get tired of everyone around me asking the same questions. It did not feel like they were caring for my state of mind, but more like they were pressuring me into talking about something I did not want to. Everyone says talking helps, especially in this type of situation, yet it is the last thing I wanted to do.
"You do not sound fine." Keli looked genuinely worried. He placed his hand on my shoulder, as a way of comfort.
"Who cares?" I answered back with disgust written all over my face. How many times have I said that I do not care? Maybe too many, but it is too much of a strong feeling to ignore. Even more when everyone around you seems to be, in fact, ignoring it.
"I care." His hand, which was before placed on my shoulder, was now sliding slowly through my back. "Siren is coming in a few minutes, she had some issues at the supermarket." I grabbed Keli's hand and pulled it away from me. He did look embarrassed, and I did not understand what he was trying to do, but it was not the time nor the place for it.
"People are going to start arriving soon. Also, it looks like they have already finished." I said as I got up from my chair. I walked towards my parents, who were at the entrances waiting for people to arrive, and stood by with them.
Not much later, people started arriving. Most of them were distant family members, as well as some family friends and acquaintances. Siren did make an appearance after what felt like a century, but was only like twenty minutes; I just do not enjoy those people's presence, they barely knew her and that somehow bothers me.
When everyone had finally arrived, we went on with the sermon. It was dull and very stereotypical, nonetheless appropriate. And the best of all: it was short. Therefore, as soon as it finished, we went outside to eat and drink something while we listened to people's speeches about Ari. Mum and dad talked, and so did a few other family members, but my favourite one was Vala's. His speech was very emotive and heart-felt, I cried through the story of how they met. He really does have a talent for story-telling.
Right now, mum, dad, Vala and I are at the ossuary, waking my sister's body for the burial tomorrow. Here in Vezos funerals work this way: firstly we hold the wake, where everyone gathers in a temple to hear a sermon, eat, and give speeches about the deceased person. Afterwards, their close family keeps vigil of their body during the night. Next morning, those very same people, alongside with the priest, bury the body in a public graveyard, or a family one if you are rich enough (like Keli).
6th March 215 a.D
I woke up at five in the morning. Mum was already awake, it actually looked like she had not slept at all. We had to wait until six to get the burial going, since well, we still have a curfew. Vala and dad were snoring as loudly as they could, it was really annoying. Since I still had an hour until they buried Ari, I went to a little room in the temple to eat something. I grabbed some cookies from a cabinet and made some tea for me and my mother. The tea was alright, nonetheless the cookies were tasteless. While I was eating I noticed that my mum was just playing with the cup, so I felt obligated to ask.
"You should eat something, you barely ate anything yesterday either." I tried to encourage her to eat, but it came to no avail. She just shook her head and kept playing with the cup. From one moment to another, my dad walked through the door.
"Morning, Sélas," he said as he kissed my mother's head, "Asteri," he continued as he kissed mine. My father might be the only person on this planet Earth that does not call me Star. I do not complain, though, it is kind of refreshing and unique in some way. "Vala is still sleeping. He snores like a lion." He laughed as he started preparing some coffee for himself.
"We should let him sleep, he really needs it." Vala had done a lot for us, I can not think of a way to thank him. He really did need the sleep, the whole funeral had been planned by him with some of my mum's help.
"You are right," he commented while he sipped his coffee, "Anyway, what's with you and the rich boy?" I was about to sip my own tea when he asked that. I stopped in my tracks and looked at him, confused. Aside from one insult here and there, he never acknowledged Keli's presence, not even when he was home. I swear I could not understand his thought process at that moment for the life of me.
"What is with me and Keli?" I asked him back while finally sipping my tea. I did not think I owed my father an explanation of anything, taking into account that me and Keli are nothing but friends, and also taking into account that he never cared about him.
"I saw how he touched your back yesterday." He started to laugh with a smirk on his face. Honestly that is all I needed, for my father to interrogate me about a relationship that: one, did not exist; and two, he had never cared about.
"He was just trying to comfort me." That is all I needed to say to him. Hence, I ended that uncomfortable conversation with my father before it took an unexpected turn. Thankfully it did not take Vala much more time to wake up, and as soon as we were all ready we headed to the public graveyard.
When we arrived at the place, the priest was already there waiting for us, and my sister's coffin was already inside the hole. The man that was in charge of the burial started to recite some myths about death and whatnot, I was not really listening to be honest.
Once everything ended and my sister was three meters underground (finally), we went home. I was able to skip school once again, I said that I was not feeling well and my parents allowed me to stay; but the truth is other. These past two days, mostly today and yesterday, I have been noticing some weird behaviours from my parents that have been rubbing me the wrong way. And, I might be crazy, nevertheless I need to get it off my chest.
My dad and mum have been "grieving" in really strange manners. For instance, my dad. He has not shed a single tear in all this time. Moreover, he has not even been looking sad at all. He laughs, jokes, and is perfectly fine; it is like he did not just lose his daughter.
On the other hand, my mother. I know I have said before that she was grieving and mourning, but I have thought about it thoroughly, and something does not add up. More than grief it seems like guilt. She has been developing a lot of tics, and has been as far as not talking at the moment. It looks like she is afraid of something, guilty of some sin. Plus, now that I think more about it she has not cried either.
The day they found Ari's body, mum was covering her face. I assumed she was crying, but I never actually saw it. Furthermore, dad only started to cry when he saw me at the door, and it was just a single tear. I think it is official: I am going crazy. It is obvious that my parents are hiding something. It is also obvious that it has something to do with Ari's origins. But, I am afraid to ask, nay I am afraid of the consequences.
I think I might keep these thoughts for myself, at least for some time. I guess I am going to eventually tell Keli everything, but I will keep them a secret for the time being.
8th March 215 a.D
I finally went back to school yesterday, and I can not say it was a good day.
I woke up as usual, depressed. I dressed up, cleaned myself a little bit, and hit the door without really talking to anyone, for I was still too confused about everything. To my surprise (not really, I saw it coming), Keli was waiting for me outside with his chauffeur. The chauffeur opened the door for me, and I went inside.
"Are you feeling better?" He asked me as soon as I fastened my seatbelt. I was not sure what to answer him. I did not want to tell him anything of what I was thinking, I was not sure how he would take it. I wanted to wait until I had more information about the topic.
"Somewhat." I replied while looking out the window, trying my best to ignore his existence as a whole. Things were getting hard enough, I did not need all his questions and worry and doubts.
"Are you coming to the book club later?" I looked at him, pale. I had completely forgotten about the book club. In fact, I did not even know what book we were supposed to read. "No need to answer, your face has subtitles." He said after seeing my facial expressions, and of course, he was laughing at me at the same time.
"I swear, Keli Vetirys, if you laugh at me one more time, you will taste my fist in your mouth!" I threatened him as I was simmering with anger. It did not work one bit, though. He was trying so hard to hold his laugh so I would not hit him, not that I intended to. It was all empty threats, I just wanted him to stop.
"No need to throw hands," He said as he finally regained composure and succeeded in his mission to hold his chuckle. He turned his head around and went from looking at me to looking through the window. He landed his head on his left hand, with his elbow sitting on the edge of the window. It looked like he was trying to avoid looking at me. I was puzzled, I did not understand, until he started talking again, "It just is that you have become quite hard to read these past two weeks."
Before I could say anything, the car stopped. I looked at Keli, still confused by everything, and saw the chauffeur open the door for him. I did not wait for him and opened my own door, I did not like that much extravagance. Straight after getting out of the car, he started walking towards the school entrance. Surely, it did not matter how many times I called his name on the way, he would not even dare to look at me.
We were almost there and, at that point, I had already given up on him. I noticed that he was slightly starting to turn left, and so did I. Finally, I noticed that he was walking towards Siren, who was under a tree finishing reading the book that was set for today. Keli greeted her and she started walking with us. The two of them were always in front of me, whereas I always stayed in the back, observing them as they talked about the new book.
Did I feel left out? Quite so. Yet, I never said anything or even tried to join the conversation. It felt like they were, at least Keli, doing it on purpose. It is true that every few seconds she turned around to see if I was still there, but never made the effort to include me.
We arrived at the main hall. Like always, the police searched me for God knows why. Well, actually, I do know why. I do not think I have ever mentioned it, but I rather hate our school. It is a private institution, hence most of the alumni come from very privileged families (like Keli). We have to wear a corny uniform that I despise, with its tie and checked skirt that goes below your knee in the most horrendous colours known to mankind. Even so, what I dislike the most is the classism. Owing to the fact that I study here thanks to a scholarship, everyone treats me like I am inferior. It does not matter how marvelous my grades or my abilities are, in their eyes I will always be less.
Nevertheless, I have always ignored it up until today. Walking in, being the only one searched at the entrance, all those disgusting looks and giggles; for some reason it was the first time they made my blood boil. Anyway, it is not like I could do anything about it.
Keli and Siren were sitting at my table, still chatting about whatever, while I drew in my sketchbook. I was minding my business, until I heard someone on the low talking about Ari. I have always known that people looked down on anyone that took their own lives, or at least tried to, but doing it in front of someone that just lost a family member that way… I looked at them and they giggled while covering their mouths. I do not believe my sister actually tried to end herself, thus I really did not care about their comments. That was until they went lower.
They walked towards where I was sitting. They might have been a group of ten people, I did not count them, though. The girl that was obviously leading the group approached me and started to bash-talk Ari. I can not recall everything she said, for I was starting to see red at that point and was only focusing on not losing my temper, but it went something along the lines of: Your sister is a bitch ass hoe and we are all glad she is dead; all that repeated in different fonts. But, again, I can not remember.
What I do remember is how my hand suddenly met her face. Her head snapped around from the impact and she immediately grabbed her face while she, along with everyone around her, glared at me with hatred and contempt. I could see the reddening of her skin through the small gaps between her fingers. I looked at my own hand, also redded, as it started to itch from it.
I faced forward, just to see Keli look at me in disbelief, as if I were an alien from another planet; Siren, on the other hand, was glaring at me with proudness.
My cheeks started to blush from embarrassment the moment I saw the headmaster coming through the door, due to the unexpected noise my hand made when it crossed her face. Everyone immediately snitched on me, hence I was sent to the office alongside the headmaster himself.
All those occurrences bring us to this day. I was, as expected, grounded for the foreseeable future; not just by the school, but also by my parents. They were called in for a meeting not long after the head master asked for my testimony. We were told that they would not retire my scholarship because it was my first misconduct, and I had also been through a traumatic event recently. So, I was sent home with a warning and a week of cleaning the school after class.
I did not mind it that much, at first. From my perspective cleaning the school could not be that hard, so I was unbothered by it.
That was until this evening, when I had to actually clean the school. It is a three floor building with fifty-three rooms that I had to clean in two hours. In some way, I have to be thankful I just had to clean the classroom and not anything else. I would have had a breakdown if I had to clean the bathrooms, to be honest.
By the time I had finished, I was tired and in excruciating back pain from leaning over to mop. I arrived home, went straight to my bedroom and threw myself in my bed. I grabbed my pillow and placed it on my head so that it pressed my face against the mattress. Once my face touched the mattress, it felt like a piece of paper had touched me. I threw the pillow to the floor and lifted my head. I looked closely, and I found what appeared to be a letter. I opened it and, before reading it, realised whose handwriting it was: Ari's.
Star,
If you found this letter, it means I have finally made the decision to follow the path that destiny had drawn for me. You might have a bunch of questions, understandably so.
First of all: I deeply apologise if my actions have consequences for mum, dad and you. I am unable to fully understand the importance of what I'm about to do, therefore I can't simply foresee what the future outcome may or may not be. If things do not turn out the way I expected them, I'm deeply sorry for it. And I wished there was another way of doing this, but I should stop lying to myself and everyone around me.
Secondly, I have finally found out who I really am and where I belong. After a too exhaustive search, I somehow discovered that I am a princess from the Witch Clan. From what I have learnt, nobody on Setio died the day of the explosion. I ignore the details, but most of the creatures that lived there still exist. It seems that our government knows this, and has been hunting them for years behind the back of all the inhabitants of this country. They stole me from my family, as well as my powers and sold me to a random farm family in exchange for a nice enough life in the capital.
I do not know what they did with my powers, or what they plan to do with me, but I need to leave. Something big is about to happen, and I feel the need, or better said, responsibility to warn everyone on Setio. I shall not reveal more, for I fear you might get too curious, and this is not your war to fight.
Yours truly,
Fengari
I do not understand anything.
Does this mean I was right? That she actually had not killed herself?
Unfortunately, she was right. This letter raised more questions than answers it had cleared up. I was, also, getting too curious. I have so many questions that might always remain unanswered… It is truly a pity, I could have helped her. Although, we are also very lucky that, if she was caught by the police, no one retaliated against us.
Before I could process all this new information, someone knocked on my door. Keli and Siren opened it, and found me sitting on my bed, crying.
I made the decision in that moment, as both of them comforted me, that I had enough of the lies and secrets. I told them everything: what I suspected about Ari's death, all the empty testimonies from the police, my parent's "grieving" and, the worst of all, the letter I had just found. They read it, sitting on my bed beside me, while each of them held one side of the paper and I stared at them carefully to see their reactions.
Keli looked surprised, genuinely mesmerised as he read through everything. Siren… As she read, her face gradually lost its color until it became completely pale. I noticed her swallowing nervously, while her hands began to tremble like the ones from a little child when they realised that they had messed up. My suspicions about her grew as I observed her body language change. Something about her was off, something was missing, and I could not figure out what it was. Because of my attention to all these details, I mistakenly lost sight of Keli.
"I already see your intentions," he began his lecture as he got up from bed, grabbed the letter from Siren's hand, shredded it and threw it in the trash, "forget about this. None of it is okay, and it could bring misfortunes to your family." His tone became harsher as he kept talking. By the end of the sentence, he was right in my face, grabbing my arm and squeezing it so bad that I whined in pain. He was frowning, and his eyes looked unrecognisable. His pupils were extremely dilated, you could barely see the white in them; his eye shape was narrowed and cold. For the first time in my life, I was afraid of him. He looked like he genuinely wanted to hurt me, when, in my mind, I had done nothing wrong.
"He is right." Siren agreed with him. It took him by surprise, which made him pull away from me to look at her in disbelief. I seized the moment to look at my arm, which now had a faint reddened mark from his fingers that burned when touched. "This is something you do not want to mess with. Take our advice, Star. Stay away from it." She tried to imitate Keli's tone, but she was too nervous and failed miserably. She was hyperventilating; her gaze could only be described as that of a frightened fawn. And all I could do was watch her carefully, wondering still what was it that was missing in her. I was going crazy. She grabbed Keli's arm and I came back to Earth as she dragged him to the door and left in a hurry.
After all of this, all I could think of was: What was strange about her? She was missing something, a detail I knew I had noticed before, but that I was unable to figure out.
What was it?-- Wait. I remember. Her freckles! That was what was missing. But, why would she hide them?
Also, is it my imagination, or is her hair starting to get darker…?