After selling grilled fish all these days, the household's financial troubles had been temporarily relieved. In the first few days after setting up the stall, net daily income ran to three or four thousand. Even after switching to limited supply later on, we were still clearing over two thousand a day after expenses. Watching Lin Yao come home after packing up and count the cash, she was the spitting image of a cat that had finally gotten its paws on a tin of tuna after starving for ages — utterly blissful. The money box at home was visibly filling up.
Xiaochuan's overdue after-care fees were paid off, which meant we no longer had to rush out at three in the afternoon to pick him up from school. The fridge I'd broken — the one that had been leaking water all over the floor — was traded in for a new one. One tap of the app and the new fridge was delivered that same evening. The way Lin Yao tore into the packaging, you'd have thought she was a kid unwrapping Christmas presents. Once the fridge had sat for a bit and she plugged it in, she spent ages pressing this button and poking that panel, marvelling at how many features modern fridges had and how high-tech it all felt. The toilet with the broken lid got a proper fix too — we had a tradesman swap it out for a smart toilet. The only problem was that figuring out all the functions took the whole family quite some time. Between the heated seat and the self-sanitising mode, Xiaochuan pointed at the "rear wash" setting and hollered, "Dad! This toilet can tickle your bum!"
The following morning, after dropping Xiaochuan off at school, Lin Yao came back, put on her Bluetooth earphones, and started doing aerobics along with some influencer couple on her phone. The thumping was loud enough to shake the plaster off the downstairs neighbours' walls. I couldn't help sticking my nose in: "Look at that guy's wife." She gave me a withering look. "What, jealous?"
"Jealous? Of what?" I jabbed a finger at the influencer's wife on the screen. "Look at those arms. Look at those thighs."
"Oh, go away," Lin Yao said, irritated that I was interrupting her. "What do you know? Go find somewhere cool to sit." Then she shoved me out of the room.
"I'm not wrong though," I muttered, thoroughly unconvinced. "If aerobics could actually help you lose weight, how come that influencer's wife hasn't slimmed down at all? She just keeps getting bigger and stronger with every session..."
Fine, she can ignore me. I'll go do my own cultivation.
I sat cross-legged on the plastic stool out on the balcony, palms facing upward, and activated the Qi Induction Technique. Spiritual energy from all directions poured into my nostrils like it was free. Thinking back to the first time I'd ever tried drawing in qi — all that business about circulation channels and spiritual energy entering through the Baihui acupoint had given me a splitting headache, and running the Qi Induction Technique had felt like trying to untangle a ball of yarn, needing to tease it out strand by strand. But after taking the Qi-Gathering Pill, running the technique sent spiritual energy rushing into my nose like it cost nothing — exactly like the little old man had said, like having a turbocharger installed. The moment it entered my body, the energy surged straight toward my dantian like a flood, and after filling the dantian to the brim, it spread outward into my limbs and every part of my body.
"Ding — congratulations, Host, on breaking through to the Third Layer of Qi Refining! Current cultivation level: Third Layer, Qi Refining."
I wasn't the least bit surprised. Ever since taking the Qi-Gathering Pill, even when I wasn't actively cultivating, the surrounding spiritual energy seeped into my body in thin wisps with every breath I took. As long as this "passive cultivation" state didn't stop, my level would slowly keep climbing no matter whether I was eating or sleeping. On top of that, spending every day either selling grilled fish or eating it probably gave a small boost as well.
Breaking through to the Third Layer gave me a surge of confidence. It was about time I looked into what the Body-Tempering Pill was all about. I fished out a pill from the system's reward cache, and only then did I get a good look at it — the thing was black as a lump of coal that had been struck by lightning. Peering closely at it, the more I looked, the more it resembled a blob of Xiaochuan's leftover modelling clay mixed with cigarette ash, its surface crawling with crooked brownish streaks.
The little old man's voice drifted out from the ring. "A supreme-grade divine pill! Even Foundation-Establishment masters would drool over this. What are you standing there for?"
The memory of three days of diarrhoea flashed through my mind and I started to have second thoughts. This system wasn't trying to pass off laxatives as pills for lack of anything better to give, was it? The more I looked at it, the more it felt like a dodgy product specifically designed to scam overworked wage slaves.
"Ahem, ahem — just eat it. The pill might not look pretty, but the quality is top-tier. The ingredients are a damn sight cleaner than your kid's modelling clay." The little old man seemed to see through my hesitation.
I squeezed my eyes shut, steeled my heart, and popped the Body-Tempering Pill into my mouth. The moment it rolled down my throat, an explosion of fire erupted inside my dantian. It felt like someone had switched on a blender inside my stomach and set it to maximum. My complexion went from rosy to ashen in an instant, cold sweat beading across my forehead. I doubled over, clutching my gut, writhing on the floor in what could only be described as a performance of a fish flopping on dry land. I knocked over a vase. Lin Yao came charging in with her spatula still in hand, took one look at my contorted face, and cried, "Is that acute appendicitis?!" I was sweating tears from the pain. Through the gaps in my fingers I managed to squeeze out: "It's... diet pills..." Before I could finish the sentence, my sphincter suddenly issued a high-priority alert. I sprinted the hundred metres to the bathroom and shoulder-charged the door open. A thunderous BOOM erupted, and the toilet bowl instantly became the stage for a scene of "stormy seas."
I'd barely started to feel the slightest bit of relief when I switched on the toilet's "rear wash" mode. Then my stomach began churning all over again, and the jet of water from the bidet nozzle sent everything that was still in the process of being expelled splashing all over my backside. What a uniquely transcendent experience. If only I'd known, I'd never have bought that bloody smart toilet.
For what followed, I felt as though I had been grafted permanently onto that toilet seat. Every time Lin Yao tried to come in, the stench billowing out of the bathroom drove her straight back.
Lin Yao stood in the doorway holding her nose, air freshener in hand, spraying it around the room in a frenzy. "Good lord. Have you been sneaking off to eat expired stinky tofu behind our backs? The entire building thinks our toilet has exploded."