"Ugh, I want strawberry parfait."
"No way. You'll get diabetes."
"Gin-chan's healthy, so it's fine."
"Childhood diabetes is even more dangerous."
"Wait wait wait—is this seriously Gin-chan's first line? There aren't any gag-worthy situations to start off with, so I'm just pushing the sugar angle first? You gotta read the room here, people!"
"...Meta commentary right from the prologue?"
"So what? This is just some third-rate all-ages parody fanfic anyway. I used to be a protagonist in Jump, and now I'm in a parody nobody's even reading, so I can go wild all I want. All-ages rated, though."
And so, let me introduce you to the protagonist of this story, who's already throwing out meta commentary from the prologue.
Sakata Gintoki.
And the one who's been nagging at him this whole time...
Oboro.
==
The land of samurai.
That's what our country used to be called, but now that's ancient history.
Twenty years ago, the Amanto suddenly descended from space, bringing forced opening of ports and the sword ban, leading samurai down the path of decline...
Yeah, none of that.
Somehow the Edo period was forgotten, and things like Amanto and terminals were treated as fairy tales. All the civilization that came from the Amanto vanished completely, and humanity developed on its own without any Amanto help.
Then one day...
Starting with a glowing baby born in China, 80% of humanity gained superpowers called Quirks.
As people with superpowers increased, the profession of hero, something that had only existed in comics before, came into the spotlight.
And in this world, some samurai were reincarnated...
==
Sakata Gintoki, age 9.
Adopted son of Yoshida Shoyo, former U.A. teacher and current instructor at the Shoka Sonjuku school.
And he was Quirkless.
Nobody believed him, though.
WHAM!!!!
"Gah...!!!!! You're crazy.... You used your Quirk, didn't you?! There's no way you could do this without one..."
"Huh? What're you talking about? Gin-chan's Quirkless."
CRASH!!!!
"The wall's destroyed!! Kid, is that a strength enhancement Quirk? If you can't control it yet, I guess it can't be helped, but..."
"I'm Quirkless, though?"
THUD!!!!
"Taking down a villain in one hit... That's quite a Quirk you've got. Ever thought about becoming a hero?"
"I told you, I'm Quirkless."
Sakata Gintoki. His other nickname was The Strongest Quirkless Person.
==
"Gintoki, wake up."
"...Fifty more minutes."
"Are you kidding me...? You're gonna be late."
"You go to school. You're the high schooler here."
Sakata Oboro. Age 17. Quirk: Regeneration.
Yoshida Shoyo's first student and adopted son. Gintoki's older brother.
"Yoshida Gintoki and Yoshida Oboro sound weird, so why don't we all just go with Sakata?"
...That ridiculous suggestion from Shoyo somehow got approved, so they all became Sakata.
Of course, since they were both aiming for U.A., it was better to have a different last name from Shoyo from the start anyway, so it had been planned all along... I think?
That automatically turned Shoyo into a Sakata too, so legally they're all Sakata now.
Their eternally young-looking Yoshida-sensei retired after a long teaching career that included being All Might's homeroom teacher, making him the mentor to most current U.A. graduate heroes. He's known as the Legend of U.A.
A powerful baby-face in his 50s or 60s who looks like he's in his 30s.
With that kind of father figure, the Sakata brothers naturally became U.A. hopefuls.
The eldest, Oboro, is already a U.A. student, though he hasn't decided yet whether to become a hero.
"Hey hey... Isn't the explanation getting too long? I'm the protagonist of this story, remember? Give me a proper introduction too, would ya..."
"Not going to school? You're gonna be late."
"You're not going either, Mr. High Schooler."
"Get ready and come out. I'll take you."
"Really? Buy me strawberry milk on the way."
"...Fine. Just one, though."
"Oh really? That's rare. Let's go right now then!"
Gintoki and Oboro left the school with Shoyo seeing them off. Well, Gintoki left anyway.
Oboro exchanged a glance with Shoyo. Today's mission: keep Gintoki from finding out what day it is!
It was October 10th.
==
"Man, today's my lucky day, huh? I got that Jump issue I couldn't find last week, Oboro bought me strawberry milk, and I even scored a limited edition strawberry parfait. Is this a lucky day? Am I gonna die today? Wait, is it Shoyo or Oboro who's gonna die?"
It was sunset before he even thought about going home...
"Ugh, I'm craving strawberry milk. Should I get another one?"
Gintoki still hadn't figured it out.
And so he headed to his third convenience store of the day...
"Hm?"
"Knew it. You planning to make today Strawberry Day or something?"
"Oboro? What're you doing here?"
"Came to get you. Figured you'd be buying strawberry milk."
"...I'll get it tomorrow. Okay?"
"You don't have to buy any."
"Huh?"
Oboro handed Gintoki two strawberry milks.
"Whaaaat? How'd this happen?! Is today really my lucky day? Am I dying? Are you dying? Is Shoyo dying??"
"...Don't say weird stuff. I just happened to think of it and bought some."
"What's with that tsundere heroine line?! Is this a dating sim?! And why are you the first heroine?! This is supposed to be no romance, right? Plus we're related here! You trying to turn this into Oshi no Ko?!"
"Is getting strawberry milk really that exciting?"
"It's a problem because YOU'RE the one giving it to me!!"
Another harmonious day for the Sakata brothers.
==
...Or so he thought.
"Happy 10th Birthday Gintoki"
"TODAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY???????"
"Mission accomplished. Good work, Oboro."
Clap clap.
"You too, Sensei."
Bow.
"Don't just casually exchange pleasantries! I didn't see today's date anywhere!"
"That's exactly why it was a success."
"What's so successful about it?! Keeping the birthday boy from knowing about his own birthday all day is a success?!"
"Yep."
"That's what this is?! Really?!"
"That's right."
I have no idea what's so great about this, but...
Classic Gintama stuff right here.
"Geez... I did think I was lucky today. At least nobody died."
Good thing this isn't a story where people die in chapter 1.
"But wait, what's with the cake?"
"It's an extra-large strawberry cake."
"Woooow!!!!! Really? Getting a proper sugar fix today, huh?"
"Still, eat in moderation. You'll get diabetes."
Huh?
That line was definitely from the beginning...
"Wait, is this chapter ending already? Full circle?"
"Shut up and blow out the candles."
Oboro stuck candles in the extra-large strawberry cake and lit them. Before blowing them out, what Gintoki saw was his respected adoptive father and teacher, Shoyo, and his older brother, Oboro.
"Fwooo—"
At least, that's what he saw before blowing them out.
==
"...Huh?"
"...Gintoki? What's wrong?"
"...!!"
"...What the... what is this..."
Samurai? Edo? Odd Jobs? What is all this?
"Something I shouldn't remember just came flooding back!!!!!!!!!"