"Uh..." Sokka had clearly been expecting just about anything except that. "To be honest... I've never heard of an animal like that..."
The girls seemed to pass completely beneath our guest's notice (strange fellow), but Zuko's "kind" face and the deeply suggestive look in his brown eyes, I'm telling you, definitely gave him something to ponder about eternity.
The girls themselves, in a way, showed solidarity with the young man from the Southern Water Tribe by focusing all of their attention on my humble person instead. The princess was especially expressive, one eyebrow raised in restrained, skeptical disbelief.
…Actually, no. That's not quite true. Suki honestly rolled her eyes toward the heavens, doing her absolute best not to look at me.
And Toph… stop grinning like that! You're going to ruin my whole act!
"Really? But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist, does it?" I pressed him ever so slightly with my gaze.
"Well... I guess not."
"Exaaactly! That's what I've been saying! See, my friend? Everything worked out perfectly. You just helped me win an evening in the company of the continent's loveliest flowers!" The question marks on the faces of those very flowers seemed to gain a few extra sizes. And Toph, don't laugh! Don't laugh, I said!
"But down to business! Now then, my dear Southern walrus-beaver..." I gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder, squeezing it just a little in the process. "..to begin with, I present you with the most precious gift in the world."
"What gift?" The poor guy had absolutely no idea what was happening anymore.
"I grant you life, you miserable wretch!" I declared in an exaggerated movie villain accent, earning a muffled snort from one particular little bandit. "You're happy with such a gift, aren't you? I can't hear you." I squeezed his shoulder a little harder.
"Y-Yes!" He definitely thought I was insane, which was good. He'd spent enough time around Bumi to know that crazy people were to be feared.
"Excellent!" I beamed. "Now don't be an ungrateful jerk and help me with the noble task of returning an innocent child to his heartbroken parents. You're a good walrus-beaver, aren't you? Good walrus-beavers like doing good deeds." Then I gave him my best Captain Jack Sparrow eyebrow wiggle.
"Uhh..." System error.
"And you wouldn't want to upset me, would you?" I smiled the way I'd grown accustomed to smiling at the North Pole.
"N-No!" System reboot successful.
"Wonderful! Heh-heh." Another signal—the usual one this time—and Suki, as always, didn't let me down.
"Lee, stop it!" She frowned as she hurried over, then turned to Sokka and added in an almost conspiratorial whisper, "Be careful and agree with everything he says. This guy's been with the Herald practically from the very beginning, and after the North Pole… well, he completely lost it. Even we're a little afraid of him."
"Hey! I'm perfectly fine! And that one time I chased a piggingergrump with a knife doesn't count! He started it!"
"A pig... ginger... grump?" Sokka's eyes went wide.
"Just like the walrus-beaver. Nobody's ever seen one, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist!" I fixed him with a half-crazed stare.
"But we're getting sidetracked!" Instantly, I was all warmth and cheer again. "Now then, my fine walrus-beaver, why don't you tell me why you people had to go and bully a little child?"
"W-What child?" Sokka was growing more nervous by the second.
"The governor's little son, whom you kidnapped from the palace earlier today," I said flatly.
"What? We didn't have any kid!"
I turned toward Toph, and she gave the slightest nod. Sokka wasn't lying.
"Hmm. Then you've got a problem, my friend." I began considering the possibilities.
The Avatar's companion was a lucky catch. We could set up a magnificent ambush with him. But if he genuinely knew nothing about Mai's baby brother, then that left one rather important question: where had the baby gone? More importantly… who had taken him? He couldn't have simply flown away on his own...
…Flown away?
Hoooold on...
Another discreet signal, and the conversation continued.
"All right. We'll deal with him later. Take him back to his cell," Suki ordered.
"You're breaking my heart. I didn't even so much as pinch his finger! What if he's lying?" I added just the right amount of wounded sadness to my voice.
"Lee, you really need to spend less time around the Fire Herald. At this rate, you're going to start pouncing on people," Suki sighed dramatically, patting me on the head. "Here, have some tea instead. We'll deal with this young man later."
I let out a heavy sigh and trudged back to the table while the boy—profoundly grateful for his "rescue"—was led away.
"So what exactly was the point of that circus?" Azula asked after I'd finally taken my first sip of the wonderfully refreshing tea.
"I needed to shake him up a little so he'd be easier to read. Standard first-level intimidation during an interrogation." Dropping the theatrics entirely, I answered in a calm, serious tone.
"You've never mentioned being able to do anything like that." Azula frowned. As usual, it was impossible to tell whether she disapproved or was simply processing a piece of new information.
"I'm only moderately good at it. I'm nowhere near Master Renshu." I shook my head. "Besides, it's one area of expertise I really don't like using."
My memory obligingly dredged up the image of a cramped room and a prisoner bolted to a table.
Ugh.
Disgusting.
"But back to the point," I said quickly, eager to change the subject. "He wasn't lying when he said they never had any child. Judging by his reactions, they hadn't even planned anything like that."
"But Tom-Tom didn't simply disappear on his own," Mai observed coolly, maintaining a flawless poker face that revealed absolutely nothing of what she was really feeling.
"Not on his own. Though, considering the caliber of the local guards… Sorry, Mai, but I wouldn't dismiss that possibility quite so quickly."
After a moment's thought, she slowly inclined her head in agreement.
(End of Chapter)
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