Ugh, I'm drunk.
I'm really tipsy. Did I drink too much?
But that damn Lulune keeps baiting me.
Every time I try to stop because it's getting rough, she droops her ears and tail and makes this hurt little expression. That girl is a real temptress, a true little demon.
At a glance, you'd think she was a fox beastfolk, not a dog one.
And then there's Fork. That little guy suddenly started acting all hesitant, like he was a completely different person, and kept sneaking glances at me.
His big sister said I didn't need to worry about it too much, but how could I not when he's doing that right next to me?
In the end, I kept pretending not to notice, only to end up drinking whatever others handed me, then eating snacks and using more alcohol to rinse my mouth, and repeat forever.
Thanks to that, I got properly plastered for the first time in ages. Hic.
I don't think I'll be wanting alcohol for a while, seriously.
Thud
"Hey, watch it."
Oops, my bad.
No matter how drunk I am, a gentleman like me can't go around causing trouble for other people on account of booze.
As I thought that and shifted aside—
"Hm?"
For some reason, I saw a familiar dagger.
And it was hanging from the waist of someone I knew a little?
"What are you doing? Come on, let's go already."
"Tch. Fine, Kanu. Damn, what bad luck."
"Haa, today's haul is really lousy too."
The three of them ignored me and headed off somewhere.
And that raccoon beastfolk from earlier.
Wasn't his name Kanu something-or-other?
Definitely a face I'd remember.
And that magic sword from earlier had definitely belonged to "that girl."
"Hoo."
The drunken haze vanished all at once, and a chill ran down my spine.
I took out the Moon Spirit Slime I'd brought along just in case and scattered it across the ground.
"[Boil up, my blood]."
Rumble!
"[Automatic target acquisition, activate]."
Just in case, I widened my detection range around the area.
While I was at it, I also took care of "that" properly.
Fortunately or unfortunately, everyone around here besides them and me was inside the building.
Well, the road back to my shop was always a deserted one, so that made sense.
Then what were they doing all the way out here?
And what about that girl...
"I guess I'll have to find out now."
I quietly killed my footsteps and followed after them.
If possible, it would be easier for everyone if they just told me themselves before I had to do anything.
Just as I was thinking that—
"Kanu, shouldn't we change our method a bit? We've been making lousy money lately."
"Hmm, that's true enough."
"Tch, if I'd known this would happen, I shouldn't have ditched that guy Ade back then. For all his faults, he was pretty useful for snatching things from other adventurers thanks to his skill at stabbing them in the back."
"Yeah. And he really did seem to be growing a bit here and there. Shame we threw him away without even getting to use him once."
"Hey now, friends. You shouldn't say it like that. Ade was such a splendid 'comrade' of ours. If you put it that way, the dead girl will feel too sorry for herself, won't she? She even gave us such a lovely parting gift on her way out. We should at least show some mourning, don't you think?"
"We did. We drank the Soma we got assigned that very day."
"Hahahahahaha!"
Was it a passing stroke of luck from the God of Fortune?
Or was it the handiwork of some hidden God of Mischief?
No, there's no way some lofty god would bother with a trivial little matter like this.
This was nothing more than a coincidence created by three idiots.
And all coincidences are part of "inevitability."
Besides, didn't some certain avenger say it too?
"Let the guilty suffer," or something like that.
Though sadly, that gentleman's setup has been flipped around now.
Still, I figure borrowing a bit of that will is perfectly fine.
Hoo, I'm definitely not the bad guy here.
"Excuse me, mind if I interrupt for a second?"
"Huh? Who the hell are you—"
"[Cut]."
Slash!
"Aaa, aaaaaagh!"
So I acted immediately.
After all, they'd already spilled everything with their own mouths just a moment ago.
What a relief that I didn't need to go through any extra trouble.
I really do appreciate that one thing, friends.
"Ghk, who the hell are you? Why are you doing this...?"
"[Cut]."
Slash!
"G-gyaaaagh!"
Screams filled the street.
Well, anyone would scream if both healthy legs were suddenly severed from their body.
As someone who's experienced that a few times myself, I can sympathize.
Pain isn't something you get used to so easily, no matter how rough you are with your body.
That girl must have felt the same way too.
"Y-you bastard! What the hell are you!?"
"[Cut]."
Slash!
I ignored the other guy's question and just kept working.
And Moon Spirit Slime obediently read my intent and carried it out.
We've taken the legs, so next comes the arms.
While we're at it, let's remove the unnecessary fat too.
That way it'll be easier for me to move them when everything's done.
"You fucking bastard!"
In the end, one of the remaining two couldn't take it anymore, drew his sword, and charged at me.
At the same time, a silver blade flew and severed both his arms.
"K-kyaaaagh!"
"Shh. Don't say a word, kitten."
Oops, don't get the wrong idea, everyone.
I'm really not into that sort of thing.
Well, maybe that pink troll knight girl, perhaps.
At the very least, not this guy.
It's just that this one happens to be a cat beastfolk.
Hm? He isn't?
He's just a normal human?
Then please just let me have this, okay?
There's no point in arguing back anyway, because it won't change anything.
"[Pierce]."
Thud!
"Ugh!"
Same goes for you, raccoon.
The one who tried to abandon his fallen companions and run alone was pinned to the ground when a silver spike pierced his leg.
As I approached the collapsed man, he looked at me in terror and said,
"W-what...! M-mister, why are you doing this to us? We're just decent, hardworking adventurers."
I looked down at him without saying a word.
I simply kept staring at him in silence.
Whatever he took that for, he kept rambling on.
"Why... Ah, come to think of it, mister, you're the guy who was with Ade back then, right? I remember. Y-you know me too, right? You do, don't you? D-don't tell me you're one of the people Ade hurt? If that's the case, then it's a misunderstanding! We were in the same Familia, sure, but we weren't that close! In fact, we were victims too, since he tricked us several times—"
"A lot."
"Huh? W-what is?"
"There are too many of them."
I kindly explained the meaning to the flustered man.
"Eyes, ears, nose, teeth, tongue, genitals, hands, arms, legs, feet, tail."
"M-mister?"
"Wouldn't it be fine even if you lost all of those? Losing them doesn't kill you instantly like losing your brain or heart would. And they're not exactly necessary for breathing either."
"H-hiiik!"
"Don't worry about blood loss. I'm actually pretty good at grilling meat, you know. Even Gray, who's usually so weak-willed, was shouting for more of the steak I grilled for her."
"Y-you crazy bastard!"
In the end, unable to bear the rising terror any longer, the raccoon bastard drew the sword at his waist.
The [magic sword] he'd stolen from that girl.
"Die!"
As he pointed the sword at me and shouted, a blaze of fire engulfed me.
And I burned to death.
And then he would be saved by a passerby.
That was probably the outcome he wanted.
Slash!
"Agh! Aaaagh!"
"No, no. That won't do."
That magic sword belongs to that girl.
Why should I use something that belongs to her to save your worthless life?
I carefully picked up the magic sword that had fallen to the ground and examined it from side to side.
Hmm, there isn't much left in the chamber.
At this rate, it'll probably break after about three more uses.
If that happens, I won't be able to return it to that girl's grave later, so I'll have to keep it with me for now.
"Ghk, you crazy bastard! You think you'll get away with this!?"
The raccoon bastard shouted at the top of his lungs while clutching his severed arm.
I could tell pretty well what he was hoping for.
I kindly explained the current situation to him.
"It's useless. No one's coming here right now. No, they can't come in."
Because I already took care of that.
At my kind explanation, the raccoon, and the other two as well, made bizarre expressions that seemed to say they couldn't understand a thing.
So I showed them even more kindness and explained the situation in greater detail.
"Among the magecraft that a Magus almost has to learn, there's one called 'human repulsion.' If you use it, people's perception within a certain range gets manipulated so they can't enter this area. It's basically a kind of hypnosis barrier. Well, the output is so weak that it doesn't work on people with a certain amount of mana. Still, it should be fine for now. In fact, even though you're all screaming like that, not a single person has even peeked in out of curiosity, have they?"
At my words, all three of them looked completely stunned.
Good grief, did they not understand my explanation?
Or did they understand it too well and fall into despair instead?
"Well, I do think it's pointless. Still, I'll give you a chance."
"A chance?"
"Yeah. A chance to atone. So tell me."
Lili, no.
Liliruca Arde.
What did you do to that small, cute girl?
At that question, the raccoon bastards finally went deathly pale and started trembling.
Heh heh heh, now they finally have faces worth looking at.
But come to think of it, I don't really need three of the same kind of scum.
Then I guess I'll just take one of them.
"Ah, and for the record, there's only one chance. So... first come, first served. You all know what that means, right?"
That was enough said.
The three of them hurried to spill everything they knew before the others could get ahead.
The true nature of Soma Familia.
Lili's past, born and raised there.
And even that girl's end.
"I see. So she's dead."
After hearing everything they had to say, I had no choice but to accept reality.
Still... if possible, I'd been hoping for some obvious twist ending.
I wanted a sweet caramel macchiato.
As expected, this damned reality is a dark espresso.
At least dilute it with some water and compromise with an Americano, for God's sake.
"I'm guessing this isn't a lie, is it?"
"N-no, of course not! Absolutely! Not a single word of it is a lie, sir!"
Maybe he realized he'd been chosen because I was looking at him.
The raccoon bastard looked at me with a face soaked in relief at having survived.
Though in reality, he was just smeared with his own blood, tears, snot, spit, and sweat.
Well, whatever.
It was true that out of the three, the raccoon had been chosen.
No, who else would it have been but you?
"Congratulations. You get to keep living in this world."
"Ah, aah... I'm alive. I'm alive."
The raccoon bowed his head over and over, overwhelmed that he had been chosen and thanking me profusely.
Meanwhile, deep despair bloomed like flowers on the faces of the other two.
Why? Why only them?
"N-no. This can't be happening. Why only us...?"
"Kanu, you traitorous bastard! You were the one who led the whole thing first!"
"Y-yeah! If you're going to kill anyone, kill that bastard! W-we're not the ones! We never intended to do this from the start!"
The two of them reached for their now-missing arms and legs and tried to cling to me.
They begged me with all their might to spare them.
Hahaha, the way they wriggle around is like cute little caterpillars.
Then maybe the blood they're spraying everywhere as they move is some kind of territorial marking.
Something like that.
"Fine. If you're going to beg that desperately, I'll give you two a chance as well. Today I'm feeling unusually generous."
"R-really?!"
"Ah, thank goodness! Thank you! Thank you so much!"
The two of them laughed and cried with twisted faces, relieved by my words.
I really did give them a chance.
Yes, if they could do this one thing, how could I not forgive them for everything?
"Bring me Lili."
"Huh?"
"W-what?"
"Lili. Bring that girl to me alive. Then I'll let you keep living in this world too."
The two of them froze in place at my smiling words.
No, those were rotten lumps of meat that only resembled human beings.
Cleaning up such rotten trash is by no means a mistake.
On the contrary, this would be the right and proper good deed.
"[Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap]."
Creeeak... thump.
The dark night street.
And within it, the even darker shadows of two people.
I opened the door to the Imaginary Numbers space through that place, then closed it again.
"Ta-daa~"
And the two of them vanished.
Even the bloodstains and pools of blood they had left behind were gone.
It was as if the very existence of those two people had been completely erased from this world.
But those two people certainly did live in this world.
And they will continue to live on.
In the hearts of those of us who remember them.
"Good. Then let's head back."
The drunkenness may have faded, but sleepiness and fatigue feel twice as heavy now.
I should hurry back, wipe my feet off properly, and collapse onto the bed.
"Th-then this humble one will take my leave as well. G-goodbye..."
Meanwhile, as I turned around, the raccoon was already trying to part ways and leave.
However, he would never again walk on his own two legs.
Slash!
"Agh! Grrrrrgh!"
At the sudden pain, the raccoon looked back.
And there, his own two legs lay bloodied on the ground, severed from his body.
"W-why...? D-don't tell me you lied...!"
"What are you talking about? Just like I told Lili, I'm thorough about keeping my promises. There's no way a Magus would lie in a contract, is there?"
"T-then why...?"
"Looks like you still don't quite get it. But don't worry. You won't die. No, you won't die from now on either. I can guarantee that."
"W-what nonsense are you—"
I kindly explained everything in detail to the confused raccoon.
Hoo, this is why idiots are such a pain.
Well, what can you do?
The broad-minded me just has to endure it.
"As promised, I'll keep you alive. If it looks like you're going to die, I'll treat you so you don't. I won't drag you into some dangerous place like the Dungeon and let you end your life on your own terms either. I'll simply take care of you for the rest of your life in the safest place in this world."
After all—
"You're a precious 'adventurer' I managed to get my hands on 'legally' for once. How could I, as a Magus, waste such a rare opportunity?"
"A-aah...!"
"It's okay, it's okay. You don't need to cry so much. I'll treat you pretty well, just like I promised. Drug administration eight times a day, magecraft experiments up to five hours a day, meals will still be allowed through your mouth, and I'll even make sure you get about two hours of sleep."
That's an extremely generous treatment for a research specimen, if you ask me.
Why can't he understand my kindness?
I'm deeply hurt.
"N-no. P-please, I'm begging you. Just let me go...!"
"Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. You absolutely have to come with me. I can't let a witness go."
At that heartfelt persuasion, the raccoon fell silent for a moment, then suddenly burst into wild laughter.
His mouth was twisted upward as he drooled and wept, his expression so grotesquely distorted that anyone could tell he wasn't normal.
At least to me... it didn't look like a half-baked act.
"Heh, hehheh... khheh, fuck, hehhehheh, this is bullshit, I hate it, heh, just for this, hehhehhehheh...!"
"Oh? Did he lose it?"
Well, whatever.
I left the slightly broken man's transport to Moon Spirit Slime and turned away.
His mental state had gotten a little wrecked, but that was a trivial condition well within the margin of error, so I decided not to worry about it.
"Ahh, what a killer moonlit night."
If I'd known this would happen, I should've drunk more back at the tavern.
With a belated sigh of regret, I returned to the shop and forced my body down onto the bed.
"Hoo, I'm tired..."
For some reason, a few tears slipped out.
May everyone have good dreams.