"It's not your fault."
I snapped back to my senses at the sound of the voice.
Looking around, I saw the members of the Loki Familia, who had been watching the scene, approaching me.
Ais... was nowhere to be seen.
Had she disappeared? To think I didn't even notice... just how shocked was she?
...Is that really all it was?
My consciousness felt hazy. It felt as if something beyond my understanding had taken effect.
But what was the point of questioning that now?
For now, I had to follow Ais.
Follow... her.
"That's enough."
As I stood there, unable to move my feet, someone placed a hand on my shoulder.
It was a member who had been several times more wary of me than the others. His name was... Noir, if I recall.
My mind wasn't functioning properly. Only a splitting pain spread through me, echoing the bitterness of my emotions.
"...You did nothing wrong."
Those warm words of comfort felt like they were digging into an open wound.
I knew logically that I hadn't done anything wrong... so why was this so painful?
Why did I feel as though I were the one to blame?
"I'll... go get some air and come back."
"...Aye, go on then."
Vesta left the home with such a vacant expression that it was doubtful he had even processed the answer.
The members of the Loki Familia watched his retreating back with pitying eyes.
Ais was one thing, but they were equally worried about the boy(?) they had grown fond of over the past month, now seeing him so utterly dejected for the first time.
The few members who had spent their time doubting him felt a burden of guilt several times heavier upon seeing this.
"Why the long face? You look far too apologetic."
"Loki..."
Noir, their de facto leader, felt the weight of the situation most acutely.
He had unintentionally forced Vesta into a cruel position. He began to regret the cold distance he had maintained until now.
"Well, honestly, we were a bit too harsh."
"..."
With no excuse to offer, Noir could only hang his head in silence.
"Still, it was a job someone had to do."
Because someone remained suspicious, others were able to get along with him comfortably. If no one doubted, they would be unable to react if a crisis ever occurred.
Noir had essentially volunteered for the dirty work. He was the one who led the inexperienced, after all.
"But it still feels damn awful."
When faced with a boy and girl as innocent as they were—a rarity in this industry—no excuse felt sufficient.
I must be getting old. No one spoke in response to his bitter self-deprecation.
*
I walked the streets in a daze.
I couldn't think of anything, and more importantly, I didn't want to.
Yet, my damn brain decided to work overtime only now, flooding me with useless thoughts when it usually refused to function at all.
"Haa..."
A sigh escaped my lips. The bitter breath reached no one, carried away by a passing breeze.
What am I even doing...
I claimed I would protect Ais, yet here I was, unable to move forward or backward.
There were groups targeting her, and yet I was still just standing here, frozen.
I'm such an idiot...
A wave of self-loathing washed over me. Why was I like this?
I thought I had steadied my heart.
But in reality, I hadn't settled anything, and I hated how spineless I was being.
I wanted to be an adult. Not some clumsy brat, but a composed and decisive adult.
But I was still foolish and lacking, unable to make a simple decision on my own.
I felt pathetic. There are times when this overwhelming sense of self-loathing consumes me.
In those moments, which strike like a natural disaster, I lose all will to act and simply want to vanish. That was exactly how I felt now.
Ais, the past, Grandpa, everything.
I wanted to forget every troublesome thing and simply disappear.
"..."
Slap!
I swung my hand and struck my own cheek hard.
Passersby stared, startled by the loud crack, but I didn't care.
I had put more force into it than intended; the inside of my cheek split, and blood began to trickle, but I ignored it.
"Hiiing..."
I shook it off and forced myself to focus. Thankfully, that was something I could actually manage.
Self-pity doesn't put food on the table. I had to get a grip.
Though my many adventures hadn't granted me a mind of steel, I had at least learned how to regulate my mood.
The most important thing was not to agonize over the past. My head understood this easily, but it had taken a long time to actually implement it.
But it didn't matter. For now, this was enough.
"...No, it's not enough."
The immediate self-blame had stopped, but this indescribable feeling remained.
In times like this, consulting someone else is best... usually, someone who doesn't know the situation can provide the most objective answer.
So, I shouldn't ask the Loki Familia... was there anyone else?
I don't want to ask the gods...
The perspective of gods is fundamentally different from that of humans. My experience had taught me this, whether I liked it or not.
Relying on gods driven by pleasure would likely send me spiraling into the abyss.
Of course, those called benevolent gods were different... but their answers usually revolved around unconditional acceptance, which didn't feel right for this situation.
Grandpa was a candidate, but...
-What's the big deal? If you made a woman cry, you apologize with full prostration.
-Ah, but depending on the girl, sometimes just planting a kiss on her solves everything—
He'd just say things like that. I'll pass.
Hera...
The face of the goddess, who had a surprisingly kind side despite the rumors, flickered through my mind.
She was still a bit intimidating. If I had no other choice, maybe, but barging in out of nowhere felt a bit...
Ah, come to think of it...
Materia-san. What about her?
I felt that what I needed right now wasn't the advice of an expert, but something else.
In that sense, Materia-san would be an excellent person to talk to.
"But I need a reason to visit... huh?"
This was my personal problem. Was it okay to just show up uninvited for something like this?
As I agonized over it, something caught my eye.
—Limited Edition Behemoth Subjugation Commemoration. Behemoth Cake on Sale!
...I did promise to buy her sweets.
A perfect excuse had appeared.
I didn't hesitate. I ran straight toward the cake shop.
*
"My, Vesta-kun."
"Hello..."
After winning a battle against a crowd of women who had turned the shop into a war zone, I successfully secured the cake and headed to the Hera Familia.
—Tch, impossible?! That level of housewife-power with just one arm?!
—No...! I was going to spend a harmonious family moment eating Behemoth cake with my children today!
—Hey, look... the Sweet Sisters were defeated...
—An anomaly... an anomaly has occurred! Send out the official notice immediately!
"Are you okay? Your eyes look completely gone."
"Ah, I'm fine..."
Had she noticed I was exhausted from a strange mix of guilt and fatigue?
Seriously, what was with those housewives... yikes.
"Sorry for dropping by so suddenly. This is a bit late, but here are the sweets I promised."
"Oh, you really didn't have to..."
She blushed shyly but didn't refuse. She really does love sweets.
I'm not much of a fan myself, though.
...Why am I comparing us?
She's not someone I'm in that kind of relationship with. It doesn't matter if our tastes differ.
I quickly steadied my wandering heart and looked at Materia-san.
She let out a small gasp of admiration at the cake.
To be fair, the quality of that Behemoth cake was overwhelming, even to me.
It was flawless, even compared to the subspecies Behemoth I had seen in the past. It looked as if it had been modeled exactly after the real thing.
...Honestly, it wasn't the kind of thing that stirred the appetite—it was more of a work of art than food—but that didn't seem to matter to Materia-san.
"Oh? You're not going to eat it?"
"Ehehe... that person likes things like this."
I thought she would dive in, but when she suddenly tucked it away, I asked out of curiosity, and that was her answer.
I see. Love over appetite. Recalling the 'sugar demon' I'd seen before, I realized once again how powerful love could be.
"Ahem... more importantly, what brings you here? I don't think you came just to deliver this."
"Ah."
As if reading my mind, Materia-san asked with an awkward cough.
Right. I came for advice.
I had been momentarily distracted by her warm presence. I couldn't let that happen.
"Um... there's something I'd like to consult you about."
*
"I see..."
Materia-san listened to my story with full attention until the very end.
She had no obligation to do so. She truly was a kind-hearted person.
That made me feel even more ashamed for relying on her... but what could I do? I was just that lacking.
I had long since passed the age of being embarrassed about leaning on others. If I needed help to solve a problem, I would gladly ask for it as many times as necessary.
I didn't view it as exposing a weakness. Everyone has their own worries.
But what was this? As I spoke, a strange, tingling sensation began to settle within me.
It was similar to embarrassment... akin to shyness, yet hard to define.
Was it awkwardness? Or perhaps bashfulness?
It was a contradictory emotion: the desire to rely on someone, coupled with the desire not to.
"Hmm..."
"Gulp."
But I had already said my piece. There was no point in regretting it now.
All that remained was to wait for her answer.
Even if she didn't have a proper answer, it didn't matter.
The fact that she had listened to my worries in silence was enough to be grateful for.
"Vesta-kun."
"Yes."
Once again, she exceeded my expectations.
In a good way.
"I don't think this is a rational problem."
"...Pardon?"
"I mean that you shouldn't seek an answer based solely on profit and loss, or follow a path of pure rationality to find the 'correct' answer."
"What... do you mean by that...?"
I couldn't understand. I couldn't even grasp the direction of her words.
All I could feel was my heart pounding wildly.
I had a strange certainty that once I heard the rest, there would be no turning back.
Should I stop her? The thought crossed my mind.
I shook my head to clear the distraction.
Distractions. Yes, just distractions.
Why did I seek her counsel? Wasn't it so I wouldn't look away?
I came here specifically to stop averting my eyes, and now I wanted to run away because I was a little scared?
I steadied my racing heart and waited for her to continue.
Once I had calmed down, she spoke again.
"Vesta-san. Could it be that you are viewing Ais-yang as too much of an adult?"
At those words, my heart dropped with a heavy thud.