Chapter 39: The So-Called Past Life is but a Grand Dream
"If I become an idol, he has to be my number one fan."
"Since then, I've always dreamed of becoming an idol."
"I wonder where the Doctor is right now."
Ruby had a dream.
In the dream, Sarina Tendouji wasn't sick. From the moment she was born, she possessed a healthy body. Her parents loved her dearly and nurtured her growth with care; the thing Sarina saw most was her parents' gentle smiles, and she almost never saw them sigh in sorrow.
Carrying their earnest expectations, Sarina was like a fledgling bird that took to the sky in the blink of an eye.
Kindergarten, elementary school, middle school... after class, she would recommend her favorite group, B-Komachi, to her classmates. She would laugh heartily when she succeeded and fall into a small slump when she failed.
Longing for Ai, Sarina was eventually scouted and became the person she had always dreamed of being.
—An idol, selling happiness and hope.
As if destined by heaven, her career took off rapidly. Even Ai of B-Komachi had heard of this promising newcomer through her colleagues.
Everything was perfect.
She had family and friends, and she could occasionally exchange a few words with the idol she supported. Once, after a performance, Ai rubbed Sarina's head. That overflowing sense of happiness made Sarina feel as though she were in her mother's embrace, even though they were the same age.
Like Ai, she had her own dedicated fan. He would appear punctually after every handshake event, smiling and saying he would support her forever.
"I'm Sarina's number one fan, after all. I'll definitely stay with you until the end!"
The young doctor with black-rimmed glasses said so, his sharp eyes shining through his lenses.
For some reason, Sarina could never remember this fan's name. Even though they met frequently and were very close, she could only barely remember that face.
Gradually, even the face began to blur.
She could only vaguely recall him draped in a white lab coat, a gentle smile always on his face as he reassured her that the surgery would definitely go well.
The scene of the handshake event slowly vanished, replaced by the increasingly clear imagery of a hospital room. Azure curtains, a white sickbed, the smell of disinfectant lingering in the air, a young girl in a knit cap, and a doctor with his arms crossed.
"When you get discharged, go be an idol."
"I'll come support you then."
Discharged? Why was she in the hospital? Did she have some kind of disease?
—Anaplastic Astrocytoma.
Appearing alongside the name of the illness was an unstoppable, agonizing pain that started in the bone marrow and gradually spread throughout her body. It felt as if every cell was trembling, shivering until it burst, and the resulting fluid instantly splattered into unyielding pus.
Ruby woke up with a start, gasping for air, her forehead drenched in a fine cold sweat.
Sitting beside her, Ai noticed Ruby's distress. She quickly pulled a tissue from her bag, gently wiped away the sweat, and pulled Ruby into her arms to comfort her.
Aqua happened to be in the restroom. Not far away, Hikaru Hoshino looked over curiously, but turned back once he saw that nothing major was wrong.
After Koromo Shiranui's investment, Taishi Gotanda had become quite affluent, chartering an entire plane to Miyazaki Prefecture. Between the leads, managers, camera crew, stagehands, makeup artists, and prop masters, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to call it the production's private jet.
As the music supervisor, Hikaru Hoshino could have finished his work just by watching the final cut; it wasn't strictly necessary for him to be at the filming site. However, not wanting to be the "left-behind old man," he insisted on boarding the plane. Everyone sat in small groups, choosing different seats. Kana and Akane had been pulled away by their managers, leaving only the Hoshino family in this small section.
"Did Ruby-chan have a nightmare?"
"Yeah," Ruby muttered, leaning into Ai's embrace. After a moment, she added hesitantly, "Maybe it wasn't exactly a nightmare."
If one had to say, it should have been considered a beautiful dream—the life Sarina had wanted to live countless times.
*Why do beautiful dreams make people wake up in a fright?* Ruby felt a bit confused.
Perhaps because the dream was so perfect it didn't feel like reality?
The sweeter the dream, the more it intoxicated a person, making them never want to wake up. But a dream is ultimately a dream; one will still yawn and return to reality, and after a brief moment of feeling lost, return to the unchanging routine of daily life.
By the next morning, yesterday's nightmare would turn into a shadow with only a vague outline; that beautiful dream, however, would become a cinnabar mole in the heart, something one would want to take out and revisit from time to time.
Through repeated revisits, reality becomes increasingly bleak.
Thinking about it this way, beautiful dreams were actually more hateful than nightmares.
Of course, Ruby didn't think reality was currently devoid of merit. On the contrary, she was very satisfied with her life now. Being reincarnated as the child of an idol and being able to observe her "Oshi" from a close distance every day—there could be nothing more blissful than this.
In her past life, she had been bedridden, but now she could dance freely. If possible, Ruby really wanted to personally thank the deity who sent her here.
"Thank you for giving me a new life."
...And then immediately question her.
"Why couldn't you let the Doctor have a new life too?"
This was Ruby's true thought when she heard the tragic news about Goro Amamiya.
After a period of investigation, the Metropolitan Police Department—having gathered evidence from various sources—finally concluded that Dr. Goro Amamiya's disappearance was significantly related to the recent suicide of a solitary university student named Ryosuke.
Goro Amamiya's body was discovered in the mountains of Miyazaki Prefecture. By the time he was found, his face was unrecognizable, leaving only a skeleton. His identity was only confirmed through his clothing and DNA testing. To allow his relatives and friends to claim him as soon as possible, the police had issued a specific notice regarding his death.
Ruby had hoped to use time to dilute this sorrow, but she hadn't expected to involuntarily dream of the Doctor on this flight to Miyazaki.
Estimating that they were nearing their destination, Ruby turned to look out the window. The blue sky unfolded beneath them like a vast lake. The plane's altitude began to drop, and as visibility increased, the buildings on the ground became visible.
Dark green mountains, brownish-yellow fields, and clusters of gray buildings tightly packed together. Ruby's eyes immediately found the hospital hidden within the urban sprawl.
Compared to the apartment blocks in Tokyo, that tiny sickroom might have been more like her home.
Unfortunately, returning home this time, she would no longer find the family member who had been waiting there.
Just before the plane landed, Aqua returned to his seat. Noticing Ruby looking out the window, he couldn't help but look as well. Then, the two siblings stared at the same spot with the same expression in their eyes.
Ruby: *I really want to see the Doctor one more time...*
Aqua: *I hope Sarina won't be tortured by illness in her next life.*
The two stood dazed, their thoughts swirling. They wanted to find someone to confide in but didn't know where to start.
Suddenly, Ai also noticed the hospital. She pointed out the window and whispered:
"I gave birth to the two of you right there!"
"Aiya, thinking back to that time, I still feel a bit scared. My primary physician suddenly disappeared. Fortunately, everything turned out fine, otherwise I would have regretted it for the rest of my life!"
Ai's face was filled with lingering fear and unease, but she immediately cheered up, her expression once again radiating happiness. She looked at the twins as if they were two priceless treasures.
"Aqua, Ruby, I love you."
"...Mm."
Aqua and Ruby replied in small, shy voices.
They suddenly realized that rather than drowning in the past, there was a far more precious person right in front of them.
Regrets were left in the past; from now on, it was a brand new future.